New: Remembrance (R/T)
By: jrgnfly@yahoo.com
Rating R
Setting: Before Insurrection
Paramount is the owner of all blah blah blah, but the situation is my own.
Part 1/?
"Who are you?" She stared at him with wide black eyes, but
without
recognition and he could feel his heart shatter in his chest.
"You don't remember me?" He asked slowly, grasping for any
semblance of
understanding that somehow, somewhere she knew who he was.
"No, should I?" She gazed at him questioningly, but without
fear, as a
million reasons why she should know him fluttered through his head…
thoughts
which she had once been able to read as clearly as if they had been her
own.
<Yes dammit, I've been in love with you for over ten years.> Images
of
their past together on Betazed, mingled with flashes of their present
friendship and working relationship flew through his mind but he did not
visibly change his expression, nor did he voice his thoughts.
"We, (are Imzadi!) are both part of the Senior Staff, Deanna."
"Senior Staff?" She echoed.
"Yes, you are the Ship's Counselor and I am the First Officer."
She shook her head slowly, as if to clear her mind. "Counselor, yes,
that
is what Doctor Crusher told me."
"Do you remember her?"
"Umm, a little I think. We, exercise together."
'Yes, yes you do." Will smiled slightly, although it did not reach
his
normally sparkling blue eyes. Even if she did not remember him, at least
she
remembered someone.
"What is your name?" She asked, liking the way his smile lit up
his
bearded face.
He sighed and sat in the chair at her bedside, where he had been spending
the majority of his time lately.
"Will Riker."
"And you are the First Officer?" She asked, trying to put the
names
together in her mind.
"Yes, I am."
"Oh. Then, can you tell me what happened to me, (she searched her
mind
for the appropriate title) Commander?"
He flinched slightly as he settled more deeply into the chair. Deanna
felt a sudden wave of sadness wash over her. Dr. Crusher had said that she
was empathic, and Deanna was starting to get accustomed to feeling the
emotions of others, as well as having vague impressions that she once knew
how to deal with this herself, as well as help others with their own
emotional problems and control. Yet, at the same time, she had no
understanding of the motivation behind the Commander's sudden emotional
shift.
"We were beginning an away mission to Allegoria III when there was a
sudden electrical overload in the shuttle and we crashed into the surface.
You were injured in the crash."
Riker closed his eyes and opened them again, quickly blinking away the
jarring halt to the shuttle's otherwise fluid movements and the vision of
Deanna being hurled into the console, the sound of her head striking the
metal. He had rushed to her side, oblivious of the falling debris, and at
the
same time yelling for a status report. There was a three inch gash across
her
forehead, just above her right eye, and another wound on her temple. Blood
was pouring out from that wound and running from her hair to her eyes from
the other. She was unconscious and unresponsive. He immediately contacted
the
Enterprise and had them beamed to Sickbay, leaving Data in charge of the
mission.
26 hours later, after waiting for her to wake up after her life-saving
surgery, Riker still hadn't left Sickbay, although he maintained contact
with
both the Captain and the away team, both parties understanding that this
was
where he was most needed at the moment. Especially now that she had
awakened
with little memory of who she was or who anyone else was, for that matter.
Deanna waited for him to open his eyes again before posing her next
question,
"Oh. Is that why I don't recall what happened?"
"Yes, Deanna, you suffered a head injury, but you are going to be
just
fine. Now why don't you get some rest and Doctor Crusher and I will answer
all of your questions when you are feeling better, all right?" He
noticed her
raise a hand to her head and she nodded sleepily as he spoke.
"Thank you Commander." She shifted to her side in the biobed and
fell
fast asleep. Will tucked the blanket around her slender form and gently
kissed her forehead, then he stepped quietly away. He walked over the off
ice
of the Chief Medical Officer and walked inside.
Beverly Crusher looked up from the various PADDS on the desk before her
and
motioned for him to sit across from her.
"Did she remember you at all?" She asked. The moment Deanna had
awoken
Beverly's medical team had done a quick exam and checked her vitals, then
left
her alone with Will.
"No. She didn't know my name or anything about me. When I told her I
was
the First Officer, she did remember to call me Commander though."
Crusher
sighed heavily and leaned across the desk towards him her arms folded
across
her chest.
"I was hoping that she would remember something more, especially you.
The
more quickly she remembers people and things, the faster the rest of her
memory should return."
"Is there anything I could do to stimulate her memory return?"
