From: Schmianna@aol.com

Disclaimer: I never claimed it would be any good :D

This takes place right after the first Borg Encounter, soon after the rescue

of Captain Picard.

Heroes: PROLOGUE

Captain William T. Riker was still uncomfortable in Jean Luc Picard's

ready room. He sat at his Captains desk, trembling hands raking his dark

hair until it stood at odds to his scalp. His face was careworn, with

unaccustomed lines of fatigue deeply etched around his eyes and mouth. Note

pads littered the top of his desk, and his coffee precariously perched on

it's edge, next to a half-eaten sandwich that had hardened long ago. Riker

rubbed his eyes in an effort to force blurred vision to cooperate as he tried

without success to finish reports long overdue. The unfinished work weighed

him down, though it was but one of the many areas of neglect that plagued

him. He had been far too busy trying to keep his crew alive and ship intact

as they battled the Borg. But the chaos disturbed him, and he wondered what

Picard must think to see his ship and it's routines in such disarray.

Sighing when his body would no longer cooperate, he gave up and performed his

final duty of the evening.

"Captain's Log, Stardate XXX Acting Captain William T. Riker reporting.

It's been six days since the destruction of the Borg cube in the Sol system.

We've completed the rescue operations at Wolf 359, and the Enterprise is en

route to the Martian colony. After we offload the one hundred and

sixty-three survivors, mainly from the USS Apollo and the Pif'itar... the

Enterprise will proceed to earth for a much needed refit and respite for the

crew." Will punctuated the last sentence with a barely suppressed yawn.

"The trip home will be a long one by normal standards; four to five days. Of

course, not much of anything is operating by normal standards... Warp

engines are still marginally operable, and the structural integrity of the

ship has been compromised to a point that we are putting the ship and crew at

risk by running anything higher than Warp one. The crew is stretched to

their limits, working double shifts; making emergency repairs, and caring for

the survivors we have aboard. Riker out," he said, his voice hoarse with

overuse.

Will leaned back until his chair creaked with protest. A heavy sigh

escaped through clenched jaws, past his best effort to suppress it. The

Captain's log would become public record...a running chronicle of the life

and times of the USS Enterprise. But he knew it would never tell the whole

story. The official log would only tell about the "official" events... the

physical condition of the ship and the status of her personnel.

He rubbed his eyes which felt painfully full of grit and reached out and

blindly to the terminal to bring up his personal logs. Private logs were

definitely not for public consumption, but the truth of the matter was that

he very rarely listened to anything he had recorded, using them more as a way

to organize thoughts and think through feelings than to keep records. Will

drank cold coffee and grimaced at the bitter dregs that rested on his tongue.

His bones ached and his exhausted body demanded that he sleep, but his mind

was not ready for rest, at least not yet.

"Personal Log, Stardate XXX. It's been nearly a week, but it seems

like we've been out here for a month; limping along, plucking survivors off

derelict ships that are so much worse off than ours. I can hardly stand to

look at them, the survivors. Half of them treat me like I'm some sort of

hero, as if I single-handedly destroyed the Borg. The others…they look at

me, and their eyes ask why I didn't to do it sooner...before their friends

and families, and lovers, and their children died..." Will's eyes smarted

with suppressed tears. He closed them finally, and loosed a sigh that was

almost a groan. "Thank god starfleet spared us the job of being the morgue

ship - retrieving all the bodies... god… there are so many of them.. so many

people I knew...Mark Hebron, Jess Lo, Karen Zimmer, Adrin Zsch...so many

more..." He trailed off, grateful that fate had spared a few of those closest

to him. The computer waited patiently. "The crew is doing OK," he said,

pointedly not calling them his crew. "I've been running them ragged...and

everyone is pulling double shifts trying to piece the Enterprise back

together...just in case…" he left the sentence unfinished. I suppose we

could probably ease off a little since we'll be in space dock in a couple of

days...but Deanna agrees that they're better off working hard. It seems

easier if you don't have too much time to think..."

Will pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting off a headache. His mind

drifted to Jean Luc Picard. "Bev and Deanna are both spending a lot of time

with the Captain. Physically, he's looking a little better, but mentally and

emotionally...it's damn hard to see him like this. I think… no, I know he

blames himself...God, if I'd only found a way sooner... Sometimes I think t

would have been kinder to kill him while he was still Borg...and sometimes…

Well, sometimes I think, he's here...he'll recover...and my god, I almost

killed him... No one has actually said anything, but I know they think the

same thing... Last night when I stopped by his quarters, Beverly was there

and she gave me this look..." He trailed off again, but forced himself to

finish. "I can't wait to get back to earth... to leave this ship...to leave

all of this crap behind. I always wanted to command the Enterprise...but not

under these circumstances...not this way. Maybe I need to go home and spend

some time at the cabin…forget all this ever existed..." Will trailed his

finger through coffee he'd spilled on his desk, making a bigger mess. "Maybe

I'll wake up and find it was all a bad dream...a freak nightmare." His head

rested against the chair and the computer waited patiently for him to

continue. After three minutes of silence the program automatically shut

down. The Lion Fish swam lazily through it's dome like environment; almost

as if it were trying to attract his attention. Multi-layered fins gracefully

fanned out as it danced among the greenery of it's artificial habitat. But

Will Riker was oblivious to the show, totally unconscious with his head flung

back and mouth wide open.

Chapter 1

The senior officers of the Enterprise looked more like a band of refugees

than the best of the best from starfleet. They all rose as if on cue,

gathering the scattered pads and charts that had multiplied across the

conference room table. The ships physician, Beverly Crusher, longed to

recommend an extended vacation for each and every one of them, but it was

hardly practical under the circumstances. So her suggestion was that they at

least spare an hour or two for an escape of a different sort. "Will?" she

asked casually, "it's Thursday. Are we on for poker tonight?"

Commander Elizabeth Shelby attempted to keep her eyebrows from raising

into her hairline as her eyes darted to acting Captain Will Riker. Try as

she might, she still found it difficult to accept the casual familiarity

which the members of this command crew exercised with their Captain. In her

experience subordinates simply did not end staff meetings by inviting

themselves to poker with the ships captain; even if it was just a field

promotion for Riker.

Riker stared at the CMO for a long moment, his expression blank. Poker

was the farthest thing from his mind and it took him long seconds to shift

gears. There hadn't been a regular Thursday night game for the past three

weeks, ever since the Borg invasion had forever changed this quadrant of

their galaxy. Bone tired and feeling out of sorts, he opened his mouth to

respond in the negative, but stopped himself when Deanna caught his eye.

Without saying a word or altering her expression, her dark eyes pleaded for

him to say yes. Reluctantly he admitted to himself that the game might be

good for all of them. Mustering some semblance of enthusiasm, he nodded at

Beverly and dredged up a weak smile. "Of course. Nineteen hundred hours in

my quarters doctor." Will took in the exhaustion of his officers and

grinned. "Everyone bring your credits and prepare to be humiliated," he

quipped. With the ice broken, a chorus of good-natured groans and long

absent smiles of anticipation lightened his heart as the officers filed from

the room. All except Shelby, who looked a little uncertain. Riker turned

to his acting first officer . "You're invited too, Commander" he said,

"...but only if you promise to go easy on me."

Shelby nodded and returned the Captain's friendly comment with an

uncertain smile. She still felt like an outsider in this group, especially

after her previous clashes with Captain Riker while he was still commander of

the Enterprise. Obviously there was no question of refusing the invitation.

If the other officers were going to be there, so would she. Captain Riker

gave her the briefest flash of a smile and for about the thousandth time she

kicked herself for her self-righteous arrogance. How could she have been so

blinded by her own ambition to have accused him of not being able to make the

big decisions? He had proved her wrong more than once since that day. In

fact…he had made the hardest decision of all; one that she had discovered

herself unable to make of the final day of battle. Slipping quickly past the

tall Captain, she gave him a brief nod of thanks on her way out the door.

Will squared his broad shoulders from habit and headed for his post on

the bridge. He slid into the Captains chair and stared at the view screen.

"This is where I've always wanted to be. But where's the fulfillment? What's

missing?" he asked himself. He felt uncomfortable, as if he were

desecrating a sacred place. The unseen presence of his absent Captain was

palpable, almost as if his imprint was still upon the chair. He forced a

shrug, trying to assume a relaxed, at-ease posture. Many years of command

experience had taught him that the bridge crew was acutely aware of their

Captain's body language. His fingers twitched slightly, the only outward

evidence of his inward turmoil. Riker stroked the smooth material beneath

his hand and wondered if Picard felt betrayed, or did he merely feel that his

first officer had failed him. Unconscious of the oft used mannerism, he ran

his hand over his beard, his casual gesture doing nothing to betray the

unsettled state of mind that had plagued him since defeating the Borg. Riker

stood up abruptly and announced, "I'll be in the ready room."

Retreating to the ready room was a mistake. If anything, it felt worse

than the bridge. He stood immobilized and stared at Picards chair, the chair

that Guinan had told him was his. Will shook off the feeling that he was

trespassing before he slipped awkwardly into it's uncomfortable embrace; it

still didn't feel like his. Nothing in here felt like it was his. He closed

his eyes in the hope that when he opened them, Picard would stride through

the door and reclaim his seat. Forcing protesting eyelids open, Will looked

wistfully at his usual place and wondered if things would ever return to the

way they had been. Both Deanna Troi, ships counselor, and Beverly Crusher,

it's CMO had been very guarded in their prognosis for the Captain's recovery.

A gusty sigh escaped him as he flipped on the desktop screen. His fingers

flew as he pulled up the logs of the past several weeks. His scalp itched

and he ran his hand through already tousled hair while scouring each entry.

He was searching for anything that could tell him what he might have done to

prevent Picard's abduction and the Captains subsequent leading of the Borg

into the bloodiest battle in the Federations history.

Long hours flew by without notice. So intense was his concentration,

that the door chime made his heart pound as he looked up from his computer

screen. His eyes burned, assuring him that they were surely more red than

their trademark blue. "Come," he croaked.

Shelby stepped in to the room, and Riker thought that she looked as if

both her hair and her uniform had been starched. Will chastised himself for

ungentlemanly thoughts and conceded that she always managed to look alert and

efficient, but today her damned efficiency only succeeded in making him

tired. "Sir. Lt. Commander Hai to see you." She announced. Riker raised

his eyebrows as a perfectly coifed Lt. Commander, resplendent in her dress

uniform stepped confidently past an obviously annoyed Shelby. "Captain

Riker? Good afternoon, sir. Actually almost good evening. I'm Lt.

Commander Romni Hai - Star Fleet Public Relations Liaison."

Riker blinked several times and cleared his throat before answering.

Ordinarily, simple good manners would have prompted him to stand and greet

any visitor, even a junior officer. But he had passed tired way back, and

was now working on exhausted. The corners of his mouth turned down. He was

none too pleased about what the presence of someone from the PR office might

portend. He realized Shelby was still hovering and nodded with more brisk

efficiency than he felt. "Thank you, Number One. That will be all." A

brief flash of annoyance flicker across Shelby's features, but she merely

gave a slight nod of acknowledgement and left the room. Will understood her

need to know what was going on, especially now that someone from Starfleet

had shown up on their doorstep after the most harrowing battle in Earths

history. However, at this point in time he didn't really care much what

Shelby wanted. She wasn't staying, and she'd be off the ship soon enough.

When the door closed behind her he turned his attention to the other officer.

"What can I do for you, Hai?"

Romni completed a quick but thorough examination of the man behind

Picard's desk. She was pleased to find that he was every bit as handsome in

person as on the vids she'd previewed. He was a PR officer's dream. "A hero

who looked heroic." Still young enough, very handsome, but dignified, and

with a commanding presence that was both reassuring and slightly

intimidating. Here is the personification of what a star ship captain is

supposed to be," she thought. Romni's voice was silky smooth, projecting

carefully cultivated sincerity. "I'm here to brief you on the plans for the

Enterprise's docking sir, and to coordinate a few interviews with key command

staff."

