IMZADI IS FOREVER

BY CLARE HOLBOROW

** If a woman is partial to a man, and does not endeavour to hide it, he must
find out. (Elizabeth Bennett, Pride and Prejudice, by Emily Bronte, 1813).

Chapter 1

Nothing I ever do seems to please her. Complained Lieutenant Hanley as he paced
around Counsellor Deanna Trois office.

This was a routine appointment for Troi, but she hoped that she would be able
to finish this one without being interrupted by a Senior Staff Meeting, Red
Alert or summons to the bridge. She loved being present on the bridge, but
counselling was what she enjoyed most.

Lieutenant Hanley was having relationship problems. Trois initial assessment of
him was that he was a little egocentric, and she had a feeling that may be part
of the problem.

Troi sat patiently, listening to his complaints. After a few minutes he sat
down opposite Deanna and said She thinks that I flirt with too many other
women. As far as Im concerned, Im just being friendly. Were always arguing
about this subject. Shes so unreasonable, Counsellor.

Deanna did not know his partner, but she found herself agreeing with her. From
the moment Hanley had entered her office, Troi had sensed empathically that he
was attracted to her. Did he think that she wouldnt have noticed? Everyone knew
about her half Betazoid heritage didnt they? Anyway it seemed that Hanleys
partner was right, but Troi knew that was not what he wanted to hear. Besides
she was not there to judge or take sides.

Instead Troi highlighted the importance of talking through his problems with
his partner and not dismissing her accusations so quickly. Perhaps there may
have been some truth in what your partner said. She added.

To her surprise, he agreed to talk to his partner about their argument. Hanley
then left the office with such haste that Deanna had not had a chance to assess
why. She decided to put it down to her influence. What other explanation could
there be? She just hoped that he went through with it and didnt make a detour
to Ten Forward instead.

She sat back in her comfortable chair and found herself thinking about her own
(non-existent) love life. Deanna sighed - she was the ships Counsellor, always
giving advice to crew members with relationship problems, but she had never
managed to be in control of her own personal life. Images of those she had
loved in recent years flashed through her mind; Thomas Riker, Devonini Ral,
Wyatt Millar, Aaron Connor, Worf, and the ships first officer, William T.
Riker. He was the only one she had never sorted her feelings out for. Their
relationship had been passionate, to say the least, when they first met on her
home planet of Betazed. Since then their relationship had been much more
platonic, but she was often reminded of their initial passions by the
characteristic glint in his eyes or his infectious smile. Her empathic sense of
him was extremely comforting. He had a very strong, good natured character and
she still cared for him very deeply. In fact, of all the crew on board no one
knew her better than her Imzadi. Will often told her things he would never tell
any one else and she equally trusted him with private thoughts and feelings.

Deanna often found herself wondering why they had not resumed their
relationship at the beginning of their assignment on the Enterprise. They were
so well suited (that was her professional opinion!) and it clearly upset Will
when she formed relationships with other men. Even recently, when she had been
seeing Worf, she had sensed Wills jealousy and discomfort. How did she feel
about that? She hated causing anyone pain, especially someone that close, but
she couldnt wait around forever for him.

Would Troi ever find her soul-mate? Perhaps she had already met him. She had
once been deeply in love with Will Riker and she knew many of those feelings
still lingered. Recently she had found herself thinking about him more and more
often. It was about time she settled down and had a long term relationship - as
her mother regularly pointed out. Neither she nor Will were getting any
younger, but they both had very important positions on the Flagship of the
Federation, the USS Enterprise.
Their relationship as it currently stood was very comfortable and rewarding. Of
course, they were both aware that if they decided to take things further, it
could be even more rewarding - if things worked out that way. However, if the
relationship unexpectedly turned sour, they would find it difficult serving
together on the same ship. It could mean one of them transferring to another
ship, and they may never resume the wonderful friendship they currently
enjoyed.

Troi knew that deep down she feared he would again make his career a priority
over her, which was the reason they broke up all those years ago. But Will had
changed since then, he had been offered several commands during his service on
the Enterprise, and he had turned down each one. He was happy serving as first
officer, just as she was happy with her current assignment. She understood why
he didnt want to leave. She also secretly hoped that maybe she was part of the
reason he stayed.

She sighed and headed for her quarters. Once there Troi knew that she would go
straight for the replicator and order a hot chocolate. Then she would force
herself to sort her feelings out for Will. But maybe this was one of those
matters which was easier said than done, as the old Earth saying went.

** What does not recall her? I cannot look down to this floor, but her features
are shaped on the flags! In every cloud, in every tree - filling the air at
night, and caught by glimpses in every object by day, I am surrounded with her
image! The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did
exist, and that I have lost her.... (Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights, by Emily
Bronte, 1847).

Chapter 2

Will Riker was sitting in Ten Forward having a drink with Geordi and Data. They
were discussing the Captains recent experience with time travel, during which
he had travelled to both the past and the future. He was trying to imagine
Geordi without his VISOR and Data with a grey streak through his immaculately
styled dark hair, but found it difficult to say the least, not to mention
amusing! However, thinking about Datas hair was a desperate attempt to forget
what Picard had said about Deanna Troi being dead in the future. He hoped that
Picards experience of the future would not become reality. He decided to ask
his companions their opinions.

Data, do you think that the future the Captain told us about will definitely be
our future?

Sir, we know it is possible to travel through time - as we all did on one
occasion back to 19th Century San Francisco. The Captain believes that nothing
is set in stone, which I believe is why he told us about his experience.
Perhaps we can prevent certain things from occurring or ensure they occur
differently. Data answered.

I suppose the mere presence of Q throughout the Captains time travelling makes
this discussion pointless. Anything is possible when hes around. Geordi added,
referring to the omnipotent being the crew had encountered on numerous
occasions.

Riker nodded and rose, pulling his uniform top down with a sharp tug. Well, I
think Ill go to my quarters now - it is getting late. Good night gentlemen.

Data and Geordi exchanged a surprised glance as Will walked across the room and
out of the door.

Commander Riker was not behaving within normal parameters. His excuse for
leaving was incorrect; it is only twenty one hundred hours. Perhaps...... Data
began to voice his speculations, but Geordi interrupted him.

Data, I think he has a few things to think about.

Why could he not stay here to perform that task? We are his friends, and....

Geordi sighed, interrupting Data. He began to explain that Humans sometimes
need to be alone when they had serious matters to think about.

*************

Commander Riker sat alone in his quarters, sprawled comfortably in his
favourite chair listening to Jazz, his favourite form of music. He wanted to be
alone to think about Picards experience of the future. If Deanna died at some
point in the future before Will had been given the opportunity to tell her how
he felt (that was if he ever worked it out for himself first), he knew life
would not be easy. He thought back to the time when they were together on
Betazed. Much as he had denied it to himself at the time, he knew he had fallen
for Deanna. It came as quite a shock, as it had never happened to him before
and he had gone from one meaningless, short-lived encounter to the next, until
he met Deanna.

Their relationship now was very strange. Deanna knew him much better than
anyone else and they were still close. He had to admit there were times he
wished they were a couple. Perhaps that was why his relationships with other
women were so short. Maybe he unconsciously wanted them to fail so that he was
available for Troi. He shook his head and softly chuckled Ive been spending too
much time with a Counsellor!

Later, whilst lying in bed, he stared up at the plain ceiling and tried to
imagine life without his Imzadi, and couldnt. He knew that now he would be
paranoid every time Troi faced a potentially dangerous situation.

He turned over and started thinking of what he loved about Deanna; her
intoxicating dark eyes, gorgeous feminine body, long flowing ebony hair and
the sense of mystery that seemed to surround most Betazoids. He remembered a
few past memories which evoked a grin. Then it suddenly hit him. If she died,
memories would be all he had. He had to see her, just to remind himself that
she was still alive.

Computer, location of Counsellor Troi.

Counsellor Troi is in her quarters. Came the Computers prompt reply.

Riker was surprised to find a single tear rolling down his left cheek. He wiped
it away then walked out of his room in the direction of his Imzadis quarters.

** He swore that he had seen her in his dreams, that he had been looking for
her all his life, that he could not let her go, and that she was the woman fate
had meant for him.
(If you Touched my Heart from The Stories of Eva Luna, by Isabel Allende, 1989).

Chapter 3

Having rushed to Deannas quarters at an incredibly fast walking pace, Will
Riker stopped dead outside her door. He asked himself what he was doing there.
How was he going to voice his concerns to Deanna? It wasnt something he could
just say; I still love you, Imzadi, even to Deanna. He needed a plausible
reason to talk to her. Fortunately an idea came to him, and he pressed the door
chime.

The ships Counsellor was obviously not expecting any visitors. Her room was
dark, and she pulled on a beautiful midnight blue silken robe as she got out of
bed.

Computer, lights she said, followed rapidly by Who is it?.

Deanna, its me. was the reply. Instantly she knew who it was - there were very
few people on the ship who addressed her by her first name. Of course, she also
recognised the deep voice.

As she was not particularly tired, Deanna decided that she would appreciate
some company. Besides, she always had time for Riker. She walked towards the
door and pressed a simple combination of buttons which opened the doors. Wills
eyes lit up when he saw how she was dressed.

Its a long time since I saw you in a robe. Riker said, grinning widely.

Deanna grabbed him by his arm and pulled him inside quickly in case anyone had
heard the comment, allowing the doors to shut behind him. Well, if you decide
to come here at such a strange time, what do you expect? She gestured for him
to sit down. Would you like anything? She asked, moving towards the replicator.
Immediately she regretted saying that because she sensed what he was thinking.
With anyone else, she would only have sensed feelings, but with Riker she
sensed more, not exactly his thoughts, but she could when they had been
together.

She turned to face him with an impatient look. Dont you ever think about
anything else? I meant from the replicator! She adjusted the robe, which
annoyingly kept sliding off her left shoulder.

Oh, no thanks.

Hot chocolate she said, trying to work out why he was really there. She knew he
didnt usually disturb people in the middle of the night shift. She sat down
opposite Will and decided the best approach would be to ask the question
directly.

Is there something I can do for you?

He pretended to look offended Do I need to have a reason to see you?

Of course not, but I know you too well. Theres something bothering you.

Will looked into the lovely dark eyes of his Imzadi and fought the impulse to
confess all his feelings. He had Deannas undivided attention. She wore a very
concerned expression on her face, and the longer the silence between them
lasted the more it convinced her that she was right. Will directed his gaze on
to one of Deannas many ornaments which decorated her quarters - he thought
perhaps it would enable him to tell her.

But the break in eye contact concerned Deanna even more. She stood up and
gently sat down next to him.

Tell me what it is, she said, taking hold of his hand maybe I can help. Her
senses told her that he was partly upset and partly frustrated. Suddenly she
realised some of these emotions were related to her.

He turned to face her, holding on to both her hands. Deanna he said in a more
serious voice than she had ever heard from him.

She looked back wide-eyed at him, wondering what he was going to say. Being so
physically close only amplified her feelings for him, and reminded her of times
when they had often been this close. But was the attraction she was feeling
real or was she just reminiscing their past relationship? She was sure it was
more than that and had to resist the urge to put her arms around him and find
out for sure. Was he feeling the same? She couldnt tell - her own emotions were
stopping her from sensing his now. Yes Will she answered.

