Author: Deanna K

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: The characters, ships, and jargon belong to Paramount. "Somewhere Out There" belongs to Universal Pictures...I think. The story belongs to me.

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I was eight years old when my mother and I went to live on board the USS Enterprise-D. My father is an engineer and my mother and I were excited to be able to live with him on board a ship. She quickly got a position as a teacher in the school on the ship; she had been a private tutor for years.

I find myself remembering these things tonight as I watch the group of people have dinner, talking. All I can tell myself tonight is, “Deanna, how could you have been so stupid.” You see, I fell in love with someone who could never belong to me.

We had not been on board for long the first time I saw him. I can’t tell you if it had been weeks or months but I had not yet celebrated my first birthday on the Enterprise, so I know it was less than 3 months. My class was in the arboretum and he came in escorting a small group of people on a tour. Don’t ask me who they where or what they looked like, all I remember is seeing the most handsome man I had ever seen walk in through the door.

Now, at 8, I was not like most of the other kids my age. I fully understood that boys did not have “boy germs,” or “cooties,” as some called them, that would get on me and do who knows what. I knew that one day when I was an adult I would meet a man and he would be handsome and make me happy. We would get married and have babies, though how that process worked had not occurred to me to ask. But I guess that at eight years old, it really was for the best.

So here I was, suppose to be listening to my teacher talk about some flowers and plants and all I cold do was stare at this man. I remember asking the girl standing next to me if she knew who he was. I was so enchanted by him that I don’t even remember who I asked, I know it was a girl since I always stuck to my group of friends, all girls. It would be days until I spotted him again. This time I was in luck. My father and I were going to our quarters. He had stopped by the school to pick me up before going home. We were waiting for the turbolift, and when it opened to let us in, He walked out of it. I followed his every moment with my eyes as I stood there besides my dad. We went in and I got to glance at him stop to talk to someone just before the door closed. When the lift began moving I asked my dad who that was. “That is Commander Riker, the executive officer,” he told me. I had lots of questions but I couldn’t form any words to ask them. I now had a name, sort of. It didn’t take me too long to make up an excuse to go on the computer that night and find out all I could about him, which was only his name, William, and his birthday, and that he was second in command since I had restricted access. That night I went to bed thinking about him, about William.

Being a kid, you can imagine that my daily activities didn’t include spending time on the bridge or anywhere Commander Riker would be. But one day I got lucky. My father had to work a double shift and my mother had a lot of work to grade because grades were due soon. We had become friends with Guinan and my mom had mentioned to her during dinner in Ten Forward that she hoped I could be quiet and entertain myself for a couple of hours so she could finish her work. Guinan offered to keep an eye on me that evening. My mom left to do her work and I sat at the bar eating an ice cream sundae. The doors opened and I saw Him come in. I could not help the smile on my face. He sat at the bar, on the other end, and I saw him order a drink and drink it. After a while he went up on the stage with the other musicians that had arrived and picked up an instrument, a trombone, and began playing. I can’t imagine what I looked like staring at him when Guinan came over and said, “You like jazz?” I do now, I thought to myself.

That is how I spent that first year on the Enterprise, hoping to see him, and trying to find out as much as I could about him. Guinan became a regular “sitter” for me in the evenings two or three times a week, and I found that Will, that’s how he liked being called, spent a lot of time in Ten Forward. Guinan put me to work, well, kind of. I put cups and glasses away behind the bar and wiped off tables and the bar whenever people left. That is also where I found out about Deanna Troi. I had met Counselor Troi shortly after we came onboard and had spoken to her a couple of times. She seemed nice and I liked her. Then I overheard a conversation between the two of them. I was arranging some things under the bar so they had no idea I was there. There really wasn’t anything for me to do there, rearranging was a better word for what I was doing, but I wanted to hear him speak, learn more about him. She had come to sit next to him and they started talking about things I didn’t understand. Things were amazing in the “Jalara Jungle” and “Imzadi” were the ones that stood out. I snooped around to find out what they were. The cultural database crushed me. “Imzadi” was a beautiful concept and it is forever. Jalara Jungle is an exotic jungle on Betazed. From that day on I hated Counselor Troi. And how dare she have my name!

When I was ten years old I was finally big enough physically to learn to play the trombone. I was a kid, naïve, and thought that maybe, maybe, one day…

I was eleven the first time he spoke to me. He had seen me in Ten Forward for over three years, and I often cleaned his spot on the bar when he would come in and sit down. He just about ignored me. But on this day, as I wiped the bar he looked at me and asked, “Where is Guinan?” I was stunned. He spoke to me. He asked me a question. Oh no! What did he ask??? He gave me a smile and I melted. “You’re not in trouble,” he said, “I just need to speak to her.” I have no idea what I muttered, but I said something and got Guinan. I had fluttering butterflies in my stomach for the rest of the evening.

