New: Remembrance (R/T)
Rating R
Setting: Before Insurrection
Paramount is the owner of all blah blah blah, but the situation is my own.
Part 1/?

"Who are you?" She stared at him with wide black eyes, but without
recognition and he could feel his heart shatter in his chest.
"You don't remember me?" He asked slowly, grasping for any semblance of
understanding that somehow, somewhere she knew who he was.
"No, should I?" She gazed at him questioningly, but without fear, as a
million reasons why she should know him fluttered through his head… thoughts
which she had once been able to read as clearly as if they had been her own.
<Yes dammit, I've been in love with you for over ten years.> Images of
their past together on Betazed, mingled with flashes of their present
friendship and working relationship flew through his mind but he did not
visibly change his expression, nor did he voice his thoughts.
"We, (are Imzadi!) are both part of the Senior Staff, Deanna."
"Senior Staff?" She echoed.
"Yes, you are the Ship's Counselor and I am the First Officer."
She shook her head slowly, as if to clear her mind. "Counselor, yes, that
is what Doctor Crusher told me."
"Do you remember her?"
"Umm, a little I think. We, exercise together."
'Yes, yes you do." Will smiled slightly, although it did not reach his
normally sparkling blue eyes. Even if she did not remember him, at least she
remembered someone.
"What is your name?" She asked, liking the way his smile lit up his
bearded face.
He sighed and sat in the chair at her bedside, where he had been spending
the majority of his time lately.
"Will Riker."
"And you are the First Officer?" She asked, trying to put the names
together in her mind.
"Yes, I am."
"Oh. Then, can you tell me what happened to me, (she searched her mind
for the appropriate title) Commander?"
He flinched slightly as he settled more deeply into the chair. Deanna
felt a sudden wave of sadness wash over her. Dr. Crusher had said that she
was empathic, and Deanna was starting to get accustomed to feeling the
emotions of others, as well as having vague impressions that she once knew
how to deal with this herself, as well as help others with their own
emotional problems and control. Yet, at the same time, she had no
understanding of the motivation behind the Commander's sudden emotional shift.
"We were beginning an away mission to Allegoria III when there was a
sudden electrical overload in the shuttle and we crashed into the surface.
You were injured in the crash."
Riker closed his eyes and opened them again, quickly blinking away the
jarring halt to the shuttle's otherwise fluid movements and the vision of
Deanna being hurled into the console, the sound of her head striking the
metal. He had rushed to her side, oblivious of the falling debris, and at the
same time yelling for a status report. There was a three inch gash across her
forehead, just above her right eye, and another wound on her temple. Blood
was pouring out from that wound and running from her hair to her eyes from
the other. She was unconscious and unresponsive. He immediately contacted the
Enterprise and had them beamed to Sickbay, leaving Data in charge of the
26 hours later, after waiting for her to wake up after her life-saving
surgery, Riker still hadn't left Sickbay, although he maintained contact with
both the Captain and the away team, both parties understanding that this was
where he was most needed at the moment. Especially now that she had awakened
with little memory of who she was or who anyone else was, for that matter.
Deanna waited for him to open his eyes again before posing her next question,
"Oh. Is that why I don't recall what happened?"
"Yes, Deanna, you suffered a head injury, but you are going to be just
fine. Now why don't you get some rest and Doctor Crusher and I will answer
all of your questions when you are feeling better, all right?" He noticed her
raise a hand to her head and she nodded sleepily as he spoke.
"Thank you Commander." She shifted to her side in the biobed and fell
fast asleep. Will tucked the blanket around her slender form and gently
kissed her forehead, then he stepped quietly away. He walked over the off ice
of the Chief Medical Officer and walked inside.

Beverly Crusher looked up from the various PADDS on the desk before her and
motioned for him to sit across from her.
"Did she remember you at all?" She asked. The moment Deanna had awoken
Beverly's medical team had done a quick exam and checked her vitals, then left
her alone with Will.
"No. She didn't know my name or anything about me. When I told her I was
the First Officer, she did remember to call me Commander though." Crusher
sighed heavily and leaned across the desk towards him her arms folded across
her chest.
"I was hoping that she would remember something more, especially you. The
more quickly she remembers people and things, the faster the rest of her
memory should return."
"Is there anything I could do to stimulate her memory return?"
"When she returns to her quarters in a few days, point out objects in her
quarters ad relate the stories behind them if you know them, try holodeck
programs, anything you think which may spark her memory. Little steps are
just as good as large ones, but we shouldn't expect one thing to trigger all
of her lost memories, although it is possible."
"Okay. I've spoken to Lwaxana and she said it would take her almost three
months to get here from the Antholian sector, but that she was going to
contact Mr. Homn and have him send a package of Deanna's belongings which she
thinks may help. It should be here in a couple of days. Has she recalled
anything else so far?" he asked hopefully.
"Well, she remembers her name, as well as a few of her patients, me
slightly, her mother's name and title, her graduation date from the Academy
and what her favorite food and color is, but she can't remember where her
quarters are located or how to use a replicator.
"I don't believe this is selective amnesia Will, it is more as if parts of
her memory have just been wiped clean because of her head trauma. With the
massive blood loss, oxygen deprivation and cranial trauma, she is lucky to be
alive. It is entirely possible that she will never regain those memories but
I am hopeful, because she does have some of her memory intact."
"Yes, Beverly, I realize that. And Captain Picard has made allowances for me
to remain with Deanna for as long as she needs me. I can make up my shifts
when she is well again, or while she is sleeping."
"And what about you Will? You aren't like Data, you do require rest yourself.
As the CMO I can order you to," She trailed off as he raised a hand to
silence her.
"I will set aside time to sleep Doctor. But I am doubtful that I will be able
to rest until Deanna is healed again."
Crusher smiled slightly. "Acknowledged and accepted Commander. Deanna should
be asleep for at least 6 hours, I will notify you when she awakens again. So
if you would be so kind as to go to your quarters"
"Actually if you don't mind, I'd rather stay here, in case Deanna is
disoriented when she wakes."
"What? Will Riker is actually volunteering to remain in Sickbay without the
threat of restraining over his head. I'm in shock, I never thought I'd see
this day."
Beverly quickly sobered upon seeing the grim expression on his face. If it
wasn't for Deanna he wouldn't be here, and she knew it. Her attempt to
lighten this very serious situation had failed, even as Will allowed a
fleeting, weak smile to barely brush over his lips.
"Of course. Deanna is in a private room, Will, I'll just have some of the
nurses move a cot into there for you.'
"Thank you." He reached his arm across the table and squeezed her hand. Then
he rose and walked back to Deanna's room, to once again sit by the side of
his beloved.


New: Remembrance (R/T)
By: Jrgnfly
Rating R
Setting: Before Insurrection
Paramount is the owner of all blah blah blah, but the situation is my own.
Part 2/?

