Id forgotten how quiet silence could be, especially when one is waiting
ones own. I could have put some music on - lost myself in the magical strains
of some haunting trombone melody, but in the end, thoughts would wind
themselves around to you. Thoughts that I was already having, but somehow the
silence leant hope to those thoughts. Music somehow, someway took away that
hope and made them memories.
Once more I wondered if you would come to me tonight. It was getting close
ten oclock - my deadline. After ten oclock things changed. I changed. I
became me again; William Riker, Commander of the Enterprise, and no longer the
spurned lover. No longer someone sitting here anxiously waiting for a second
chance - a chance to forgive, forget and become the other part of you again.
Im scared. With each day that passes I become more scared. With each
goes by, it pushes you further away from me. The only difference is that only
I seem to know it. You appear to be oblivious to me - or that is how I
interpret your absence from my life.
I want you back, but you have to come to me. You have to see past my face and
see into my heart. Somehow. Ive been hiding me from you simply because if I
didnt, I wouldnt be able to stop myself from becoming a fool to your not only
your eyes, but others too.
But in here, in the solitude of my quarters, the fool comes out and waits.
There is no one to see me. there is no one who cares. Not even you. But I
cant bring myself yet to think that that is true. I have to hang onto
something, just until my heart gives up its hope, and my soul closes its
doors for eternity.
But not yet, Im not ready to give up. Today you actually looked at me
something other than your commanding officer. It was an accident on my part; a
lapse of remembering who and where I was. Before I could bring my shield up
again, you managed to see into my heart. I saw the tiny frown upon your
beautiful face, and I saw the question in your eyes. I also saw the tiny shake
of your head as you turned away from me and continued on your way.
I now wonder which part of my heart you saw, but I wonder more if it made you
curious enough to seek me out and ask. I hope so. God, I hope so. I want you in
my arms again. I want to sway to the music with your body moulded against me,
and I want your tongue teasing my lips apart so that it could have its own
private dance with mine. But God, most of all, I need your love, the love
that you gave me before. The love that you left me with.
But, do you really want me. Do you want what we had back then, or do you want
something more? I hope you have the courage to ask me, because whatever it is
that you want, I want it too. I know that you may not want me at all, and in
time, I will forget you. I will never forget the memories, but I will forget
you - the you that I see everyday. I am strong enough to do that, but Ive
got to know. Ive just got to know if you dont want me.
Do you, Deanna?
Nine fifty seven...
Nine fifty eight...
Nine fifty nine...