As I grew older, I became more aware of my feelings towards Will. I knew I had a big time crush on him and that his simple smile was enough to make the universe feel right, and enough to make me weak in the knees and give me the most sensational fluttery feeling in my stomach. Guinan also started to allow me to spend more time in Ten Forward. I began serving drinks to guests at the bar and spent most of my evenings there after I had finished my homework. Sure, there were other kids my age on board, but I had begun this secret, one sided affair and I had no interest in ending it. Will became my priority, even though he had no idea I was even there most of the time. He spoke to me on occasion now that I was there more often. Usually just asking for a drink or if I’d seen someone, but it was enough.

I hated most of the female ensigns on board. Too often Will would walk in and sit at a table with some females and flirt to no end, sometimes leaving with one. I wished it would be me he was talking to, me he was leaving with. Then, when I was old enough to understand, I figured out what it was they were probably going to do when they left, I could feel myself going into great jealousy. And whenever I saw Counselor Troi I would remember that conversation I had overheard and hated her for having had such an experience with the one I wanted.

The crash of the Enterprise was devastating to me. I was 14 and my parents had begun talking to me about the future. Was I going to go to the Academy? What were my plans? I had none. I had not thought of anything other than Will. I wanted to be wherever he was. I didn’t care what I was doing, I just wanted to be with Him. My father ended up being posted on the Enterprise-E and I begged him to let me go with him, my mother had decided to continue teaching on Earth. This Enterprise was not a ship that carried as many civilians and there would be nothing for me to do. But if there is one thing I’m good at is convincing my dad of stuff. I spoke to Guinan and she told me that there was a Ten Forward lounge that she would be working at and I was welcomed to help. So I got to go to the Enterprise, to Will.

I never told anyone that I loved Will. I never dated, though I was asked on several occasions. I wanted nothing with any boy or man. I wanted Will. Guinan must have figured it out because she always gave me this peculiar look every time Will came into Ten Forward.

Since there were less people on board and I was much older, Will began asking me questions, usually just asking how I was and then letting me know what he wanted. I always wanted to start an actual conversation with him, tell him that I play the trombone too. I would never tell him that I am a much better player than he, but tell him that I can hold my own in a jam session. I never had the courage. Just his smile made me fall apart, his eyes made me want to get lost in them forever.

Then there was the Ba’ku. I hate them. Well, I guess not the people, but their planet, or Admiral Dougherty, or the Son’a, or someone! Whoever was responsible for the Enterprise going to that place. After it was over they were back together. Will was very much in love with Deanna, but it wasn’t the right Deanna, it wasn’t me.

I considered leaving at this point. I was almost 20 and I had grown to love Will. Yes, I love him. How can I love someone whom I’ve never had a conversation with? I don’t know, but I know I would do anything for him, do anything that made him happy. I have spent a lot of time reading literary works from all sorts of different planets and I have come to understand love quite well, even if I have never been kissed. I love Will and I wanted him to be happy. He was very happy with that Deanna and I would never do anything to interfere. His happiness has always been much more important than mine. I was the youngest person on board and I had no friends other than Guinan and two ensigns who would speak to me in Ten Forward and occasionally invite me to spend time with them on the holodeck. The only reason I had stayed on this ship was to be with Will, and I had very obviously lost him, not that I ever had him. But I also didn’t know what I was going to do. I had spent my whole teenage life working at a bar, fantasizing about the ship’s executive officer. The prospect of going somewhere like the Academy or a university was very frightening for me. I didn’t get the experience Wesley Crusher had. He got to serve while he studied. I don’t have that kind of genius. Even though my dad is a very respectable engineer, I couldn’t tell you what anything in engineering is other than the warp core. It was sad to realize that I was nobody, nothing. Most of my life I had spent pursuing a fantasy.

I tried to speak to Guinan, but I didn’t want to admit I was so vain and childish and I had done everything for a fantasy. She got Counselor Troi to speak to me, I know it was set up even though it seemed like she “casually” came in during the middle of the day when it was usually quite empty. Yeah, I’m not that stupid. Of course, I hate her and I could not talk to her. But she did quite a bit of talking. She told me that it took some people much longer to find themselves. She also told me that dreams and fantasies were a good thing as long as we weren’t hurting anyone. At this point I knew for a fact that she knew I had a thing for her man and that Guinan had been the one to tell. I ended the conversation with “I have to go,” and left for our quarters. At 20 I was still living with my dad.