He was trying to work out how to begin, whilst attempting to ignore the fact
that they were so close and were gradually getting closer without either of
them realising it. Deannas lips were merely inches away from his. Was she
feeling as out of control as he was? Riker didnt know and fought to contain his
feelings. I...... just wondered if you would like to accompany me to Alyssas
wedding tomorrow.

Deanna pulled back in surprise - she had expected him to say something that
would explain what she had sensed. But she knew that if he wanted to talk about
anything, he would do and it would be unethical for her to force him to tell
her.

Alyssa Ogowa, the nurse?

Thats right. It is all planned for tomorrow. The Captain is conducting the
ceremony. As first officer it is my duty, and my pleasure to be there. But I
cant go without the most stunning, beautiful woman on the ship. Well?

Deanna didnt need to give it a second thought I would be honoured to go with
you she said, smiling.

Great, Ill call by at about 18.30 hours. We need to be in Ten Forward by 19.00
hours. Ill see you on the bridge tomorrow he said, walking towards the door.

Wait! Deanna called, following There is something else bothering you.

He turned around in the doorway No, everything is fine. Ill see you tomorrow.
Goodnight. With that, he walked out, leaving a puzzled Deanna stood in the
doorway.

So we grew together,
Like to a double cherry, seeming parted,
But yet a union in partition;
Two lovely berries moulded on one stem;
So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart.
(A Midsummer Nights Dream, Shakespeare, 1594-1599).

Chapter 4

All Senior Staff to the Bridge. Came the Captains voice over the ships intercom
system.

Well Data, said Doctor Watson, a.k.a. Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge. I guess
thats the end of this case for the moment.

Data, dressed as Sherlock Holmes, agreed with his friend as they exited the
Holodeck. We will continue this program another time Geordi. Computer, save
program.

By the time they had changed into their uniforms and arrived on the Bridge, all
the other members of the bridge crew were already there. Captain Picard was
talking to a very scruffy looking humanoid, whose face was projected to many
times its real size on the main viewscreen. Commander Riker was sat in his
customary seat listening to the Captain, and frequently glancing at Counsellor
Troi, presumably, Data thought, to see what she was sensing from the situation
and the stranger on the screen. Deanna was either ignoring him, or she was too
busy monitoring the conversation to notice, Data observed. He often thought
humans were curious, but now was not the time to voice his opinion or ask
questions. Besides, the man on the screen was even more fascinating.

Consulting his console as he sat down at the ops position, Data saw that they
had arrived at their destination, the planet Hoertan and the man Picard was
talking to was the planets Monarch, King Attnak. Hoertan was a member of the
Federation and its inhabitants looked human, except for the fact that they had
ash grey coloured skin and pure snow white hair.

Captain, I need your help. My people are being divided. Some of them are
following me, they are loyal subjects...

Who are the others supporting? Riker asked.

They are the people who believe there should be no monarchy and they believe
our world would be better served by having a government in power.

Picard looked quite concerned by this point. Your Majesty, I will beam down
immediately to assist you. These problems must be sorted out before the problem
becomes any worse.

Thank you Captain. I have heard of your many experiences in matters of
diplomacy, which is why I requested the Enterprise rather than any other ship.
I will transmit the co-ordinates for you to beam down immediately.

Thank you. Picard out. The Captain turned around to see his First Officers
reaction.

For once Riker seemed to have no objection to Picard leading an Away Mission.
The Captain was by far the most experienced diplomat on board which was why
Riker was pleased to stay on the ship. Good luck, Sir. Was all he said.

Thank you Number One, he replied, heading for the turbolift. Counsellor, youre
with me, he added.

Troi immediately felt Rikers anxiety level rise. Youre not taking Lieutenant
Worf? The surprise was evident in his voice.

Not at this stage, Number One. This is a diplomacy mission, there is no need
for any security officers. If the situation becomes volatile, I will inform you
then. Picards tone indicated that he did not want to discuss the matter any
further.

Captain..... Began Riker.

I have made my decision. Kindly look after things here whilst I am away
Commander. By this time Picard and Troi were in the turbolift, and as the doors
closed, Troi could sense Rikers annoyance. However that soon faded and she
sensed what she usually did if she went on an mission without Will, his worry.
It was stronger than usual this time, probably because of the lack of security
officers accompanying them and the potential volatile situation when they were
on the surface. Troi assured herself that there was nothing to worry about, and
even if things did start to become a bit rowdy, they could either beam a
security team down, or if it became really dangerous they could beam back to
the ship. There was danger involved with every mission to some extent anyway.

Sometimes Deanna, Picard said, as they walked from the turbolift to the
transporter room, I think Commander Riker takes his duties a little too
seriously.

Deanna half smiled. She and the Captain had developed an extremely good
relationship over the years they had worked together, which was important
between a Captain and his Counsellor. He treated her a little differently to
the rest of the crew, perhaps because he knew he could give an air of
confidence to them, as if he always knew the right decisions to make. The truth
was, of course, he was never one hundred percent certain. Deanna was aware that
he did this and he had also told her many personal things in the past which he
had been unable to share with anyone else on the ship. She knew he was a very
private man, and thus she took it as a great compliment that he often talked to
her.

Captain, I think we should be pleased the Commander worries about our safety.
He doesnt argue with you just to annoy you, Im sure you know that. She answered
carefully.

Of course. But there are times when having an entourage of security officers on
an Away Team can be inappropriate. This is one of those times.
They entered the Transporter room at this point. The transporter Chief on duty
confirmed they had received the beam-down co-ordinates. A few seconds later
they were on the planets surface, inside the Kings huge palace, which was
decorated in only three colours; black, white and grey. Picard and Troi felt
strangely colourful in their red and blue uniforms respectively. They had both
noted the Kings grey skin and white hair during their initial conversation with
him shortly after the Enterprise arrived at Hoertan. They had not expected his
surroundings to be so dismal and colourless as well.

Stood in front of them was the King himself. He appeared to be very old, and
Deannas first impression of him was that he was a great leader who always put
the needs of his subjects before his own.

Captain Picard. Said King Attnak, bowing. It is an honour to meet you at last.

The honour is mine. Replied Picard, bowing in return. Please allow me to
introduce my ships Counsellor, Deanna Troi who will be invaluable in assisting
me with this mission.

Troi bowed to the King. I wish we were meeting under more pleasant
circumstances your majesty.

As do I. He replied. Please follow me to our honoured conference room. They
were led into a large room which contained a long, smooth table made of a
strange grey material. The King took his place at the head of the table and
gestured for Picard and Troi to sit either side of him.

King Attnak briefed them on the most recent events, a riot not far from the
palace about an hour beforehand. Picard then suggested that a meeting be
arranged for the day after tomorrow between the King, the government currently
in power, and the leaders from the other political parties. The King agreed
that would be the best plan, and they agreed to beam back down on the day of
the meeting. Picard had the wedding of Alyssa and Andrew to attend to, and the
King said it would take at least a day to arrange the meeting. Picard was not
sure if this meant they needed persuading or if he saw another problem in
arranging the meeting. He and Troi said their goodbyes to the King and his
advisors before beaming back to the ship.

************************************

Will Riker was pacing the length of his spacious quarters thoughtfully. He
really wanted to find out how Deanna felt about him and whether there was even
the remotest chance that she would give their relationship another chance. He
was not usually concerned about asking people questions directly or even giving
officers unpleasant orders, but this was different. The current friendship he
and Deanna shared was his most treasured, and he didnt want to do anything that
might jeopardise it.

He hoped that Deanna had not noticed any change in his feelings for her,
because he had been trying to keep it as private as possible until he knew
exactly what the situation was. Maybe she did know how he felt, after all, she
had said in the past that she was very sensitive to his moods. No, he thought,
She would have to probe my mind to figure it out. He had not felt the familiar
brush of her mind recently. It wasnt an unpleasant experience by any means, and
he realised that he missed the cool whisper of her presence in his mind. There
has to be an indirect way of finding out how she feels rather than embarrassing
myself again.

Suddenly, an idea came to him. He sat down at his desk in front of a computer
console. Computer does Counsellor Troi still advise crew members via the
computer? He asked, stroking his beard in delight. This could be fun!

The computer responded immediately Counsellor Troi will advise any crew members
via the computer who do not wish to be counselled in person. Do you wish to
proceed?

Yes, when is the next available appointment?

The Counsellor is due to finish her current appointment in fifty seconds. She
has no appointments for the rest of the day. You may contact her at any time in
her office.

Riker smiled to himself. There was no reason why he couldnt have a little fun.
He would be the last person she would expect as her patient, as long as he was
careful and changed a few details or was vague enough so that she didnt
recognise the situation. He pulled down on his uniform top, almost in
preparation for what he was about to do. He pressed a combination of buttons on
the console, which connected him directly to the computer in Deannas office.
Now all he had to do was wait for her response....

**********************************

Goodbye Ensign Coleman. Counsellor Troi said to her last patient of the day as
he left her office. She sat down in her chair and started updating her notes on
the Ensigns final counselling session. His problem had not been a major concern
to her and had only required three appointments over a period of two weeks, but
she was pleased that she had helped him resolve his problem. The day had been
rather successful in terms of her patients. None had been particularly
distressed, and she did not have any new patients. Her presence had not been
required on the Bridge or Conference Lounge, and she had no particular desire
to go there now. She had the rest of the afternoon to check that all her files
were up to date. It was the part of her job she enjoyed the least, but it was
something that had to be done. She sighed, realising how much work she had to
do. It was then that she noticed the flashing light on her console, indicating
a request for an anonymous appointment.

She pressed a button to commence the session. Counsellor Troi here. What can I
do for you? She said. Her anonymous patient could hear her, but the only
response she would have would be a written response on screen. It was more
difficult than her usual appointments because she could not use her empathy or
observe the patients body language. She also usually took into account their
cultural background and reviewed any previous appointments. In addition, she
did not have the benefit of reading his or her crew record. Think of it as a
challenge, she thought to herself. You dont even know what the problem is yet.
She did not have to wait long for a response to her question.

I think Im in love. Was the message that came up on the screen.

Thats a good thing for most people.

Not for me. The woman Im in love with is my closest friend and she doesnt know
how I feel.

So youre worried that you might loose her as a friend if you tell her?

Yes, but its more complicated than that. Years ago we were lovers and I didnt
realise how deeply I was in love with her, but I made a big mistake. I left her
in favour of other, more important priorities at the time. It has taken me a
while to realise how wrong that was.

And now youre close friends?

Yes.

Have you ever told her you regret ending the relationship?

No.

Well, thats always a good starting point. Are you sure you are still in love
with her? It is possible that you are confusing platonic love and friendship
for actually being in love.

I did consider that, but I think I know the difference between friendship and
love. Of all the relationships I have had, she is the only one I havent been
able to get out of my mind. She means everything to me, but by revealing all
this to her I could loose her completely.

Deanna thought about this situation. It sounded familiar, a bit like the
unresolved love between herself and Riker. She quickly pushed that thought
aside. She had to think of the best advice to give. After a few moments thought
she said, Well, I dont think you should keep your feelings to yourself. If you
feel that strongly about this woman, talk to her. And if you two are as close
as you say, it would probably make your bond stronger for being honest with her.

When she got no reply, she continued. On the other hand, your other option is
based on the old saying Actions speak louder than words. Some people,
especially human males prefer this approach. Make the first move, but subtly
and slowly. You will soon know if she wants to keep the relationship platonic.