Riker's patience had dissolved long ago under the pressure of his

exhaustion. His voice was hard and revealed a dangerous edge. "Lieutenant

Commander Hai. We really don't have the time or the energy for meaningless

ceremonies and interviews. This ship is badly damaged, and her crew is both

exhausted and demoralized."

Hai was silent while she assessed her best strategy and tried to read

what was taking place inside the man before her, but Riker's face was

unreadable; all except for the deep weariness in his eyes. "Many of us have

lost dear friends," he said as his jaw clenched, betraying his hidden

feelings for a brief moment. "I can promise you here and now that I won't

permit anyone to subject this crew or this passengers to a media circus."

Romni Hai composed her features into a compassionate expression as she

practiced her best professional sympathy. "Of course, Captain. I can only

imagine what you and the crew have been through. I assure you that it will

simply be a short welcoming ceremony," she promised with a negligent wave of

her hand. Her smile was intended to be grave but reassuringly. "Admiral

Shearing will make a few remarks, you will be asked to make a few

remarks...and that will be it."

Riker raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Then what are you doing here?"

Hai sat uninvited, soaking up the character of the legend who sat

slouched in his seat across from her. She fought her desire to be mesmerized

by his blue-eyed gaze, wondering if it was the forceful magnetism of his eyes

that made him so attractive. Breaking his gaze, she looked briefly around

and decided distractedly that the room was an ill suited fit for him. The

spare, sleek furnishings portrayed the Spartan style of it's former Captain.

Hai imagined Riker with his feet up on a massive antique oak desk with a fire

in the corner, and warm rugs scattered on a polished wooden floor. She

reminded herself, this had been Picard's ready room and Riker hadn't exactly

had time to redecorate in the midst of his battle with the Borg. Riker

cleared his throat, and abashed, she pulled herself away from her momentary

lapse in concentration."

Captain." she said, intentionally lowering her voice to imply they were

sharing a secret, "we both know that the Borg incident has been a complete

debacle for Star Fleet. " She spread her hands wide. "So many ships lost...

so many people dead." Her eyes widened and she intentionally portrayed

ignorance of the fleeting anger that crossed Rikers face. "The Borgs

penetration to the very heart of the Federation shook the public's confidence

in Star Fleet. But the Enterprise, thank God, came and saved the day!" She

spread her arms wide again. "This ship, and her crew are a galaxy-wide

symbol of victory. The public really needs to see that!" she said with

fervent belief, standing to accent her statement. Hai had carefully avoided,

at least for now, any mention of Riker's potential role in their strategy.

She knew he would not be sympathetic with the public's need to identify with

a hero. Hai knew that people needed a face on which to pin the events in the

news... and the Public Relations team at Star Fleet headquarters had

unanimously agreed that William Riker's was the face they needed.

Will leaned back until his chair groaned as he massaged his throbbing

temples. The headache he'd battled for most of the day had escalated into a

war within his skull. "So…what do you want from me?" he asked, his weariness

making him numb. He found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the

Lt. Commander's words as he reviewed the last week in his mind...the running

battle with the Borg. The unspeakable horror of what had been done to the

captain.... Helplessly listening to the battle at Wolf 345 as the frantic

voices on ship after ship as they succumbed... the complete sense of

hopelessness as they passed that silent graveyard, only to finally to face

the Borg above the earth to reap their hollow victory. Hollow because

thousands were dead. Hollow because Picard was so… damaged... hollow because

there were certainly other cubes out there. Will continued to be acutely

aware that his strategy had done nothing more than buy them some time…time

against another inevitable and possibly indefensible onslaught of The Borg.

Hai continued blithely unaware as Will forced his wandering attention

back to her conversation. "...and then you'll need to make a few remarks,"

she said. "If you'd like I can script them for you." She paused for a

moment to catch her breath. Riker agreed without fully knowing what he was

agreeing to. He certainly had no time to write a speech.

"Such as...?" He prompted when she was not forthcoming with details.

Hai felt a sense of great relief. Riker was going to be cooperative.

That was good. That was great! She choose her next words carefully. "Well…

just what you'd expect, sir," she said carefully. "It's good to be

home...fine ship, brave crew...the Federation is safe again. So on and so

on…" She was thinking out loud now. "You could make a very brief mention of

those who fell in the line of duty, but we don't want to dwell on the

negatives," she mused, "and we absolutely do not mention Picard at this time."

"Jean Luc Picard is still the Captain of this vessel." Will said, his

eyes narrowing.

Hai realized she'd stepped onto dangerous ground. "And I'm sure he was a

very fine Captain!" she amended, moving as cautiously as if she'd stepped

into a quagmire. She couldn't afford to antagonize starfleet's showpiece,

and the rigidity of Captain Riker's posture showed that she had done just

that. Stuttering in her haste to explain she blushed pink. "Sir, please

understand that the public is not going to understand how a Starship captain

could turn against his own people and lead a Borg attack. There's sure to be

a frenzy of publicity around the court martial hearing; so for now, well… we

just want to avoid the whole distasteful issue as much as possible."

If Hai hoped that she had done an adequate job of damage control, the

bitter fury in William Riker's eyes quickly advised her otherwise. Braced

for a verbal onslaught, she was caught off guard by the intimacy of Riker's

voice and his cheshire smile. He unexpectedly dismissed her without a fight

and with all of the considerable charm at his disposal. "If you'll excuse

me, Lt. Commander, I have ship's business to attend to. Good day."

"Perhaps if we go over the press conference instead, Captain..." she

said faintly, trying in vain to prolong the meeting.

Riker stood, still smiling. "You are dismissed Lt. Commander."

Hai nodded and swallowed the words that wanted to gush forth; taken

aback at the contradiction of William Riker. His charming and polite

demeanor was opposed by the steely glint in his blue eyes, and she knew she

had pushed this legend as far as she dared.

"Yessir." She answered, rising smoothly. ""There is just one more small

thing...the interviews?" She threw him a bland apologetic look until he

raised his eyebrows slightly, giving her permission to continue. She decided

the best way was to just get it all out and then run for cover. "The Public

Relations office has authorized a reporter and film crew from the Federation

Broadcasting Network to conduct interviews with you and selected members of

your crew." His expression tightened even more and she plunged on. "The

film crew came aboard with me and will remain on board until we reach earth.

Fleet Admiral Nogora has ordered your full cooperation in this matter."

Captain Riker surprised her again. She anticipated a full-scale anti-matter

explosion, but instead he just sat back down in and ran a hand through his

thick, dark hair. "Oh Christ..." He swore softly and looked almost

defeated. He shook his head at the idiocy of Star Fleet and the Public

Relations Office. "Just keep them out of the way, Hai," he asked, his eyes

betraying a weariness that was beyond belief.

Romni Hai's guilt was fleeting as she appraised the exhausted state of

the Enterprise's new Captain. She had no intentions of doing anything to

limit the access of the FBN film crew. The planned profile with the hero of

the Battle with the Borg would make wonderful press and could make her

career. However, she said none of this to Riker. "Yes sir. Thank you sir."

she acknowledged and departed his ready room. Within five minutes she was

having a worried discussion with a very irritated Director of Public

Relations.

Will remained sequestered with his logs well past shift change. The

young duty officer rose smartly from the center chair when Riker stepped back

onto the bridge. "Good evening, Captain!"

Will nodded, feeling twice his age before the eager young woman. "As

you were, Lieutenant."

The young officer remained standing stiffly, ready to give her report on

what had so far been an uneventful shift. Will was uncomfortably aware both

of the lieutenant's scrutiny and her admiration. He repressed a faint sigh

of frustration as he glanced down at the chronometer at the station in front

of him. Sixteen-fifty hours. He was supposed to be somewhere in ten

minutes. Staring blankly at the turbolift door, he finally remembered that

he had scheduled a poker game for tonight. Knowing his tolerance for

socializing was nil, he prayed for an early evening. Squaring his shoulders

again, Will headed for the last stop he had to make before he went to spend

time with his friends. It was a visit that both parties dreaded, but he was

bound by both duty and friendship to make it. Nodding curtly to the young

lieutenant he headed for the lift.

"Good night, sir." She called softly as the door slid shut behind him.

Chapter 2a

"Good evening, Captain." Will Riker said softly, waiting for Picard to

turn from the window.

Picard sighed inwardly and forced himself to grapple with the realities

of the present. His friends meant well, but he wished they would just leave

him alone. He despised their gentle solicitousness and the way that even

Riker treated him like a porcelain figure instead of a man. The new captain

of the Enterprise came every night like clockwork. Tonight he was later than

usual and Picard studied Will Riker as he dutifully reported the status of

the ship and the major events of the day. "As if I were still in command...

As if this muddled brain of mine even cared about the status of the shield

generators or the impulse engines." Picard squared his shoulders and

carefully composed his face, trying vaguely to keep up appearances. "Good

evening, Will." he said, not sure what to call him other than Will, since

commander was no longer valid. The man before him now wore Captain's pips,

thus the familiar and comfortable 'Number One' seemed inappropriate.

However, when he'd tried "Captain" once, Will had looked so mortified in

response that he'd never said it again.

Seeing no point in useless chatter, Picard remained silent as they

awkwardly took seats at the small table. Will seemed not to notice, and

immediately launched into a recount of Geordi's plan for modifying the warp

coil housing during their upcoming refit. "My god," he thought as he studied

the younger man and his newly birthed worry rapidly grew. "He looks

exhausted... and so isolated...I wish…I wish I could tell him that I

understand the strain of command, and the hideous pressures of war and it's

aftermath." Picard's emotions plunged. "But how can I really claim to

understand what it's like to do battle with my own captain, with the earth

and humanity as stakes." Picard remembered that for a time, Will Riker had

been all that had stood between Locutus and the Federation. Now he wished he

could forget. Miraculously, Will had managed to salvage both, and now the

work of the captain was his... as well as being saddled with rebuilding what

he himself, as Locutus, had destroyed. "He should hate me," Picard thought,

despairing as he gnawed a tattered hangnail.

Will studied Picard as he spoke. "God, he looks so pale." Knowing what

the captain had been through, remorse and guilt tore at Rikers guts. If

only he had done his job as first officer and protected Captain Picard.

Always protect the captain… Rule one for a first officer, almost as important

as the prime directive, and he'd failed it miserably. He should have found a

way to rescue the captain before all the horrific damage had been done.

Will fingered his new pips unconsciously during a lull in the one-sided

conversation. Here he was, sitting here with these damned pips on his collar

and Starfleet was trying to call him a hero... while Picard was scraped aside

like some embarrassment.

"I should say something...I need to take responsibility for what

happened...ask him to forgive me for letting it all happen." Will struggled

without success to find the words to begin. "He should hate me," Will

thought guiltily as he again gave up trying to express the fears that plagued

his thoughts both night and day.

Their conversation continued to be an exercise in politeness, and

felt strained to both. After what Will hoped was a respectable amount of

time, he excused himself with a guilty sense of relief. Picard seemed not to

notice and resumed staring out the window at the stars and was equally glad

to see him go.

*********************

Commander Data was the first to arrive at Rikers quarters, sporting

his usual card-playing visor and carrying a strange-looking construction of

plastic and metal in his hand. Riker counted six metallic cylinders, all

interconnected by a flimsy, clear plastic framework. Intrigued despite his

dismal mood, he smiled. Obviously the android officer had been engaged in

more research about the cultural intricacies of poker. Taking the bait

offered, Will looked askance at the object in Data's hand and the android

held it up for his inspection. "It is called a six-pack, sir. During the

twentieth century it was traditional to bring one along when you were invited

to a poker game at a friend's residence."