"When she returns to her quarters in a few days, point out objects in
her
quarters ad relate the stories behind them if you know them, try holodeck
programs, anything you think which may spark her memory. Little steps are
just as good as large ones, but we shouldn't expect one thing to trigger
all
of her lost memories, although it is possible."
"Okay. I've spoken to Lwaxana and she said it would take her almost
three
months to get here from the Antholian sector, but that she was going to
contact Mr. Homn and have him send a package of Deanna's belongings which
she
thinks may help. It should be here in a couple of days. Has she recalled
anything else so far?" he asked hopefully.
"Well, she remembers her name, as well as a few of her patients, me
slightly, her mother's name and title, her graduation date from the
Academy
and what her favorite food and color is, but she can't remember where her
quarters are located or how to use a replicator.
"I don't believe this is selective amnesia Will, it is more as if
parts of
her memory have just been wiped clean because of her head trauma. With the
massive blood loss, oxygen deprivation and cranial trauma, she is lucky to
be
alive. It is entirely possible that she will never regain those memories
but
I am hopeful, because she does have some of her memory intact."
"Yes, Beverly, I realize that. And Captain Picard has made allowances
for me
to remain with Deanna for as long as she needs me. I can make up my shifts
when she is well again, or while she is sleeping."
"And what about you Will? You aren't like Data, you do require rest
yourself.
As the CMO I can order you to," She trailed off as he raised a hand
to
silence her.
"I will set aside time to sleep Doctor. But I am doubtful that I will
be able
to rest until Deanna is healed again."
Crusher smiled slightly. "Acknowledged and accepted Commander. Deanna
should
be asleep for at least 6 hours, I will notify you when she awakens again.
So
if you would be so kind as to go to your quarters"
"Actually if you don't mind, I'd rather stay here, in case Deanna is
disoriented when she wakes."
"What? Will Riker is actually volunteering to remain in Sickbay
without the
threat of restraining over his head. I'm in shock, I never thought I'd see
this day."
Beverly quickly sobered upon seeing the grim expression on his face. If it
wasn't for Deanna he wouldn't be here, and she knew it. Her attempt to
lighten this very serious situation had failed, even as Will allowed a
fleeting, weak smile to barely brush over his lips.
"Of course. Deanna is in a private room, Will, I'll just have some of
the
nurses move a cot into there for you.'
"Thank you." He reached his arm across the table and squeezed
her hand. Then
he rose and walked back to Deanna's room, to once again sit by the side of
his beloved.
New: Remembrance (R/T) By: Jrgnfly Rating R Setting: Before Insurrection Paramount is the owner of all
blah blah blah, but the situation is my own. Part 2/?
3 days later¦
"Does anything look
familiar?" Will asked, as he and Deanna entered her quarters after her release
from Sickbay. Deanna had been surprised that even though she had no idea as to
where her quarters were located, she had been able to recall the access code
with which to enter them. Troi's eyes quickly took in her surroundings, her
black eyes sweeping the front room to see if anything would catch her eye.
Nothing did. "I don't think so."
She walked over to her vanity table, lifted a fragile looking bottle of perfume and
cautiously sniffed at that fragrance inside before replacing the stopper
and placing it back down again. Will couldn't help but laugh. "What?" She asked,
confused. "Well there was a time a
few years ago when the entire crew had lost their memories. When we figured out
who we were and where our quarters were, the first thing you did upon
finding yours was that." He gestured to the bottle on the table. Deanna shrugged.
"Memories are supposed to be associated with scents. I learned that in Psychology …
287. It's strange that I remember that but I don't know how long I've
served aboard this ship." "That I can help you
with. You've been the Counselor of the Enterprise for a little more than 7
years." "Have you been aboard
that long, too Commander." "Yes I have. Deanna, we
aren't on duty now, you can call me Will." "Oh, okay. Do you know me
well, Will?" "Yes. We are good
friends. Why do you ask, Deanna? Do you remember something?" <Please
let her remember!> "No. It's just that
you've been spending so much time with me lately, trying to help. I know you are very
busy and that there are other things you'd rather be doing.." "No. There is nothing
else I'd rather do." He took her hand and saw something flash in her eyes at their
touch. But just as quickly it disappeared. Embarrassed, Deanna released
his hand, and reached for the first object in the box which had been
delivered to her in Sickbay that morning. It was the package Mr. Homn had sent from
Betazed. "What kind of tree is
this, do you know?" She asked, handing the figure to Will. "It's an Elmoran. Native
to your home planet of Betazed. They only grow in tropical climate and the
moisture produces edible berries which are very sweet." Deanna tilted her
head and looked at Will quizzically. "Are you from Betazed
too, Will? You seem to know a lot about the vegetation." "No, I was raised in
Alaska on Earth, but I was stationed on Betazed for a few months when I was a
lieutenant (j.g). He said, as they sat down on the couch. "I have very few memories
of growing up there now, but I do remember that it is very beautiful and that the
people were verbally quiet because of all of the telepathy, but it was
quite peaceful." "Yes, it is very
beautiful, if a little too quiet for my tastes." "That's to be
expected." She giggled, and he joined in. When the laughter faded away they were faced
with an awkward silence which Riker quickly tried to remedy. "Deanna, how are you
coping with all of this?" She looked up from her hands. "Okay, so far, I guess.
