I watch Will, and the rest of the away team, climb up onto the transporter
They are all about to visit a ship - a derelict ship that the Enterprise had
found less than an hour ago, drifting lifelessly, silently in space.
Captain Picard had instantly ordered an away team to investigate, and of course,
Will was the one to lead, he always was.
I hate it. I hate him going, and Im missing him even before his body
into a trillion and one particles. As he vanishes before my very eyes, its
like my own heart is being ripped apart by the power of our forced separation,
only for a few seconds, until he, and I reunite as he materialises on the
other side. I feel our souls reconnect, and my heart starts to beat again. I
know hes safe. I know hes coming home to me again.
Its torture as I walk into the transporter room each time he leaves.
try not to go, but mostly I cant help myself - even if its just to silently
whisper my silent words as hes vanishing before me and Ive been too late for
him to see and feel me. I know he always feels me, hes aware of what I would
say to him, if I had the courage to speak.
But I dont, and nor does he. We are both too frightened, too scared to
the words that we both long to hear, just in case. He sees love in my eyes but
he doesnt know if its the love of lovers. He doesnt know if its the love of
cherished friends, or something more, and hes too scared to ask.
And so am I.
Weve been through so much over the years, and weve gone from being
Imzadi. Onto friends, and then something deeper. What? neither of us know, only
that it keeps us locked together in torment, but its a torment that we cant
live without. I cant live without him, and he cannot live without me.
So, instead of words, weve settled with silent love.
I watch him spin around on his pad on the transporter, and before hes
to a halt, his eyes are reaching for mine. The love is there for everyone to
see, but nobody ever seems to. Except us.
My silent whisper, *I love you, Imzadi, come back to me safely. I need you
me.* is met by his own equally silent, *I love you. Be here waiting for me when
I come home.*
And I am. I always am.