Data disconnected one of the cylinders from the group and pulled the

tab-top before handing it to Riker. His Captain eyed the can dubiously until

Data motioned for him to taste it. Cautiously, he raised the can to his lips

and took a sip. His expression reflected his surprise. "It's beer!" He

exclaimed with a grin. The android cocked his head, "it's Miller time… sir,"

Data replied seriously, but Riker didn't have time to question his operations

officer further. The door chimed and Will knew without asking that Deanna had

arrived. Lines of strain feathered the edges of her dark eyes and Will saw

fatigue in the economical range of normally graceful movements. Standing

quickly, he offered her his seat, and with heroic restraint, resisted the

urge to bury his face in her sweet smelling hair. Will courteously seated

her in the old fashioned manner that his father had drilled into him as a

young boy, reluctant to let go of the back of her chair as he continued

setting up the table for the game.

Deanna chatted amiably with Data and the others who began to arrive in

quick succession. Beverly and Geordi were grinning with an air of mischief

loitering between them. Worf arrived wearing his usual scowl, and Shelby

entered with a cautious smile, accepting the chair beside Geordi. All of the

officers wore their weariness plainly, but it was clear that they were

anticipating this evenings recreation.

Will finished up while his friends relaxed together around the table.

After weathering what had been the most challenging, as well as emotionally

devastating time they had ever served together, it was clear to him that they

all needed respite. Familiar guilt washed over him as images of Picard's

despair haunted him. But when the focus of the group shifting expectantly to

their "acting Captain" he walled off disturbing thoughts and images, and

slipped unconsciously into his routine as charming host and fierce

competitor. He was determined that this game would provide his crew with

some much needed rest and relaxation, even if it killed him trying.

Data shuffled and dealt with practiced assurance, the cards sliding

into place in front of each player with uncanny accuracy. Will studied the

faces around the table and with practiced ease, wove his spell.

"Shelby...we'll take it easy on you tonight since you're new...just watch out

for Worf. He plays Klingon rules...takes no prisoners." Worf growled, but

Riker noticed a gleam of humor in the Klingons black eyes. "...And Geordi"

Riker continued teasing with good humor, " let's see if you can recoup some

of your losses from the last game. If I remember rightly, you were about

down to your last chip by the time we quit." Geordi's expression was pained

as he asked for four cards, which Data dealt him with rapid-fire surety.

"Captain, I…" the engineer was interrupted by Bev's low whistle of

appreciation for her hand. "Will, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news,

but tonight is not going to be your lucky night. I can feel it in my bones."

Deanna laughed at the expression of incredulous denial that swept

across Will's face. She enjoyed immensely the ebb and flow of the emotions

that filled the room, and sensed a dissipation of the tension that had been

with them all for weeks. Since their ordeal with the Borg, Deanna had been

swamped with crew and civilians who couldn't cope with the death and

destruction that followed in the wake of the Borg terror. Then, Captain

Picard had been captured. Deanna had drawn heavily on strength she didn't

know she possessed in order to deal with the chaos and despair that had

rocked the Enterprise when Locutus appeared on the main viewscreen of the

bridge. Thank god Will had been in command. His rock solid strength had

anchored her, enabling her to withstand the overwhelming vortex of emotions

that had threatened to suck her into their despair. She glanced

affectionately at her best friend. He studiously examined his hand until he

felt her gaze and looked up, giving her a rakish wink. She smiled, enjoying

the twinkle in his eyes, but also noting the blue smudges beneath them. His

charm was a bit forced tonight and she promised herself she would find time

to spend with him soon.

Heros: 2b

Despite her bravado, luck was not with Beverly...nor with Will Riker

for that matter. But even as their piles of chips steadily diminished, their

good humor seemed to increase and Deanna found herself laughing out loud as

her colleagues picked on each other. Data told a few bad jokes and Geordi

nearly choked on his beer when Worf disgustedly folded, pronouncing the game

with it's wild cards "Not fit for a warrior". Only Shelby was relatively

quiet as she developed a feel for the new dynamics she was witnessing between

the senior officers.

Somewhere along about an hour and a half into the game, Deanna

realized that the stress and tension that had threatened to engulf her these

past few weeks had evaporated under the influence of the warmth and

friendship that permeated the room. At ease, she let down her mental shields

and allowed herself to bask in the positive emotions. Will lost yet another

hand, this time to a smirking Shelby, and Deanna felt his wry amusement as

his first officer flashed him a cocky grin that mimicked his own. "Still

taking it easy on me, Captain? Or are you just a lousy poker player?"

Riker's blue eyed gaze portrayed a comic picture of indignation.

"Excuse me, Commander? May I remind you who you're talking to?"

Shelby was delighted to finally be included in the easy banter of her

colleagues. "All I know, Captain, is that if you were as bad at your job as

you are at poker tonight, Captain Picard wouldn't be the only one wearing

Borg implants."

Will Riker's cheerful expression never changed, but Deanna reeled

from the backlash of emotions that flowed from him as if someone had opened a

floodgate. The full force of his sorrow and shame washed over her with an

icy shock, instantly obliterating all traces of the warmth and relaxation

she'd enjoyed. Unconscious of crushing her cards, she stared at him with

wide eyes. How had Will had ever managed to mask the powerful feelings that

still pummeled her mercilessly. The horrific moment seemed to stretch on

forever, but it was actually just a split second before the buzz of his door

yanked him back to the present. "Come" he said automatically, even as she

felt the barriers shielding his emotions slam back into place.

Deanna felt Will gently turn away her concerned probes. She sensed his

quiet desperation to maintain equilibrium as he forcefully reasserted his

carefully erected shields. He walked to the door, projecting warmth and

confidence, acting as if nothing had happened at all. When Will opened the

door and came face to face the professional smile of Lieutenant commander

Hai.

"Captain, may I come in?" Hai asked breezily, acting for all the world

as if he didn't really have a choice in the matter. "Ahh. I didn't realize

you had guests..." she said with interest as she slipped by his imposing bulk

as if it were no barrier at all.

"It's our poker night," Will stated.

"Oh….yes. Actually I've heard about this infamous game.. I'm so sorry

to have interrupted you," Hai said with a brazen lack of politeness. "The

woman in the hall looked embarrassed by Hai's brazen intrusion. That's my

camera tech," Hai said, but didn't bother introducing her. Hai made another

one of her theatrical grand gestures, directing the attention of all those at

the table to herself before she announced, "In case you are wondering. I'm

going to be interviewing all of you during this mission to talk about the

Borg war and Captain Rikers' part in it. "Hai's eyes darted to Riker's face

to assess his reaction.

Will acted as politeness dictated. "Lt Commander Hai and..." He

looked questioningly at the camera tech who timidly supplied "Ensign Jarah".

"..and Ensign Jarah...may I introduce you to the senior staff?" Hai

noted, with a reporter's ear for nuances, that he said "the" senior staff,

rather than "my" senior staff. She wondered if that was significant and

filed it away for future reference. She murmured a standard greeting and

allowed Riker to take her by the elbow, guiding them into the room and

graciously introducing each of the officers. Hai greeted each of them warmly,

repeating their names as if she was hearing them for the first time. In

reality she'd already studied each of their profiles. She was going to make

her career on this assignment and had left nothing to chance. Hai studied

the room with interest, taking in the various ranks of the officers as Riker

introduced them. It looked as if the whole executive staff was gathered here

tonight. She spoke with a hint of quiet satisfaction. "We will all get a

chance to become much better acquainted later on. I'm here to do an

in-depth profile Captain Riker, and I'll want as much background information

as you can supply."

Beverly smirked, shaking the reporter's hand. "Oh, I'm sure we can all

give you some great background on Will."

Will Riker glowered at the mischievous looks his colleagues were

exchanging. "I'm under orders from Star Fleet command to cooperate fully,

but that doesn't mean that certain senior officers can't be assigned latrine

duty for the duration." He threatened.

Data cocked his head. "Sir? Technically speaking, there are no

latrines aboard the Enterprise...our rest room facilities do not meet the

criteria which..."

Will obviously forced himself not to snap at Data and interrupted the

android's speech. "Then you can dig some Data. On the holodeck."

Hai was struck again by Riker's charisma. But she also noted the

muscle in his jaw twitching, and knew he was irritated at her intrusion,

"Well, we'll leave you to your amusements Captain," she said, retreating with

the camera tech.

The senior officers took their seats again and exchanged some more

half-hearted banter, but Riker's heart obviously wasn't in it, and the

evenings spell was broken. Soon each gave their various excuses as to why

they needed to leave, promising to recoup their losses the same time next

week. Beverly touched Will's cheek as she said goodbye. "Will, when things

calm down I'd like you to come in for a check up alright?" Will smiled his

assent and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"Anything for my favorite dancing doctor," he said with a grin and

Beverly punched him with mock ferocity. She glanced at Troi to see if she

was coming too, but saw her casually examining a print on the wall that must

have seen already a thousand times.

When the door closed behind Beverly, Will took a deep breath and turned

to face Troi. "Well..." He said, hiding behind an attempt at small talk,

"not one of my more successful nights financially..."

Deanna turned from the painting and gave him a no nonsense expression

that made it clear she was not interested in small talk. "Will, I think we

should talk… now. When he didn't speak she continued. "When Commander

Shelby made that remark about Captain Picard I sensed a great deal of

distress from you..."

Will gave a fair imitation of the trademark Riker grin. "Well what do

you expect, Deanna? She insulted my poker game!"

Deanna gnawed her lip, trying to get a sense of what she had felt from

him before, but he was so smoothly shielded that she found no crack in his

facade. He had become very adept at blocking his emotions from her and the

rest of the world. Even sometimes from himself. "Imzadi," Deanna pleaded

gently.

He pulled her closer and looked into her eyes, effortlessly captivating

her with his own. "Deanna...really. It just…hit…a little too close to home.

I don't think many people realize how close we all came to being

assimilated...the horror of it still stalks me… sometimes even in my dreams."

Deanna wanted to believe Will, but his proximity was disconcerting and

she wasn't sure she could trust her own assessment, though he obviously

wanted her to believe what he was saying. Her crushing fatigue compromised

her, and his close proximity was enough to send her own emotions into a

whirl. She studied him for a long moment, knowing that there was something

more. Sensing nothing definite, she began to doubt herself. Her shields had

come down so completely in the relaxing atmosphere at the game perhaps her

own weariness had made her hypersensitive. It was over so quickly she almost

wondered now if it had ever happened at all. "Is there something more?" She

inquired softly, their lips now inches apart.

Will hesitated. "It's just the captain. I went to see him before the

game. He still seems so..." He trailed off, apparently unable to find the

right word to describe what he saw. Deanna knew the strength of the

unspoken bond between the two men, and how hard it was for Will to see Jean

Luc Picard in such a fragile state. Satisfied that this was what bothered

Will she said gently, "give him time, Will."

Will stared into her eyes until she felt weak in the knees. She felt

his desperation and knew he was moments from kissing her. Deanna wanted

more than anything else to melt into his arms, but knew that they were three

days from space dock and the inevitable debriefing. She had to get him to

share with her his doubts and guilt before the panel of admirals got their

hooks into him. She had reached out to him in the evenings while she lay

waiting for sleep, and knew his nights had become an exercise of sleepless

futility. He breathed deeply, his gaze open and vulnerable. "Deanna, when

we get to earth do you think you could take a few days...? I was thinking

that I've never really shown you Alaska...and I thought maybe… it might be…

well I was hoping that we could talk." Her smile encouraged him but before

she could reply his communicator interrupted. "Captain? I have a priority

one coded message from Star Fleet Command." The softness disappeared from his

eyes and Alaska was forgotten. He nodded his dismissal as he turned to his

computer terminal. "I'll take it here."