It's kind of exciting, but at the same time, really quite frightening, virtually
everyone is a stranger to me. I'm a stranger too." "Am I stranger,
Deanna?" He was afraid of the answer but he had to know. "No, not any more."
She shook her head. "I don't know much about you, but I know that I am comfortable
when I am around both you, and Doctor Crusher too. That's a start at least, isn't
it?" "I think so too." He
rose and pulled her to her feet. "Is there anything you'd like to do, Deanna?
Although Beverly said to take it easy for a few days, there is no reason that
we can't explore the ship. I always love giving tours." "Okay, I noticed on the
map that Beverly gave me that there is an arboretum on board. Can we start
there?" "Your wish is my
command." Still laughing, the two of them exited her quarters and headed to the
nearest turbolift. Deanna's first day of discovery had begun.
Later that evening
The outing in the arboretum
had been wonderful for both of them and Deanna had been delighted to
realize that she knew many of the flowers which grow there, not only by sight
and scent, but by name as well. In fact, she had known more of the flowers
then Will did. It had turned into a kind of contest between them, one
covering the other's eyes and pulling them towards a bush or lowering a vine to
guess which fragrance went with which flower. Deanna was by far the victor,
and as a reward, Will picked up an Andorian Lily as they were leaving and
tucked it behind her right ear. For dinner they had gone to
the Starboard Lounge, Will had thought that Ten Forward may have been too
crowded at the time, and didn't want to confuse Deanna with all of the people
who may have been there. And he had been right, Deanna much preferred the
Starboard Lounge, where they were 2 of the only 9 shipmates who had chosen to go
there this evening. Deanna looked at the server,
then at Will and said, "I would like a chocolate sundae please." "A sundae? For
dinner?" Will asked, incredulously. "Yes. Oh, and some extra
chocolate whipped cream, too." The server nodded and left. "So you remember that you
love chocolate, huh?" "No, Will that's
something I never forgot." After their meal, dinner for
him, dessert for her, Deanna had quickly tired, and Will had escorted
her back to her room. "Thank you for walking me
back, Will." "You're welcome, Deanna,
but it's no trouble, my quarters are right next door." "Oh, I wasn't aware of
that." Deanna said, suddenly flustered. "Well, now you do. So if
you need anything, just let me know. You do remember how to use your
communicator, right?" "Yes, I do." "Okay. Good night Deanna.
Thank you for the pleasure of your company." He smiled as he bent slightly, to
plant a kiss atop her head, inhaling the fragrance of her hair,
mingling with the lily which was still entwined in the raven strands. "And remember, on our
next outing to the arboretum, I demand a rematch." "Of course, Will, but I
suspect that the outcome will remain the same." She said, her eyes twinkling
through her exhaustion. She turned away from him and entered her quarters,
pausing to wave at him as the doors hissed closed. She put the flower from her
hair into a vase on the table, and wondered why her heart had started racing
when she learned that he lived next door… and would be sleeping in the room
opposite her bedroom. Sighing softly, she headed for the bathroom, ready
to spend her first night alone in unfamiliar quarters.
In the next cabin
Will Riker paused for a moment
before reporting for duty on the Bridge. He still had almost ten
minutes before his shift began. The day had been so relaxing, and so comfortable,
Will had forgotten how good it felt to spend time alone with Deanna, and so
many times he had to stop himself from leaning over and kissing her, but he
knew that right now that was the last thing she needed. She barely remembered
who he was, let alone the fact that they had once had a very passionate
romantic involvement. And even if she did recall that they were Imzadi, he had
told her that they were friends. To kiss her now would only complicate
matters between them and confuse her. Deanna was already confused, as was he.
The only difference was that even through his confusion, Riker was aware of
one very important thing, he wanted a future with Deanna Troi, even if she
never remembered her past.
