True Imzadi
by Carol Sandford
Disclaimer: Yup, its mine, bugger off Paramount
Rated: PG (sorry folks)
Set:  Um...dunno



She stood looking out at the stars. It made a change for it to be her
instead of me. But then it wasn‘t me who was leaving.

It wasn‘t me who was deserting her ship.

It wasn‘t me she was running away from.

It was herself.

And I couldn‘t do a damn thing to stop her.

Thats what I thought. Thats what I believed.

Maybe thats what I wanted to believe. Maybe I was too scared to tell her;
to ask her. I‘d spent too  many years pushing my deepest feelings
concerning Deanna Troi as far back into my psyche, I‘d trained myself to
only ever let her see ‘just enough.‘

And now that ‘just enough‘ was not enough. But then how could it be? 
Deanna deserved more, much more and now had decided to move on.

Away from the ship.

Away from her friends.

Away from me.

And I didn‘t know what to do.

I tried to say ‘I love you‘, but she knew it wasn‘t the kind of love she
was searching for. I guess it had been said so many times that it ceased to
be important; to have any substance.

She knows I care about her and she knows I love her. And I do, but its not
the kind of love she wants.

Is there any other kind?

I guess there is, and I wish I knew where to find it.

{Search your soul, Imzadi}

Her silent voice reached me from across the room, but I could have been the
other side of the quadrant and I still would have heard her.

I pondered on her words as silently as she had softly spoken them. Did she
really want me to do that. Would it make a difference?

Would it make her stay?

I was disappointed when she didn‘t answer me. I guess I got my answer. But
she was giving me one last chance.

Maybe.

My feet began to move of their own choice and before I‘d know it, I was
barely a breath away from her. So close I could smell her perfume. So close
I could put my arms around her and pull her against my body.

I wanted to, God, I wanted to so much, but now wasn‘t the time. She needed
more and I had to find it.

I had to.

{I don‘t want you to go Deanna, I need you}

{Needing me Will is not love. Its only love when you can‘t live without me.
Could you live without me, Will?}

{No...no I can‘t, you are too much a part of me. If you left me Deanna,
that part would cease to be. I might as well be dead because that is how I
would feel, inside.}

{Do you believe we were meant to be, Imzadi?}

{If you‘d give me a chance,  I would show you.}

{I gave you a chance, you threw it away. Do you think you deserve another?}

{Yes, yes I do. I was wrong all those years ago, I know that now. I knew it
then. The biggest mistake I ever made was letting you down, but I never
stopped loving you, Deanna, not for a minute. If I did anything right in my
life it was when I gave my heart to you, and I‘m sorry I caused you so much
pain, but I was in pain too.}

{You were? funny, I didn‘t feel it.}

{No, you wouldn‘t have, you must have hated me,    I know I hated myself
and I still do, for what it did to you, and to us.}

{Its past Will, too late.}

{No, I won‘t let it be too late, I need another chance Deanna, please give
me another chance.}

{Why?}

{Because what we have ~is~ more than love and worth fighting for.}

{I‘m done fighting Will, its all I‘ve done for the past eight years, mostly
with myself. I‘m tired, I want to go home and get on with my life, without
you.}

Will took that one step forward and did what he wanted to from the first
moment he‘d stepped into the room; he pulled her into his arms, wrapping
his arms around her tightly, scared that she might run. His spoken words
against her soft hair spoke volumes,

"But I‘m not done fighting, Imzadi, and if it takes you leaving the ship to
make me realise just how much I love you, and just how much it will kill me
to see you go, then I‘m going with you. The very thought of saying goodbye
to you hurts so damn much. I can‘t say goodbye, Deanna, I won‘t say
goodbye, I can‘t. I couldn‘t bare to not feel the way I do when we say
hello. Don‘t you know that Deanna. Don‘t you know that I could bare to be
parted from you, or to ever see your face again. Or to hear my name fall
from lips, or to know that you were never more than a heartbeat away from
me. Don‘t you know that?"

He spun her around, never releasing his grip for one second, except one
hand long enough to lift her chin so that he could kiss her.

He kissed her with a kiss that he had only dreamt about for eons. He kissed
her with a passion that defied all reasoning and dared her to deny Will‘s
true feelings.

It was there, in that kiss. Everything he ever felt and still felt for her
was poured into the sweet recess of her mouth, drenching her to her very
soul.

He was ~not~ going to let her deny him, not while he still had a breath in
his body.

On and on, and on he plundered her mouth until she had clung onto his fever
pitched aroused body, her own saturated with erotic agitation, until at
last, they broke apart, stepping a pace away from each other as they both
faced one another and let their emotions and feelings continue to spark
between them as they clamoured to breath once more.

But it was only long enough to see how each other felt as seconds later
they fell into each others arms, united once more.

Lovers once more.

Imzadi once more.

True Imzadi.