Chapter 3a

Will remembered when he had been first officer, the effect of an

incoming priority one message usually filled him with anticipation. Often he

found it difficult to wait with the decorum expected of an executive officer

until Picard called him into his ready room for a briefing. Such was now not

the case, perhaps due to the influence of these past tension filled weeks;

but instead of the usual anticipation, dread squeezed his chest making it

hard to breath. He activated the screen and gave his command code for

clearance.

""Admiral Espinoza here Captain Riker," an exhausted elderly admiral

previously unknown to Will hailed him. Apparently Starfleet had been forced

to drag retired brass out of mothballs due to the Borg war.

Will nodded cautiously.

"I'm afraid that it's not good news captain," Espinoza said, grimacing

as if he'd swallowed a bitter pill. "There's been another sighting of the

Borg. I'm afraid the Enterprise will have to go back out."

Will sat up, his spine ramrod straight. His verbal protest released

before he could organize a coherent thought. "Sir! The Enterprise is badly

damaged and needs extensive repair, and her crew is exhausted and

traumatized. Surely Starfleet doesn't expect us to go back out under these

circumstances!" he demanded, now on his feet in front of the terminal.

The old man shook his head with ponderous certainty. "Captain Riker,

I'm truly sorry. These are your orders. There is no one else with your

experience to send. In truth, there is no one else to send regardless.

We've lost so many. You have your orders, all I can ask is just do your

best. We'll send what assistance we can, but I fear it won't be as much as

one would hope," he said, a heavy aura of defeat surrounding him. The

admiral's eyes asked for understanding as he cut the connection. Riker

stood, staring at the blank screen. They were going after the Borg, again.

Will smashed his fist against the wall, welcoming the burst of pain that

blocked his deepest pain for only a moment.

He had signed the death warrants of so many the first time they

fought the Borg, Now they were asking, no, they were telling him to do it

again. Tendrils of sick despair and self-doubt assailed him and nausea

churned in his gut. He stood rigid and unmoving in the center of the room.

Maybe this time he wouldn't be so lucky.. Maybe this time he really wouldn't

be good enough and everyone, including those closest to him would pay the

price… with their lives. Will drew ragged breaths, trying to calm himself as

he pushed all thoughts of defeat into a dark recess of his mind. He pulled a

facade of calm control around him like a mantle. With a voice that betrayed

nothing, Will ordered the executive staff to meet him in the ready room in

fifteen minutes.

***********************

Picard looked up from his book at the insistent sound of the door

buzzer. He glanced at the chronometer as if he wondered who was stopping by

at this hour. It was nearly midnight. He sighed softly when the door buzzed

again, and with no small irritation he laid aside the unread book. "Come."

He said softly, rising to greet the unknown visitor.

Will Riker had already turned away from the door, relieved that Picard

was apparently asleep. At the sound of Picard's "Come" he stopped in his

tracks and turned back to the door like a man readying to face a firing

squad. He didn't want to have this conversation and a part of him wondered

if he should have brought Deanna. Was it possible that what he had to say

was more than Picard was capable of handling in his fragile state? He was

certainly no counselor. Will unclenched his fists, and realized that what he

had to say was almost more than he was capable of facing himself. Squaring

his shoulders, he forced himself through the doorway.

"Will?" Picard said, looking askance at the younger man who came

hesitantly into the room. The lights were dim and for a moment he could only

see a silhouette. Riker stepped into the pool of light cast by Picard's

reading lamp. Jean frowned. "Is something wrong Will?"

"Yes." Will Riker saw no point in vacillating. The Captain could read

him like a book. Picard was one of the few people who rarely was taken in by

his poker face. "I received a Priority One message from Star Fleet Command.

We're not going home."

Picard swallowed hard and sat down abruptly in the chair. "Dear God."

He murmured. "So soon?" There was something in Picard's face, in his

expression that sent a chill through Will Riker in a way even Locutus had

not. He stared, suddenly feeling lost and filled with a deep sadness. It

was as if he were an adult child who suddenly realized that his parent had

always looked to for strength is now growing old and frail.

"Near Regalius," Riker said as gently as he could. "They assimilated a

Beggan agricultural colony."

"And Starfleet is sending the Enterprise to intercept them? " Picard

asked bitterly. "Hasn't she done enough?"

Will Riker slumped in the other chair. "There is no one else left to

fight sir."

The two men were silent, their faces obscured in shadow as each remained lost

in their own private horrors. Breaking the silence Picard spoke .

"Star Fleet could not send a better Captain than William Riker. You

defeated them once, Will. You can do it again."

Will looked up with weariness evident in every movement. "We defeated

them sir, you and Data and the rest of the crew. We still need you sir." "I

need you," Will thought to himself but left the thought unspoken. It was not

something he cared to admit, even to himself.

Picard's voice held the whisper of a quaver so slight that Will

supposed he had imagined it. "I don't know if I can face the Borg again,

Will. I can still hear the murmuring of the collective in my head." Picard

held his hands for Will's inspection. "Sometimes I look at my hand and

expect to see the implants sprouting. And every night I cannot sleep because

when I close my eyes I am Locutus again, and I hear the screams of

thousands..." He trailed off, embarrassed for admitting to Riker what he

would not admit to anyone.

Will sat forward in his chair, bringing his face back into the light.

He reached across the distance between them and laid a hand on Picard's

forearm. His voice was roughened with compassion. "You should go sir.

We're offloading all non-essential personnel at Starbase three on our way

back out. You've been through hell. No one will think less of you sir."

Picard tried to pull away, his actions betraying his despair as he

blinked rapidly to hold back unwanted tears. "No one can think less of me

than they already do, Number One," he said bitterly. "I am Locutus of Borg."

Angry and upset, Riker tightened his grip. "No Damn it!" he said, his

lowered voice intense. "You are still Captain Jean Luc Picard! You are the

man that we can only aspire to be! " His anger abruptly left him and Riker

ran his hand through his hair as he took a moment to choose his words

carefully. "If you give up now Captain, you let them win. If you give up

now, they will have your soul." He raised his reddened eyes to Picard's.

"This ship is going to face the Borg. Chances are, they will take our lives.

But damn it Captain! They will not take our souls!"

Picard appeared uncomfortable with the close proximity of his former

first officers fierce emotion and moved to the window to stare at the

panoramic view. Will thought space seemed endlessly cold and dark, and

equally as forbidding. Even the brilliance of the stars seemed dimmed.

Picard seemed to agonize about the decision Will was asking him to make.

Will Riker watched him for a moment and then rose, the weight of command

weighing heavily upon him. Guilt made his chest ache and he knew he had been

wrong to even ask such a thing of Picard after all he had suffered. Sure

that it was his own insecurity that had prompted it, he made his excuses.

"I've got to go sir. I have a senior staff meeting scheduled. I need to

tell them," he explained apologetically.

Picard didn't respond when Will headed for the door waiting until Riker

was almost out of the room before he spoke quietly. "I'm… sorry Will. I

cannot face this again. But I wish you..." he searched for the right word

for a moment. "I wish you success." Will nodded and left without speaking.

**************************

Picard ordered himself a cup of tea and stood again at the window,

sipping slowly as he stared at the vast expanse of the universe and

contemplated Riker's exhausted visage and his unspoken plea. The ship needed

him… Will wouldn't say it, but Picard knew that his friend needed him. It

couldn't be done. He wasn't ready… he might never be ready. Picard closed

his eyes against the burn of unshed tears but vivid horrors which Locutus had

implemented found him there. He had no place to hide, neither waking or

sleeping. The despair that clawed at him was a blackness in his soul that

suffocated his very will to live. Death seemed preferable to life in this

state. The very thought left a bitter taste in Picards mouth that would not

fade. Will's words still echoed in his ears. "If you let them, they will

take your soul." The words repeated themselves in an endless litany as Jean

Luc held onto the hope Riker had forced upon him, pulling himself away from

the blackness that tore at his mind. Will was right! He knew it, past the

fear…past the despair. They could only take his soul if he let them! It was

all that was left to him and he would be damned before they could have it!

His hands shook with suppressed rage, rattling the teacup and spilling hot

tea across his wrist. He threw the cup and saucer across the room, the

sounds of its splintered crash touching a need deep inside him to destroy.

The moral strength that the Borg had not been able to assimilate was still

there, a nugget that had not been touched by the mockery they had made of his

life and his career. Jean Luc hit his com badge and contacted Riker; willing

frozen vocal chords to speak before his courage left him. "Will," he spat

out. I'm coming with you." At Will's relieved affirmation, the rage that

had filled Picard just as abruptly left him. He slid into his chair and

collapsed on his desk; wondering what in the hell he had just done.

Chapter 3b

Riker entered the conference room with heavy spirits. He had mixed

emotions about Picards decision. Breaking the news of a new Borg invasion to

the others threatened to take the heart out of him, but it wasn't evident as

he entered purposefully and went to the head of the table. All eyes were

glued on his face, their expressions somber masks of expectancy that

reflected their knowledge that this couldn't be good.'

Will stood for a moment silently, making eye contact with each officer

before he began. The direct approach was all he knew and so he expanded his

broad chest and began, "the Borg have been sighted again, and the Enterprise

has been ordered to intercept them." For a moment he kept silent, gauging

the impact of his words as their effect was reflected on the faces of his

staff. Data remained expressionless. Geordi let out a low whistle and

leaned back in his chair, hands clasped behind his head as he stared at the

ceiling. Beverly was grim. Deanna closed her eyes and became markedly

paler. Worf, on the other hand, sat as if a rod were shoved up his spine, his

expression fierce as he seemed almost to expand in size.

"What about the families on board?" Deanna finally asked.

Will let out the breath he'd held. "All non-essential personal will

be off-loaded at starbase three on our way out of terran space. It's going

to take us over a week to reach the sector they were last sighted, even if we

have maximum warp."

Geordi shook his head seriously. "Captain, this ship needs an

overhaul of virtually every major system! How are we going to do that while

chasing the Borg across the galaxy?" he asked with hands spread wide.

Will grimaced. "I'm aware of that Commander LaForge, and Starfleet

is also well aware of the fact. Their problem is that every other galaxy

class starship is in the same or worse shape. We have the best crew and the

most experience. Their looking to us, and we'll just have to make do.

Requisition everything you think you might need while we're at starbase

three; including personal." Geordi muttered to himself, something about

starfleet expecting their engineers to be miracle workers. Will tactfully

ignored it and turned to Data. "Data, I want you to continue to work on the

problems of defense, but I want you to major on offensive strategies more.

We'll have to hit them hard and fast, and in a way they don't expect. That's

going to be difficult, to say the least." Will's expression softened as he

turned to the CMO. "Beverly we don't know what to expect when we get to the

Beggan colony. Make sure your supplies are adequate." Beverly nodded, her

somber expression unchanged.

Deanna spoke into the quietness of the room, "Will, There are a few

crew members that I'd like to recommend be relieved from duty and left at the

starbase."

Will nodded, "Make a list of them and we can talk about that in the

morning." At Deanna's nod, Will stood and the others tiredly followed suit.

"Inform your departments personnel of our mission as quickly as possible.

We'll be at Starbase three by mid-morning. We have much to accomplish in a

short time."

Beverly, Deanna and Shelby were the last left in the room. "What time

are we leaving the Starbase, Will?" Deanna asked, "I'd like to spend some

time with Captain Picard before he leaves the ship.'" Will's shoulders

stiffened as they always did when he felt defensive. "The captain is not

leaving the ship, counselor."

Deanna's dark eyes widened in surprise, but before she could say

anything Beverly cut in. "What do you mean he's not leaving? Will, you know

Jean Luc has no business being on any ship that is going to engage the Borg.

He's not strong enough. It's too soon! What is starfleet thinking?" she

demanded angrily. Will felt the painful lash of her angry words strike home.

They echoed his own guilty thoughts. He placed his hands on the table and

stoically faced the very angry doctor. "I asked him to stay Beverly, not

starfleet. They don't trust Picard's ability to stay detached from the Borg.