The next morning, Deanna made it to Sickbay on her own. She did not want
to wake Will, knowing that it was
only 0900 hours and he had just gotten off his duty shift 3 hours before.
Although Beverly had said that she would send an aide to assist her, Deanna had
insisted that she could get there on her own. And indeed she had, feeling
quite pleased with herself for doing so. Beverly had asked Deanna to
join her for breakfast, and Deanna had happily agreed, wanting to
share her previous day's success in the arboretum with the Doctor, knowing that
the tow of them were friends before she lost her memory, and she was hoping
to reestablish that friendship between them. After doing a quick neural
scan, which told them all was well, the two women settled down to a light
breakfast of hot rolls and fresh fruit. Beverly had coffee and Deanna, her
trademark mug of hot chocolate. "So, tell me Deanna, how
have you been adjusting?" "Actually it's been a
little disconcerting. Three people said hello to me on my way here, and I didn't
know any of them. But it got me thinking, Beverly what is going to
happen to my patients while I am off duty? I don't want them to have go without
counseling yet at the same time I don't think it would be wise for me to go
back to work until I have a better sense of who I am and what I do." "That sounds logical,
Deanna." Beverly smiled and took another sip of her steaming brew. "But don't
worry about it. Your two assistants understand the situation and have been
notifying your patients and letting them know that they are available. And there
are seven other licensed psychologists on board the Enterprise at this time,
and I know that at least four of them would be happy to help out with the
patient load. They would also be willing to speak to you as well, if you have
any questions I can't answer or don't want to discuss with your staff. It
may be good to talk to someone about what has happened, Deanna. Or just talk
shop with the about Psychology in general to see what you remember, or what
they may be able to help you remember." "Thank you, Beverly. I
will take it under consideration." But Crusher could see that Troi did not
appear enthused about talking to a professional about the accident and
subsequent aftermath, let alone how she was coping with it. She did, however,
appear to be doing rather well at the moment, and Beverly hoped that she wasn't
trying to cover her feelings for the benefit of herself and Riker, because
that could only impede her recovery.
Deanna sat down in her
quarters and placed her head in her hands. She was so disoriented that she barely
remembered her own name these days. And she was both physically and
mentally exhausted as well. She had barely been able to sleep the previous night,
thoughts of the past had flitted around her head, but were still beyond
the reach of her conscious mind. Just when she thought that she could grasp
whatever it was that she was remembering, she would awaken. And when she
finally awoke, Deanna was startled because for some reason she had thought
that she was in a jungle. Whenever she tried to remember just about anything
she was struck by a mental wall. If only she could break through it, but
she couldn't. And everyone else's emotions
around her were dizzying, she could barely field out her own in order to
separate them from the others. But yesterday in the arboretum had been so much
easier. Of all the people she had 'met' over the past week, the one she
felt the most comfortable around was Commander William Riker. She didn't know
why, she hadn't remembered anything about him, but still there was something
about him, besides the fact that she found him wildly attractive, that is.
She couldn't explain it. What she did know, however,
was that it could be detrimental to her health if she became too
dependent on him in her present condition, so she knew that as much as she hated
the thought, she probably should not be spending as much time with him
as she had been lately. This was the reason she had taken to wandering
around on her own, as frightening as that had been for her. She lifted her head and headed
to the bedroom where she changed into a nightgown and climbed into
bed. She hated being so tired that she constantly napped all the time, but she
couldn't fight it. It may be another few weeks before she regained all of her
strength. She burrowed under the covers and instantly fell into a fitful
sleep.
The next thing Deanna knew, someone was standing over her bed and calling her name. Begrudgingly, she opened
her eyes and looked directly into the bright blue eyes of Will Riker. "Deanna are you all
right? I've been trying to reach you for the past three hours. I had been wondering if
you would like to have dinner with me, but when you didn't respond I had
assumed that you had other plans. When I realized that you have been asleep the
whole time I got worried." "Dinner? What happened to
Lunch? Will what time is it?" The questions attempted to assert themselves
from the cloud of fog which enclosed her head. "2015 hours." "2015 hours?" She
echoed, doing a mental countdown of hours. She had been asleep for over eight hours!
It had barely been noon when she had decided to lay down. In the recesses of
her mind Deanna heard a clock chiming and a child laughing, then it was gone
just as quickly as it had come. Will saw the look of surprise on her face and sat
on the bed beside her. "Are you okay? Do you
want me to call Beverly?" "No, Will I'm fine. I
didn't realize how tired I had been that's all." "Oh, all right."