A final message appeared on her screen; Thank you Counsellor. You have been a
big help. Underneath that she read the familiar End of session message. She
leaned back in her chair. Was it possible that someone else was in the same
situation she and Riker were? Well, if Riker was the anonymous patient, she
would soon know about it. It would be her dreams come true if he really did
feel that way again, but she doubted it. Why should he? What had changed? It
was only a coincidence that she had been thinking about him recently. But then
her mind went back to the moment he had asked her to go to the wedding. They
had been so close, yet she had been unable to determine how he was feeling
then. Perhaps she should take some of her own advice and tell Will how she felt.

With all this in mind, Deanna decided to keep a close watch on the situation,
on her Imzadi.

You have pursued me relentlessly. I have never been able to love anyone but
you. (Revenge from The Stories of Eva Luna, by Isabel Allende, 1989).

Chapter 5

Will Riker, wearing his detested formal dress uniform, stood outside Trois
quarters. He had just pressed the door chime again and was waiting for Deanna
to respond. Maybe she hadnt heard the chime or had already gone to Ten Forward.
He had already been waiting for a few minutes.

He pressed the door chime for the third time, starting to wonder whether
something was wrong. Computer, location of Counsellor Troi he said, when there
was no response.

Counsellor Troi is in her quarters. Replied the Computer, without missing a
beat.

At that moment the door opened. Deanna was stood in the doorway.
She looks beautiful, Riker thought. That nagging voice in his head came back,
saying he was a fool for taking the easy option and not pursuing what could be
a very rewarding relationship.

The empath was wearing a glamorous, long, deep purple dress that changed colour
when she moved. Riker could not decide whether the material was purple or
midnight blue. It didnt matter much to him anyway. He smiled widely, admiring
the low-cut clingy dress. Her hair was piled on top of her head with only a few
dark curls cascading down onto her shoulders.

Deanna gestured for him to follow her into the room. You are so impatient
sometimes Will.

Im sorry. He said, sitting down on a nearby comfortable chair.
I should have remembered that youre worth waiting for. His tone was light, but
Deanna thought she sensed a deeper meaning.

Whats wrong? Will asked. She had been distractedly pulling at her dress ever
since he had entered her quarters.

Its too tight for my liking. I must have given the replicator the wrong
measurements again, either that or Ive been eating too much recently! She
sighed, then sat down next to him.

You look wonderful Counsellor. He said with sincerity.

So do you, Commander. She was playing along with him, trying to be formal. It
was strange, she thought, neither of them had ever really told the other how
they really felt, at least not since they were a couple on Betazed. She knew
what her feelings were for him, and she often sensed how strongly he felt for
her. When they were both members of an Away Team, where they found themselves
in dangerous situations was when she sensed it most strongly - his need to
protect her. Even when it appeared to everyone else that his main objective was
to lead the Away Team and complete the mission, she knew that all came second
to her safety. It was really quite sweet, she thought, even if it was a bit
distracting sometimes........

Deanna Will said. You havent heard a word Ive been saying, have you?

She looked at him apologetically with those large, dark eyes. Im sorry Will,
what did you say?

I said Im going to marry a lovely Risean woman called....

Youre lying! She interrupted with a knowing look.

Nothing gets past you, does it? He said, grinning and leaning subtly towards
her.

No. Like the fact that at the moment you would rather stay here with me all
evening than go to the wedding. She seemed to find that amusing, much to Rikers
annoyance.

I was saying, He continued, ignoring her last remark that perhaps we should
consider requesting shore leave together. He paused, waiting for a reaction.
She said nothing, so he continued in an effort to persuade her it would be a
good idea. It has been a long time since either of us had a break, and the last
time we finally got off the ship, we met your mother and were kidnapped by the
Ferangi!

Deanna shuddered at the memory, but had to admit that in the first few minutes,
before her mother interrupted them, she and Will had been having a really
wonderful time. And it wasnt very often that she had time to relax. Being the
sole counsellor on a ship with over a thousand crew members meant that she was
kept quite busy. It would be a good idea to take shore leave, get away from all
the crews emotions. She squeezed his arm. Youre right Will, and thank you for
asking me to go with you. When shall we go?

As soon as weve completed this current mission. The Captain says he needs you.
Unfortunately, he added silently. He hoped they would not be waiting too long,
especially as Picard would be leaving him in command of the ship whilst taking
Deanna on an away mission.

So, who is going to ask the Captain permission for shore leave first? Deanna
asked.

Well, since he is never happy about losing two of his senior officers at once,
however temporarily and however necessary, he might need a little gentle
persuasion.

She gave him an annoyed look. In other words Im the best person for the job!

Your empathy is very strong tonight Imzadi! He teased. But seriously, sometimes
I think the Captain listens to you more than me! Riker suddenly remembered the
reason he was there - the wedding. He stood up, tugged at his uniform top and
offered Deanna his arm. Lets get this wedding over with. He said. But she knew
that he was looking forward to the event as much as she was.

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.
(Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare, 1594-1599).

Chapter 6

Beverly Crusher was crying, but they were not were not tears of sorrow, they
were tears of happiness and joy at the sight of Alyssa Ogowa, her most
experienced nurse and close friend now dressed in a beautiful traditional
Wedding dress honouring the memory of her ancestors, becoming Alyssa Powell.
Troi smiled at the Doctor, who was the most emotional person in the room at
that moment, aside from the bride herself, who was excited, nervous and happy
all at the same time. Through her tears, Beverly smiled back at the Counsellor,
then turned her attention back to Captain Picard, whose duty it was to marry
couples aboard the ship. Ten Forward was crowded with crew members and
civilians. Guinan had offered to organise Ten Forward for this happy event. The
walls were decorated in silver and gold. Food had been laid out on surrounding
tables.

Picard was grinning proudly as he came towards the end of the ceremony. He
paused for dramatic effect before saying loudly I now pronounce you husband and
wife.

Datas eyes nearly popped out of his head at the couples passionate kiss at that
moment. He turned around to look at the assembled guests, half expecting them
to be doing the same. Of course, they werent. His friends were all watching the
last moments of the ceremony. He observed that they all had slightly different
reactions. Doctor Crusher was wiping tears from her eyes and smiling
simultaneously, the Counsellor had an expression of total delight on her face,
Commander Riker was grinning, Geordi also looked happy, and Worf...... Well,
Data could never tell when Worf was happy. Worf suddenly scowled as he realised
Data was studying him with fascination. The android rapidly turned his
attention back to the newly-wedded couple, who were still locked in an embrace.
The crowd had started clapping at this point, and Data readily joined in.

From somewhere in the background some music had begun to play, courtesy of the
computer. The crowd formed a circle to allow Andrew and Alyssa to have the
first dance alone. Something of a tradition Riker had explained to Data when
the android had not understood why only one couple could dance the first dance.
Guinan and her staff began to hand out refreshments. They carried trays of many
different unusual drinks of various colours and flavours.

Before long, the expanse of Ten Forward was filled with couples dancing slowly
to the music. Picard had to admit that he was having a wonderful evening,
dancing with Beverly, who was a charming and intelligent companion. He thought
she looked stunning in an elaborate cream coloured ball gown. She wore flowers
in her hair, which fell down around her shoulders in ringlets. Picard was
wearing the uncomfortable formal uniform. They were just enjoying each others
company, as they often did. They had both recently realised that the ghost of
Jack Crusher was a good enough reason to remain friends, and their relationship
would probably never progress any further than that.

The Captain glanced around the room. To his left he saw Data, who was utilising
his dance program, which he had probably not utilised since the last wedding he
had attended. Now he was sweeping a young blonde Ensign off her feet. Picard
smiled slightly, his gaze shifting to Geordi and Worf, both seated at a table,
silently keeping each other company. Worf looked like he would rather be
elsewhere, preferably somewhere where dress uniform was not required. Geordi
seemed as if he wanted to be dancing, and Picard surmised that he felt a little
left out. I think Geordi requires a dancing partner, he whispered to Beverly
and I have heard that you used to be known as The Dancing Doctor.

Beverlys expression changed from surprise at his knowledge of her old nickname
to a smile. Thats fine with me Jean Luc, as long as you don't mind sitting out
the next dance.

Picard watched his Chief Engineer dancing with Beverly. Then he realised he had
seen very little of his Executive Officer that evening. He finally spotted him
in the far corner of the room, dancing with a brunette. As she turned in his
direction, Picard realised it was Counsellor Troi. He wasnt surprised as such,
but he had not expected to see them together. He was often reminded that two of
his senior officers had the potential to develop an intimate relationship, and
at times he was not sure if it was an idea that he was comfortable with. He
would deal with the matter if it ever arose and if his intervention was needed.
He trusted his officers to keep their duties separate from their personal
lives. He also knew that Riker and Troi had a bond that was difficult for him
to understand. He glanced over at them briefly and found himself wishing he had
someone he was that close to. They seemed to know each other so well. He and
Beverly were good friends, but he would never fully understand her.

Riker was oblivious to the Captains brief scrutiny. In fact, he was only aware
of the slow lilting of the music and Deannas small, soft form pressed against
him. It had been a while since they had been so close and he smiled at the
familiar scent of her. Looking down, he saw that her eyes were closed, her face
resting against his chest. He pulled her closer as he remembered Picards
rendition of the future, without Troi. His nightmare of the previous night
flashed through his mind. He was standing in a dark, damp cave. The only light
came from a hole in the ceiling of the cave. Deanna was standing in front of
him, wearing flowing white robes. Their hands were entwined, but parted as she
slowly began drifting upwards. Soon they were no longer touching and she was
rising further upwards. He tried to reach her, but it was too late, she no
longer saw him. Her arms and face were raised towards the sky. Imzadi! He had
called, but it was futile. He had lost her. Then he had woken up in a cold
sweat. Even now the memory of it made him shiver.

Deanna opened her eyes, wondering what could cause Riker to shiver in the
environmentally controlled room of Ten Forward. She looked up at him with a
questioning expression. Will, are you all right?

Im fine. He said, although he hated himself for not having the courage to tell
her the truth. Why was he bothering? She could always tell when something was
wrong.

Deanna did not say anything, she pulled away from him and took his hand,
something that didnt particularly please him. All he wanted to do was hold her
close and forget the nightmare. I think its about time we had a talk. She said,
leading him towards the door, past Data, who no doubt noticed the Counsellor
and First Officer were holding hands. Lets hope he doesnt ask the Captain why!
Thought Deanna as she stepped into the turbo lift, followed closely by Will.

Deck eight. She said to the lift. If she and Will were going to have a serious
conversation, she wanted no interruptions. In that respect she had decided that
her quarters would be the best place.

They were both silent until they entered Trois quarters. She gestured for him
to take a seat. The empath knew there was something wrong and wanted to help.
Please tell me what you are so upset about. She had taken the seat next to him
and was giving him all her attention, something he was not sure he needed at
that moment.

He took a deep breath, looked straight at her with that honest look that was
surprisingly similar to his best poker face, and began. Deanna, have you ever
thought about what life would be like if one of us was reassigned to another
ship?

She was taken aback. Well, I suppose the thought has crossed my mind once or
twice. But I always thought that you would leave the Enterprise to command your
own ship.

That used to be my only goal in life, but when I was offered the Aries...

