All I Need To Know About Sex I Learned From Will Riker
by antoa and Mriana

Keywords: R/T, P/C Rating: at least R, maybe NC-17
Feedback: Yes please! I live for feedback. Drop it here
Summary: This little fic came about during a particularly bizarre night in the Imzadi_All chat room. It's kind of quirky and there really is no point to it, just a strange piece of fluff. Special thanks goes to list mum Li for her contribution of the strangest item.
Disclaimer: If I owned them I am sure I wouldn't have all these horrific student loans to pay off.
The characters are property of Paramount and the actors that portray them.


It was girls night out in Ten-Forward. Deanna and Beverly were sitting at a table chatting and as conversations between two girlfriends tend to do, the topic quickly turned to sex.

"You know Will was my first." Deanna stated.

"No! You can't be serious!" Beverly exclaimed.

"Mmm hmm," Deanna affirmed, "and I've learned a lot from him." She raised her eyebrow and hid her smirk behind her cup of hot chocolate.

Beverly didn't even attempt to stifle her giggles, "Are you serious? All you need to know about sex you learned from Will Riker?" She considered it a moment. "I can see how that would be true."

Deanna smiled with a slight blush, "Of course, I taught him a thing or two as well."

"Oh do share." Beverly leaned forward, her curiosity obviously piqued.

"I introduced him to the joys of chocolate for one."

The two women fell into a fit of giggles.

When they calmed down Deanna leaned forward and whispered in a conspiratorial tone, "But what he really likes is whip cream."

Beverly's eyes went wide and she dropped her chin into her hand. "Jean-Luc seems to prefer an old Earth delicacy called 'Grey Poupon.'" She rolled her eyes and reached for her lemon tea.

"What is it?" Deanna asked taking another sip of her own drink.

"It's a spicy mustard actually."

"Ugh!" Deanna groaned, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "He needs help!" The friends lapsed into another fit of giggles.

"Sounds like it," a female voice interrupted.

The two women looked up to see Guinan. "Sorry to interrupt." Guinan apologized, "I just was checking to see if either of you wanted more hot cocoa or tea."

"I could use another, thanks," said Deanna.

"I'm fine," stated Beverly.

"You know," Guinan began slowly, "It could be worse than Grey Poupon. The Captain does have an affinity for hot Earl Grey."

Then she turned and walked away to get Deanna's hot cocoa, leaving the two women in another bout of laughter.

Beverly considered her statement, "Yeah, but whip cream would be more of a turn on. At least for me."

"You're serious!" Deanna exclaimed, ""Grey Poupon really turns on the captain?"

"Unfortunately, yes," confirmed Beverly, "I've tried to alleviate him of this affliction, but there seems to be no cure."

"Have you tried Belgium chocolate syrup?" Deanna asked.

"Does it work?"

"It is the best chocolate on Earth." A dreamy look passed over Deanna's face, the same look she got whenever she talked about her second favorite indulgence. Her favorite indulgence was of course the First Officer of the Enterprise. Snapping back to reality, she continued. "Of course Swiss runs a close second."

"Really?" asked Beverly.

"I'm a chocolate connoisseur, I know good chocolate when I taste it," Deanna stated. "Add chocolate ice cream, whip cream and top it off with a cherry, and Will goes wild."

"Incredible," Beverly said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Of course technique is a big part of it." Deanna explained, leaning forward and lowering her voice to a whisper, her dark eyes dancing with amusement. "You have to read him, watch his reactions to see if he likes the tongue, lips, slight suction, or all the above." She sat back again, taking another sip of her chocolate, savoring the taste. "Of course with me, Will prefers using strawberry sauce and whip cream. He just doesn’t have the same passion for chocolate that I do."

Beverly was in total shock. She had never heard this side of her friend before, and she was really intrigued. Sighing loudly she said, "Jean-Luc is Grey Poupon all the way. Says he likes the warmth of the spiciness." Beverly shrugged, "At least it has an interesting texture. He's even suggested we reverse thing, but I just can't get past the taste." She made a face as though something tart hit her taste buds.

"Ugh!" Deanna cringed.

"I know, but what can I do?."

Deanna touched Beverly's arm and said, "You really need to give him medical treatment. Try the Belgium chocolate syrup and explain to him that he may find your technique even better for it."

"She may be right," Guinan said, sitting Deanna's hot cocoa down in front of her.

"Anything would be better than Grey Poupon," said Beverly playing the moment in her mind causing her to smile.

"Give it a try," Guinan encouraged.

"Then throw in whip cream, too." Deanna also encouraged. "Who knows? It may do wonders for your sex life."

"I hope so," said Beverly.

"If not," Deanna added, "there's always leather and bondage."

"Deanna!" Beverly said in wide-eyed shock.

Deanna waved her hand, a coy smile spreading over her features. "Only until he puts out."

Beverly tossed her napkin at Deanna. "You are absolutely insatiable!"

Deanna's expression quickly changed to one of beguiled innocence until she couldn't hold her amusement in any longer. The three women burst into another fit of laughter.


The End