3 days later¦

"Does anything look familiar?" Will asked, as he and Deanna entered her
quarters after her release from Sickbay. Deanna had been surprised that even
though she had no idea as to where her quarters were located, she had been
able to recall the access code with which to enter them. Troi's eyes quickly
took in her surroundings, her black eyes sweeping the front room to see if
anything would catch her eye. Nothing did.
"I don't think so." She walked over to her vanity table, lifted a fragile
looking bottle of perfume and cautiously sniffed at that fragrance inside
before replacing the stopper and placing it back down again. Will couldn't
help but laugh.
"What?" She asked, confused.
"Well there was a time a few years ago when the entire crew had lost their
memories. When we figured out who we were and where our quarters were, the
first thing you did upon finding yours was that." He gestured to the bottle
on the table.
Deanna shrugged. "Memories are supposed to be associated with scents. I
learned that in Psychology … 287. It's strange that I remember that but I
don't know how long I've served aboard this ship."
"That I can help you with. You've been the Counselor of the Enterprise for a
little more than 7 years."
"Have you been aboard that long, too Commander."
"Yes I have. Deanna, we aren't on duty now, you can call me Will."
"Oh, okay. Do you know me well, Will?"
"Yes. We are good friends. Why do you ask, Deanna? Do you remember
something?" <Please let her remember!>
"No. It's just that you've been spending so much time with me lately, trying
to help. I know you are very busy and that there are other things you'd
rather be doing.."
"No. There is nothing else I'd rather do." He took her hand and saw something
flash in her eyes at their touch. But just as quickly it disappeared.
Embarrassed, Deanna released his hand, and reached for the first object in
the box which had been delivered to her in Sickbay that morning. It was the
package Mr. Homn had sent from Betazed.
"What kind of tree is this, do you know?" She asked, handing the figure to
"It's an Elmoran. Native to your home planet of Betazed. They only grow in
tropical climate and the moisture produces edible berries which are very
sweet." Deanna tilted her head and looked at Will quizzically.
"Are you from Betazed too, Will? You seem to know a lot about the vegetation."
"No, I was raised in Alaska on Earth, but I was stationed on Betazed for a
few months when I was a lieutenant (j.g). He said, as they sat down on the
"I have very few memories of growing up there now, but I do remember that it
is very beautiful and that the people were verbally quiet because of all of
the telepathy, but it was quite peaceful."
"Yes, it is very beautiful, if a little too quiet for my tastes."
"That's to be expected." She giggled, and he joined in. When the laughter
faded away they were faced with an awkward silence which Riker quickly tried
to remedy.
"Deanna, how are you coping with all of this?" She looked up from her hands.
"Okay, so far, I guess. It's kind of exciting, but at the same time, really
quite frightening, virtually everyone is a stranger to me. I'm a stranger
"Am I stranger, Deanna?" He was afraid of the answer but he had to know.
"No, not any more." She shook her head. "I don't know much about you, but I
know that I am comfortable when I am around both you, and Doctor Crusher too.
That's a start at least, isn't it?"
"I think so too." He rose and pulled her to her feet. "Is there anything
you'd like to do, Deanna? Although Beverly said to take it easy for a few
days, there is no reason that we can't explore the ship. I always love giving
"Okay, I noticed on the map that Beverly gave me that there is an arboretum
on board. Can we start there?"
"Your wish is my command." Still laughing, the two of them exited her
quarters and headed to the nearest turbolift. Deanna's first day of discovery
had begun.

            Later that evening

The outing in the arboretum had been wonderful for both of them and
Deanna had been delighted to realize that she knew many of the flowers which
grow there, not only by sight and scent, but by name as well. In fact, she
had known more of the flowers then Will did. It had turned into a kind of
contest between them, one covering the other's eyes and pulling them towards
a bush or lowering a vine to guess which fragrance went with which flower.
Deanna was by far the victor, and as a reward, Will picked up an Andorian
Lily as they were leaving and tucked it behind her right ear.
For dinner they had gone to the Starboard Lounge, Will had thought that
Ten Forward may have been too crowded at the time, and didn't want to confuse
Deanna with all of the people who may have been there. And he had been right,
Deanna much preferred the Starboard Lounge, where they were 2 of the only 9
shipmates who had chosen to go there this evening.
Deanna looked at the server, then at Will and said, "I would like a
chocolate sundae please."
"A sundae? For dinner?" Will asked, incredulously.
"Yes. Oh, and some extra chocolate whipped cream, too." The server nodded
and left.
"So you remember that you love chocolate, huh?"
"No, Will that's something I never forgot."
After their meal, dinner for him, dessert for her, Deanna had quickly
tired, and Will had escorted her back to her room.
"Thank you for walking me back, Will."
"You're welcome, Deanna, but it's no trouble, my quarters are right next
"Oh, I wasn't aware of that." Deanna said, suddenly flustered.
"Well, now you do. So if you need anything, just let me know. You do
remember how to use your communicator, right?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay. Good night Deanna. Thank you for the pleasure of your company." He
smiled as he bent slightly, to plant a kiss atop her head, inhaling the
fragrance of her hair, mingling with the lily which was still entwined in the
raven strands.
"And remember, on our next outing to the arboretum, I demand a rematch."
"Of course, Will, but I suspect that the outcome will remain the same."
She said, her eyes twinkling through her exhaustion. She turned away from him
and entered her quarters, pausing to wave at him as the doors hissed closed.
She put the flower from her hair into a vase on the table, and wondered why
her heart had started racing when she learned that he lived next door… and
would be sleeping in the room opposite her bedroom. Sighing softly, she
headed for the bathroom, ready to spend her first night alone in unfamiliar

In the next cabin

Will Riker paused for a moment before reporting for duty on the Bridge.
He still had almost ten minutes before his shift began. The day had been so
relaxing, and so comfortable, Will had forgotten how good it felt to spend
time alone with Deanna, and so many times he had to stop himself from leaning
over and kissing her, but he knew that right now that was the last thing she
needed. She barely remembered who he was, let alone the fact that they had
once had a very passionate romantic involvement. And even if she did recall
that they were Imzadi, he had told her that they were friends. To kiss her
now would only complicate matters between them and confuse her. Deanna was
already confused, as was he. The only difference was that even through his
confusion, Riker was aware of one very important thing, he wanted a future
with Deanna Troi, even if she never remembered her past.

            The next morning, Deanna made it to Sickbay on her own. She did not want to
wake Will, knowing that it was only 0900 hours and he had just gotten off his
duty shift 3 hours before. Although Beverly had said that she would send an
aide to assist her, Deanna had insisted that she could get there on her own.
And indeed she had, feeling quite pleased with herself for doing so.
Beverly had asked Deanna to join her for breakfast, and Deanna had
happily agreed, wanting to share her previous day's success in the arboretum
with the Doctor, knowing that the tow of them were friends before she lost
her memory, and she was hoping to reestablish that friendship between them.
After doing a quick neural scan, which told them all was well, the two
women settled down to a light breakfast of hot rolls and fresh fruit. Beverly
had coffee and Deanna, her trademark mug of hot chocolate.
"So, tell me Deanna, how have you been adjusting?"
"Actually it's been a little disconcerting. Three people said hello to me
on my way here, and I didn't know any of them. But it got me thinking,
Beverly what is going to happen to my patients while I am off duty? I don't
want them to have go without counseling yet at the same time I don't think it
would be wise for me to go back to work until I have a better sense of who I
am and what I do."
"That sounds logical, Deanna." Beverly smiled and took another sip of her
steaming brew. "But don't worry about it. Your two assistants understand the
situation and have been notifying your patients and letting them know that
they are available. And there are seven other licensed psychologists on board
the Enterprise at this time, and I know that at least four of them would be
happy to help out with the patient load. They would also be willing to speak
to you as well, if you have any questions I can't answer or don't want to
discuss with your staff. It may be good to talk to someone about what has
happened, Deanna. Or just talk shop with the about Psychology in general to
see what you remember, or what they may be able to help you remember."
"Thank you, Beverly. I will take it under consideration." But Crusher
could see that Troi did not appear enthused about talking to a professional
about the accident and subsequent aftermath, let alone how she was coping
with it. She did, however, appear to be doing rather well at the moment, and
Beverly hoped that she wasn't trying to cover her feelings for the benefit of
herself and Riker, because that could only impede her recovery.

Deanna sat down in her quarters and placed her head in her hands. She was
so disoriented that she barely remembered her own name these days. And she
was both physically and mentally exhausted as well. She had barely been able
to sleep the previous night, thoughts of the past had flitted around her
head, but were still beyond the reach of her conscious mind. Just when she
thought that she could grasp whatever it was that she was remembering, she
would awaken. And when she finally awoke, Deanna was startled because for
some reason she had thought that she was in a jungle. Whenever she tried to
remember just about anything she was struck by a mental wall. If only she
could break through it, but she couldn't.
And everyone else's emotions around her were dizzying, she could barely
field out her own in order to separate them from the others. But yesterday in
the arboretum had been so much easier. Of all the people she had 'met' over
the past week, the one she felt the most comfortable around was Commander
William Riker. She didn't know why, she hadn't remembered anything about him,
but still there was something about him, besides the fact that she found him
wildly attractive, that is. She couldn't explain it.
What she did know, however, was that it could be detrimental to her
health if she became too dependent on him in her present condition, so she
knew that as much as she hated the thought, she probably should not be
spending as much time with him as she had been lately. This was the reason
she had taken to wandering around on her own, as frightening as that had been
for her.
She lifted her head and headed to the bedroom where she changed into a
nightgown and climbed into bed. She hated being so tired that she constantly
napped all the time, but she couldn't fight it. It may be another few weeks
before she regained all of her strength. She burrowed under the covers and
instantly fell into a fitful sleep.