Something held you back. You realised there are greater merits serving under
such a great man as Captain Picard, being his Second in Command on the Flagship
of the Federation than having your own command. She said, voicing opinions and
observations she had discovered in the past but never said aloud.

That was one reason I stayed here, yes, but there was another. He paused to
stroke his dark beard. Honesty is the best policy. I couldnt bear the thought
of us being light years apart again, and you were so upset when we said goodbye
before I was about to leave for the Aries. I knew I had already hurt you in the
past, and it wasnt fair for me to do it again. I care about you too much, and
you were so wrong when you said your own feelings didnt matter. They do to me.
Her eyes were misty and emotional as he continued. I know there has never been
a perfect time for us to get back together, but I always thought we would.

And one or both of us being reassigned would make it much less likely to happen?

Of course, and I think a separation would make more of a difference in our
lives than either of us would like to admit.

She nodded. Will, what made you start thinking about this?

He turned away from her, not sure if she was going to like what he was about to
say. Since the Captain told us about his experience of the future, the only
thing I have been thinking about is what my life would be like if you died. It
has made me realise how much you mean to me.

He watched carefully for her reaction. She seemed quite surprised at his
confession. I dont know what to say.

I know how you feel about not having a relationship whilst we are serving
together on the same ship, but we couldnt make a relationship work if we were
on different ships and only met up for shore leave either. It was an impossible
situation when he described it in that light. He continued, wishing he could
sense her feelings as easily as she could sense his. Deanna, I havent been able
to stop thinking about us. Doesnt that mean anything to you? He held her face
in his hands and moved closer. She had no idea what to say, she was overwhelmed
with so many emotions, not just his. Her own feelings were swirling through her
mind with his. How long had she waited for him to say something like that? Did
he know how she felt? Could she trust herself to let go and tell him?

She was so busy trying to analyse her feelings and what she should say that
time was slipping by and Will was anxious to have a response. He stood up, a
wave of disappointment radiating from him, and moved towards the door. Im
sorry, I should never have said anything. He mumbled, turning his back on her.
He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and not let her know how much
her lack of response was hurting him.

The doors had just opened when he felt her hand on his arm. Will, dont go. She
pleaded, willing him to turn around to face her. But he knew what would happen
if he looked into those eyes and was denied the relationship he wanted. He
needed more reassurance that she would consider starting things over again. She
walked around him and stopped directly in front of him. She had focused her
empathy on him now and was startled at the intensity of his feelings. He still
refused to look at her, afraid she was going to reject him.

Imzadi I didnt know you felt that way. She whispered. Then as an answer to his
unspoken question, she said softly, You know how much I loved you when we were
together, and you arent the only one who has being thinking about us recently.
Now he had no reason not to look at her. She put her arms around his neck and
looked up at him with vulnerable dark eyes. And I realised that I have never
stopped loving you, I just learned how to suppress my feelings over the years.

She saw the desire in his eyes, something she had not seen there for a long
time, and wondered what she was waiting for. She stood on the tips of her toes
to bridge the gap between them and kissed him softly on the lips. He responded
by leaning down, holding her in an intimate embrace and starting what became a
very long, passionate kiss. It was just as it was when they had been a couple
during their short but meaningful affair all those years ago on Betazed. Then
they had not had any excuses not to be together. They had been free to love
each other fully. Deanna realised at that moment that Will could make her so
happy and all the excuses in the universe shouldnt keep her from his arms. She
hadnt felt this good in a long time. I should not be analysing everything, she
thought, I should be enjoying the moment. So she did, adding even more passion
into the kiss. His kisses moved down her neck, then further down until her
dress was obstructing his path. She raised his head with both hands and kissed
him again. She felt his hands in her hair loosening her style. Gradually her
dark hair fell down around her shoulders. Will had always preferred it that
way, but most of the time it was impractical, especially when she was on duty.
Moments like these were a different matter altogether...

Feeling certain that Deanna was ready for the next step, Will started moving
towards the bedroom door. She had plenty of time to protest. He picked her up
and carried her in that direction. This was the final opportunity to back out,
there would be no turning back and no denial of their feelings for each other.
He put her down on the edge of the bed and sat down next to her. Imzadi, He
said,
Are you sure this is what you want?

She nodded and smiled, Ive never been more certain about anything. The roguish
glint in his eyes was back, along with a seductive smile. She couldnt help
moving closer, resting her head on his shoulder and putting her hands on his
chest.

He kissed her, and ran his hands along the length of her outfit. I love this
dress Deanna, but I think youve been wearing it long enough. He said, moving
her on to her back and leaning over her. The dress was rather difficult to
remove, and Deanna had to help him. Thats very cunning Commander, He said.
Assisting a senior officer with such enthusiasm might force me to recommend a
promotion!

How do you think I got to the rank of Commander in the first place? She smiled
and began taking off his uniform whilst he kissed her neck, then progressed
downwards, and this time the dress was not in his way.

Captain Picard to Counsellor Troi. Came the familiar voice over the intercom.

She sighed, pushing Will away and tried to put the top half of her dress back
in place. Yes Captain? She said, trying to ignore Wills wandering hands and
kisses.

Counsellor we need to go over this mission plan for tomorrow morning. I suggest
this just be a meeting between the two of us. Please report to my quarters as
soon as possible. Picard out.

Great. Moaned Riker. Just what we needed. He put his uniform top back on and
stood up. I might have to give you that same order myself, then he said in a
fair imitation of Picards voice, Counsellor Troi, please report to my quarters
now. I need you!

Later, I promise. She said with obvious regret. As for now, I suppose I should
change back in to my uniform.

Ill help you. He said with a grin.

No you wont. She kissed him and pushed him in the direction of the door.

He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her back. Fine, Im leaving. But Ill
never forgive the Captain for interrupting such an important counselling
session! He released his grip on her and walked out of the door, happier than
he had been in a long time.

Deanna smiled to herself, finally they had realised that their feelings were
too strong to be denied, and the powerful chemistry was still present. It had
existed from the first day they met on Betazed. She put on the nearest uniform
and strolled out of the room in the direction of the Captains quarters.

I have not broken your heart - you have broken it - and in breaking it, you
have broken mine.
(Heathcliff to Cathy, Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte).

Chapter 7

By the time Troi and Picard had finished discussing all the different
alternatives of completing their mission on the planet below, it was quite
late. Deanna wondered if it was too late to call in on Riker. It had been a
long day and she knew the following day would be exhausting as a result of all
the strong emotions from the inhabitants of Hoertan. But as Rikers quarters
were next door to her own, it would not take long to find out if he was still
waiting up for her.

By this time she had arrived outside his door. There was no response when she
pressed the chime. She pressed a combination of buttons and the door opened, he
had not left it locked. Will... She whispered. The rooms were dark, maybe he
was not there. She looked around the main room, then peered around the door to
his bedroom. He was lying on the bed, sleeping, as far as she could tell. On
the pillow next to him was a PADD with a message, which was just visible with
the light from the other room. It said simply Wake Me. She sat on the bed next
to him and ran a hand through his hair. He looked so peaceful that she could
not bring herself to carry out the request.

Deanna was tired, and the idea of going to her dark, lonely quarters did not
appeal to her. So she curled up next to Riker. He was warm and comforting. She
was sure he wouldnt mind if she stayed, in fact it would probably be the
opposite, and she didnt want to miss the opportunity to talk to him in the
morning. In his sleep, Will put his arm around her. This was where she
belonged, and she fell asleep with happy thoughts, which became dreams of a
kind she had not experienced for a long time.

*************************************

Will awoke the following morning to find Deanna lying beside him. He kissed her
gently on the lips, wondering what she was doing there. He got a response to
the kiss. She stirred and said, seeming only half awake, Good morning.

He sat up and noted her outfit. Dont you ever take your uniform off?

What? Oh, I came in here last night and just fell asleep. Im sorry, do you want
me to go?

No. He grinned. I want you to take the uniform off!

By now she was fully awake and aware that he wanted to continue from where they
had been interrupted the night before. Will, I have to get ready, and so do
you. I have an Away Team to join, and you have a Starship to command.

He kissed her and said Who says this is going to take very long? You dont have
to be in the transporter room until 08.00 hours, and Data can command the
bridge just as well as I can. I want you.

She kissed him All right Will, as long as you explain to the Captain what I was
doing if Im late! She smiled seductively and pulled him close. He kissed her
again and began to take off her uniform, which was quickly tossed on to the
floor, followed closely by his pyjamas.

A little later, the couple were lying naked in each others arms, totally at one
with each other. Nothing else seemed to matter. Imzadi, Will said, Does this
mean we are together again?

Yes, I suppose it does. If thats what you want. She felt as if she couldnt get
close enough to him and wrapped her arms around him. I love you and I dont see
any point in denying our feelings any more. She kissed his chest as his
muscular arms tightened around her.

Neither do I. What we have is special. Besides, were not kids any more. We know
what we want, and I think we can balance our working lives with a relationship.
He tilted her head upwards and kissed her with a passion he realised he had not
felt towards any other woman. Youre beautiful. He said with emotion.

Youre not so ugly yourself. She said, flattered.

But he was serious I dont want to loose you again. That was the worst mistake I
ever made. You are so different from any other woman I have been... He stopped
to think of the right words, involved with.

He felt her tense at the mention of his other conquests. I always thought you
were a little too friendly to the female guests on this ship. She said in a
cold tone, finding it hard to believe that moments after rediscovering their
passion he was thinking about his other affairs. She felt her anger mounting.
And that was when I was around. Only you know what happened on all those Away
Missions when I was left here on the ship to advise the Captain.

Deanna! Im not as bad as you think. I had missions to complete and reports to
write. Getting involved with women as well would have complicated things too
much. Maybe I did engage in some harmless flirting, but thats hardly reason for
you to be jealous. As for guests on the ship, well I had to be careful there
too. Contrary to popular belief, I am very selective about my women. But dont
tell anyone, I enjoy having a bad reputation! He joked, but she wasnt laughing.
And what is it with you and Picard anyway? He continued.

Captain Picard? She looked confused.

Yes. You know what Im talking about. He asks you to go to his quarters for
private conversations, I often see the two of you coming out of the Ready Room.
He listens to you, sometimes more than he listens to me.

She climbed out of bed and reached for her uniform. Thats only because of my
empathic insight, and he doesnt want those conversations to be carried out on
the bridge. Youre just annoyed that he went with my recommendation instead of
yours on a few occasions. I cant believe you think there is something going on.

Isnt there? Maybe there was in the past. He treats you differently Deanna, and
I want to know why.

She sighed. He tells me things, which he would not discuss with anyone else.
Lately he has been very depressed over the death of his brother and nephew. Its
my job, Will. He trusts me, just like most of the people on this ship. Its a
shame you dont.

What do you mean? He was putting on his uniform.

Well, when was the last time you came to me with your problems? I can remember
very few occasions over the last seven years. Exactly who have you been
confiding in?

Deanna, I always knew you were there for me if I had a problem, but I dont talk
about things, I forget about them and get on with my life. But if you want me
to tell you something, fine. Did you ever think about how I felt when you got
together with my brother, Tom? What about you and Worf? When I was involved
with someone I tried not to rub your nose in it, but you didnt bother. Why
Worf? He was not the right man for you. I cant understand what you ever saw in
him. Hes primitive and has violent tendencies. You are the complete opposite.
Besides, he didnt want you. He just wanted someone to look after Alexander. A
Klingon child must be very difficult for a single parent. Everyone else could
see that, except you.