I decided to stay. I began taking classes remotely from a university on Earth, staying as a punishment to myself for being stupid. I began to feel depressed, and could only smile when I saw Will. God, I could be feeling like scum and his smile would brighten my day! Guinan must have noticed and she tried speaking to me about it several times but I didn’t want to talk about it. She had Counselor Troi speak to me but the result was the same. I soon figured out they wanted to get rid of me, have me go and “live.” But I had done nothing wrong and the only way to get me off the ship would be if the captain said I had to go. He wasn’t going to do that. He liked having a personal secretary of sorts. I would deliver PADDs for him and to him as well as remind him of appointments, and keep his ready room clean. I didn’t mind it, and it kept me here, where it was familiar and safe.

And when things couldn’t get any worst, he proposed to her. My heart sank and I cried that night. But I was wrong, things could get much worst. He was given his own command. He was leaving the Enterprise, with his new wife, and there was no way I could go. It was over.

That’s when I plunged into a depression. They are having a wedding on Earth and that is where I will be staying. I just can’t stay in this place with all these memories, this fantasy.

So there you have it, I have spent the last 15 years in love with a man that has never said more than a few words to me. Tonight they are having a dinner here in Ten Forward, the wedding is tomorrow. I am here, as a server of course. I serve not only the love of my life but his wife to be as well. I see the eight of them, Wesley has come for the wedding, and I know that they know nothing about me. They have no idea why I have stuck around, why I am leaving. They probably don’t even care. My heart aches as I watch them and I have to keep escaping into the galley to wipe away the tears I simply can’t hold back. I have packed my bags and tomorrow while they are celebrating, I will be settling into my new room in my mom’s apartment.

The dinner is winding down and I begin picking up empty glasses and dirty napkins and bring back some more. I am standing behind the bar, putting some things away, and am noticing Wesley walking over towards the bar. He has definitely changed since the last time I saw him. He still looked like a kid, but now he looks older and is definitely good looking.

“Hi, I’m Wesley,” he tells me.

“I know,” is all I can answer, my heart still aching as I try to give him a smile.

“You look familiar, have we met?”

“You tutored me in math a couple of times,” I answer, still trying to maintain my smile as I see Will kiss her, again.

“Yes, I remember you now!” he says excitedly. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”

“Deanna,” I answer.

“You were very small, you’ve stayed here all these years?”

“Yup, all 15,” I tell him. Why is he talking to me? What makes me so interesting all of a sudden? I’ve been on this particular ship for seven years and no one besides Guinan and the two ensigns have ever found me interesting enough to approach me to simply talk. What he wants will be coming soon, he’s just making small talk. I’m sure of it.

“Are you going to be at the wedding tomorrow?”

I’m a little confused by the question but I answer, “No, the location has their own caterers and Guinan is a guest.”

“I meant if you are going to attend, as a guest.”

“Oh, no. I wasn’t actually invited. Besides, I won’t know anyone other than Guinan.”

“Wait, you’ve been on board as long as the rest of the senior staff and you say you won’t know anyone?”

“The senior staff will be busy, and I’ve never really spoken to any of them. I mean, not about anything other than their drinks. The one I have spoken to the most would be Captain Picard, but he will be quite busy, I’m sure.”

“You’ll know me.”

“Even though we know each other from a long time ago I feel like I just met you.” I see the senior staff are beginning to stand, they are going to leave and I will need to pick things up. There are only two servers tonight with Guinan so we will have to clean everything up on our own.

“Then we can get to know each other. I won’t be doing anything tomorrow before the wedding. Maybe we can get something to eat and catch up?”

Did he just say he wants to spend time with me? I’m confused, guys stopped asking me to spend time with them a long time ago, right about the time the old Enterprise was destroyed. But I have no time to think about that right now, I need to go clean up.

“Sure,” I just want a way out so I can go back to busying myself and not think of Will.

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he tells me as he walks out with his mother and the captain. Everyone is slowly leaving and Guinan and the other server have already begun cleaning up. I go to the table to help and notice the volume in the room go almost silent with just the clanking of glasses and our cleaning. I turn to take some things back to the bar when I notice Will and her talking silently at the bar. I take a deep breath as I go around the bar to take the stuff in my arms to the back. I come back out and they both smile at me so I’m forcing myself to smile back, my heart feels as if someone has grabbed it and is squeezing it with all their might.

