or "Sex Against the Fish Tank in the Ready Room"

Mriana set the challenge on the Imzadi list:
Sex against the fishtank in the ready room.
A nail file.
A cigarette.
Hair removal cream.
Riker walking into something he shouldn't.
A mouse.
A car.
A pair of tights. (panty hose)

This is my response (BTW if it's against the fish-tank in the ready room it may have meant Enterprise-D which kind of limited my authentic little heart - hope you like it anyway!)

Title" A Busy Day at the Office"

Author: JanF
Rated "G"

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Jean-Luc had finally decided to take another shore leave to Risa and Will Riker was acting Captain of the Enterprise. He had already started to wonder about his longed-for desire to command the ship as crises, big and small, required his attention. First there was the new directive from Starfleet requiring females to wear protective leg-wear when in "mufti" (otherwise known as formal wear) on away missions. Their appearance had been greeted with derision amongst the female command crew and Deanna had led the rebellion stating that she was never going to be caught dead in those "protective pantyhose"!

The next crisis had been Spot. As he walked in to the ready room his senses were overwhelmed. First there was the yowling as Spot appeared to have been cornered by a tom-cat near the fishtank. The aforesaid tom was now (loudly) attempting to have his masculine way with her. Then there was the fact that Will’s boot wasn’t quite coming off the floor the way it should have – it appeared one of the cats had left a present on the ready room carpet – a dead mouse. ("Where on Earth had they found a mouse? Oh no – it must be somebody’s pet!") He paged his acting-XO to try and get him to sort out the bad-pet day, knowing that Data had far more influence with Spot than he ever could. He still remembered the scars from his attempts to care for Spot when Data had been away at the conference - he couldn’t have had more damage done by a wild woman with a nail file.

Needing a break and to stop being ‘The Captain’ and just be himself Will found himself automatically heading for Deanna’s quarters. As he opened the door he again suffered auditory overload - Deanna was watching a noisy holovid – a "Western". She was howling with laughter – he almost turned to go, he was not exactly in the mood for hilarity, but curiosity got the better of him.

"What’s so funny?"

"Well whoever wrote this holovid was more interested in plot than in authenticity. Look at this!"

She transferred the programme to the appropriate spot.

Will looked puzzled.

"I didn’t think cigarette-smoking cowboys buckled their seatbelts and drove off into the sunset after a show-down."

Deanna was still giggling

"I know – that’s what’s so funny. Whoever wrote this seems to not have realised that they would have been on horses."

Deanna’s good mood was infectious. He started to feel better, more relaxed. Deanna snuggled against him companionably. He couldn’t help but notice her smooth, un-pantyhosed legs, but reminded himself "She doesn’t want to while we’re on the same ship". He ignored the western, enjoying her company and remembering back to a time when he had caressed and kissed those smooth legs – he still wasn’t sure whether she used depilatory cream or had the beauty salon on the Enterprise to work some magic – looking at them, he decided it didn’t really matter. He sighed contentedly as he started to drift off to sleep, warmed by Deanna’s presence.

Maybe being Captain wasn’t such a bad thing after all, as long as he had Deanna at his side.

End