Stop it! She yelled. My relationship with Worf has nothing to do with you. At
least he didnt look at other women as soon as he was out of my sight. And he
never made empty promises like you did.

Deanna... He tried to put his arms around her, but she pushed him away. Do you
realise how much you hurt me when you didnt meet me on Risa? She said. I had
waited so long to see you, and after you proposed on Betazed I thought I meant
everything to you. After two weeks of waiting, each of those days more painful
than the last, I realised that you had forgotten me and found far more
interesting women to entertain you. She was annoyed to find she couldnt hold
her tears back any longer. It was still upsetting for her even now. And I
promised myself that I would never get that close to another man again, because
like it or not Will Riker you broke my heart and it took me a long time to get
over that.

But thats all in the past. I had career plans. I tried to take shore leave to
go to Risa, but I was on the way up, and there were opportunities that I
couldnt miss. There wasnt a night I didnt think about you, waiting on Risa. And
I was too busy working, there werent any other women.

I dont know if I can believe that. I think weve made a big mistake, letting our
physical attraction determine our actions. I shouldnt have stayed here.

Maybe youre right. I dont want to hurt you again Deanna.

Thats not it at all. You just dont want to be tied down to one woman,
especially an empath, who can sense your betraying thoughts. I pity whoever you
end up with. If shes Human, she will have no idea what you are like, and will
trust you implicitly because you give the impression that you are a one woman
man. But I have found that nothing could be further from the truth. Until you
realise that, I will never be able to trust you. She picked up her few
belongings and turned to leave.

Deanna Troi, if you walk out of that door you will not only loose my love, but
my friendship as well. I couldnt cope being friends again. Besides, this whole
thing was probably your revenge for being stood up on Risa. You want me to feel
what it was like for you. Well, you may not have any feelings left for us, but
I do, and Ill never forgive you if you leave now.

You will never understand how to treat a woman properly. Im leaving and with
any luck I wont see you for a while.

She walked towards the door. He ran after her and stopped her. Get your hands
off me. She said, with excessive emotion.

He let her go. The door opened and he shouted I hate you for doing this to me.
Then she was gone, and Riker wondered where they had gone wrong. You left her
waiting on Risa, he said to himself. It took a few minutes for him to realise
that he had just lost her again, and this time there was even less chance of
reconciliation. Working together would be difficult. He had never seen her
display such a range of strong emotions. Maybe his own anger had increased
hers. It would never work, he thought. They had too much of a past, and too
many grievances with each other. Love didnt seem to matter any more. He had a
feeling Deanna would go to Worf for comfort after the argument. He had a hard
time believing Worf was capable of an emotion such as sympathy. He stood up and
headed to the bridge. He would be a little early to take over the shift, but it
was better than getting depressed about another failed relationship.

One writ with me in sour misfortunes book.
(Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare, 1594-1599).

Chapter 8

Will Riker was sat on the bridge, waiting for a report from the Away Team,
consisting of Captain Picard and Deanna. Not that he cared, the longer she was
out of his sight the better. Data was sat at the Ops station and a young female
ensign had the helm. Worf was behind him at tactical. He had expected the
Klingon to show some sign that Deanna had spoken to him, but he seemed to be
acting normally. Maybe his honour prevents him from challenging me on the
bridge, Will thought. He hated being on the bridge when nothing was happening.
Report Data. He said, hoping for something interesting.

The Away Team have not attempted to contact us Commander. However, I do not
expect a report from them for 3.25 hours and 54 seconds. Sensors are detecting
nothing unusual in the area.

Fine.

Sir?

I said thats fine Data. Just tell me if anything changes.

Yes sir.

*********************************

A few hours later, Data reported a disturbance on the Planet.

What sort of disturbance? Will demanded.

There is evidence of phaser fire and fighting in the capital city. Replied Worf.

Transporter room, beam the Away Team up immediately. He said.

Transporter room two to bridge. Came the frightened voice of an ensign. I cant
get a lock on them. Theres some sort interference.

Data, can we nullify it? Riker asked in panic. He couldnt leave them down
there, unarmed and without security officers.

Theoretically sir, we can. If I....

Yes Data, just do it. The Captains life could be at stake. And Deannas, he
thought. Despite their argument, nothing would change how he felt. Damn Picard
for not taking any security officers, he thought. If anything happened to her,
he knew who to blame.

The violence on the planet appears to be increasing. Said Worf from behind him.

Data! Riker practically screamed.

Yes sir, I am doing everything I can. Then a few seconds later he said I
believe we can try beaming them up now, Commander.

Transporter Room, energise. Bridge to Doctor Crusher, please report to
Transporter Room two.

On my way. Came Beverlys voice in response immediately. Riker hoped that her
medical expertise wouldnt be needed, but he felt better knowing she would be
there.

Transporter Room, have you got the Away team?

Yes Commander, Came Picards voice, and Im on my way to join you.

And Troi?

Im afraid she has been rather badly injured, Number One. Doctor Crusher is
attending to her.

Riker felt his heart stop. Was this it? Was she going to die and leave him a
lonely, bitter old man? Picards future was starting to become reality right
before his eyes. And there was nothing he could do. Data, you have the bridge
until the Captain returns. Ill be in Sickbay.

Yes Sir. Data said dutifully. But Riker wasnt listening, he was al
********************************

By the time Riker got to Sickbay, his nerves were in pieces and he was out of
breath from running the distance between the turbolift and sickbay. Wheres
Counsellor Troi? He asked the nearest nurse. Over there Sir. Riker didnt even
stop to thank the ensign as he rushed in Deannas direction. Deanna! He said in
shock when he saw her. The Counsellor was only just recognisable. She had a
deep wound running across one cheek and her forehead. The once blue uniform was
soaked in blood, coming from a wound he could not even locate. Her eyes were
closed and her skin was deathly white.

Beverly was working hard, shouting out orders. She hated treating friends
because she found it difficult to emotionally detach herself. Deanna was one of
her closest friends, someone she had known for seven years. She couldnt loose
her now. Added to her problems, Will Riker had just arrived and was standing
helplessly nearby. She could do without that extra pressure, but didnt have
time to talk to him now.

Doctor, her readings are becoming dangerously unstable. Said an ensign.

Damn. Muttered Beverly. It didnt work. She thought quickly 500ccs Croproviline.
Come on Deanna, respond.

Riker felt totally useless. He knew Troi was in the best hands, but couldnt
help thinking this was the start of Picards future and no one could cheat fate
or destiny. Beverly was still desperately trying different methods to get a
response from Troi. He looked down at the ground and closed his eyes, almost as
if he had already begun mourning. A few minutes passed that seemed like hours
to him.

His mood lifted instantly when the nurse reported Doctor, her readings are
approaching normal levels.

But she was still unconscious. Exhausted, Beverly smiled slightly. She will
wake up when shes ready. Forcing her to do so could be dangerous under the
circumstances. She saw a worried Will Riker stood nearby and knew her next
task, making her way over to him.

Will, I have done everything I can at the moment. Her injuries could have been
fatal, but we got her in here quickly and I was able to treat her. For now she
is unconscious, and I am reluctant to bring her out of it. He did not respond,
his eyes fixed on the unmoving form of Troi. Beverly put a comforting hand on
his arm. Shes going to be fine Will, honestly. She just needs to recover.

He nodded, and looked at the Doctor. How long?

I dont know Will, but Ill let you know as soon as she regains consciousness.

Im not going anywhere Doctor, Im staying right here until she wakes up. He was
determined to be there until the moment she did.

Well, you will have to leave some time. The Captain will need you on the
bridge. She pointed out.

The very mention of the Captain made him loose interest in the conversation. Im
staying here. He insisted.

Fine, but dont forget you need your rest too Commander. Beverly had other
patients to deal with, so she left Riker alone with his thoughts.

Riker found a chair and moved it next to Deannas bed. The thought of loosing
her had been unimaginable. Now it had become a possibility. How close had she
been to death? Was she still in danger? Beverly had implied that Deanna was
over the worst part now, but had she just said that to comfort him? Anything
could go wrong at any time. His mind drifted back to their last conversation
before she beamed down. What if she died and those angry words were their last?
He could not live with that memory. Neither of us meant what we said, he
thought, She was letting out her anger which she had repressed for years. And
its my fault for leaving her on Risa and not considering how she felt when I
had relationships with other women. As for Worf and Thomas, she had every right
to be happy, and I couldnt expect her to wait around forever. His gaze had not
shifted from her beautiful face. Beverly had repaired the damage to her cheek,
which had been caused by a savage weapon native to Hoertan. Now she just looked
very pale. If only I had gone down there with her, he thought. He knew he would
have protected her, even if it meant he had been killed in the process.

How is she Number One? Came Picards voice. He was standing on the opposite side
of the bed. Riker had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he had no idea how
long Picard had been stood there.

How is she? He stood up and faced Picard. She nearly died because of your
wonderful idea not to take any security officers. Rikers voice was getting
louder. You know shes not accustomed to violent situations and shes extremely
vulnerable in those circumstances.

Commander, I did everything...

You think because youre the Captain you can do anything. I told you to take
some security, but you didnt listen. Look at her, shes unconscious and has
suffered severe injuries. Its your fault! He was shouting at the Captain, and
by now everyone in the room was listening.

Beverly appeared, a frown on her face. Gentlemen, would you please continue
this discussion somewhere else. The look on her face indicated she would not
take no for an answer, and would call security if she had to.

But they werent listening. If she doesnt come out of this, Sir, it will be your
fault. After all shes done for you.... He felt he had said enough and turned
back to Deanna, taking her cold, limp hand in his.

Picard looked at Beverly. Hes right. I was stupid not to take Worf, and now
Deanna is paying for that mistake.

Jean Luc, if it hadnt been for your fast actions - getting her back on the
Enterprise, she would be dead now. Deanna is strong, she will get through this.

I hope so Beverly. He would not be the only one upset if she dies. He glanced
in Wills direction.

Worf?

No, actually I was referring to Lwaxana, not to mention all the crew members
she has helped over the years, including me.

Nothing is going to happen to her, not whilst shes in my sickbay! Beverly said
with determination.

Picard thanked her. And keep me advised. He said before leaving. Someone had to
complete the mission, and it was obvious he had temporarily lost not only his
Counsellor, but also his First Officer.

Beverly sighed. It had been a long day, and Deanna being one of her patients
had been more stressful than she would like to admit. She consoled herself by
telling herself she had done her best and now it was up to Deanna to recover
fully. She glanced over at the bed where Deanna lay unconscious, and was not
surprised to see Riker leaning over her. Beverly decided to leave him alone. He
probably didnt want to see anyone but Troi now anyway.

Riker had been staring at Deannas face for what seemed like an eternity. He
knew she would wake up, but until that happened he could not leave her. He
imagined the moment. She would open those lovely eyes and reach out for his
hand. He had almost forgotten their argument earlier and, although he was
prepared to resolve the conflict later on, he knew she would need him to be
there when she woke up, without any of the anger or bitterness he had felt
then. The most important thing to him was that she got through this and was
back to her normal self.