            The next thing Deanna knew, someone was standing over her bed and calling
name. Begrudgingly, she opened her eyes and looked directly into the bright
blue eyes of Will Riker.
"Deanna are you all right? I've been trying to reach you for the past
hours. I had been wondering if you would like to have dinner with me, but when
you didn't respond I had assumed that you had other plans. When I realized
that you have been asleep the whole time I got worried."
"Dinner? What happened to Lunch? Will what time is it?" The questions
attempted to assert themselves from the cloud of fog which enclosed her head.
"2015 hours."
"2015 hours?" She echoed, doing a mental countdown of hours. She had been
asleep for over eight hours! It had barely been noon when she had decided to
lay down. In the recesses of her mind Deanna heard a clock chiming and a child
laughing, then it was gone just as quickly as it had come. Will saw the look
surprise on her face and sat on the bed beside her.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to call Beverly?"
"No, Will I'm fine. I didn't realize how tired I had been that's all."
"Oh, all right." Deanna tried to sit up, but was thwarted by the soft
behind her back; she kept slipping further down into them.
"Here let me help." Will leaned closer and placed his arm behind her,
using a
scooping motion to lift her into a sitting position. Instinctively, Deanna
wrapped her arm around his neck to help him. As he moved her, his cheek was
only millimeters from hers, his beard rasping slowly over her soft skin.
shivered, despite the warmth of the room, but finally she could sit up.
"Thank you." She managed to say as her eyes locked with his. He stared
her deep black eyes without speaking for a moment, and without moving away,
though his eyes spoke volumes to her soul.
"You're welcome." He finally replied. He moved closer to kiss her on the
but Deanna was almost paralyzed by emotion and did not incline her cheek. Will
took a chance and kissed her lips instead.
The kiss was very soft and very sweet and over way too quickly for both of
them. When Will finally pulled away from her he saw confusion in her eyes.
Confusion, and something else, something akin to understanding. A word was
whispering at the back of her mind but still she could not hear it. Then she
blinked and all was quiet.
Will was about to apologize when he stopped himself. He was just as
as he imagined she was, but he knew that he wasn't sorry in the least for
kissing her. But now there was an awkward silence between them. Will smiled at
her pleasantly and attempted to ease the tension.
"Since you've been sleeping so long I'm sure you must be hungry. Tell me
you would like to eat, I'll get it for you."
"A sandwich would be fine, thank you." Will left the room to go to the
replicator and Deanna lay her head back against the pillows again, sighing
heavily as she closed her eyes.

Will returned a few moments later and handed Deanna a plate with a ham
sandwich and potato chips, and a mug of Valerian root tea. Then he sat at the
edge of the bed, watching as Deanna started nibbling.
She barely picked at her food, wanting to keep the taste of his kiss on
lips for as long as possible. She smiled shyly and offered him a potato chip.
Will reached forward to accept it and Deanna surprised both herself and him by
placing it in his mouth, rather than his outstretched hand. Her thumb brushed
his lower lip before returning to her food, and Will's eyes locked with hers.
Her boldness fled in an instant and she looked back down at her plate,
embarrassed by her actions. Although it didn't feel like it, he was still
virtually a stranger to her, not to mention a commanding officer.
"What's the matter? Aren't you hungry?" Will asked, concerned. First she
slept all day, and now she was hardly eating anything. He was wondering if a
visit to Sickbay would be the best idea.
"I guess not. But really Will, I don't need to go back to Sickbay." Will
stared at her in shock.
"I never said that aloud, Deanna did you just read my thoughts?" Dee
on the verge of tears. She was so confused that she didn't know whether she
read them or not, but, she thought she had.
"I guess so." Then she gasped. "Will I am so sorry, I had no right to
your thoughts like that, I didn't mean to really. I honestly would never, if
I knew that I was doing that I'd stop," On and on she rambled until Will cut
her off.
"Shh. Deanna it's all right really. There is nothing to be concerned
about. I
was just surprised that's all." <And elated> Perhaps this was the chance he
been waiting for to tell her about their past and hopefully future
"Oh. Okay." She gazed at him expectantly, he looked as though there was
something he wanted to say to her, and she sensed that it was something
important. Still he made no move to speak, and the awkward silence between
grew, amplified by Deanna's waiting, and Will's not being sure whether or not
he should tell Deanna about their past relationship and the fact that he had
never stopped loving her.
But, as he usually did when he wanted to say something important to her,
lost his nerve and remained silent. Noticing that Deanna was still looking up
at him, he smiled slightly and once again attempted to reassure her that it
really was okay that she had accidentally read his thoughts.
Deanna smiled in response, but she was still confused. Something inside
said that this wasn't what he had originally wanted to talk about, hadn't he
just dismissed what had happened as trivial a few moments earlier? It was
obvious that in bringing it up once again, Will was just looking for a way to
divert the subject away from what he wanted to say. And although she was sorry
for accidentally discerning what he was thinking about a few moments earlier,
now she truly wished that she could figure out what he had been thinking.
Still looking slightly flustered Will made some vague excuse about having
check on some strategy with Data and left after quickly brushing the top of
Deanna's head with his lips.
She sat there in bed completely dumbfounded, as her spine still tingled
his earlier kiss. She wished she understood what it was about Will Riker which
made her feel so, giddy, not to mention nervous. She knew it wasn't just the
fact that he was handsome, okay, the most handsome man she had ever seen, or
remembered seeing for that matter. There was something else. Something she
couldn't quite grasp but knew she ought to. The feeling got stronger every
she saw him, and each time it became harder to let him leave, yet at the same
time she was so frightened of making a fool out of herself when she was around
him… these thoughts were quickly exhausting her, even though she had slept
most of the day away. Deanna lay back against the pillows, and closed her eyes
still thinking about the reaction to that kiss, and how just the nearness of
him was enough to make her want to pull him into bed with her, not that she
could even remember making love before... She sighed and waited for sleep to
follow. Then she drifted back into dreams and memories.

            "I thought I'd find you here."
Deanna heard the deep voice from the shore and squinted her eyes against
brightness of the Betazed sun. She raised her left hand to shield herself from
the glare. The only sound she had heard for the last few hours was from the
waterfalls rushing in her ears. Her lips curled into a smile as she stopped
sunning herself on the rocks and dove into the cool water, to swim towards her
visitor. She emerged on the other side of the lagoon, hair dripping with water
and raised tossed her head back.
"I wasn't aware that I was missing." She laughed, locking her arms around
leg. She looked up into his smiling face after taking a long leisurely look at
his nude body and asked with mock seriousness, "Aren't you going to join me?"
He knelt down to the edge of the water and said with equal seriousness, "Now
how could I refuse an invitation like that?"
Deanna's black eyes turned impish and with one swift jerk of her arms, she
heaved Will directly into the waves in front of her as he sputtered and sank
beneath the waves.
"Hey! Why did you do that?" He asked, brushing water out of his eyes.
shrugged and Will's eyes widened as her bare shoulders rose out of the water.
He was completely taken off guard as she cupped her hands together and
a great deal of water into his face, so intent was he on the vision of her
beneath the surface. He sputtered, and went after her, cleanly swimming
the water. But she had disappeared.
"Deanna? Dee where are you?" He turned around in a circle in search of his
disappearing lover. He could not see where she gone but distinctly heard a
giggle from the vicinity of the rocks behind him, and immediately swam in that
direction. He crept up behind the rocks, and saw Deanna standing in waist deep
water, her hair falling around her body in a cascade of curls, rapidly drying
in the midday heat.
She didn't seem to be aware of his incumbent presence, yet she had to know
that he would be looking for her. Still, he managed to maintain the element of
surprise this time, by swiftly charging at her, and catching her around the
waist. Deanna squealed and kicked her legs trying to break free from his
embrace. She gave up in her attempts as he lowered his hands to her hips, and
drew them slowly down her thighs. Her fighting had drawn the mass of her hair
over her left shoulder and Will bent his head accordingly to nibble at the
exposed skin of her right side. Deanna shuddered slightly and sank further
into the water as his hands wandered back up her legs and cupped her bottom in
his hands, winding her legs around his calves.
<Imzadi> Deanna distinctly heard in her mind as he carried her with him
to the rocks where she had chosen to hide from him… or at least attempted to.
In the center of the jagged rocks was a long smooth one, under the falls.
of erosion had fashioned a ledge out of it, and it was here that Will led
Deanna. He sat down on the bench and drew her more tightly around him, his
hands loosening from her bottom to stroke the petal soft skin of her inner
thighs. Deanna moaned softly and buried her head in his chest, the warm water
flowing from the rocks above them over her now soaked hair and shoulders.
Will kissed her forehead, then placed a finger under her chin and lifted
towards him, angling her lips towards his, and bestowing a heated,
breath-taking kiss upon her now parted lips. He thrilled when her tongue
followed him from her mouth back into his. They were lost within each other,
unaware of where one kiss ended and another began. For hours it seemed, then
Will released her lips and began kissing a path across her shoulders and down
her chest, caressing her breasts with his mouth and loving fingers. Deanna
moaned and arched her back, thrusting her hips against his as she granted him
greater access to her highly sensitive and aroused flesh.
She turned her head and lowered his hands to her hips, raising her thighs
begging him to enter her. He happily obliged, grasping her hips firmly in his
large hands, and as she was poised just over his pulsing arousal…