Deanna tried to sit up, but was thwarted by the soft pillows behind her back; she kept
slipping further down into them. "Here let me help."
Will leaned closer and placed his arm behind her, using a scooping motion to lift her
into a sitting position. Instinctively, Deanna wrapped her arm around his
neck to help him. As he moved her, his cheek was only millimeters from hers,
his beard rasping slowly over her soft skin. Deanna shivered, despite the warmth
of the room, but finally she could sit up. "Thank you." She
managed to say as her eyes locked with his. He stared into her deep black eyes without
speaking for a moment, and without moving away, though his eyes spoke volumes
to her soul. "You're welcome." He
finally replied. He moved closer to kiss her on the cheek but Deanna was almost
paralyzed by emotion and did not incline her cheek. Will took a chance and kissed her
lips instead. The kiss was very soft and
very sweet and over way too quickly for both of them. When Will finally pulled
away from her he saw confusion in her eyes. Confusion, and something else,
something akin to understanding. A word was whispering at the back of her
mind but still she could not hear it. Then she blinked and all was quiet. Will was about to apologize
when he stopped himself. He was just as conflicted as he imagined she was, but he
knew that he wasn't sorry in the least for kissing her. But now there was
an awkward silence between them. Will smiled at her pleasantly and attempted
to ease the tension. "Since you've been
sleeping so long I'm sure you must be hungry. Tell me what you would like to eat, I'll
get it for you." "A sandwich would be
fine, thank you." Will left the room to go to the replicator and Deanna lay her
head back against the pillows again, sighing heavily as she closed her
eyes.
Will returned a few moments
later and handed Deanna a plate with a ham sandwich and potato chips, and
a mug of Valerian root tea. Then he sat at the edge of the bed, watching as
Deanna started nibbling. She barely picked at her food,
wanting to keep the taste of his kiss on her lips for as long as possible.
She smiled shyly and offered him a potato chip. Will reached forward to accept
it and Deanna surprised both herself and him by placing it in his mouth,
rather than his outstretched hand. Her thumb brushed his lower lip before returning
to her food, and Will's eyes locked with hers. Her boldness fled in an
instant and she looked back down at her plate, embarrassed by her actions.
Although it didn't feel like it, he was still virtually a stranger to her,
not to mention a commanding officer. "What's the matter?
Aren't you hungry?" Will asked, concerned. First she had slept all day, and now she was
hardly eating anything. He was wondering if a visit to Sickbay would be the
best idea. "I guess not. But really
Will, I don't need to go back to Sickbay." Will stared at her in shock. "I never said that aloud,
Deanna did you just read my thoughts?" Dee looked on the verge of tears. She was
so confused that she didn't know whether she had read them or not, but, she
thought she had. "I guess so." Then
she gasped. "Will I am so sorry, I had no right to invade your thoughts like that, I
didn't mean to really. I honestly would never, if I knew that I was doing that
I'd stop," On and on she rambled until Will cut her off. "Shh. Deanna it's all
right really. There is nothing to be concerned about. I was just surprised that's
all." <And elated> Perhaps this was the chance he had been waiting for to tell her
about their past and hopefully future relationship. "Oh. Okay." She
gazed at him expectantly, he looked as though there was something he wanted to say to
her, and she sensed that it was something important. Still he made no
move to speak, and the awkward silence between them grew, amplified by Deanna's
waiting, and Will's not being sure whether or not he should tell Deanna about
their past relationship and the fact that he had never stopped loving her. But, as he usually did when he
wanted to say something important to her, he lost his nerve and remained
silent. Noticing that Deanna was still looking up at him, he smiled slightly and
once again attempted to reassure her that it really was okay that she had
accidentally read his thoughts. Deanna smiled in response, but
she was still confused. Something inside her said that this wasn't what he
had originally wanted to talk about, hadn't he just dismissed what had
happened as trivial a few moments earlier? It was obvious that in bringing it up
once again, Will was just looking for a way to divert the subject away from
what he wanted to say. And although she was sorry for accidentally discerning
what he was thinking about a few moments earlier, now she truly wished that she
could figure out what he had been thinking. Still looking slightly
flustered Will made some vague excuse about having to check on some strategy with
Data and left after quickly brushing the top of Deanna's head with his lips. She sat there in bed
completely dumbfounded, as her spine still tingled from his earlier kiss. She wished
she understood what it was about Will Riker which made her feel so, giddy, not
to mention nervous. She knew it wasn't just the fact that he was handsome,
okay, the most handsome man she had ever seen, or remembered seeing for that
matter. There was something else. Something she couldn't quite grasp but knew
she ought to. The feeling got stronger every time she saw him, and each time it
became harder to let him leave, yet at the same time she was so frightened of
making a fool out of herself when she was around him… these thoughts were
quickly exhausting her, even though she had slept most of the day away. Deanna
lay back against the pillows, and closed her eyes still thinking about the
reaction to that kiss, and how just the nearness of him was enough to make her
want to pull him into bed with her, not that she could even remember making
love before... She sighed and waited for sleep to follow. Then she drifted back
into dreams and memories.