We are finally done with the tables and the only thing left is to wipe down the counter. Guinan tells me she needs to go take care of something; she has already let the other server go. To my horror, I will be left alone with Will and Counselor Troi. I agree to finish up, what choice do I have, which means sticking around until the couple decides to leave and wiping down the bar before leaving myself. I go behind the bar and find the furthest part from where they are sitting and occupy myself with rearranging stuff.

“Deanna?” Will says. Oh, how I love how my name sounds when he says it. But it’s also her name. He is most likely talking to her so I don’t turn or acknowledge the call.

“Deanna?” I hear again, this time from Counselor Troi. This time I know I’m being called so I turn and walk over to them, putting on a smile.

“I’m sorry,” I say as I am approaching them, “what can I get for you?” Will is smiling. Why is he smiling??? Please stop, don’t you know that I just want to melt when you do that? Why are you so damn sexy!?

“I hear you are staying on Earth,” says the counselor.

“Yes.” Why are people talking to me now? And why does it have to be when my heart is so torn?

“A lot of us will be leaving soon, too,” she says with a smile.

“I know,” I say, and realize that I have never congratulated them. I really don’t want to but I know it’s the right thing to do, the right thing to say, so I add, “Congratulations, on everything.” I manage to smile despite suddenly feeling like running into the galley and crying. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.

“We wanted to say thank you…” she says.

“No problem, just doing my job,” I reply quickly. I am not used to talking to people like this and I’m sure that cutting her off before she could finish was probably not the best thing to do in a conversation.

They both smile and this encounter is feeling torturous. Aren’t there laws about the treatment of prisoners?? I feel like a prisoner right now, trapped in this conversation that is making me feel absolutely horrible.

“Can you come around?” Huh? What? I’m a bar tender; I tend to the bar from behind the counter. I’ve never been in front of Will without the counter as a barrier. I can’t do that, I can’t! I must have shown my panic because she gives me another smile.

“Come, we don’t bite.” Damn! I don’t need to show anything, she’s an empath, she knows exactly how I feel! I slowly start to make my away to the other side and I hope that the captain will call a red alert that will send them running out. As I am approaching them there is no red alert. I’m stuck.

I stand before both of them. They are still sitting on the stools, they have simply turned around. I can feel my heart in my throat, it is pounding really hard and I can’t remember ever feeling like this. I am terrified but at the same time his eyes and smile make me want to melt.

“Thank you for being very mature. You are very brave,” she says. I don’t understand what she is talking about. I give her a confused look, but I’m sure she can sense it.

“I know this has been very hard for you. I wish you would have let me help you.”

Ok, now I’m lost. What is she talking about? She can’t be talking about my feelings towards Will, the man that will be her husband in less than 24 hours. She can’t be talking about my feelings towards the man standing right in front of me! No, she can’t be that evil.

“I know that there are people who would have made their feelings known and would have done anything in their power to break us up, to get what they want. That was very mature of you.”

She is pure evil.

“I’m curious,” Will says. No, don’t be. I will just die if you start asking me questions!

“When did you first start feeling this way?” I know I must have turned some bright shade of red and I feel like I’m going to pass out.

“You’re not in trouble and we aren’t mad at you,” she says. Yeah, because that makes me feel sooo much better. “We just want to help you. Even though you’ve never actually had a relationship I can tell by the way you’ve been feeling that this is just like breaking up with someone you’ve had a relationship with.”

At these words I begin to cry. I hate myself for being so emotional right now. My first break up and it’s with someone that has said more to me in the past 10 minutes than the whole 15 years I’ve been on the same ship with him. How can I be so stupid? I don’t know why, but I begin talking, answering his question.

“I was eight years old,” I am managing between sobs. “You were the most handsome man I had ever seen, clean shaven with the most amazing smile.” I am sobbing more now, as I remember the chain of events. “You flirted with every girl in Ten Forward and I rarely got more than an ‘I’ll have…’ from you. And I found out about you two and knew I would never have you. But I couldn’t leave you, I couldn’t! No matter how bad I’ve felt, your smile has always made things better. And when the ship was destroyed I couldn’t imagine not coming to where you were.” Why can’t I stop crying!?! “Then the Ba’ku came around. I wanted to leave after that but I realized that I couldn’t function at the Academy or a university. I have no social skills. I had spent 10 years behind a bar and never made any friends other than Guinan. Even on the old Enterprise I didn’t have many friends. I stayed because I knew there was nothing for me to do on Earth and here at least I would get to see your smile whenever I was feeling sad. But now you are leaving and it’s over. It’s over and it never even started. I’ve loved you for 15 years and I could never do anything to make you unhappy. You are happy now and I… I…” I can’t go on, I don’t even know what else to say. I am crying like a maniac and I have no reason to. I brought this all on to myself. I feel my body start to tremble. She gets up and is now leading me to the stool she was sitting on.