Deanna opened her eyes, breathing heavily. She sat upright in bed, her
nightgown clinging to her sweat-soaked skin, at the highly arousing fantasy
had just experienced. These fantasies about the First Officer were occurring
more and more frequently these days. She could barely face him anymore, she
kept imagining the two of them making love…but she couldn't comprehend why in
this last dream Will was missing… his beard and just what exactly was…

The next morning in Sickbay…

"Have you considered hypnosis, Deanna?" Beverly asked. It had been almost
months and her friend had not had much progress regaining her memory loss. But
she had been able to return to semi- active duty, and had started seeing
patients again on a somewhat limited basis. Her knowledge regarding her
patients had returned, with the aid of their personnel files, but she was
in the dark about her past personal relationships both aboard the Enterprise,
and off ship.
"No. I don't think that is a good idea. It is inconclusive, and I don't
to get my hopes up, only to have them shattered if it doesn't work." She spoke
quickly, to change Crusher's mind as soon as possible. With the erotic
which had been flying through her head, from almost the moment she had awoken
in Sickbay, she did not want to take the risk of inadvertently saying
which could embarrass herself or anyone else for that matter, and a hypnotic
trance could certainly cause that to occur.
"I'm surprised. I thought you would welcome any possible means of getting
memory back."
"I've decided that if I'm meant to regain my memories, I will. I don't
want to
dwell on the past… what I may never remember… I'd rather concentrate on the
present, and what I can do and remember tomorrow about today." But she didn't
sound too convinced… and Beverly certainly wasn't.

"Do you have a moment, Commander?"
"Certainly, Doctor. How may I help you?" Will asked amiably, as Crusher
towards him as the doors from the turbolift opened.
"Actually… it's not me, it's Deanna."
"What about Deanna, is she all right, Beverly?" Will's voice filled with
"Well, physically Deanna is fine. Emotionally… I'm not too sure."
"What do you mean? She seems fine to me. True she is a little jumpy
especially when she is on the bridge, but it hasn't affected her performance…
if anything she is a more exemplary officer than before, and even the captain
didn't believe that possible."
"Yes Will, the captain has made me aware of that as well, but don't you
it's odd that Deanna isn't actively searching out the memories that she lost.
There was no permanent damage to her neocortex , and no reason that she would
not be able to get those memories back. They were not destroyed, only

Holodeck 4

The doors hissed open, revealing the gridded square of the bare holodeck.
looked around it uncertainly for a few moments, then walked over to the
programming panel.
"Computer, list all of the holodeck programs created by Counselor Deanna
" A list of four programs appeared on the panel and Deanna was surprised that
there weren't more available. "I suppose I don't spend too much time on the
holodeck." After scanning the list briefly, she decided that it was best if
started at the beginning.
"Computer, run Holodeck Program Troi Beta 1." The grid instantly
into a spectacular setting which Deanna could recall as being the Singing
Skies. She moved on to the second program which turned out to be the front
of the University on Betazed. The third program she did not recognize, it
appeared to be a scene from the Old West, but although she remembered enjoying
stories of that nature as a child, she could not figure out why there was a
holodeck program of that kind in her file. This was getting her nowhere.
sighed and called up the last program on the list.
"Computer, initiate Holodeck Program Troi Beta 4." The Old West suddenly
changed into a scene which took Deanna's breath away. She was now standing
amidst an exact replica of the jungle/waterfall which she had seen in her
dreams for the past three nights. Everything was duplicated precisely, down to
the flowering vines and shrubbery which framed the lagoon set at the edge of
the falls.
Troi sank to the ground and closed her eyes, overwhelmed. Her mind was
with fleeting images which flew uncontrollably fast. She saw herself running
frantically through the jungle, the sound of heavy footsteps directly behind
her, echoing with each rapid beat of her heart. Then without warning these
visions changed into glimpses of the erotic scene which had been haunting her.
Then she saw herself on a bridge of an unfamiliar ship dressed as a Romulan,
shooting a Borg with a phaser, and at the helm of the Enterprise as it crashed
into land. They continuously swirled together in her mind until her mental
capacity could no longer handle it. She just… shut down. If she hadn't
already been laying on the ground she would have fallen, but she just simply
sank into unconsciousness , the sounds of the jungle masking the shallow
breaths which emerged slower and slower from her lips, and amidst the life
around her, the faint moving of her chest was barely noticeable.

Back on Deck 5…

"How do you think I should approach her about this, Beverly?" Will asked,
trying to figure out the best way to have Deanna talk to him about how she was
coping with, or rather denying, her condition. He was at a loss and open to
and all possible suggestions.
"Well she has been closer to you these days than anyone else. And to be
perfectly honest, I'm afraid that if I try to say something to her about this,
I'll sound more like a doctor than a friend. And she really needs her friends
right now Will."
"I agree with you, however I don't want to sound as if I'm accusing her of
anything, though."
"I don't think you will. Deanna trusts you implicitly, even though she
remember the close friends that you used to be. I think that if you spoke to
her, she would be more inclined to listen, than if I, or anyone else for that
matter said something about this. Normally I would be worried about her
becoming dependant on you, but she seems to be doing almost too admirable a
of dealing with this situation on her own, but she isn't withdrawing from the
crew, at least not anymore than would be expected. She's been doing remarkably
well with her patients, too. Is she in her office now, do you know?" Crusher's
blue eyes were serious… and filled with concern for her friend and patient.
"I'm not sure. Computer, locate Counselor Deanna Troi."
<Counselor Deanna Troi is currently on Holodeck 4.>
"Well, I guess there is your answer Beverly. I think I may just pay the
counselor a visit momentarily. I'm off duty for the rest of the day if you'd
like to discuss this more, later."
"Okay. Will, thank you. I'll be in my office for the rest of the
Will nodded.
"It's no problem at all, Doc. I'll do whatever I can to help Deanna." He
strode back to the turbolift doors and entered, whistling with the prospect
that he would be seeing Deanna again shortly.

As he got out of the turbolift, the feeling that something was wrong, struck
him intensely. He started walking faster, hitting his comm badge as he almost
ran down the corridor.
<Riker to Troi> There was no answer. He tapped it again insistently.
<Riker to Troi, Deanna can you hear me?> There was still no response.
he reached the entrance and walked into the holodeck. He didn't take the time
to look at his surroundings, so intent was he on finding Deanna. He
flew through the jungle in search of her. Then he saw her. She was laying at
the foot of the falls, practically lifeless. Will dropped to his knees and lay
his head on her chest, becoming somewhat relieved at hearing her heart
albeit quite rapidly. This was an obvious contradiction to the shallow breaths
which escaped from her throat, and had her gasping for air. She was
unconscious. Riker hit his badge again frantically.
<Riker to Crusher. I need an emergency med unit in Holodeck 4. Now!>
<Acknowledged, on my way Will. What is the situation?>
<It's Deanna. I don't know what happened, but she was unconscious when I
here and I can't wake her up. She's barely breathing and unresponsive.> As he
finished the statement, Crusher burst into the holodeck, Nurse Alyssa Ogawa
an anti-grav med cart right behind her. They immediately headed towards the
on the ground, Crusher activating her tricorder as she approached. Crusher
began scanning Deanna, as Ogawa prepared the cart in order to transfer Deanna
to Sickbay. The tricorder began beeping as it was poised above Deanna's head.
It beeped louder and faster, echoing the rapid beats of her heart.
"There is extreme activity in her neo-cortex. She needs to be sedated
she falls deeper into shock. Computer, run program Crusher alpha -6." The
jungle scene dissipated, giving way to an exact replica of the sterile
atmosphere of the Enterprise's Sickbay. Then Crusher and Ogawa went about
getting Deanna stabilized, pushing Will into the background, as he looked on
By the time Deanna was stable enough to be moved to the real Sickbay,
over an
hour had passed. However she was unable to control the synaptic responses in
her neo-cortex and the fluctions within her para-cortex. And her seratonin
levels were still off the charts. But finally they left Sickbay, Riker holding
tightly to Troi's fingers and silently pleading with her to wake up. Finally
they got her settled in order to run tests and Riker instinctively moved to
follow them, only to be thwarted by Crusher.
"Oh no you don't." She gestured to a chair away from the biobed. "Sit."
commanded. The look in her eyes was enough to make Will back down... if only
slightly, although he dragged the chair as close to the biobed as he could
without getting in the way of the medical team which had gathered around his
Imzadi. He desperately wished that they hadn't separated him from Deanna....
what if she needed or wanted him...if she was awoke and was disorieneted, or
had gotten her memory back... he refused to entertain the though that she
not awaken again.
It felt as though he was sitting there for days, as they endlessly worked
Deanna. Finally Beverly gestured for him to join her by the bed.
"How is she?" He whispered.
"Not too good. For some reason she seemed to just... shut down almost
completely. Her brain waves are active, almost too much so, and I can't get
seratonin levels to drop. There are now odd fluctuations in her cerebral
cortex. We have added artificial respiration in order to take some of the
strain off her heart and allow her lungs to rest. Honestly Will, I don't know
what to make of this, but it doesn't appear that she is in any danger, at
not yet.