Fate could not be so cruel as to take her away when they had just acknowledged
their mutual attraction after so long. More to the point, he had been thinking
for a while that perhaps it was time to settle down with one perfect woman, and
his life would be different, but in a positive way. Going back to empty
quarters at the end of every day reminded him that he had not had a romantic
encounter for a long time. If he just committed himself fully to one woman, he
would never go home to empty quarters. But if he carried on as he had been,
well, he would end up like the Riker the Captain had met during his time
shifting. It had taken him a while to discover that Deanna was this perfect
woman, and even longer for him to do something about it. And now this happens,
he thought. Does someone out there have something against us?

By this time it was quite late and very few medical officers were still on
duty. The area of sickbay that Beverly had designated for Deanna was deserted
and quiet. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. He remembered the last
time he had been waiting at her bedside in sickbay for her to wake up. That was
when she was in a coma after experiencing a mental rape, something that had
happened to him only hours later. After the culprit had been identified and
held in custody, Will had felt compelled to talk to Deanna about his nightmare
visions, and he had always wondered what hers had been. She had never told him,
and he made a mental note to ask her about it.

Well here we are again. He said to Deanna. Me talking and you listening, I
hope. He paused, wondering what to talk about. You havent missed much since you
went down to Hoertan. Data has discovered a new theory which he hopes will
result in taming Spot. Geordi is apparently fed up with her disobedience when
he looks after her. Datas theory is that rewarding Spots positive behaviour and
punishing her anti-social behaviour will result in an all new improved cat. He
stopped there. Having a one sided conversation without any response made it
impossible to forget she was unconscious. Deanna. He said with obvious emotion,
leaning closer I need you, please wake up. But she remained still. Seeing her
like this was heart breaking, she had always been so full of vitality and love.
I promise you that when you do I will love and cherish you forever. Thats what
Imzadi means.

He jumped slightly as he felt a hand on his arm. Will, Said Doctor Crusher in
her sympathetic tone. Ive told you before. Get some rest.

I cant leave Beverly. When she wakes up I want to be the first person she sees.

Ever curious, Beverly decided to find out what was going on. You two looked
very cosy at the wedding.

He turned around to face her. She had a knowing smile on her face. Did you and
Deanna?...

He looked even more depressed. We almost did, but Picard called her away at a
crucial moment. I could have killed him! But we sort of continued this morning.

And? Beverly prompted. Deanna would tell her all this later, but she wanted to
hear the other side of the story for a change.

He looked down at Deanna. Shes wonderful. Her empathy can be useful in intimate
situations. He smiled, remembered what happened next and suddenly found himself
telling Beverly everything. Has she ever told you how she feels about me?

She hesitated, not sure if she should betray what Deanna had told her in
confidence. He will find out soon enough, and anything I can say to make him
feel better is worth it. A few times actually. She was once deeply in love with
you and probably still is, but rejection is hard to take, and I think she is
very worried about leaving herself vulnerable to being hurt again. She has said
she wonders what life would be like if the two of you had met on Risa. Will
nodded sadly. Beverly continued. Shes the sweetest, kindest person I know. If
you want her back, be certain you can commit yourself fully to her. She has
already lost you once, twice if you count Thomas, not to mention her break up
with Worf recently. She couldnt take any more at the moment.

I know. I couldnt leave her again. If I mess things up this time, I will never
have another chance. She is perfect for me, and Im a little more mature than I
was when we were together. I know what is important in my life now.

Beverly smiled at his determination. Deanna was lucky to have a man like Riker.
She had to admit she felt a pang of jealousy. Lately she had had little success
in the romance department. She left Riker to watch over his Imzadi, suddenly
realising how late it was.

Beside you, I wait for you to complete the voyage into yourself, for the old
wounds to heal. I know that when you return from your nightmares, we shall
again walk hand in hand, as before.
(And of Clay Are We Created from The Stories of Eva Luna, by Isabel Allende,
1989).

Chapter 9

Riker had been forced to go to the Bridge, as the Captain had taken most of the
Senior Staff back down to Hoertan with him. Beverly, Worf and Data were hardly
a good substitute for Deannas empathic insight, but it was much calmer on the
planet, and the Captain seemed to be making progress. He leaned back in Picards
chair trying to imagine what it would be like to Captain the Enterprise. Data
would be his First Officer and Deanna would be his Counsellor. Beverly and
Geordi would have to stay, but he wanted a different Security Chief. He liked
Worf as a friend, but since his short relationship with Deanna, Will had found
himself feeling jealous of the Klingon. Not so surprising really. He doubted he
and Worf would ever totally rebuild their friendship. Of course, Worf wasnt
exactly to blame for that; Deanna hadnt exactly resisted his advances. Will
could forgive Deanna for that, for anything, as long as she still loved him. As
long as she was still alive....

Sickbay to Commander Riker. Came a distinctive Vulcan voice which Riker
recognised as Dr Selars.

Riker here.

Sir, Counsellor Trois condition is worsening. She may only have a few hours
left, I....

No! He shouted. The entire Bridge Crew stared at him, surprised by the terror
in his voice. Transporter Room, beam me directly to Sickbay.

Moments later he stood in Sickbay, leaving Geordi in command of the Bridge.
Deanna was lying in the same motionless manner she had been since arriving in
Sickbay. It was an image Riker had engraved in his mind. It was with him
wherever he went, whatever he was doing. He wanted to take her in his arms and
bring her back. He had always thought their love would be enough to overcome
any barriers life threw in their direction, even when they were friends the
power of Imzadi was still that strong. Death was the final obstacle. We left it
too late. I should have told her how I felt when we started serving together on
the Enterprise.

He watched Dr Selar and her staff working on Deanna. She looked so cold, so
lifeless. He wondered if he would ever hold her in a loving embrace, feel her
lips on his cheek or hear her sweet words in his ear again. What would it be
like to call out for his Imzadi and have no response. How would it feel loosing
the only woman he had ever really loved and knowing they could have worked
things out a lot sooner?

It was ridiculous, he wasnt scared of leading Away Teams in dangerous
conditions, commanding the Enterprise in battles with the Borg or Romulans, but
he was scared of admitting his feelings for Deanna and telling her he loved
her. It was stupid - she was the most approachable person on the ship,
something her job demanded, yet he still hadnt had the courage to talk to her.

Dr Selar appeared to have given up. I believe, Sir, that we have done
everything possible. Said the Vulcan. It is almost as if she does not want to
recover. At the moment we are keeping her alive on various pieces of equipment.
I need to consult with Dr Crusher. If we can not find a way to bring the
patient back, we may have to consider turning the machines off. Im sorry Sir, I
do not know what else to do. It would be illogical to keep her alive on these
machines indefinitely. With that she was gone, and Riker took a seat by Deannas
bed.

It seemed like eternity he was sat there, his tearful blue eyes never leaving
Deannas face. In reality it was only a few hours. Then he felt his eyes
starting to droop with sheer exhaustion; he hadnt slept properly since Deanna
had been in Sickbay, which was now close to a week ago. He almost felt guilty
for being healthy whilst she lay close to death.

He folded his arms on the edge of Deannas bed and cradled his head in them. A
few moments later he was sound asleep. That dream, he was having that dream
again, standing in the cave. It was darker and smaller than before. He looked
around for Deanna. Where was she? He searched around desperately, and finally,
in the darkest corner he saw her, kneeling on the floor, her face in her hands.
She was wearing a flowing robe darker than the deepest black hole the
Enterprise had ever encountered. As he walked softly nearer, he heard her
gentle sobs. Deanna? He said tentatively, as if he wasnt sure it was her. He
knelt down in front of her and tried to lift her face upwards. Imzadi, whats
wrong?

She stopped crying and looked up at him, looking less than her usual vibrant
self. Will thought he had never seen her look so upset and scared. The fact
that this was a dream never seemed to occur to him, she was hurting and he
needed to help. He brushed away her tears, knowing she would talk without
further prompting.

Im dying. She said in a choked voice.

No. You are going to come out of this.

In a few hours it will all be over She said.

Will didnt think she was listening. Dont talk like that. You will recover. You
have to, I need you.

Death is so much easier than life... She suddenly decided to lie down on the
cold, damp floor of the cave.

He pulled her towards him, forcing her to face him. The Deanna I know wouldnt
just give up on life, shes a fighter, with the strongest spirit I have ever
known. Its one of the many things I love about her.

Youre wrong. Im so tired, I cant stay here any more. She closed her eyes and
fell against him. Holding her by the shoulders, he shook her until her eyes
opened again.

We can fight this, together. He insisted, brushing her dishevelled hair back
from her tear stained face. I love you, and I know you feel the same. Together
we can do anything, Imzadi. If you die, part of me dies too.

She looked back at him, struggling to keep her eyes open. Ill try, but don't
leave me, dont ever leave me again...

Ill be here. He kissed her softly to reassure her, hoping he had made a
difference.

It was then that he awoke, realising the whole exchange was a dream. He was
still in Sickbay, and Deanna was still unconscious. The first voice he heard
was Beverlys, she had obviously returned from the planet. Will, are you all
right? She demanded, running a medical tricorder over him. I came back from
Hoertan only to discover you telepathically linked to Deanna. I didnt know you
could still do that!

Im fine. He was surprised at this information. It was just like having a dream.
Are you sure I was....?

"Yes, and whether it's a coincidence or not, I don't know."

"What?"

"Deanna has shown remarkable improvement since I have been back. If she
continues to do so at the same rate, she could be back with us any minute! I
don't know what you did, but I certainly haven't given her anything recently."
Her voice was full of surprise and hope.

Will turned back to look at Deanna. "Come on Deanna, wake up..... I'm still
here Imzadi." Beverly looked unconvinced his words would have any effect, but
to everyone's amazement, the nurse announced that the readings were back to
normal, and the patient started to wake up.

The first person Troi saw when she opened her eyes was Will Riker. She knew he
had been with her all the time. Beverly smiled at her from behind Riker, but
Deanna only saw him. "Will...." She whispered, trying to sit up.

"Just stay there." Said Beverly, having experienced problems with Troi being
her patient in the past. "I want to find out what happened before you go
anywhere. How do you feel?"

"A bit groggy but otherwise I feel fine. How long have I been here?"

"A week." Replied Riker, knowing she would be horrified.

"A week? Then I don't want to occupy this bed any longer Doctor. I'm sure you
have other patients waiting." She said, looking for any excuse to leave.

"Why don't you just relax and let me check you're fit to leave." Said Beverly,
running the tricorder over her. "Well, you seem to be fine." She helped Deanna
to sit up, then met her pleading gaze. "All right, you can go, but I want you
to have plenty of rest. If any unusual symptoms return, I want you back in here
immediately."

Deanna smiled. "Of course. Thank you Doctor."

A clearly happy Riker put a protective arm around her. "I'll look after her,
don't worry"

Beverly nodded, knowing her patient was now in the best possible hands. "Let me
know if you need anything." She said to Deanna as the three of them walked in
the direction of the door. Then she made a hasty farewell as an injured Ensign
from Engineering was brought in.

Will and Deanna chose that moment to leave. I'm so glad you're back." He said
as they walked down the corridor. "There was a moment where I thought we would
never have another conversation. You really scared me."

"Even after our argument?"

"Let's forget about that for now, you need to have some rest, Doctor's orders."

She rolled her eyes in an exasperated expression. "Don't lecture me, I feel
fine. I really should go to the Bridge and assist the Captain

"Ah, the Captain." He said in a distinctly guilty tone.