"I thought I'd find you here." Deanna heard the deep voice
from the shore and squinted her eyes against the brightness of the Betazed sun.
She raised her left hand to shield herself from the glare. The only sound she
had heard for the last few hours was from the waterfalls rushing in her
ears. Her lips curled into a smile as she stopped sunning herself on the rocks
and dove into the cool water, to swim towards her visitor. She emerged on the
other side of the lagoon, hair dripping with water and raised tossed her head
back. "I wasn't aware that I
was missing." She laughed, locking her arms around his leg. She looked up into his
smiling face after taking a long leisurely look at his nude body and asked with
mock seriousness, "Aren't you going to join me?" He knelt down to the edge of
the water and said with equal seriousness, "Now how could I refuse an
invitation like that?" Deanna's black eyes turned
impish and with one swift jerk of her arms, she heaved Will directly into the
waves in front of her as he sputtered and sank beneath the waves. "Hey! Why did you do
that?" He asked, brushing water out of his eyes. Deanna shrugged and Will's eyes
widened as her bare shoulders rose out of the water. He was completely taken off
guard as she cupped her hands together and splashed a great deal of water into his
face, so intent was he on the vision of her body beneath the surface. He
sputtered, and went after her, cleanly swimming through the water. But she had
disappeared. "Deanna? Dee where are
you?" He turned around in a circle in search of his disappearing lover. He could
not see where she gone but distinctly heard a giggle from the vicinity of
the rocks behind him, and immediately swam in that direction. He crept up behind
the rocks, and saw Deanna standing in waist deep water, her hair falling around
her body in a cascade of curls, rapidly drying in the midday heat. She didn't seem to be aware of
his incumbent presence, yet she had to know that he would be looking for
her. Still, he managed to maintain the element of surprise this time, by swiftly
charging at her, and catching her around the waist. Deanna squealed and
kicked her legs trying to break free from his embrace. She gave up in her
attempts as he lowered his hands to her hips, and drew them slowly down her
thighs. Her fighting had drawn the mass of her hair over her left shoulder and
Will bent his head accordingly to nibble at the exposed skin of her right
side. Deanna shuddered slightly and sank further down into the water as his hands
wandered back up her legs and cupped her bottom in his hands, winding her legs
around his calves. <Imzadi> Deanna
distinctly heard in her mind as he carried her with him over to the rocks where she had
chosen to hide from him… or at least attempted to. In the center of the jagged
rocks was a long smooth one, under the falls. Years of erosion had fashioned a
ledge out of it, and it was here that Will led Deanna. He sat down on the
bench and drew her more tightly around him, his hands loosening from her
bottom to stroke the petal soft skin of her inner thighs. Deanna moaned softly
and buried her head in his chest, the warm water flowing from the rocks above
them over her now soaked hair and shoulders. Will kissed her forehead, then
placed a finger under her chin and lifted it towards him, angling her lips
towards his, and bestowing a heated, breath-taking kiss upon her
now parted lips. He thrilled when her tongue followed him from her mouth
back into his. They were lost within each other, unaware of where one kiss
ended and another began. For hours it seemed, then Will released her lips and
began kissing a path across her shoulders and down her chest, caressing her
breasts with his mouth and loving fingers. Deanna moaned and arched her back,
thrusting her hips against his as she granted him greater access to her highly
sensitive and aroused flesh. She turned her head and
lowered his hands to her hips, raising her thighs and begging him to enter her. He
happily obliged, grasping her hips firmly in his large hands, and as she was
poised just over his pulsing arousal…
Deanna opened her eyes,
breathing heavily. She sat upright in bed, her nightgown clinging to her
sweat-soaked skin, at the highly arousing fantasy she had just experienced. These
fantasies about the First Officer were occurring more and more frequently these
days. She could barely face him anymore, she kept imagining the two of them
making love…but she couldn't comprehend why in this last dream Will was
missing… his beard and just what exactly was… Imzadi?