In the recesses of Deanna Troi's mind...

Deanna was completely unaware of all the bustle which was occurring around
her... for her. She was wandering around her own mind, submerged in memories
the past.... things better off forgotten. The fear accompanying them had
settled deep into her heart, manifesting itself in her rapid pulse. Captain
Picard approached her, but when Deanna walked towards him she saw a Borg in
place, speaking in his voice and wearing his face. "I am Locutus of Borg. You
will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
She shuddered, both in mind and in her comatose state. The memory changed and
suddenly she was seeing herself as a child, standing with her mother at her
father's memorial service. There hadn't been any remains for a funeral. She
became numb as her mother sobbed and clutched tightly at her daughter's hand.
But Deanna felt none of this, so immersed was she within her own grieving
Then the scene shifted again and a teenaged Deanna wandered into the
Embassy Suite only to find Will Riker wrapped around the form of a naked young
woman... one of her own friends. Then she was standing with Will in the
hallway, yelling and insulting each other. Finally she spun on her heel and
left, only to find herself aboard the Enterprise to see him flirting with
various women. Then she aged rapidly and turned into a middle-aged women whose
advances he was rebuffing and, incensed, she raked her nails across his cheek,
leaving trails of blood in their wake. She saw him leaving for various away
missions, always frightened that he wouldn't return, and in truth he never
did... at least not to her. Whenever he looked at her, her heart shattered
little bit more, for she saw in his eyes, that she was only a colleague now...
and then a friend, but never Imzadi... never again. Then the memories changed
again, and she was at her Will's side while he lay in a coma as parasites
attacked his nervous system. And Will's form changed into that of her mother
in the Enterprise's Sickbay... and she was at the helm of the ship as it
hurtled from space... in order to crash into the planet below....

<Picard to Riker>
<Riker here>
<You were due on the Bridge at 0600 hours, it is now 0615>
<My apologies Captain, but I think you should come down to Sickbay...
been an incident involving Counselor Troi, that you need to be aware of>
<Acknowledged on my way> Riker's posture relaxed from the formal one he
adopted on duty, even if he had only been using the comm badge. He had been
sitting at Deanna's bedside all night and for part of the morning, without
moving from the chair. Deanna's hand still rested in his, he lifted it from
lap and raised it to his lips.
Picard entered Sickbay, took one look at Riker and Troi, and went directly
towards the office of the Chief Medical Officer for some answers, rather than
disturb his First Officer. Beverly was seated at the desk. She gestured for
Picard to take the seat across from her as he began to speak.
"Dr. Crusher... I assume that there is a reasonable explanation for why
Commander Riker is in the process of missing his duty shift and Counselor Troi
is laying on a biobed in your Sickbay."
"Get yourself a cup of tea Jean-Luc. You're going to need it."

    Images continued swirling through Deanna's confused mind, superimposing
themselves on top of each other. And then they stopped... at least for the
moment. And Deanna opened her eyes, looking directly in Will's. He squeezed
hand tightly again, and was surprised when she pulled away from him.
"Are you all right Deanna?"
"No. No I'm not." She said sharply, edging away from him.
"Would you like me to get Beverly?"
"No. I want to know why you have spent the past few months lying to me...
every single day."
"Lying to you? Deanna what are you taking about?" Deanna opened her mouth
did not get any further, because Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher walked out of
her office and headed towards the biobed.
"Well, are you feeling? you gave us quite a scare there."
"I'm fine Doctor." But there was an edge to her voice which belied her
"Are you sure Deanna?"
"Yes, quite sure. In fact, I'd like to return to my quarters. I just got
slightly dizzy and passed out that's all."
"That's all? Deanna do you realize that you have been here for the past
fourteen hours... and that you've had abnormal brain patterns, high seratonin
levels and had to be on a respirator for almost three hours?" Crusher's voice
was incredulous, she couldn't believe that after all that Troi wanted to get
and leave as if she'd had something as mundane as a paper cut... if such a
thing could even be considered mundane anymore in the 24th century of
electronics and PADD's.
"Well... I'm sure that it's just the Betazoid brain healing itself again.
since this Betazoid brain belongs to this Betazoid, I assure you that I am
fine and I wish to be released." Troi's attention flipped to the Captain for a
"And Captain thank you for coming down here, but I am all right. And as
Commander Riker, he can go back to duty. I can manage just fine on my own."
three surrounding Deanna exchanged glances.... Troi had just read Picard's
to a tee, and all were surprised at the snappish tone of her voice and
demeanor. She was the Daughter of the Fifth House in full regalia right now...
never had she sounded more aristocratic.
"Well... I'm glad you're feeling better Counselor."
"Thank you, Captain. Beverly... may I go?"
"I'd really like to monitor you for at least one night, and run some more
tests in the morning..." The look in Troi's eyes was cold as she heard these
words and then she gazed at Beverly, almost pleading.
"But, if you promise to come back first thing tomorrow morning... you can
back to your quarters."
"Thank you. Now... if you'll excuse me." Will moved forward in order to
Deanna up from the biobed, but she flinched slightly as he touched her elbow,
and carefully shook it off. "As I said before, Commander, I'm quite capable of
making it on my own."
"Okay." He looked questioningly at her for a few moments, but she refused
meet his eyes. "Well then, I had better make it to the Bridge. I'll see you
later Deanna." She was noncommittal. Riker nodded at the Captain and CMO and
left Sickbay. The Captain quickly followed.

Twenty minutes later, Troi was back in her quarters, and finally alone. She
pacing the floor, in anger and with indignity. She was so angry with them...
she couldn't even be happy that some of her memories had returned. She was
however, relieved that now she could put an end to the deception that they had
subjected her to, since she discovered that she had amnesia. She still
comprehend that the only two people she had trusted had betrayed her like
this... how could they keep on lying? She could not figure out which one was
worse.... Will for not telling her of their past relationship (did it mean
little to him?) or Beverly for having an affair with him not too long ago, and
not telling her that they had been involved. True a Trill symbiont named Odan
had been in the physical body... but that body was still her Imzadi's!
Troi sank onto the couch with tears in her eyes.... her Imzadi.... how
she have forgotten their bond? At least now she realized that her dreams about
Will had not been fantasy... they were memories! Her heart was as full of
renewed feelings of love as her mind was of new memories, and it was enough to
almost make her overcome her feelings of anger, almost, but not quite. It was
dizzying, she was torn between wanting to go after him and drag him to bed,
wanting to leave the Enterprise immediately so that she would never have to
face him again.
From the deepest part of her mind, Troi began seeing flashes of the
Falls carving on the wall opposite her bed... Tom. Tom had been honest with
when he was aboard the ship, that much she was certain of. And if she were to
talk to him again, then she knew that she could trust him. If only she could
recall what ship he was on. She knew that he had been aboard the Gandi, but
remembered that there had been some sort of trouble regarding his posting on
that ship. She sat down at a computer console and began an intensive search
Lieutenant W. Thomas Riker. Her search came up empty, request unknown, no
information. The prospect of finding him superceded her feelings of anger
towards Will... and he had made no mention whatsoever of Tom's existence to
as well, and she decided to confront him, and perhaps even convince Will in
quest for locating his transporter twin.