"What happened?" They stepped out of the turbolift and walked down the
corridor. She had a feeling she wasn't going to like whatever was going to say.

He waited until they had entered her quarters. "Well, after you were beamed up
to sickbay, the Captain came in to find out how you were.

Deanna looked into his blue eyes, waiting. Go on.

Im not sure what happened, but I was so angry with him for letting you get
hurt. We argued about it, he smiled rather sheepishly, or rather, I was
shouting and he could hardly get a word in.

Will, She scolded. Maybe you were right, in a way, but then was not the right
time or place for such an argument. I suppose everyone in the room heard you.

He nodded. You have to understand, seeing you lying there like that when it
could have been prevented. I suppose I needed to blame someone, and Picard
happened to be the target.

She smiled. I understand, I probably would have done the same thing if our
positions were reversed.

He smiled back, then she felt a sudden rush of fear and sorrow in him. I
thought you were going to die hating me.

Deanna knew he meant it, and put her arms around him. I could never hate you,
not really. I knew deep down neither of us meant what we said before. Obviously
we have some issues to sort out, and it will not be easy making this transition
in our relationship, but it will be worth it. She kissed him softly then hugged
him. She felt tired, which annoyed her; after spending a week doing nothing,
she should have been full of energy.

Will noticed and stood up to leave. You need to rest, Ill see you in the
morning. Goodnight Imzadi.

It was only then that she noticed the tired circles under his eyes. She didnt
have to ask, she knew he had barely had any sleep in the last week, and despite
her tiredness, she jumped up to thank him before he could leave. You were there
for me, all the time and you even managed to use our bond to bring me back.
Thank you.

You know Id do anything for you. I missed you so much, I couldnt be anywhere
else whilst you were there. For all I knew, those could have been you last
moments of life. And I didnt intentionally enter your mind, I fell asleep and
had the strangest dream. I had no idea I was linked to you, I never knew I had
the ability.

You do, and as we grow closer in our relationship, it will become easier.

He smiled and said Goodnight Deanna, you really need to rest.

So do you. She returned. But I want you to stay here. I know it sounds silly,
but your presence makes me feel safer.

Its not silly at all. Id be happy to stay, and youre right, I need some sleep.
With that, he promptly walked over to the bed, dropped onto the near side and
fell asleep. Deanna smiled tiredly and followed his example.

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
(Emma, by Jane Austen).

Chapter 10

The following morning, the senior officers had a meeting in the Conference
Lounge to discuss the situation on the planet. Troi had insisted on attending,
and Riker had begrudgingly agreed. She wanted to find out what had happened in
her absence, feeling very out-of-touch, almost as if she had been on a holiday.

The Captain started the meeting by bringing them all up to date on the latest
events. He had managed to persuade the leader of the King's opposing group to
meet with himself and the King to discuss matters. The two men had come to an
agreement, with Picard's help, a compromise. The King had realised that he
needed to take into account what his people wanted, and their views were
represented by this "government", who were to become the King's new advisors.
Picard had agreed that this was a solution which suited everyone concerned, and
therefore the mission was essentially completed. There was no longer any need
for the Enterprise to stay there.

He sat down in his seat, Deanna noticed that he and Riker seemed to hold no
feelings of ill will towards each other after their disagreement. She reasoned
that Picard would have known that his First Officer needed to take out his
anger and frustration on someone at the time, and it turned out to be him. In
fact, the mood of the entire group seemed lighter and happier than usual. Maybe
they were pleased to see her back, and combined with the success of just
completing this current mission, it should not have been so surprising to her.

Picard then mentioned that their next assignment was to study a new nebula in a
nearby system, quite routine, and something that did not require the assistance
of most of the senior staff. They all seemed delighted at this news, a little
rest until Starfleet found a more challenging task. He dismissed his officers,
and they all left, with the exception of Riker and Troi, who obviously wanted
to talk to him privately.

"Captain." began Riker tentatively.

"Yes, Number One." Deanna stayed in her seat, trying not to smile. She had
decided that Will should be the one to approach the Captain with their request
and could sense how difficult he was finding the task. She, meanwhile, was
totally enjoying it.

"You said yourself that this will be a routine mission." He continued.

"That's right." The Captain said, puzzled as to where the conversation was
leading.

"Well, in my opinion, Sir, the Counsellor needs a break. She is exhausted after
all she has been through." He glanced at her and saw just the faintest hint of
a smile on her lips. Clearly she was not thinking the same thing the Captain
was. Will gave her a mock stern look then turned back to Picard. "I think you
will find that the CMO is also very adamant about that. Her recommendation was
a week's shore leave."

The Captain smiled and nodded at the Counsellor. "There is a planet which we
will be passing in about three days time which may interest you as a
destination. It is a beautiful planet, Neyton 6, the best way to describe it is
Risa without all the commercialisation, and the inhabitants are few and far
between. Most of the planet is deserted and it has such beautiful scenery."
Deanna smiled and stood up to join them.

"That sounds perfect. The less people I meet on shore leave, the better I feel
when I return." She poked Riker in his side, to remind him he hadn't finished
yet.

"Was there something else?" Picard asked after a few moments silence.

"Actually, there is. I don't feel happy about letting Deanna go on her own."

"I totally agree," Replied Picard "I will see if Mr Worf is free to go." He
tried to hide his amusement at the expressions on their faces.

"Actually, I was hoping you would allow me to go." Will said surprisingly
quickly, silently praying there would be no objections.

"I thought you would." He replied, giving neither a positive or negative
answer. "But I think the Counsellor should be the one to decide who goes with
her."

They both looked at the empath. She smiled slightly "Thank you Captain, I
thought you had both forgotten that I am the most important person in this
discussion. I don't think I need anyone else to come with me. It would be much
more peaceful if I went on my own." Riker couldn't quite work out if she was
serious or not and gave her a hurt look. "On the other hand, I have been saying
for months now that Will needs a break, so I suppose he could come along with
me, just in case there are any big, bad monsters down there I need to be
protected from!" She had made her point - she wasn't a helpless, weak woman who
needed looking after by a heroic man, but she did appreciate and enjoy his
company nonetheless.

The Captain stood there considering whether to say anything further to them.
Was there anything else he should know about? It was really none of his
business, and besides he would know soon enough. "Have a good time Number One,
Counsellor." He said, knowing they would. Deanna noted his curiosity directed
at her and Will, and wondered how many other crewmembers were feeling the same
way. They left the room with a happy feeling, knowing that in three days they
would be free from their duties and could spend some real uninterrupted time
together.

*****************

Later that day Deanna decided went to Ten Forward to meet with her best friend.
She realised it seemed like a long time since they had talked. The Doctor was
sat at her favourite table drinking a glass of the most peculiar coloured drink
she had ever seen. "One of Guinan's experiments." Beverly explained as Troi sat
down opposite her. "So," She said with a wicked grin, "Tell me. I want to know
everything."

Deanna returned her frank gaze "There's nothing to tell Beverly."

"Of course not," She said, sounding very unconvinced, "You're only going on
shore leave together right?"

"That's right."

Beverly put her glass down. "Deanna, I don't need your empathy to tell me
there's a lot more you're not telling me. And I saw how he didn't leave your
bedside when you were ill. He really missed you, I had never seen him act in
such a..."

"What?" Prompted Deanna, eager for her to continue.

"Well, such a besotted, lovesick way. You have been ill in sickbay before, and
he was concerned then, but this time it went beyond that. So don't try telling
me you don't know what I am talking about."

Deanna looked down, unsure of what to tell her best friend. "We have been
rather more intimate than usual." She said carefully and slowly.

Beverly sighed, Deanna knew she thrived on all the little details. "Are you two
back together?"

"Yes, we are, and I know that makes me look a little silly after what I told
you about it being over between us, it wasn't."

"And?"

"And what?" She replied with a smile.

"Are you happy?" She knew the answer. Deanna was almost visually radiating
happiness!

"Oh Beverly, he makes me feel so wonderful, so alive. We wasted so much time,
but now I know we needed to build on our friendship to make our current
relationship even better."

"Does it compare to the time you were together before on Betazed?" Wondered the
Doctor.

"It may sound unbelievable, but it's better, a lot better in some ways." She
said with a meaningful look. "I can only think this is because we are both
older, more mature and more experienced at handling relationships." She laughed
"Him more than me! I think we both want a more long term commitment than we did
then, and we can achieve a balance between our personal and professional
lives." Beverly sat back in her chair, feeling a little subconscious about
counselling the Counsellor.

"You really love him don't you?"

"Yes, and his love for me is the strongest emotion I have ever sensed. It's a
bit overwhelming sometimes." She admitted.

"Well then, if you love him so much, I don't understand how you could work
together for so long and have a platonic relationship. I know if our positions
had been reversed I would not have been able to keep my distance like that."
Deanna's expression revealed there was something she had not told her friend.
"What happened? Why didn't you tell me?" She found it hard to believe she had
kept a secret for so long.

Deanna lowered her voice. "I have never told anyone about this because I was
ashamed. I'm the Counsellor, someone who is supposed to be in control of her
feelings and definitely her actions."

Beverly leaned forward, her curiosity rising considerably, eyes wide in
anticipation. "Go on."

Deanna shook her head "You don't need to know all the little details."

Beverly grinned "Yes I do! In confidence, of course." This was obviously
something Deanna did not want the whole ship to know.

"Of course. You know Will and I have been very close over the years we have
served together on this ship, and I never could quite consider the relationship
platonic, which may sound strange to you."

"Not at all." Said the Doctor, remembering all the times she had seen them
exchange glances, hugs and kisses. They had never made a secret of their
affections.

"I could at times sense how he really felt, but he never really pressured me
about the situation, with one or two exceptions. He was very good at hiding how
he felt, even from me. A look or a comment was sometimes enough to break
through that barrier he had somehow put up to prevent me knowing how deeply he
felt, maybe he denied it to himself as well. I think it was quite difficult to
begin with, especially as our quarters are so close, we could hardly avoid each
other. I felt angry then. He did not feel our relationship was important enough
for him to meet me on Risa, then just after I had finally dealt with the fact
that it was all over, there he was again. I knew I could have taken him back,
but it would have been to easy for him to hurt me again. Maybe I was wrong,
perhaps being together on the ship would have made him make more of a
commitment, but I was hurt and angry. I didn't want to give him the
satisfaction of seeing that I still wanted him."

"And did you?"

Deanna sighed. "What do you think? I seriously considered falling to the ground
and begging him to take me back, but I had too many doubts. Will is not a
predictable man, and I knew there were plenty of other potential relationships
just waiting out there. My job on the Enterprise was the most important one I
had ever had, I didn't want to do anything to jeopardise it. But now I think
things are a little different.

Beverly realised that Deanna still hadnt told her what happened and gently
reminded her of the fact.

Deanna lowered her voice. It was one of those relaxed evenings in Ten Forward,
we spent all evening here, just talking and enjoying each others company. She
paused, remembering how he had made her laugh with his impressions of the
Captain. We were both having fun. Neither of us wanted to part company when
Guinan threw us out because we stayed so late, so we went to his quarters. I
knew that it was a mistake to go in there, but a part of me was curious and I
followed him in. We talked for a while longer until I realised how late it was.
But I did not feel tired, and all thoughts of sleeping left my head when he
stopped talking and kissed me. I knew I could have left then, as I did once
before after a poker game. This time was different, he was too irresistible and
my rational thoughts only returned afterwards. I always knew the chemistry
between us was strong, but that night it was too strong to fight. Maybe I
didn't make much of an attempt to fight it, neither did he. It was a
wonderfully passionate night, one to remember, but in the morning we both
agreed to forget that it had happened. I think it frightened both of us, how
easy it had been for us to fall into that situation. Neither of us felt ready
to commit to a relationship then, so the best solution was to forget it
happened. I can still remember that night with such vividness, like it happened
yesterday." She drifted off into the memory.