“It took a lot of courage to admit all those things,” she says in a kind voice. How can she be so damn calm and kind? I just told her that I am in love with her financé. My eyes are a blur, they are filled with tears that won’t stop flowing despite my attempts to wipe them away. I feel her move to a side as she lets go of my hands. I look up and try to adjust my vision so I can see the movement. Will got up and is coming closer. No! He is right in front of me, I am going to die! Everything seems to be happening in slow motion as I see him raise his hand and it comes towards my face, wiping away my tears. This man is old enough to be my father, he is only a couple of years younger than my actual father. How could I have ever expected him to love me? He takes my hands after wiping away my tears. All my dreams, my wishes, my fantasies, all become a reality at this moment. He is touching me. Counselor Troi must be sensing what I am feeling right now; she puts her hand on my back reassuringly. I keep my eyes on his hands holding mine, unable to look into his eyes.

“I am sorry I am the cause of all this pain.” His voice is so calm, so sincere. I can feel myself fall apart right in front of him. “But I am sure that after some time you will find someone, someone who is not in love with another woman, someone much closer to your own age. And this someone will love you and be able to return the feelings you will feel for him.”

Nope, won’t happen, and I shake my head to let him know.

“You don’t want to find someone?” How I wish he would never stop talking. I love his voice.

“No man is going to want to be with me. I don’t know how to be with other people my age. I haven’t been around anyone close to my age in years. And I wouldn’t know what to do, what to say, how to act. I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never even kissed a boy.” Yeah, great going, admit you have no experience and are on a great path to becoming a nun.

“I’m sure you will be fine,” she says and I glance over to her to show her my disbelief, even though she probably senses it. I notice she looks at Will; they are having some sort of telepathic communication. I know it. Oh, how I envy them.

“You are very pretty.” Did he just call me pretty? Great, the guy I’ve had the hots for most of my life just called me pretty as if I was the eight year old that first spotted him.

“A guy would have to be blind in order to not see that.” ‘A guy’? I sigh as I realize that he does see me as a little girl, and compared to him, I guess I am. There is still the same age difference now that there was 15 years ago.

“I know that there will never be anything between us, and it makes it easier to know that you realize this too. I regret not getting to know you, but from what I’ve been told you are an amazing young lady. Knowing what you did for so long and that you never interfered confirms that. I want you to know that I am not mad at you. I am flattered that you stuck around for 15 years even though you knew it would end like this. And because of that I wanted to give you something.”

I finally get the courage to look up at him, see his blue eyes, get lost in them as I try to comprehend what he just said. I realize Counselor Troi has gone to a table that has several gifts; the senior staff had decided to give their gifts during tonight’s dinner instead of tomorrow at the wedding. She picks one up and brings it over.

Ok, so what is going on? I am getting more confused by the minute and it probably has to do with my emotions going haywire at the moment. She’s given him the gift, it’s a box of some sort.

“Here.”

He has let go of my hands and I take the gift, noticing my hands are shaking. It’s a small, rectangular wooden box. On the top it is engraved and I softly read the words.

“Deanna, may the right love cross your path and be for you everything I could not. Your friend, from now until forever, Will”

Oh, my gosh!! That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. Oh, no, more tears are coming. I need to control them, but my heart is aching more now. He is soooo perfect.

“Open it.” Her voice startled me a little. I lift the top and a melody starts playing before I completely open it. I notice there are several compartments, though I am not sure what they are for.

“I heard this song a long time ago and I felt it was for you.”

A man begins to sing the song. Wait, no, it can’t be, is it? Will is singing the song? I look at him with a questioning look, to which he answers by singing along.

“Somewhere out there someone’s saying a prayer that we’ll find one another and then meet somewhere out there”

Now I’m crying again. Why am I such an emotional mess?? I close the box. “Thank you,” is all I manage to say through my sobs.

“The song is called ‘Somewhere Out There.’ It has both the original version, which is a duet, and my version.”

“And when that love crosses your path I’m sure he will give you plenty of jewellery to fill it up,” adds Counselor Troi.