"You want me to do what?" Will asked, completely taken off guard.
"I want you to help me find Tom." She said again, folding her hands and
placing them in her lap; the perfect portrait of serenity.
"You remember Tom?" Troi nodded, and Riker felt as though a dagger had
his heart. Apparently, Deanna had recovered some of her memories of the
their past together, and instead of mentioning it to him, and possibly
for them to restart their romantic relationship, she came to him looking for
Tom. She wanted Tom... not him. He hid his sadness and looked her directly in
the eye.
"I'm afraid that isn't possible, Deanna."
"Why not? Although the ship's computer can not identify his whereabouts,
isn't dead. I would know."
"No he isn't dead, Deanna... he's on Bajor."
"Bajor? Do you know how I can contact him?" Troi sat forward excitedly,
was the first real lead she had gotten.
"That will be tricky, Deanna. 8 months ago Tom escaped from a Cardassian
"What? How did he get there?"
"I'm still not sure of all the details, however I know that he had tried
impersonate me aboard Deep Space 9, and he went as far as to hijack the
Defiant, in some kind of botched attempt, while working with the Maquis. Do
remember anything about the Maquis?" Will released his breath. He wasn't sure
how Deanna would take the news that Tom had broken his ties with the
Federation. He wasn't sure how he was taking it either.
"Yes... I believe I do, please continue." Her expression was neutral.
"Well, there was a rescue attempt made, by the captain of a Maquis
ship... Ro
"Ro Laren... Ensign Ro?"
"Yes." He cleared his throat. The mission was successful. The crew of the
mission relocated to Bajor to try and thwart the Dominion. They have gone
underground and formed a new Resistance. As you may remember, Bajor was
by the Cardassian Occupation, and the Maquis want to make sure that this
doesn't happen to another planet."
"So there is no feasible way for me to get a message to him then?"
"Not really. But it is possible. The last time I was in touch with Tom
was 2
months ago, the day of the shuttle crash in fact. He reached me through
subspace communication, to give me some information and have me relay a
to you, but I never got the opportunity. I guess now is as good a time as
ever." He said, almost to himself.
"Information and a message? Will what are you talking about? I don't
think I
Will reached across the office table, and placed her hand in his,
slightly as she immediately moved her hand out of his grasp. He decided to
say it, and get it out into the open.
"Deanna.... 2 months ago, Tom and Ro Laren were married."
"Married." Troi echoed, her eyes staring blankly, although she was looking
directly at him.
"I see." She stood. "If you'll excuse me Commander, I have a previous
engagement." With that, she walked out the doors, leaving a slightly
Will Riker alone in her office.

Deanna walked slowly to the turbolift and got out on Deck 8, barely
remembering to call out the destination until it was too late. It was only
after she made it to her quarters, that she allowed herself to collapse onto
the couch, to numb to do anything besides sit there, her thoughts reeling. She
was truly alone now. She wasn't even certain that she could trust the
information that Will had given her. He had been lying to her about their
relationship ever since she had awakened. But, she knew that even if he wasn't
telling her the truth about that, he had no reason to keep anything pertaining
to Tom from her. But... what reason did he have to lie to her in the
She shook her head determinedly. No more speculating, she would have to
confront him directly.

After 5 minutes of sitting alone in Troi's office, Will left and headed
towards Sickbay. Hopefully Deanna had confided her recent memory recovery to
Beverly. And, he also needed some advice, advice that right now, The Ship's
Counselor was not able to give him.

"So what exactly did she say to you?" Beverly asked, gesturing for Will to
have a seat.
"I already told you. She wanted me to help her find Tom." Will sounded
defeated, and Beverly was going to do whatever she could to keep his thoughts
"Okay, so at least we know that she is regaining some more of her memory.
is a good thing! I have an appointment with her later this afternoon so
I'll see if there are any other recent developments with her memory.
"Well, good luck Beverly, I hope she talks to you... or anyone at this

Counselor Troi's quarters...

"Darling, are you sure that you don't want to come home for a while, or
me to
come there. I think that it will do you good to be around familiar
"I am around familiar surroundings, Mother. The Enterprise is my home, and
I've been living here for years now. Besides, Beverly said that I would be
apt to regain my memory while I'm involved in doing my daily routine. And I'm
sorry Mother, but my daily routine does not take place on Betazed, and it
hasn't for some time now."
"Yes, I know Deanna, but are certain that I shouldn't come aboard, and
"Yes, Mother." She said, patiently. "This is something I need to do on my
"On your own? I thought William was helping you. Deanna is everything all
right between you two?"
"No, Mother. Commander Riker has better things to do."
"Better things? My dear, Believe me, it doesn't take a telepath to realize
that there is nothing more that man would rather do then spend as much time as
possible with you."
"Hardly. Do you realize that he has been lying to me ever since the
"Lying to you? About what? William couldn't lie to you, even if he wanted
You could read him like a book... at least you used to be able to. Well... I'm
sure you still are. Now tell me, what exactly happened between you?"
"Ever since the shuttle crash, he has been lying about our past
He says we are friends, and has completely omitted our time together on
Betazed, as if it never really happened, or never mattered. Mother, you
remember... did it matter? I'm so confused that I don't know anymore."
"Of course it mattered, Little One. The two of you are Imzadi, and as
much as
I hated to admit that at the beginning of your relationship with William, it
cannot be denied. Perhaps he felt that if you were informed of your past
together, you would feel obligated to resume your relationship, as opposed to
discovering it for yourself."
"But Mother, I went to him and outright asked him questions about Tom. He
didn't even acknowledge the fact that I had regained some memories of our time
together, let alone react to it. That's why I believe that he never considered
it to be significant in the first place."
"Deanna, if you have gotten some of the memories back regarding you and
William, you would have to have realized that by now."
"But Mother, no reaction... no mention at all. That strikes me as quite
strange. I think that he would at least give some response to a remembrance
the bond that you claim is so special."
"Deanna, the Imzadi bond is the most sacred of all our cultural heritage.
your comment just now demeans it, and believe me, you do not want to do that.
If there is to be any chance of your reconciling with William romantically,
must not do anything to upset the delicate balance which ties the two of you
together. You are very lucky that your amnesia was not responsible for the
severing of the bond, but I beseech you, do not do anything which may break it
now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Now... I realize that I
not always been the strongest supporter of your relationship with William, far
from it, I admit. But I was wrong. Remember this moment Deanna, for I am not
often wrong. But in this instance, all those years ago, I was. I was wrong and
I was selfish. If it weren't for me, the two of you would have been married a
long time ago, and I most certainly would have had an entire brood of
grandchildren by now."
"No, don't say anything, Little One. I just wanted to tell you that, and
you to talk this over with Will. He is your Imzadi, and he will understand.
And, hopefully he will be able to explain to you what has caused your feelings
of being lied to. Because, and I assure you of this Deanna, there is
nothing in this galaxy or any other, that would cause William Riker to harm
intentionally. In fact, I'd stake my life on the notion that he'd give his to
make sure that no one ever would."
"Mother..." Before she could even formulate another word to say after
that she
was once again cut off by Lwaxana.
"Deanna darling, you have always been stubborn, but can you please take
mother's advice for once and talk to him. Actually, this is Will Riker we are
talking about and that means... actions speak louder to him than words...
perhaps some candles, a nice dinner... well I'm sure you'll do what is best
yourself, but this needs to be straightened out, soon."
"Yes, Mother, I know you are right. I'll talk to him tonight."
"Good. And please, contact me again soon, because I am still waiting to
a grandmother Little One."
Deanna sighed as she reached to disable the vidlink. "Yes, Mother.
Deanna leaned back in her chair and sighed again, running her fingers through
her hair. Then she closed her eyes for a few moments in order to compose
herself. Opening them again, she tapped her comm badge.
<Troi to Commander Riker.>
<Riker here. What can I do for you, Counselor.>
<Dinner in my quarters, at 1700 hours?> It was now 1530.
<I'll be there. Riker out.> He severed the connection quickly, hoping that
Deanna noticed the uplift in his voice when she mentioned dinner. Perhaps now
they could get things settled, once and for all. Whistling to himself, he
headed for the sonic shower.
And in her quarters next door, Deanna still hadn't moved from her seated
position in the chair. Only now, her head was cradled in her hands. It would
take her a lot of self control to get through this evening without either
breaking into tears, or dragging him to her bed.... and the more she thought
about it, the more she concluded that perhaps the latter would not be so bad
after all.