Beverly smiled. "Something very similar probably did happen yesterday!"

Deanna nodded with a smile. "Beverly, tell me something. How many men have you
really loved? I mean really loved, with all your heart."

Beverly frowned in thought. "Jack, I loved him with every inch of my being, and
Odan too. Ronin captivated my heart for a while, but neither of those two come
anywhere near to what I felt for Jack."

"What about the Captain?" Deanna said, noting the obvious omission.

Beverly grimaced. "I have asked myself that same question for a long time. He
told me that he loved me, he doesn't love me now, he loved me in the past."

Deanna added "I think he does still love you, but it's up to you now. He told
you how he felt, and he feels the situation is in your control now."

Beverly admitted "I know, but at the moment I am comfortable with our
relationship the way it is now. What about you?" She said, eager to change the
subject.

Deanna hardly thought about her answer. "I think I can honestly say that Will
is the only man I have ever really loved."

"What about Devonini Ral, and that doctor you nearly married, what was his
name...?" Beverly couldn't quite remember.

"Wyatt." Deanna said. "I think I could have grown to love him, but we didn't
spend enough time together to find out. As for Ral, well, I thought I loved him
until I realised that he had used his empathic powers to attract me."

Beverly nodded, "And he used them against Will in the negotiations." She
smiled. "Jean Luc told me that you revealed Ral's deception only moments after
Riker thought he had lost the rights to the wormhole."

Deanna laughed at the memory of the look on Riker's face before she told them
all about the empathy. "Beverly, you know if anyone else had been negotiating
in place of Will, I would still have revealed Ral's secret."

"Would you?" Beverly wasn't sure that was true.

The empath chose to ignore the last comment. "I suppose I still love Thomas,
but not as much as Will. I had been serving with Will for six years when Thomas
came along. Tom reminded me more of the Riker that Will was when we were
together on Betazed. I really tried to concentrate on him and forget about
Will, but I couldn't. The more time I spent with Tom, the more I wished he was
Will."

Beverly was not entirely surprised at this revelation. "Did Thomas know?"

"I think he suspected something from the beginning, but decided to make the
best of the time we had together. I don't regret it. Now there's not much of a
chance that I will see him again." She tried to visualise poor Tom locked in a
Cardassian prison. She wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy.

"What if he is released or escapes?" Beverly wondered if her friend had
considered that possibility.

"He knows I will always be here for him."

"What about Will? Would he mind you seeing Thomas again?"

"I don't see why he should have a problem with that. Tom will need to talk to
someone if he ever escapes from that place, and if that someone he chooses is
me, I won't turn him away."

Beverly smiled at her friend's kindness. "I hope you and Will are very happy
together." She smiled. "Although I think you may have upset most of the young
male ensigns on board. Did you know they....."

Deanna interrupted, turning a barely noticeable shade of red "Yes, I know.
They'll just have to shift their attentions on to someone else, you would be
the next likely target."

"Don't be silly."

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you when they all invent symptoms just to see
you in person!"

Beverly couldn't quite tell if she was joking or not. "I'll send them to see
the Ship's Counsellor if they complain about symptoms they are not actually
experiencing!" She replied.

Deanna laughed "I thought you would send them to the Captain for lying to a
senior officer!"

They continued talking for hours, until Beverly realised how much time had
passed. "I'm sorry to have to leave, but it's getting late and I promised I
would have dinner with the Captain."

Deanna's eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me that before?" She smiled "Have a
good time, and I will probably see you tomorrow before we go on duty." She
stopped. "Unless of course you're too busy having breakfast with the Captain!"

"I'll let you know." Replied the Doctor with a smile, before rushing out.
"Bye!"

And what is bettre than wisedoom? Womman. And what is bettre than a good
womman? Nothyng. (The Tale of Melibee, by Geoffrey Chaucer, approx 1386).

Chapter 11

The Counsellor smiled and walked towards the large familiar doors of Ten
Forward. She wondered where Will was. He usually could be found in Ten Forward
in the evenings, it was strange that she and Beverly had been in there for
hours and not seen him. "Computer, locate Commander Riker." She said as she
stepped off the turbolift. "Commander Riker is in his quarters."

She frowned, how often in the last seven years had she received that same
response and wondered who he was with? She walked up to his door and told
herself that she was being paranoid. Why would he be with anyone else? Pressing
the door chime, she half prepared herself for a shock.

"Just a minute." Came Will's voice. Moments later he stood in the doorway.
"Deanna!" He said, obviously surprised to see her there.

"Can I come in?" She said, wondering why he was blocking the doorway.

There's no point in lying to an empath. He reminded himself. "No, you can't.
Not at the moment." He wasn't going to offer a further explanation. "Go and
change into something more comfortable." He said, regarding her uniform. "Then
come back."

"Will..." Deanna complained, she was not in the mood for his word games.

He pointed towards her quarters. "Just go, you won't regret it."

She sighed, trying to work out what he was up to. "I'll be back soon then, but
this had better be worth it." He grinned that smile that said more than a
thousand words. She went to her quarters, trying to think what she should wear.

Finally, having decided on a blue dress, she made her way back to Riker's door.
His appreciative smile when he saw her made her realise that she had chosen an
outfit similar to the one she had worn on their last day together on Betazed
all those years ago. There was something to be said about the subconscious mind
revealing your true inner feelings. She noted that he was wearing his favourite
off-duty blue outfit. "Am I allowed to come in now?" She asked.

"Of course." He said with a grin. She sensed his anticipation even before she
heard it in his voice.

Deanna gasped in surprise. In front of her was a table laden with all her
favourite dishes, and she could tell these weren't straight from the
replicator. "You cooked all this, for me?" She said, turning back to face him,
wondering how she could have suspected that he had been with another woman
earlier.

He nodded "I hope you're hungry!"

She kissed him briefly "Thank you." He led her over to the table and pulled out
a chair. It was then that she noticed the roses and candles in the centre of
the table. There is something he's not telling me. She thought to herself,
wishing she knew what. As they began eating, it suddenly became clear when she
thought of the significance of a romantic meal and candles and flowers on his
home planet, Earth. He wants to propose! She thought, the very idea made her
start coughing.

Will looked up in concern. "Deanna, are you all right? Do you want some water?"

She was starting to turn a nasty shade of red. "No, I'm fine." She said, when
she finally stopped coughing. He still looked concerned, but she had no way of
knowing if her suspicions were correct. Was he really planning to make such a
large commitment so soon? Deanna realised that her recent brush with death had
something to do with it. She gently reached out with her mind, trying to find
out what he was feeling without him noticing. He feels happy. She thought,
which wasn't much help. She knew that already! Then she felt a glimmer of
anticipation from him. She looked across at him and wondered what she would
say. She knew what she wanted to say, but it would break his heart. I'm not
going to say no forever, we just don't need to rush things. She thought,
realising he would expect a fuller explanation than that.

"Deanna, are you probing me?" He asked, they were obviously a lot closer than
she had thought if he had noticed.

"Me?" She said innocently, wondering how to change the subject. "You know, this
was a wonderful idea Will, thank you."

He smiled. "I'm glad you like it. Here, have some more of this." He gestured to
a dish full of a delicious Alaskan salad. "You've hardly eaten anything."

If he's going to propose, the last thing on my mind would be my stomach! She
thought. "No thanks, I've had enough. It was wonderful though, really." It
should not have come as such a shock to her, she supposed. He really didn't
want to loose her this time, and marriage would mean that if either of them
were suddenly reassigned, the other one would be allowed to go too. Deanna
wondered if she was really fit to be a Captain's wife. Will had always wanted
to be a Captain, and if he had really turned down the various promotions over
the years just to stay on the Enterprise to be with her, he realised that if
they were married, Starfleet would make a position available on Riker's new
ship for her, there would be no reason to turn down a promotion. Unless, of
course, she turned him down. How could she end a perfect evening that way? She
sat back in her chair, watching him finish the food on his plate. The silence
wasn't uncomfortable, it was a sure sign they were happy together and didn't
need words all the time. She smiled, admiring the way the flickering
candlelight fell across his face, highlighting his features.

Having finished his meal, he stood up and began clearing the empty dishes into
the nearby recycler. Deanna stood up to assist, but he insisted that she stay
in her seat. "Beverly told you that you need rest, and I intend to see that you
get some!" He glanced in her direction. "And there's something I want to talk
to you about..."

She cringed inwardly, wishing the ground could swallow her up. She half thought
of inventing an excuse to leave, but that would be cruel. I'll just have to
face up to this, tell him how I feel. She thought.

"But before that, I have a special treat for my Imzadi..." He continued,
oblivious to her discomfort. He carried a covered dish over and set it down in
the middle of the now clear table.

It was a welcome distraction to Deanna, "What is it?" Smiling, he gestured that
she should lift the lid to find out for herself. She did so and smiled widely
in gratitude. "Double chocolate mousse with fudge sauce and cream!"

He handed her a spoon, laughing. "I knew you'd prefer this to the main course!"

Joining in his laughter, she fed him a spoonful of the dessert. "Am I really so
predictable?"

"Yes you are! Why do I get to taste this first? Don't you want any?"

Deanna grinned. "Yes, but I'm just checking it's edible. I haven't forgotten
the last time you cooked for me!" He gave her a hurt look and tried to
playfully hit her, but she moved out of her seat too quickly. He went after
her, both of them laughing with the silliness of what they were doing. Deanna
was more agile than he was, and she successfully avoided him for several
minutes.

Eventually she found herself cornered. "There's no way out now!" Will said,
slowly walking towards her, smiling. Deanna wasn't so sure, and opted to dive
on to the floor and crawl away. For a moment she thought she had been
successful, and started to stand up. Then she sensed how close he was behind
her. She felt his hands on her shoulders. He turned her over to face him and
held her arms. "Now," He said in a mock serious voice. "I think you should
apologise to the chef."

"And what if I don't want to?" She challenged, breathing slightly more heavily
than usual.

"I have my ways of making you do things!" She giggled as he tickled her sides,
trying to push him off her, but he was too heavy.

"Stop!" She laughed, trying to think of a more effective way to beat him. One
of her arms was suddenly free, and she pulled his face towards hers, hoping she
could stop laughing long enough to initiate a kiss. She did, and he stopped
tickling her, instead he started moving his hands slowly upwards, sending a
wonderful feeling of warmth over her entire body.

Softly he whispered in her ear. "I don't know how I lived without you for so
long."

She smiled and attempted to stand up, knowing they had to talk. If they carried
on, they wouldn't have time for talking seriously, their minds would be
elsewhere. "Will, we need to talk." She said, wanting to get it over with.

But he clearly had other things on his mind. "We can talk later..." He pulled
her back down, but she knew she couldn't carry on, not when she knew he was
going to propose.

"We can do this later too." She said, wishing she could forget about it.

He sighed, wishing she hadn't forced him into asking. He had been waiting for