I Am...

gkslaugh@yahoo.com

I am... (Beginnings #1)
Gwen Slaughter

I am perfect. I need to be, it's expected. The
perfect son following in a great family tradition.
The best, the brightest, "excelling" not quite high
enough. For what good is getting an A when I could
get an A+; what good is landing perfectly on the third
try when it could have been done on the first. Flying
brilliantly at age five, should be a captain by 30, it
is what is expected of the name after all. Increasing
marks to make them, make "him" proud. Early admission
and no easy classes. Extra work, stricter grades,
couldn't show favor, I am perfect after all.
Mistakes? Unheard of and unforgivable. I am perfect,
I was meant to be, the name means it all. it was not
me who killed those at Caldik; I am perfect, the
perfect pilot, the perfect name. One who is dead took
the blame, but "he" was proud. Proud that his perfect
name will live on. The guilt unbearable, the image in
the mirror tarnished. It was I who made the mistake.
The pride is gone, "he" has taken the name; I am no
longer perfect.

End #1

I am... (Beginnings #2)
Gwen Slaughter

I am strong. I have to be, it is necessary.
Abandoned at five by a father "too weak". I am
strong. Crying is for humans, no care that I am also
that. "She" denies the possibility, a reminder of
those best forgotten. I am of a proud house, a proud
people, a proud tradition. I will be strong. I will
fight all that challenge me, no matter that I only
want to join in their play. In the end giving them
what they want, they expect - though of that I am
unaware. My escape seems easy, I will be one of the
best. "She" knows not what that means. I must be
proud; living in "their" world unwise; when I leave,
no longer part of "hers".
The tormenters I fight are new, yet just the same.
Those that speak of me as a textbook for sex, it is
the mark of my race after all. Those that deny my
theories, dismiss my ideas - for who am I to go
against my teachers anyway. But I am smart, I am
right - my anger proves my strength, no matter that it
also proves my fear. My retreat at last best for all
sides. To the world: I am strong... I am ... lost.

End part 2

Gwen Slaughter
Rated: G
Codes: T

Disclaimer: They are not mine, they never will be ...
*sigh*

I am.... (#3)

I am strong. I have a purpose. A new family,
fighting a noble cause. No matter if both sides are
against us. We will be victorious. And I am home. I
am accepted. I am needed. My heritage does not matter
here, it is my skills they see. It is that they need.
I have made sure of that. Trust? Not possible,
except maybe for one. He genuinely cares, though it
is my best friend he loves. My rescuer, my friend, my
teacher. His family slaughtered – for him I will
fight harder. I am needed.

I am lost. Far from home, among strangers, without
purpose. Some family is here but the rest... They
are responsible for losing our way home. I am angry.
I disagree with most here, I showed it with my fist.
I am sorry, I am alone. In charge? Me? Why? I am
trusted? No, I am tested. I will prove myself. I
will not fail though that may be expected. I can
excel. I will. My purpose gained. I am an engineer.

end part 3