But I feel differently. Even if we didn't need him, he needs this. It's

the only way he'll get back.... himself."

Now Deanna entered the fray. "What?" she enunciated, each brittle word

freezing his heart in his chest. "You asked him? I can't believe what I'm

hearing Will Riker! " She exclaimed. "How… how could you? You of all

people know how fragile he is! You know what they did to him! How could you

ask him to go back and risk assimilation again?"

Shelby felt like she was all but invisible to the others as she

listened to the two officers questioning Riker's actions, and it touched a

raw nerve. She'd given Riker nothing but grief during their pursuit of the

Borg, and now she felt compelled to defend him against this onslaught. "The

Captain has made the decision based on what is best for the ship. Captain

Picard might prove useful again."

"Jean Luc is NOT some unfeeling bit of weaponry!" Beverly responded

angrily.

Will opened his mouth to respond, but Shelby cut in before he could

reply. "A good officer utilizes every resource at his disposal. The only

reason Picard is not dead is because the Captain recognized his value as an

offensive weapon".

If the three women had not been so caught up in their argument, they

would have seen Will Riker's pallor. The truth of Shelby's statement hit him

broadside and an avalanche of doubts and recriminations threatened to

overwhelm him. Desperately he slammed the lid tightly on his emotions. He

could not afford to think of his friends or his personal feelings. The Borg

would not make allowances for such weaknesses. Barricaded against their

anger, especially against Deanna's, he fought against the force of their

disapproval that only echoed his own self-directed scorn for asking Picard to

stay. His voice reflected none of his inner turmoil. "Doctor… Counselor. I

had to make a decision about what is best for this ship, her crew, and the

federation. If the Captain is a defensive weapon, so be it. That's all any

of us are to the Borg. The matter is not open for discussion."

Deanna stared at him, her look of hurt betrayal forcing him to look

away. "Will, please don' t do this to him. He isn't strong enough," she

pleaded quietly.

Will hardened himself because it hurt to speak to Deanna like this.

"It's your job to make him strong enough. You do your job, counselor, and

let me do mine." He wheeled and strode briskly from the room, leaving a

blanket of stunned silence over those he left behind. Shelby glared at the

remaining officers, as if daring them to say anything more. Inside she felt

a surge of approval for Riker's strategy. Taking Picard WAS probably a good

idea. He might prove useful. And in addition, she was glad to see Riker put

his subordinates, especially Troi and Crusher, in their proper place.

Lifting her chin as if to warn them not to say anything further, she followed

Riker onto the bridge.

In the conference room a long moment passed and Beverly finally

spoke. "He doesn't mean to sound so harsh, Deanna - he's just trying to do

what he has to do."

Troi rearranged her hurt expression in preparation to leave the room

and sighed. "I know Beverly."

Riker was headed for the lift, and Shelby slipped quickly in beside

him. Riker seemed oblivious to her presence, so she initiated the

conversation. "Sir? Am I to disembark at the Starbase? I have been

reassigned to the Borg Taskforce."

Will glared at her. "Your orders are changed. You're to remain on

the Enterprise as first officer."

Shelby smiled. "Thank you for your confidence, sir. I won't let you

down."

Riker didn't even bother to look at her, nor think of the callous

sound of his words. "Starfleet took the choice out of my hands Commander,"

he said wearily when doors opened and he departed without looking back.

*****************************

Will entered his quarters, weary and feeling beaten by the events of the

day, and especially this evenings. Deanna's undisguised anger had gone down

hard and it now made him queasy to think of it. After slowly recording the

obligatory Captains log he flipped on his personal log.

Stardate XXX Personal log. "I feel like I'm living in a never-ending

nightmare. The Borg are back...and we aren't close to being ready...and I've

been appointed to lead the lambs to slaughter." He laid his head on his arms

as despair settled over him like a black cloak. In moments like these he

usually turned to Deanna. Even if no words were exchanged he was always

comforted by her presence. But that was impossible tonight. He knew she was

furious with him, and rightly so. Picard, at least, could have been spared

what was coming...he deserved better. Will wished he could cry but it

seemed he had forgotten how and his eyes remained steadfastly dry. He sat

there for a long time, motionless and miserable, until finally, mercifully,

he slipped into restless sleep.

Heros: 4a

Chapter 4a

At six a.m. the frantic bustle of activity on the Enterprise resembled

a noontime commuter crush rather than the order of a federation starship.

Replacement equipment and materials for repair were being brought aboard

while civilian families were being off-loaded, still trying to give tearful

goodbyes to friends and loved ones. Hastily drafted starbase personnel

drifted to the transporter pads in small groups, holding duffel bags in hand

and wearing the stunned expressions of all new recruits in a time of war.

They struggled with the reality that they were now not only assigned to the

USS Enterprise, but were about to rendezvous with the Borg. Will Riker as

acting captain, walked calmly through the confusion, his air of quiet

self-confidence uplifting those he spoke with, as he stopped here and there

to lend a hand or give an encouraging smile . Romni Hai trailed along,

certainly far enough behind to escape notice, but always close enough for her

to study the Enterprise captain. If he was worried about their upcoming

mission he certainly wasn't showing it. Hai noted with increased interest

that his presence seemed to both calm and energize the people he came into

contact with. Morale was definitely going to be a problem, she thought;

unless the captain could just split himself into a dozen different people.

Will drifted towards the bartender and made his way to the other side of

the bay. He opened his mouth to speak but she turned first; uncanny as

always. "Guinan," he said with a sad attempt at a smile, "the Enterprise

won't be the same without you."

Her own smile was enigmatic. "Oh, I'm not leaving Captain. I just came

to say goodbye to a few people."

Riker lowered his voice. "I appreciate your loyalty, Guinan, but all

civilian and non-essential personnel really must stay behind"

She tilted her head, and Will wondered, not for the first time, what

kept her hat on. "I realize I'm a civilian… captain," she replied, brown

eyes gleaming against the smoothly burnished ebony of her skin, "but I'd

hardly call myself non-essential." He opened his mouth to protest, but she

laid a quieting hand on his arm. "The trip will be long captain," she said,

emphasizing his title once more, "and who knows what will happen then...?"

She gestured to the departing families around them "Obviously morale is

going to be a problem. I can help you with that. I've always had the ear of

the Captain. And face it… you need me... Her smile became a toothy grin,

"and besides," she said, "someone's going to have to pour the champagne when

this is over."

Will Riker studied her, his clear blue eyes merging with eyes of

deep brown. Suddenly he had a gut level sense that he was far better off

with, than without her. Absurdly warmed by an offer that gave him no

tactical advantage, but did give him an odd sense of encouragement, he kissed

her cheek and thanked her. They exchanged a look of mutual respect and

understanding before Will left for the call of an engineering technician who

needed the Captain's advice.

Romni Hai watched him leave, then turned her attention back to the

dark womans flowing robes and elaborate headpiece. She wore them almost as

if they were royal regalia. Hai's intuition told her that this was a good

place to begin her interviews.

********************

Will's combadge chirped and he glanced up with annoyance. Data notified

him that the Starbase captain, Howard Woo was trying to reach him. Excusing

himself from the group of engineers, he slipped into the conference room,

impatient with the never ending stream of interruptions. He flipped on the

screen. "Captain Woo, what can I do for you?" he said, trying to mask

exhaustion with a smile. Captain Woo's broad face maintained a serious air.

"Captain Riker. There is a matter I must discuss with you." Will

nodded, "this is a secure channel Captain Woo." Woo shook his head with

finality. "No Captain Riker. I'm afraid that we must talk personally. Face

to face." Far too familiar were the bony fingers of dread that walked up his

spine. This probably had something to do with the Enterprises new and

perhaps final mission. Confused that it should it demand his presence there,

he decided he'd better get it over with "Fine Captain. I'll be there at

fifteen hundred hours." Woo's smile was impersonal as he disconnected the

transmission, leaving Will staring at a blank screen. Holding his head, he

tried to calculate what kind of a chunk this was going to bite out of his

already hectic schedule. Head already bent over his pad, he began to prepare

for his next meeting.

***************************

Will dealt with several potential crisis in engineering that afternoon

and worked on a stack of overdue reports while sipping on yet another cup of

thickly brewed coffee. The door chimed again, aggravating his already

unbearable headache. "Come!" Lt. Hai entered, followed by her camera tech.

The second woman's demeanor was so nondescript that she blended immediately

into the surrounds of the ready room. In direct contrast was Hai, who stood

out as proudly as if on parade. "Sir" she said with a perfunctory nod, "It's

time that you were heading down to the starbase. If you don't mind we'll

just discuss our business on the way down. When Will didn't immediately

verbalize his assent she tapped her pad on her leg impatiently. "You don't

mind do you," she said, and turned and headed out the door. My camera tech

will accompanies us of course," she said over her shoulder. When he didn't

respond immediately, again she asked. "You don't mind do you?"

Will shook his head, knowing he had little choice. Lengthening his

stride, he soon caught up to Hai. God, I've got to get a few hours sleep.

Riker glanced over at the journalist and automatically returned her smile

while running long fingers through his already disheveled hair. During the

Borg war Will lived on artificial stimulants and little else until Beverly

Crusher had instructed the onboard computer not to dispense anymore of the

drugs for him from the replicator. She carefully monitored him from then on,

and only dispensed them when it when there was no other alternative. His

compromise was a pot of bitter Calderian coffee which stayed in the ready

room and in his quarters. It helped keep him awake but had certainly not

done much for his temper.

Will, the journalist and the tech reached the transporter in short

order. "Energize," he said, closing his eyes as he dematerialized, and

opening them again to the noise of a busy space dock. Mildly disoriented for

a moment, he stood dazed until a voice spoke directly in his ear. His senses

on overdrive, Will's heart raced and he pulled the tiny camera tech behind

him and grasped for the phaser which he was no longer wearing.

"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to startle you," the flustered Captain

Woo stammered. "Please," he said, trying to give Will a chance to orient

himself, "welcome to Starbase Three. We're just about ready for you."

Will stared at the young starbase captain. Firstly he felt confusion,

and then he targeted the hapless Hai with his glare. Will's icy stare could

wilt most, but Hai failed to flinch under his intense scrutiny. She flashed

him a high wattage smile and moved a few inches closer. "If you'll come this

way, sir, we'll get this over with." Looking directly into his eyes, she

started towards the door, and twitched her hips and without apology. Hai

handed him a small pad as they walked. "I took the liberty of jotting down a

few remarks for you to make to the press, Captain."

Riker took no notice of her implied invitation. His sigh might have

seemed theatrical at any other time; but his weariness weighed on him. He

had assumed since they weren't returning to earth, that the scheduled

welcoming ceremony would be canceled. Breathing deep, he schooled his

features into a semblance of a pleasant expression. A few handshakes and a

couple of innocuous remarks, and he should be off the hook he rationalized.

The door opened and they turned another sharp corner. Will looked up,

startled by prolonged clapping coming from a large group civilians and

starfleet personnel. An eclectic band was playing something martial and

Federation News vidcorders were taping every second. His stunned mind

finally realized that every eye on the deck was trained on him. His stomach

churned and the Public Relations officer nervously noted the way Will's jaw

clenched in displeasure.

"Smile..." Hai stage-whispered to him out of the side of her mouth.

Will complied by baring his teeth, appearing far more apt to bite someone

than shake their hand. Reporters pushed each other in their efforts to get

closer, and he had to keep himself from growling like Worf. He deeply

resented the vidcorders being shoved in his face, but the press flaunted

their divine right to capture his every word and action for posterity. The

shouting intensified his ever-present headache and spikes of pain jabbed the

base of his skull. Several reporters were like ravening wolves, throwing

lightning fast questions at Will which either implicated Captain Picard, or

were extremely personal in nature. Off balance and unnerved, the scripted

speech dropped from numbed fingers as the onslaught of questions battered

him. What was it like to face the Borg Captain Riker! How did you defeat

them! Why didn't you come sooner. Why did so many people have to die! How

is Picard going to pay for his crimes!! As the last question penetrated

through his fatigue, and anger cleared the fog in his mind.