The next morning in Sickbay…
"Have you considered
hypnosis, Deanna?" Beverly asked. It had been almost two months and her friend had not
had much progress regaining her memory loss. But she had been able to return to
semi- active duty, and had started seeing patients again on a somewhat
limited basis. Her knowledge regarding her patients had returned, with
the aid of their personnel files, but she was still in the dark about her past
personal relationships both aboard the Enterprise, and off ship. "No. I don't think that
is a good idea. It is inconclusive, and I don't wish to get my hopes up, only to
have them shattered if it doesn't work." She spoke quickly, to change Crusher's
mind as soon as possible. With the erotic thoughts which had been flying through
her head, from almost the moment she had awoken in Sickbay, she did not want
to take the risk of inadvertently saying anything which could embarrass herself
or anyone else for that matter, and a hypnotic trance could certainly cause
that to occur. "I'm surprised. I thought
you would welcome any possible means of getting your memory back." "I've decided that if I'm
meant to regain my memories, I will. I don't want to dwell on the past… what I
may never remember… I'd rather concentrate on the present, and what I can do and
remember tomorrow about today." But she didn't sound too convinced… and
Beverly certainly wasn't.
"Do you have a moment,
Commander?" "Certainly, Doctor. How
may I help you?" Will asked amiably, as Crusher strode towards him as the doors from
the turbolift opened. "Actually… it's not me,
it's Deanna." "What about Deanna, is
she all right, Beverly?" Will's voice filled with concern. "Well, physically Deanna
is fine. Emotionally… I'm not too sure." "What do you mean? She
seems fine to me. True she is a little jumpy sometimes, especially when she is on the
bridge, but it hasn't affected her performance… if anything she is a more
exemplary officer than before, and even the captain didn't believe that
possible." "Yes Will, the captain
has made me aware of that as well, but don't you think it's odd that Deanna isn't
actively searching out the memories that she lost. There was no permanent damage
to her neocortex , and no reason that she would not be able to get those
memories back. They were not destroyed, only supressed…"
Holodeck 4
The doors hissed open,
revealing the gridded square of the bare holodeck. Troi looked around it uncertainly
for a few moments, then walked over to the programming panel. "Computer, list all of
the holodeck programs created by Counselor Deanna Troi. " A list of four programs
appeared on the panel and Deanna was surprised that there weren't more available.
"I suppose I don't spend too much time on the holodeck." After scanning
the list briefly, she decided that it was best if she started at the beginning. "Computer, run Holodeck
Program Troi Beta 1." The grid instantly transformed into a spectacular setting
which Deanna could recall as being the Singing Skies. She moved on to the
second program which turned out to be the front lawn of the University on Betazed.
The third program she did not recognize, it appeared to be a scene from
the Old West, but although she remembered enjoying stories of that nature as a
child, she could not figure out why there was a holodeck program of that kind
in her file. This was getting her nowhere. Deanna sighed and called up the last
program on the list. "Computer, initiate
Holodeck Program Troi Beta 4." The Old West suddenly changed into a scene which
took Deanna's breath away. She was now standing amidst an exact replica of the
jungle/waterfall which she had seen in her dreams for the past three
nights. Everything was duplicated precisely, down to the flowering vines and
shrubbery which framed the lagoon set at the edge of the falls. Troi sank to the ground and
closed her eyes, overwhelmed. Her mind was filled with fleeting images which
flew uncontrollably fast. She saw herself running frantically through the
jungle, the sound of heavy footsteps directly behind her, echoing with each rapid
beat of her heart. Then without warning these visions changed into glimpses
of the erotic scene which had been haunting her. Then she saw herself on a
bridge of an unfamiliar ship dressed as a Romulan, shooting a Borg with a phaser,
and at the helm of the Enterprise as it crashed into land. They continuously
swirled together in her mind until her mental capacity could no longer
handle it. She just… shut down. If she hadn't already been laying on the
ground she would have fallen, but she just simply sank into unconsciousness ,
the sounds of the jungle masking the shallow breaths which emerged slower
and slower from her lips, and amidst the life around her, the faint moving
of her chest was barely noticeable.
Back on Deck 5…
"How do you think I
should approach her about this, Beverly?" Will asked, trying to figure out the best
way to have Deanna talk to him about how she was coping with, or rather
denying, her condition. He was at a loss and open to any and all possible suggestions. "Well she has been closer
to you these days than anyone else. And to be perfectly honest, I'm afraid
that if I try to say something to her about this, I'll sound more like a doctor
than a friend. And she really needs her friends right now Will." "I agree with you,
however I don't want to sound as if I'm accusing her of anything, though." "I don't think you will.