Oh, It’s a jewellery box. I realize she’s been very nice through this whole thing. She was very nice when I first met her and I liked her until I found out she was Will’s girl. It wasn’t her fault; she didn’t do anything for me to hate her. I wish I hadn’t hated her all these years.

“I’m sorry I’ve hated you all this time,” I finally say.

“I understand how you felt and how uncomfortable it must have felt to talk to me. I hope we can keep in touch, I’d like to get to know you better.”

I simply nod. This whole thing has just been one big childish crush gone way out of hand.

“I’ll let you two talk this out,” Troi says with a smile as my panic begins to rise again. “Call me if you need anything,” she adds with a reassuring smile and heads out the door. The room feels tense even though we are the only ones in there. I have never been alone with Will and this is making my heart beat incredibly fast again. I am sure he can hear it. He smiles, oh what a smile!

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better at all?”

Ummm, that is not the right question to ask me. There are plenty of things I have fantasized about you doing to me, but I know that you will never do any of them. He held my hand and it is as far as any of those fantasies will ever go. So I shake my head as I look up to meet his eyes.

“I already feel better.” It’s not a complete lie, I had never told anyone how I felt and it did feel better to get it off my chest. He smiles again, that great big grin that makes my heart skip several beats. He is leaning towards me and I know what is coming: he is going to give me a kiss on the cheek just like my parents and aunts and uncles have always done. So I sit and wait, excited at the little I will get.

Wait! Oh my gosh, his lips took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up on mine!!!! He is kissing me, Will Riker is kissing me! His lips are on mine and I can feel my head begin to feel very fuzzy. I see him pull away and all I can think is Will Riker was my first kiss. Then the room gets blurry and black.

*****

“Deanna”

What just happened? My eyes are closed and I am laying down so all that must have been a dream. Damn. I take a breath and hear my name again.

“Deanna, can you hear me.”

Huh? I nod as I try to open my eyes. I see a gentle smile over me; I’ve seen that smile before.

“Dr. Crusher?”

She gives me a reassuring smile and I take her hand so that I can sit up and then stand up.

“It is a good idea to breathe when you kiss,” she tells me with a smile.

It wasn’t all a dream. Will and Counselor Troi are here. And the box is on the bar. I look at Will, trying to get a confirmation if the events had happened the way I remember them. Did he actually kiss me or did I do that and am remembering wrong? I might be remembering wrong since I also remember Counselor Troi leaving. He has a very big smile, his victory smile, I know that smile very well.

“I’ve never had that kind of effect on a woman before.” The three of them just laugh lightly at the joke. But I am smiling, he called me a woman.

“Mom.”

We all turn to see Wesley walking in.

“I went to sickbay but they said you’d gone to take care of someone, is everything alright.”

“Yes, Wes, everything’s fine now. I called you because I am going to have to cancel for tonight. The captain and I have some reports we need to finish up.”

“That’s fine. I didn’t think anyone was still here, the dinner ended almost an hour ago.”

“We were just talking,” answers Counselor Troi.

“I feel better now, thank you, for everything,” I tell both Will and Counselor Troi. They smile at me and I’m going to the counter to pick up the jewellery box.

“Since I don’t have plans for tonight, why don’t we catch up?” Wesley asks me.

I really could use the company, I’m still feeling sad. I just broke up with someone I never dated for 15 years.

“I think that would be a great idea,” says Counselor Troi.

“I’d like to but my dad is probably sleeping right now, he has the next shift,” I explain. Yeah, that’s how lame I am, I live with daddy. But Wesley just smiles.

“That’s ok, we can go to my quarters. Have you been on board the Titan?”

I shake my head and pick up the box. I am turning towards him with the box in my hands and it hits me, it was all a set up. Not just Guinan leaving me alone with them, that was obvious the moment we started talking. But all this. Counselor Troi is an empath and she knew that my feelings for him were so strong that I would pass out if he kissed me. She had to have known, why would she have agreed to allow her husband to be to kiss me? Dr. Crusher probably didn’t have anything planned with the captain. They rarely had reports to do together, I know that because I’ve taken care of his calendar for the past four years. And thinking back now, Dr. Crusher had told something to Wesley before he walked over to me after the dinner. I turn around to confront the three of them and they are all just smiling, big wide grins. I give them an accusing look as I walk back to them.

“You have to start somewhere, might as well start somewhere safe,” Will tells me. I smile at him, I understand. And now I can begin to move on.

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Author's Note: This story was slightly based on a true story. If you are interested, read "The True Story Of Getting Over Will Riker."

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