A little more than an hour later a much calmer Deanna Troi sat down on the
couch, surveying the transformation her quarters had undergone. And what a
change it was. She had gone as far as to rearrange the furniture in order to
make it look a little bit cozier, and had replicated a few plants, to replace
the ones that had died when she had been too stubborn about trying to remember
how to care for them, to consult the computer. She had garbled which plant
had gone to which plant, and she had recycled the last of them just a few days
And nearly 15 minutes later the doorchimes rang, startling Deanna out of
trance-like state on the couch. She hadn't released that the time had passed
quickly, and quickly stood up, steadying herself against the back of the

"Come in." She tried unsuccessfully to keep the wobbly note out of her
Will entered her quarters garbed in a pair of casual black pants and a blue
wraparound shirt, his favorite and most comfortable off duty attire. As the
doors hissed closed behind him, he hesitantly paused in the threshold for a
moments before walking fully into the room.
"Would you like anything to drink?" She asked, the ever gracious
mask slipping over her features in order to calm herself from the conflicting
emotions whirling around inside her head. She hadn't truly achieved a moments
peace since she had awoken with amnesia... except when she was with Will...
now he was the cause of the most tumultuous of all her emotions. Her automatic
response was her formality, and Will cringed when he heard her tone.
"No thank you." He replied, keeping his voice as steady and as even as
had been. They still stood across from each other, both stiff with reigned in
emotion, neither looking the other in the eye.
"All right. Would you at least like to have a seat. I invited you for
Will, not an interrogation." Deanna smiled slightly and sat in the chair. Only
after she was seated did Will move, sitting down on the couch across from her.
"Deanna... I didn't think that I was walking into an ambush. I was just a
little surprised at the invitation. You seem to be going out of your way to
avoid me, and after our last conversation I received the impression that you
preferred that we not be involved, outside of duty shifts. If I am completely
off base here I wish you would tell me, because frankly I am quite confused,
and have been for the last few days now. I know now that I was wrong to not
tell you about Tom sooner, but at the same time, you barely remembered who you
are, let alone anyone else. What I don't understand is why you suddenly
shutting me out..." Will stopped abruptly as Deanna cut him off."
"Me shut you out? Don't start accusing me of that, Will. You
been lying to me since the moment I woke up!"
"Deanna, what the hell are you talking about? I have been
nothing but honest with you since the day I met you. I have never, and would
never lie to you. And I don't mean to accuse you, I just wanted to know why
have been avoiding me."
"Why didn't you tell me that we had been involved prior to our
postings on the Enterprise? Would it have been that difficult to inform me, or
had it just conveniently slipped your mind, or perhaps been lost among your
conquests?" Deanna was practically screaming at him now.
"Conquests? You aren't making any sense. Have you hit your
head again? Or, have I wound up in another dimension where you and I are
complete strangers? Deanna, I am not trying to be obtuse, but I can't for the
life of me I can't figure out what you are trying to tell me. Please, can you
explain so we can talk about this. I am really lost here."
"You're lost? I'm the one who has been in the dark about practically
everything about my entire life since the accident. And you certainly haven't
bothered to enlighten me about the aspects that you can fill in. Friends, you
say. We're friends. Fine that I can accept. But Will if we are such good
friends, don't you think you should have told me that once we were more than
that? In all honesty, if you couldn't be truthful to me about that, how could
possibly believe anything you've told me in the past few months. I may be
confused, Will, but I most certainly am not naive. Friends do not lie or keep
secrets from each other, I remember that much." Deanna paused to take a
Her face was flushed and her eyes were full with anger-filled tears, as she
looked at him beseechingly, pleading with him both verbally and silently to
help her, and them get through this.
" I don't remember everything, and possibly I never will. I understand and
accept this, but how can I even consider being able to recover my past, when
you have been withholding information that could help me, now, today... in the
present. You're sitting there asking me to explain what I'm talking about.
Well, I'm asking you to explain why you left our past relationship for me to
attempt to remember on my own... our bond. What would you have done if I had
never recalled the fact that we were...are Imzadi. Would you never have told
me? Does it mean that little to you? Did it then? Please, Will talk to me. I
don't want us to end like this... not now, not after everything. Because even
if we don't mean anything to you anymore, Will... even if we never did... I
still do." The anger had disappeared from her voice, only sadness remained.
"Deanna... I understand that this has all been very, very confusing for
and I'm sorry if my behavior and actions have added to your distress. I never
meant to hurt you in any way, I swear to you, I only thought I was doing what
was best. All I can ask of you is to believe this, believe me... I love
certainly haven't done enough to show you over the past few years, or even let
you know, for that matter. He could no longer find the words he was looking
verbally, so he tried another tactic.
Concentrating on her tear stained face, Will tried as hard as he could
and was
rewarded by a gasp as she received his message in her mind.
<Lezarin ani mi Rabeem Imzadi> You are my world and understanding,
Deanna tried to blink away tears, but the emotions which Will evoked with not
only his words, but the effort he must have put in order to send to her
them to the surface again, spilling down her cheeks in a cascade of dew drops.
Whether these were tears of sadness for time wasted, or happy tears with
thoughts of times to come, she could not be sure. Deanna closed her eyes,
trying to regain emotional balance... she couldn't stop trembling... and felt
Will's finger stroking away the moisture. The palm of his hand was resting
slightly against her cheek, and Deanna inclined her face slightly, until he
cupping her cheek with the warmth of his hand, sending an undeniable surge of
heat through her face and body. Although her eyes remained closed she could
sense him moving even closer to her... his breath in her hair as he buried his
face in it, inhaling deeply than barely exhaling, as if he was breathing in
very essence of life itself. Her eyelashes began fluttering as he leaned over
her, placing a warm, renewing kiss on each of her eyelids. When he backed away
slightly, she finally opened them. Their faces were mere centimeters apart,
their lips closer still. Their lips brushed against each other gently as her
eyes closed again. Once, twice, and over and over again they kissed, slowly,
sweetly. Then Deanna pulled back, pressing a silencing finger to Will's parted
lips, before he could even attempt to speak.
"You've already said enough." She laughed nervously, her voice quavering
she spoke. "I've had a lot of time to think lately, too much I think. Though I
never thought I would say that. But there are a lot of things I thought I'd
never say, and seems as now is as good a time as any to do that... I love you
Will. I do. And I always have. And if I don't recall any other portions of my
memory it doesn't matter, because I still have that again... and I will never,
never forget it, ever again."
Will lowered her finger from his lips and began slowly prying her frozen
fingers apart, saving her palm from the destruction of her nails searching for
treasure in the tender skin. Once he was able to extend all five fingers he
placed a kiss on each of the fingertips then in the center of her hand before
hooking them loosely around his own. They tightened of their own accord as she
continued talking.
"When I asked you if you could help me find Tom... I realize now that I
trying to find a way to talk you, without really talking to you, and without
the consequence of doing so. I was frightened of how you would react, what you
would say if I told you that I remembered our past together. So, I tried to
move on, and when that didn't work I tried to just think of you as the friend
you considered me to be. Believe me, I tried. I just couldn't do it... I guess
it's hopeless." She turned her head away, burying her face in his shoulder and
soaking the fabric of his shirt with scalding tears.
"Hey, look at me, Deanna." He rubbed her back soothingly, until finally
calmed down enough to face him again. He stood from his position on the floor
and placed her on her feet in front of him, not even realizing that she must
have slipped off the chair into his arms. Then, wordlessly, he led her to the
couch and sat beside her.
"It's not hopeless..." His voice cracked slightly and his wet eyes
her own. "It's not hopeless... there was a time when I believed that as well.
And it's taken me a long time to realize that it isn't and it never was, nor
will it be hopeless. It's just a way of letting us now that we should not move
on... alone. Instead, we should to try to start anew, together. I just hope
that it's not too late for us to do that."
"It's never too late..." Deanna said, a look of wonder settling over her
features as she began to tremble, realizing the possibilities which lay ahead.
Their eyes met and locked, drawing them together as if magnetized. They had
been separated for far too long; one soul split by circumstance, but finally
reuniting, merging back together again, for now, and always, never to be split
"Never..." Will echoed, not knowing whether or not it was the words he
believed in, or the expression on Deanna's face which had him utterly
captivated. He leaned closer still, basking in the awe on her face and knowing
that the look on hers must be mirroring his own.
"That's right, never." This time she had him completely convinced, and
her statement to with a searing kiss. In the instant that their lips met the
world faded away and time ceased to have any meaning whatsoever. Without
breaking the kiss, Will clutched at Deanna's shoulders, reaffirming the
of her presence in his arms... in his life, and Deanna was struck by the
sensation of feeling his emotions unite and amplify hers. <My love...>
eyes flew open at the brush of his mind against hers, meeting his amused gaze
and immediate look of chagrin as he realized that they were no longer kissing,
so caught up were they with staring at each other. She had thought that
sending was still something of a fluke for him, but those last two instances
had been so close together that she began doubting what she had heard.
"What?" She blinked rapidly, wondering if she had just heard what she had
thought she had, or if she was imagining the voice in her head. Will placed a
finger under her chin and drew his lips to hers. Just barely touching each
other he whispered, "Look at me," and when she did she once again was filled
with his essence... his voice in her mind... <Imzadi...> Deanna shivered
despite the warmth of the room; there was no way she could have imagined
that.... or the response it had evoked within her trembling body. Will
when he felt the tremors of her body against his, more so when both his laugh
and her shaking brought their lips that much closer to each others. They met
tentatively, then again and again, each time the kiss was a little bit deeper
and a little bit longer...
Her arms curled around his neck, insistently drawing him ever closer to
thankful that the past had done its job and instead of lingering behind them,
had propelled them into the future. Deanna was certain of it. And what a
it would be...
starting right now. Deanna intensified the kiss again, placing years of
and hunger for him well known, And in response his eyes scorched hers in a
of pure desire, as feelings of love emanated from them both, once again
entwining their souls in an unconscious gesture of their bond. Will closed
eyes at the first touch of her tongue against his, thrilling at the dance they
instinctively began together, his breath mingling with hers inside his
His hands left her shoulders as they caressed the back of her neck before
becoming lost in the silky strands of her hair, angling her head slightly
backwards... anything to get closer.