Will clamped his jaw against the angry words that threatened to erupt.

Unfortunately, the unleashed emotion had to go somewhere. The only avenue

left was inward, and inward it went. He was momentarily overwhelmed for a

few moments as unexpressed rage spasmed like an uncoiled snake in his

stomach. Rikers expression remained flat though his neck flushed red.

Turing to Commander Hai, blue eyes pierced hers from glacial depths. As he

grated out a command as his expression scraped her conscience raw. "Get me

out of here now Commander!" he said. Several unruly reporters jostled him

and he almost shoved them back. The rising decibels and close proximity of

so much clamoring humanity threatened to unnerve him. "Get me out of here."

He repeated, but now the desperate edge to his voice betrayed his proximity

to a dangerous internal precipice

Chapter 4 b

Deanna's headlong rush into the transporter room came to an abrupt halt

when she realized she'd missed Will's departure. She voiced a mild expletive

that didn't nearly express her rising disappointment. She'd wanted to pin

him down to a time when they would meet for a much needed counselor to

captain session. The transporter chief looked up from her console and

smiled.

"You missed him, Counselor...but check this out! He's getting a

mighty fine reception!" She swiveled the monitor so that Deanna could see

the screen. The little "GBS" logo in the corner showed her that the chief

was monitoring a public news station.

The cameras panned an enthusiastic crowd listening raptly to a Star base

Captain decked out in his finest regalia. "That's Captain Woo," the

transporter chief volunteered. Deanna watched Woo as he wound up his

impassioned speech. "...and so, Captain Riker...it is with deep respect and

gratitude that we present this, starfleets highest honor; the medal of

valor...Well done, sir!" The crowd yelled it's approval and the camera angle

changed. Deanna cringed at Will's expression. Woo pinned the medal on

Will's worn uniform and clasped him heartily on the shoulder, while subtly

forcing him towards the podium. Deanna tried to sense something above his

rising tension, but was unable to penetrate his shields at this distance.

The camera focused on the group from the Enterprise. Romni Hai

appeared to be holding her breath, as if unsure Riker would go along with the

program. Hai had good reason to be worried. Deanna decided, knowing that

Will was no tame puppet to be manipulated into saying what any reporter

wanted. The Betazoid decided that if Hai didn't know it now, she soon would.

"Thank you." Will stated with quiet authority. The room hushed, all

eagerly waiting to hear what the hero of the federation had to say. "On

behalf of the crew of the USS Enterprise and her captain, Jean Luc Picard, I

would like to express my gratitude for this warm welcome." Romni Hai's face

went white as Riker continued, "Captain Woo called me the hero of the fleet,

but I think you all know that often things are not always as they seem. "

Deanna clutched the edge of the console, waiting for him to continue.

It was quiet enough to have heard a pin drop in the crowded Starbase Three

promenade. Will continued, "I was on the bridge of the Enterprise when the

Borg cube was destroyed. But I have to tell you that the real heroes of this

battle are the crews of the ships who fought so valiantly...many of them to

the death," he said, his voice breaking on the last word. There was a low

murmur of approval from the crowd as Riker took a moment to compose himself.

Hai appeared to approve. Deanna knew before Will opened his mouth what

he was going to say next. Intense pride made her face flush. "The other

hero today is a man whom the misinformed may attempt to vilify...." He shook

his head and looked pointedly at the captain. "What you may not know, is

that I only played one part in the destruction of the Borg. Jean Luc Picard

is the man who ultimately saved this world...this Federation...and I would

urge you, each of you to press for the truth! Not this easy, sanitized and

well-packaged version that is currently being served up for the masses." He

enunciated each word with care as he tried to meet the eyes of as many of the

close packed crowd as possible.

The camera panned again to those standing behind Will. Deanna thought

Romni Hai was going to throw up on her spotless dress uniform, and Captain

Woo appeared as if his had grown two sizes too small. A smattering of

confused applause rose from the crowd that gradually grew into a polite round

of clapping. Acting captain Will Riker finished his speech and stepped away

from the podium. Pushing his way down the stairs at the rear of the stage,

he was moving as quickly as the crowds would allow. "Where do you think

you're going Riker? We have a reception!" Woo whispered harshly under his

breath. Will paused for only a moment; his headache shortening his temper

and exhaustion pushing him far beyond the point of worrying about protocol.

"I'm going back to my ship and my crew. To get us ready for what will most

likely be our last battle…captain." Riker headed to the stairs without

speaking to Hai.

Hai stood rooted and watched Will Riker, her face reflecting a sickened

expression as he left. She had been shown that being less than forthcoming

was a mistake with Captain Riker. Her eyes remained glued on him as he left,

her expression like that of one who might be an unwilling spectator at her

own funeral. Hai was going to have her work cut out, salvaging what was most

likely a ruined career. It was doubtful that the PRO would let her publicize

so much as a dog show on a mining colony after this debacle. The trio made

their way back to the transporter docks, though the two journalists trailed

far behind the angry captain.

Even before the transporter effect had fully faded Deanna felt Will's

fury. When he materialized, she could see it in the stiffness of his

shoulders and his clenched fists. Even prepared, she was still rocked as the

sheer strength of his rage, and stumbled backwards. Will took a few steps

off the transporter before he wheeled to face Romni Hai, with eyes fierce

with emotion. "Lieutenant Commander," he said his gaze smoldering between

them. "You were aware of..." he paused angrily as he searched for words.

Finding none, he became quiet. It was not a peaceful quiet.

Drawing herself up to attention Hai faced the six foot four inch captain

with all the dignity she could muster. "I was aware…" she said swallowing…

"sir."

"Then make yourself aware of this as well," he said softly. "I do not

intend to participate in any more receptions or ceremonies. I wholly resent

being used in this manner, and even more, I resent the lack of respect and

honor this damned medal represents." He fumbled as he removed the medal of

honor from his tunic and tossed it to the floor.

To her credit, Hai seemed to try and understand, but was unable to find

the sense of it. "Lack of respect and honor, Captain? Most people would say

that there is no higher honor that can be bestowed upon a starfleet officer."

Will glared at the medal and then at her, his expression that of

mingled anger and pity. "I didn't earn this medal, Hai. I know it… and you

should know it. Hell, anyone who has reviewed the record knows it. The fact

of the matter is…" he started and then stopped as his shoulders sagged

imperceptibly. "The fact of the matter is, that I did a damned poor job by

letting Picard be taken in the first place. And then I nearly killed him and

every person aboard this vessel." His eyes darkened with self recrimination.

"If they have a medal for dereliction of duty and dumb luck Hai, I'll be

happy to accept it. But by presenting me with the Medal of Honor starfleet

has shown a total lack of regard for Jean Luc Picard, and the crew of this

vessel...especially all those who died as true heroes."

Deanna watched the haughty Hai rendered speechless, obviously still not

understanding why Will kept refusing to accept the honor starfleet obviously

wanted to give him. The counselor realized that Hai's story of Will Riker,

hero, needed to have him decorated for his valor, and apparently at this

point Hai hardly cared about anything else. Deanna's frustration mounted and

she was ready to shake the lieutenant commander for ignoring the pain that

plainly danced behind the anger in Will's eyes. Hai seemed oblivious to both

of them, and turned away, eager to map out a new strategy. Her camera tech

took a fraction of a step forward, just enough to capture Riker's attention.

His eyes flicked to her and then back to Hai. I'll ask you and your film

crew to please disembark before we leave the star base."

Hai appeared startled but regained her balance quickly and stepped in

before he could speak again. "Captain? It seems to me that you have no

choice but to do this interview."

Riker stood impossibly straight, his imposing height accenting her

shorter stature. "Lt Commander, despite Star Fleet's requests, I AM the

captain of this vessel and it falls well within my rights to ask you to leave

if I feel your presence is having an adverse effect on this ship and her

crew."

Deanna caught a fleeting sense of deception, and Hai acted as if she

hadn't heard him. But when the cocky reporter implied no threat, Deanna

relaxed. Hai nodded her head in acknowledgement of Will's ultimatum. "I

know that you have that right Captain, but if you really want the truth to be

told...if you want to help salvage Picard's reputation and career... than you

NEED me to do this interview. To tell the true story." Will had turned

away, and missed Hai's small smirk of triumph. Self doubt flashed for a

brief moment in his eyes and Hai swiftly pressed her advantage. "Captain, I

do have the ability to create a great deal of public sympathy for Picard's

position." Will Riker studied her for a long moment as he unwillingly

considered her point, reluctantly nodding his agreement. "All right Hai, you

can have your story, but it will be the whole story." Lt. Commander Hai

guarded herself and Deanna could not sense anything more than a low level of

worried agitation behind the smile of triumph.

******************************

The rest of Captain Riker's day was an endless round of firefighting

dealing with one small crisis after another, and by the time he'd finished

his last meeting he was well past pulling another double shift. Groaning, he

sank gratefully onto his bed and finally allowed his carefully constructed

façade of optimism to fall apart. Recording the captains log was tedious

with the details of the day and took far longer than usual…finally he began

his personal log.

Stardate XXX Acting captain William T. Riker personal log. "Today was a

disaster. The "heroes" ceremony on the starbase was a farce. They got it

all wrong and did all the right things for all the wrong reasons; and for the

wrong person." Numb exhaustion crept through his body as he forced himself

to continue. "It makes no sense. After all," he said with heavy sarcasm,

"I'm the one who lost Picard to the Borg. Instead of blaming him they should

be blaming me. They don't get it, that, instead of decorating me, they should

be decorating him." Will stretched stiffly until joints popped. "Without the

captains knowledge of the Borg we would all be dead or assimilated. And now…

and now… they want to decorate me," he said with a deep sigh, "and I don't

even want the damn thing" he said, feeling the bitter bite of his guilt. For

gods sake…I almost executed him along with the Borg, and God knows after the

hell he's been through maybe he wishes he was dead." Will nervously raked

his hands through his hair and threw himself back down on the bed. "Riker

out," he ended his entry with disgust. It was 2100 hours and he hadn't even

touched his strategic analysis reports that starfleet was expecting in the

morning. Stretching again until his tendons popped, he found himself wishing

he could sleep for a week, but decided he would have to settle for an hour.

Forcing down his desire to call Deanna, he kicked off his boots, telling the

computer to waken him at twenty-two hundred hours. He was asleep as soon as

he closed his eyes.

Chapter 5 a

Romni Hai sat and pondered the aggravating lack of progress on her

story. She was waiting impatiently while Guinan busied herself with a group

of dazed ensigns from the Starbase crew who were experiencing the famous

ten-forward for the first time. Hai had formulated a dozen more questions

for the bartender, but before she could articulate them the lights went out,

sputtered on and went out again. The ship's computer's feminine voice

announced calmly "Life Support functions in this area have been temporarily

interrupted. Please exit the area immediately." Hai sighed. Her

conversation with Guinan was obviously derailed and was going to have to wait

until tomorrow night. Tomorrow she had a re-interview appointment with

Doctor Crusher.

**********************

<< First officer William T. Riker and Captain Jean Luc Picard stood at

attention before the Federation tribunal. Riker in dress uniform, his new

medal shining brightly on his chest. Picard stood as if alone, eyes

downcast as he shivered in unwashed prison blue's. Chains shackled both his

wrists and ankles, though he seemed barely able to stand, much less run away.

The presiding Admiral ignored Will, his stern expression unsoftened as he

pronounced judgement upon the former Captain of the Enterprise. "Captain

Picard, I would had never imagined that the day could come when you were

declared both a traitor and a murderer; but I'm sorry to say it has. It is

this tribunals opinion that there is no punishment that could fully give the

worlds of the Federation justice for what you have done."

