The Smile

Author: D. Destiny

Setting: anywhere, but not without canon clashes
Rating: PG-13 for implications
Codes: T, R --Imzadi
A/N: I wrote this story last night, listening to the sober music
programs on tv (our Queen Mother died) and the storm outside...it's
strange, inconclusive, short and without real plot, but I hope
you'll enjoy it :)
Don't be fooled by the title though.

~The Smile~

"Deanna?" A slightly worried baritone voice called from the
blackness, resounding through her mind as a low whale song through
water. She tried to raise herself up but the effects of hours upon
hours of meditative trance had left her muscles utterly relaxed and
a turn of her head was the best she could do.

She could feel the worry and slight puzzlement from her visitor as
clearly as her own emotions. When her mind was this raw with such
intense emotions her shields failed. "Deanna?" She closed her eyes
and did not answer, unsure if she wanted him to find her or not.

Quiet thuds told her that he was approaching her and in response she
opened her eyes and held her breath. There wasn't a spark of light
in the room, absolutely nothing for her eyes to lock on. The
blackness as suffocating as the emotions that had wrapped themselves
around her heart and she welcomed it, allowing the blackness and
despair to overwhelm her. Her soul revelled painfully in the hurt,
almost sadistic in its passionate flight.

"Imzadi." Her soul dropped brutually back into her body, bringing an
end to the languid, almost detached, enjoyment of despair and once
again setting off the sharp pain that was busy slicing her heart to
shreds. She forced herself to remain quiet on the small mediation
board, keeping her breathing shallow and slow in spite of feeling
like screaming until she was heard in the far edges of the Galaxy
and beyond.

"Computer," he was going to fill the emptiness, the darkness around
her, she knew. She just wished he could do the same to the darkness
inside of her, but this time even his help wouldn't be enough. "Turn
on the lights at 10% intensity." Deanna closed her eyes again,
keeping herself within blackness for a little while longer, unable
to face reality just yet. "Deanna."

"Will." She acknowledged the faceless voice, keeping still. His need
to touch her was palpable to her but she couldn't handle -his- touch
together with the pain. His hand hoovered above her, she could feel
the warmth it radiated in her cold world. It reminded her of the
unique warmth she had felt for the past two days, her heart bleeding
anew.

"I want to help." Help? There was no help; there was only blackness.
Blackness and despair and pain and loneliness. It was all there was
and it was all she could handle. It was all she wanted to handle.
The perfect balance; days of intense happiness followed by days of
despair. Emotions of love followed by those of grief. Action and
reaction. Cause and effect. The Galaxy at its best, almost poetic in
its mix of joy and pain. Almost beautiful.

"I'm fine." And she was. The tiredness of her body and the aching of
her heart were dulling the memories and her senses. It
was...peaceful. So painfully peaceful that it could only be
expressed in tears. A smile crept up inside her, turning the corners
of her lips up. This was what it was, no more fighting, no more
knives through her heart, just this black peace.

"Imzadi, you have to stay here." Why? What was there for her outside
the blackness? "I am." The voice answered her thoughts, soft with
tenderness...with love. Yes, there was love for her but that wasn't
enough anymore. Love didn't mean peace. It wasn't the languid
feeling she had now, the feeling that she was floating in the
afterglow of passion.

Yes, that was what it felt like; exhausted passion. The last breaths
of peace, the last whisps of light, the last flicker of the eternal
flame, Galaxy's final smile. "Stay with me." The loving voice
coaxed, urgency creeping into its deep tone and she felt tempted to
open her eyes, just for a second. A look at him, at love, at the
world she had known.

Instead she exhaled, breathing out the last of her worries and
doubts and all there was left, was a final heartbeat and the smile
on her lips.

end