            own, clasping their hands together,
fingers meshing with each other as their souls continued to fuse together.
"Will..." She breathed into the side of his neck.
"Yes, Dee?'
"I remember... I remember...?"
"What do you remember?"
"This!" She wound her leg around his and turned with all of her strength
pinning him beneath her in one quick motion. She didn't realize that his
had returned to her shoulders, so intent was she on her victory. Taking her by
surprise, Will unfastened the two latches of Deanna's jumper, eyes widening at
what the silky fabric revealed as it slid sinuously down her body.
"Why Counselor, I do believe you are violating regulation with this...
scandalous attire." His smile widened at the miniscule silver bra and matching
"Well then, it's a shame that you are going to have to report me." She
seductively, knowing exactly what he had in mind, and looking forward to it.
"Actually, if you remove them immediately we can consider this as a
"I've got a better idea, Will. As my commanding officer you are supposed
make certain that I comply with your orders, but instead of just overseeing
this personally, why don't you aid me with my task."
"That's correct, Counselor, however I am not supposed to complete your
tasks for you, you shouldn't even be question the orders of your superior."
Riker grinned, his eyes twinkling as he tried to stop himself from ripping off
her lingerie. Deanna laughed and, still laying atop him shifted slightly,
straddling him and holding his arms so that they were pinned against hers.
groaned as his arousal pressed against the soft skin of her bare belly.
"Will?" He gritted his teeth and answered, "Yes Dee?" Gazing into her
surprisingly innocent eyes, "What is it?"
"Which one of us is superior now?" She smiled sweetly, adjusting her hips
that they pressed against his ever so slightly.
"Oh damn it, I could care less." He sat upwards and kissed her chest, just
above the satin encased flesh of her breasts. Deanna sighed and leaned her
forward, relaxing enough to release his hands. Will placed his hands on her
shoulders, slowly edging the straps down her arms, kissing each new area of
exposed flesh. Deanna reached behind her back and undid the clasp of the bra,
impatient, as always, for his touch. Her back arched further as he removed the
garment from her body, tossing it onto the floor beside the bed carelessly.
Deanna sighed and lay down on him as Will shuddered at the feel of her bare
flesh against his chest. But it was still not close enough for them... they
to be one... soon.
Deanna pushed herself up, using Will's arms as leverage. Then she slowly
rolled off of him, laying on her side and gazing at him expectantly. Will
rolled onto his side as well, gathering her in his arms and locking his lips
onto hers. Her hands trailed up his arms and neck until they were snaked
his neck almost crushing his lips against hers. Her tongue sought his out, as
his hands gently caressed her breasts. Her moan of pleasure was lost in his
mouth. Her hands far from idle, Deanna was exploring Will's arms and torso as
if it was an uncharted planet before slowly, tortuously moving her way
"Deanna..." he breathed into her chest.
"Yes, Will?" She whispered her heart beating rapidly against his.
"I love you." Deanna's entire body relaxed into his, as her lips
reclaimed his
lips, his heart, his soul.
"I love you too." She used all of her weight to flip him onto his back,
swiftly lifted her right leg over both of his and straddled her surprised
Deanna was well aware of Will's state of extreme arousal, even if their
didn't tell her. She could feel it, in every fiber of her being. He wanted her
more than any man had ever wanted another woman. She reached down and cupped
his arousal in her hands, feeling the same sensation from him that she was
reveling in, from her body.
She squeezed gently with her right hand, and Will closed his eyes and gasped
the sensation. It was definitely the desired result. Deanna bent her head at
licked at him slightly, then worked her way up his body, her silky hair
brushing against as much of his skin as she could reach. Will hands clenched
the sheets unconsciously as she licked her way back down, alternating with
heated breath and tiny kisses until she reached the inside of his thigh. Her
tongue darted out and sampled the length of his leg. Will's hips involuntary
bucked, lifting his body off the bed and giving her greater access to the
before her. He reached up and clasped her shoulders in his hands, then sliding
them around her back to enfold her body in his arms. Deanna's breath caught in
her throat when she felt him grow impossibly harder in her hands. Will's lips
locked on hers as his hands stroked slowly down her body, molding his hands to
her breast and curving around her hips. Deanna arched against him and Will's
hands slid sensuously to the small of her back. As though mapping a new star
system, Will carefully traced the lines of her body, never once breaking the
kiss. Deanna moaned and thrust her tongue into his mouth startling him. Will's
eyes flew open and his lips smiled around hers, eagerly meeting her tongue
his own. Deanna could feel that she was already close, too close. He had
touched her but raging deep inside was an uncontrollable feeling, an
ache to have him possess her.
"Will..." She trailed off as he stroked the center of her body gently, dipping
easily into her folds and further awakening her already inflamed arousal.
"Shhh, Relax Dee."
That's ... easy for you to say." She gasped, stiffening as the first spasm hit
her. She closed her eyes, trying to regain control of her skyrocketing
"Oh gods, Will, please, now." Will grinned at her, his eye gleamed
wickedly, burning into hers. He crushed her body against hers, positioning
himself at her entrance. He
just barely brushed against her with his hardness, teasing her until
perspiration covering was covering her body with a fine sheen as he covered
completely once again they both were mindless, needing to be completely
together, one soul, for now and for eternity. Deanna caressed his arms,
her fingers over the taut muscles, silently begging for him to enter her. Her
eyes opened and tears filled them as she felt the depths of his love for her,
both inside and out of their bodies, their very beings. He thrust deeper into
her body, and her heart. Both pairs of eyes were wide open now, aware of the
same need, desire and certainty.
"Deanna I love you." He couldn't hold back any longer, and he knew she
didn't want him to. Emotions spiraled through their veins, demanding they
surrender to the intensity of their love. No holding back, they reached for
each, a release washed over them in a frenzy. The sounds in the room, of
gasping breaths and blood pounding in their heads broke the silence of the
otherwise still room.
They lay entwined on the bed, and Deanna couldn't stop trembling. Will
carefully tucked the blanket around her and drew her closer to him, kissing
top of her head gently.
"Are you all right?" He whispered, concerned at the shudders that still
ran through her body.
"MMMhmmmm" She smiled sleepily at him and closed her eyes, laying her
on his chest.
Will cleared his throat nervously, then asked, laughter in his voice,
was it like you remembered?"
"No?" He was surprised, and slightly anxious.
"It was even better." She snuggled closer to his warmth and kissed his
before drifting off to sleep. Will lay there in the dark and smiled to
thinking "Well, so much for memory."

The End

Oct. 23, 1999