While the judge stared at Picard as if he were a lower life-form , Will

fought the dizzy nausea that threatened to overwhelm him. Picard accepted

the weight of the judgment without a word in his own defense.

Riker's conscience burned as he watched the single tear follow a

chiseled track on Picard's cheek. Forcing weak knees to straighten, Will

continued to stand at formal attention, the injustice of the tribunal so

bitter it threatened to choke him. Inside, he shouted down the verdict and

demanded justice for his captain. But in reality, he was nothing but a self

serving coward. He had fallen shor tin his duty aboard the Enterprise by

failing to protect his captain from the Borg. Today was no different. He

had once again failed to protect his Captain. Picard's silence condemned

him, while his own guilt devoured him.>>

Will fought the constriction of his blanket until he realized it was

his own bed entrapping him. Bleary vision plagued him as he brushed away

wispy shrouds of the dream that clung to him like nighttime mist.

Disoriented and groaning, he sat at the edge of the bed. Ignoring his usual

calisthenics had become routine because he rationalized with ill humor that

he didn't have time for such luxuries. Stubbing his toe on the way to the

bathroom, he limped into the hygiene unit and demanded a hot water shower.

He welcomed the piping hot water and began to relax as he exhaled into the

stream. Opening his mouth, he let water fill it as he washed sleep and grit

from his eyes. The pounding relaxed the aching cramps in his back, and after

long minutes under the heavy flow, his worries slid off his shoulders to

empty into the drain along with the soapy water. Ruefully he observed more

hair than he hoped was following the same path down the drain as well. Will

quickly lathered his head and chest and allowed the fog to lift from his

benumbed mind as thirsty skin soaked up both heat and moisture. He sighed

with satisfaction as he began to feel truly relaxed. Icy cold water

assaulted him unexpectedly, making his shocked muscles clenched. Before he

could open his mouth to command the water to stop, it halted on its' own,

reduced suddenly to a mere dribble. Sputtering and shivering Will stumbled

out of the shower and fumbled for his towel. Goose bumps covered him and he

swore at maintenance, ready to blast whoever happened to be unfortunate

enough to be on duty. As he warmed up, his more rational self rescued the

poor maintenance engineer before he could feel the Captains wrath. Sure that

this disaster was connected to the disrepair of the ship, Will asked for hot

water again, but all he got was a sputtering stream of ice cold. He told

himself he'd swam in far colder lakes as a kid in Valdez, but that didn't

help, nor, unfortunately, did it make his temper any sweeter. He rinsed the

soap out of his hair, toweled himself dry, and hurriedly pulled on his

uniform. Four pips glared back at him from the bathroom mirror. "Liar,"

they said. "Fake." Will looked away. The cold shower hadn't done much for

his mood, but it had shocked him into a painfully waking state. Shaking

himself out of self induced gloom, he left without eating again, headed for

his first appointment of the day.

"Commander," he said, nodding as he graced Shelby with a smile. She

hurried in to brief him on the ships new census, and the progress, or lack of

it, in the different departments on the Enterprise. Will buried himself in

the seemingly never-ending work of Captaining the Enterprise. He was by now

used to having Commander Shelby's constant presence as she carried out his

orders and kept the day to day running of the ship flowing smoothly. When he

stopped long enough to consider the intense pressure she worked under, he

knew she was performing admirably; but Will worried about her newness to

command, and her inexperience in actually running a starship. Her brilliant

tactical work at starfleet command he never questioned, but human beings

required different tactics, and working with people was not necessarily her

strong suit. He wondered if he had done the right thing by making her

commander instead of Commander Data, concerned now that she might not be able

to keep the morale of the crew up, especially with their new orders.

Consequently Will made rounds of the ship at least once a day. Inquiring and

encouraging as seemed appropriate, still holding on to responsibilities he

had no business worrying about as captain.

Will stretched and yawned hugely for the second time, apologizing to

Shelby, much to her amusement. His days started so early now he wondered why

he bothered going to bed. They were filled with meeting with department

heads and worried engineers, often ending with discussions over strategies

and potential best and worst case scenarios with Data, who didn't need to

relax or sleep. The paperwork burden, an archaic term since it was no longer

done on paper, was enormous, he rarely said "light's out," before two AM.

Riker scratched under his beard, worrying about the pressing engineering

problems from the damage they had sustained in the last Borg attack. They

had only made makeshift repairs and were bound to have minor problems like

the shower this morning. But that was only an annoyance. What kept him

awake at night was the feeling that they were headed for an engineering

disaster, or worse, that they wouldn't have the capabilities to attack and

defend themselves, or others when they needed them most.

This mornings meeting with Shelby was productive, as usual, but he was

not in a much better mood when she left than when she had arrived. His

stomach burned when Shelby reported the life-support system failure on

deck-ten last night. It was just another symptom of a ship that was in dire

need of a major refitting. "Sir," Shelby said as she took his somber

expression to heart. "We're going to beat this. If it's been done once it

can be done again!" she assured him. Will nodded as if he believed her, but

he knew that her confidence was built upon naivete and her own misconception

of his past performance.

Will sent Shelby on her way and tapped his combadge. "Counselor Troi?"

he said, rubbing his eyes till his vision blurred.

"Troi here Captain," she replied quickly. Will savored the melodic

sound of her voice, and wished he could keep her talking just for the

pleasure of hearing it. "Just confirming our lunch plans Deanna." There was

a slight pause before she answered. "Yes, Will? Is it all right if we meet

at thirteen hundred hours instead?" Will nodded though she couldn't see him.

"Umm, ok," he mused, I'm running a little bit behind myself. Thirteen

hundred hours in ten-forward. Riker out." Will leaned far back to stretch

his cramped muscles. He had mixed feelings about having lunch with Deanna.

"Damn she's not going to let me squirrel out of talking to her this time," he

thought. Will resigned himself to the gentle inquisition he knew would

ensue, because talking with Deanna had always been in his best interest.

Besides, he wanted to spend some extra time with her. It had been weeks

since they had relaxed together, and the Borg invasion had lately made him

wonder if he was right about waiting for Deanna to be ready before he pursued

their relationship. He hadn't let her strenuous objections dissuade him on

Betazed when they first met, and he was beginning to feel that he was wrong

to step back now. But today his top priority was spending time with Geordi

so he could know what he could realistically expect from the ship in the days

and weeks to come.

*******************

Deanna's schedule was full before the announcement that they would be

pursuing the Borg; and now it was busy enough to keep two full time

counselors running. Regretfully she was it. Her present exhaustion was a

result of layer upon layer of stresses over time, and empathic senses that

felt almost raw from overuse. Her mother advised her to carve out the time

she needed to renew her spirit before she crashed, and she knew it was true.

It was almost thirteen hundred and she gracefully closed her last session.

Time to be heading for ten-forward. Unconscious of her actions, she fluffed

her hair as she left her office and headed for her lunch date with Will. She

was pleasantly surprised to find her friend Beverly in the turbolift. "Late

lunch too?" she asked. Bev gave her a tired and knowing look. "Not enough

hours in my day to get all these supplies sorted and squared away and my new

staff oriented. How about you counselor?" Deanna laughed as she

commiserated. "Well my day ran long too. But I'm having a late lunch with

Will."

Beverly's eyebrows raised. "Mind if I join you?" she asked, "I'm a

bit concerned that this never ending stress has been getting to him," she

said with a slight shrug, "and he's certainly not confiding in his doctor,"

she ended, exasperated.

Deanna shrugged. "Sure, why not? He hasn't exactly been confiding in

me lately either. We've both been so busy. " Bev looked innocently at

Deanna, "you don't suppose he'll think we're ganging up on him do you?"

Their laughter drifted down the corridor as they exited the turbolift. After

finding their seats in the crowded lounge, they waited for Will. After

fifteen minutes of nursing her juice Deanna looked at Bev. "I don't think

he's coming…do you?" Bev just shrugged her elegant shoulders and smiled

around the straw in her mouth as she looked towards the door. "Ahhh, here he

comes Deanna. Are you going to make him squirm?" Deanna's eyes were first

drawn to the new lines that stress and sleepless nights had added to Wills

face, then shook her head silently."

"Ladies," he said with an elegant short bow, "please excuse my

lateness. I was unavoidably detained," he quipped, flashing a generous

smile. He raised Deanna's hand to his lips in an ancient courtly greeting,

and raised his eyes to hers just as his communicator beeped. It was Geordi

LaForge. "Captain, I need you down in engineering right away. I'm afraid we

may have a problem." The haggard expression on Will's face didn't go

unnoticed by either Deanna or Beverly. "I'm sorry ladies," he said and then

gave Deanna a look of abject apology. "Would you be willing to risk dinner

with me tonight Deanna?" I'm afraid it'll have to be late." Deanna opened

her mouth to say she had a long-standing date with her bed, but could no more

say no to the plea in Will's blue eyes than she could have stopped breathing.

She brooded as she watched him leave ten-forward.

"Will looks like hell," Beverly pronounced. Deanna nodded in agreement

and faced her friend. "Well…you don't look so great yourself Bev," she

chided. Bev agreed sheepishly. "Ok.. so we're all a little rough around the

edges. But I am worried about Will. Tell him to report to me tomorrow when

you see him at dinner tonight. Deanna withdrew for a moment, but Bev waited

patiently. "I'm concerned too Bev," she finally said. "Its been too long

since we talked. But I'm going to talk to him tonight." Beverly had to be

satisfied with that and let the matter drop.

*************************

Five B

One part of his mind worried about the call from engineering, but even

so, Wills dark mood had lifted. Just from having spent those few minutes

with Deanna he felt refreshed. Something touched him whenever he entered

into the sphere of her serenity, and it rarely failed to lift his spirits.

Already feeling better about their dinner date tonight, he decided he would

talk and let her help him try and sort through the doubts which had begun to

rule his dreams now as well as his days. Taking a deep breath and

straightening already straight shoulders, he entered the ordered chaos that

was engineering.

Geordi Laforge seemed to be everywhere at once. The solidly built

engineer was under consoles and behind power grids, carefully examining the

critical work that was progressing at a phenomenal rate, given the

circumstances. He spied Riker and shimmied out from under the shattered

panel he'd been working on. "Captain. Over here." He shouted, pointing to

the upper level that surrounded the warp core. They climbed the ladder, the

smaller engineer going up first. When they reached the upper level Geordi

led him quickly to an area were a young recruit from the space station was

working with a phase powered welder. "Hey!" Geordi warned, make sure that

thing is pointed in the right direction when you turn it on!" Geordi shook

his head disparagingly. "There wasn't much in the way of experienced

personal to chose from," he said grimly. Continuing on with their tour, he

pointed to a complicated system of conduits whose protective panels had been

blown off during one of their battles of the past few weeks. "The structural

integrity of the power conduits that surround the warp engines is weakened

sir. I'm afraid that it wouldn't take much of an attack to destabilize it

and shut down the whole warp core."

"Is it dangerous?"

Geordi shook his head negatively. Only if you happen to be standing

underneath and a piece fell on your head," he said with a smile. What

worries me is if we lose integrity during an attack, or when we need to get

somewhere in a hurry, we'll be sitting ducks." Will craned his head

backwards looking at the ceiling as he rubbed his hand tiredly over his

beard. The thought of being helpless didn't appeal at all to him. "Well

what do you need from me?"

Geordi laughed bitterly. A week in space dock Captain, but barring

that, I guess a diversion of power to this sector for the next four to six

hours ought to do it. Our power hasn't been entirely reliable lately and if

it fluctuates at the wrong time... The young ensign interrupted, calling

out to LaForge. "Hey sir," he said nervously fingering the trigger of his

welder. This thing isn't working again." Geordi grimaced when he saw that

the boy was pointing the tool above his head as his finger flicked the

trigger switch repeatedly. "Hey, hey! Point that thing down when you're not

using it and stop playing with the…" A brilliant flash exploded from the

tool, blinding LaForge as the unexpected surge of amassed power flowed

through it and blackened the conduit above him. Unleashed energy leapt from

the fractured pipe and followed the arc of phase powered tool down to the

young man. Time froze for both LaForge and Riker as they watched in horrid

fascination as the play of energies leapt around the recruit, jerking him

about like a puppet as it further weakened the ceiling above.

Riker mobilized frozen limbs and threw himself at the young ensign.

Powerful currents shook them both as if they had no more weight than a

sub-atomic particle. Will blindly hoped that the ensign was still in his

grip because he could feel nothing as he was flooded with alternating

sensations of burning and freezing, as his ears were filled with the roaring

scream of tortured metal. He never noticed the ceiling above as it buckled,

finally relinquishing it's fight to stay aloft. Stubbornly forcing his arms

to hold onto the young man, sparks and debris flew thick about them, and he

feared that his luck had finally run out. When he was hit by falling debris,

he felt nothing but the burning of the current arcing through his body. The

silence, when it came, was fully as deafening as the roar had been. The

recruit lay quiet still in his arms but Will could feel the steady pattern of

his breathing as he still held him tightly to his chest. As the dust sifted

through the air and began to settle, Will began to hurt. Unable to stifle

his own moans as the crew worked to clear the debris off of them, he cracked

open his eyes and found Geordi's visored image mere inches from his.

"Sir, can you hear me? Are you alright?" Geordi asked him worriedly.

"Will clenched his teeth against the buzz that made him feel as if there

was still current flowing. "I… I think I need to spend…a little quality time

with Beverly," he said in an attempt at humor. But instead it came out with

a whispered gasp of pain. LaForge, blood flowing from his own wound on his

face, gave the order that both of the men be transported to sickbay, stat.

*************************

Five C

Beverly Crusher was digging into a delicious meal of Albresion flat fish

and baby potatoes with asparagus when Deanna's sharp intake of breath drew

her attention. Fear twisted the Betazoids face, her knuckles white as she

clutched her fork. Bev's combadge chirped and Selar's voice was strident.

"Doctor Crusher to sickbay stat, we have three casualties arriving from

engineering. Beverly knocked their table askew in her haste. "It's Will,"

Deanna stated, swallowing her fear.

Bev glanced at her friend. "What? " she asked sharply, hoping to get a

feel for what to expect. Deanna drew a shaky breath, "First I felt his fear

and than his pain. But now there's nothing Beverly. Nothing else," she

repeated worriedly." They ran side by side from the turbolift and entered

sickbay in a rush, out of breath and sweating. Crusher saw Dr. Selar calmly

giving orders amidst the chaos of nurses. Geordi LaForge sat on the edge of

a biobed, and Romni Hai held a pressure pad to his forehead as he spoke

slowly to the journalist.

"Captain Riker tackled Ensign Beach and that seemed to break the flow

of the current. Otherwise Beach would be dead for sure." Beverly could see

that Geordi was going to be fine and hurried between the biobeds that held

Will and the Ensign. The Vulcun doctor barely looked up. I just gave the

Captain descanamine thirty milligrams for pain. I have not thoroughly

assessed his injuries, but externally, they appear to be mostly contusions,

along with some lacerations and abrasions. Damage to his nervous system from

the large amounts of energy he absorbed is unknown." Selar continued to work

on Ensign Beach while she talked. "The ensign was protected from most of the

debris by the Captain, however, I am still not certain that his hand can be

saved." Beverly touched Will's face and noted that his skin was clammy. She

was a firm believer in using all of her senses along with sick bay's high

tech abilities. "Both received high levels of phasic current throughout

their systems Doctor Crusher." Bev kept her face carefully neutral when she

examined the charred appendage that had been the ensigns hand. His grip on

the phase welder had turned it into a twisted blackened claw when the

powerful current had back-lashed. Selar's specialization in micro

computerization and artificial limb replacement would be invaluable if it was

needed. The CMO was confident that the ensign was in the best possible hands

under the circumstances. Do as you deem best Selar. I'll finish the

Captains assessment and take care of him from here."

Will lay curled up on his side, his blue eyes icing over slowly with an

opiate glaze, as the narcotic began to take effect. Pain lines eased and he

smiled at Beverly. "Tol em I needed some quality time with my doc," he said,

slurring his words slightly as his eyes sluggishly tracked her movements.

Beverly returned his smile and nodded to the nurses who quickly cut off his

uniform and covered him with the silver thermal blanket. "Will, are you

having any pain at all?" she asked, noting that he returned to the guarded

position on his side as soon as the nurses turned their backs. "Will shook

his head. "Jus feel like I stuck my finger in a live power junction" he said

curling tighter yet. "Feels better thissss way," he said, clenching his

teeth as muscles twitched and jerked with increasing frequency. After

running the tricorder over the length of his body, Bev prepared another

hypospray. "Here you go Will, this will reduce the inflammation along your

motor-neural pathways. That's probably what's making you so jumpy. Now

relax while I work on some of these lacerations."

"Sure doc," Will whispered, flinching reflexively as she touched the

hypospray to his neck. Deanna came around the other side of him and rested

her hand gently on his forehead without speaking. It was apparent that

having her there made him feel less panicked as he forced his body to obey

the doctors command.

Beverly watched them together. Deanna seemed more relieved as his

twitching subsided. When Will finally relaxed enough to roll slowly to his

back, he turned and gave the Betazoid a sheepish smile. Her relief was

almost painful to watch. Fleetingly, Bev wondered about their Imzadi bond.

She was most conscious of it when one or the other of them was injured or in

trouble. Will's brilliant blue eyes opened and closed so slowly that she

thought that surely the next time would be their last and they would stay

closed. It was obvious Will was trying to force his eyes open as he

struggled to break through the narcotic's power, but finally they became too

weighty and lost their battle with gravity. Beverly grinned at Deanna to

lighten the moment, "good, now I can finally get some work done." Beverly

moved Will onto his side again and worked on the deep bruising caused by

flying debris. Deanna winced when she saw the numerous cuts and dark bruises

that had spread like a fungus across Will's back. Bev clucked and reassured

her. "He'll be very sore and stiff Deanna," she said, brushing the hair from

her face and wishing for a boost of energy. He won't be much more the worse

for wear by the time I'm done with him."

Hai continued to talk with LaForge, but at the same time she subtly

signaled her cameraman to concentrate on the scene behind her. Dr. Selar

efficiently prepared the injured crewman for surgery, and Deanna Troi was

unconscious of anything outside Captain Riker. The camera captured Troi's

large dark eyes as they fastened intently on Riker's handsome face, and then

focused on her hands as she gently stroked the sedated Captain's hair. Her

caress was gentle, yet almost seemed to have the familiarity of a lover. No

one but Hai seemed to find Troi's behavior unprofessional, or even unusual.

Hai's tiny smile of satisfaction was fleeting. Obviously these vignettes

would bring her story from the realm of a documentary, to that of a

heart-tugging piece of journalistic commentary. It would make the heroes of

the Enterprise into ordinary every day people. If there was one thing the

viewing public loved more than heroics, it was romance.

Beverly finally noticed the tiny handheld camera. "I want everybody out

of here, now." She said, outraged at the invasion of her patient's privacy.

Ensign Beach's family didn't need to see footage of his horrendous injury,

and Will Riker would not be happy at all at being shown in such a vulnerable

condition, his private life on display for public consumption. Hai

reluctantly followed her cameraman and Laforge from the treatment room. But

Troi made no move to leave the Captains side, nor did either of the doctors

ask her to.

Beverly was nearly finished when she said "oh damn." Deanna glanced up

quickly with concern.

"What? Is something wrong, Beverly?"

"I had an appointment with Jean Luc ten minutes ago." She sighed and

tapped her combadge. "Crusher to Captain Picard."

There was a moment's pause and then Picard's voice, clear, though

lacking it's usual crispness. "Yes, Doctor."

"Jean Luc, I'm sorry I'm late. There was an accident in engineering

and I'm treating several patients. Geordi has a small head injury and has

already been discharged. An engineer who joined the crew at the starbase is

being cared for by Dr. Selar, and of course I'm taking care of Will "I never

miss an opportunity to mangle my body" Riker."

"What is his condition?" Picard asked, almost before Beverly could

finish.

Beverly didn't even have to ask which of the two he meant. "He's

sedated now. He took a strong charge which has resulted in neural damage as

well as cuts and bruises from falling debris."

"Very well. Picard out." The captain cut the channel and Beverly

sighed before resuming her work. There were moments, like these, when he

sounded remarkably like the old pre-Locutus man. But they were few, and very

far between.

Beverly finished and against her better judgment administered a mild

stimulant to return Will back to consciousness. Normally she would have left

him sedated for a more extended period of time after such an injury, but she

was acutely aware that with Will unconscious, Shelby was in command. Beverly

had no desire to face a crisis with the inexperienced commander at the helm,

and knew that Will shared the same feelings.

"He should be waking up in a few minutes" Crusher began, but further

comments were interrupted when Jean Luc Picard walked in. His skin was still

unnaturally pale, and the small telltale marks where the implants had been

removed bore mute testimony to the horror he had endured. But he moved with

purpose, and there was a spark in his eyes that had been missing since he'd

returned from the living death with the Borg.

He crossed the room Before Beverly could even speak, and stood with only

his fingertips touching the side of the bed as he watched at Riker. "He's

out of danger?" he inquired softly.

Beverly nodded. "He'll be fine Jean Luc. I'm waking him up now."

Picard glanced keenly at her. "Is it wise Beverly?" She smiled

apologetically. "It's necessary Jean Luc."

Picard's gaze returned to Will. "He looks almost like a Borg," he said

softly to no one in particular. And indeed, lying so still with the

life-giving machinery all around him, Will's unnatural pallor mimicked that

of the newly assimilated. Picard quickly closed his eyes and then slowly

opened them again. This time what he was feeling showed clearly in his hazel

eyes, as though he were looking at a man who might be his younger brother or

even a son. Will's eyes fluttered and he stirred.

Will didn't seem to remember what happened at first as he squinted, his

eyes adjusting to the brightness of the exam lights. Sickbay… I'm in

sickbay, he whispered. And just as in countless times before, his first

sight was that of Deanna Troi's encouraging smile as she bent over him.

"Welcome back, Will." She said gently.

His eyes refocused on her and he frowned. "It's such a damned waste."

He murmured softly and Beverly poked her head into his field of vision.

"It's alright Will. Ensign Beach is alive...thanks to you. His only

serious injury is to his right hand, and Dr. Selar is reporting that it may

not be as bad as it originally looked."

Beverly felt her own tension decrease as the worry drained from his

eyes, to be replaced by a glimmer of his old devilment. He resumed a forlorn

expression and turned back to Deanna. "That's good doc. But that's not what

I was talking about," he replied.

Beverly suppressed her smile. Despite Deanna's empathic sense she was

still an easy target for Will's teasing, and at the moment she was still so

caught up in her concern, that she had completely missed the shift in his

mood. "What is a damned waste," Deanna asked him gently, capturing his hand

in hers.

He coughed, his faced scrunching as he caught his breath. "It's just a

damned shame that the only time I ever wake up with you beside me is when I'm

on a bio-bed in sickbay." He delivered the line solemnly and then delivered

a weak grin as she dropped his hand and sighed in exasperation.

"You're incorrigible Will Riker." Deanna accused.

"It's one of my finest qualities." Will whispered in assent.

Beverly watched Picard and her heart leapt to see a ghost of a smile

on his pale face. Her movement caught Will's eye and he noticed Picard

standing there for the first time. "Don't you agree, sir?"

Jean Luc studied Riker fo