Deanna trusts you implicitly, even though she doesn't remember the close friends
that you used to be. I think that if you spoke to her, she would be more
inclined to listen, than if I, or anyone else for that matter said something about
this. Normally I would be worried about her becoming dependant on you, but
she seems to be doing almost too admirable a job of dealing with this situation
on her own, but she isn't withdrawing from the crew, at least not anymore
than would be expected. She's been doing remarkably well with her patients, too.
Is she in her office now, do you know?" Crusher's blue eyes were serious… and
filled with concern for her friend and patient. "I'm not sure. Computer,
locate Counselor Deanna Troi." <Counselor Deanna Troi is
currently on Holodeck 4.> "Well, I guess there is
your answer Beverly. I think I may just pay the counselor a visit momentarily.
I'm off duty for the rest of the day if you'd like to discuss this more,
later." "Okay. Will, thank you.
I'll be in my office for the rest of the afternoon." Will nodded. "It's no problem at all,
Doc. I'll do whatever I can to help Deanna." He strode back to the turbolift
doors and entered, whistling with the prospect that he would be seeing Deanna
again shortly.
As he got out of the
turbolift, the feeling that something was wrong, struck him intensely. He started
walking faster, hitting his comm badge as he almost ran down the corridor. <Riker to Troi> There
was no answer. He tapped it again insistently. <Riker to Troi, Deanna can
you hear me?> There was still no response. Finally he reached the entrance and
walked into the holodeck. He didn't take the time to look at his surroundings,
so intent was he on finding Deanna. He practically flew through the jungle in
search of her. Then he saw her. She was laying at the foot of the falls,
practically lifeless. Will dropped to his knees and lay his head on her chest,
becoming somewhat relieved at hearing her heart beating, albeit quite rapidly. This was
an obvious contradiction to the shallow breaths which escaped from her throat,
and had her gasping for air. She was unconscious. Riker hit his
badge again frantically. <Riker to Crusher. I need
an emergency med unit in Holodeck 4. Now!> <Acknowledged, on my way
Will. What is the situation?> <It's Deanna. I don't know
what happened, but she was unconscious when I got here and I can't wake her up.
She's barely breathing and unresponsive.> As he finished the statement,
Crusher burst into the holodeck, Nurse Alyssa Ogawa and an anti-grav med cart right
behind her. They immediately headed towards the two on the ground, Crusher
activating her tricorder as she approached. Crusher began scanning Deanna, as
Ogawa prepared the cart in order to transfer Deanna to Sickbay. The tricorder
began beeping as it was poised above Deanna's head. It beeped louder and faster,
echoing the rapid beats of her heart. "There is extreme
activity in her neo-cortex. She needs to be sedated before she falls deeper into shock.
Computer, run program Crusher alpha -6." The jungle scene dissipated,
giving way to an exact replica of the sterile atmosphere of the Enterprise's
Sickbay. Then Crusher and Ogawa went about getting Deanna stabilized,
pushing Will into the background, as he looked on helplessly. By the time Deanna was stable
enough to be moved to the real Sickbay, over an hour had passed. However she
was unable to control the synaptic responses in her neo-cortex and the
fluctions within her para-cortex. And her seratonin levels were still off the
charts. But finally they left Sickbay, Riker holding tightly to Troi's fingers and
silently pleading with her to wake up. Finally they got her settled in order
to run tests and Riker instinctively moved to follow them, only to be
thwarted by Crusher. "Oh no you don't."
She gestured to a chair away from the biobed. "Sit." she commanded. The look in her
eyes was enough to make Will back down... if only slightly, although he dragged
the chair as close to the biobed as he could without getting in the way of
the medical team which had gathered around his Imzadi. He desperately wished
that they hadn't separated him from Deanna.... what if she needed or wanted
him...if she was awoke and was disorieneted, or had gotten her memory back...
he refused to entertain the though that she might not awaken again. It felt as though he was
sitting there for days, as they endlessly worked on Deanna. Finally Beverly
gestured for him to join her by the bed. "How is she?" He
whispered. "Not too good. For some
reason she seemed to just... shut down almost completely. Her brain waves
are active, almost too much so, and I can't get her seratonin levels to drop.
There are now odd fluctuations in her cerebral cortex. We have added
artificial respiration in order to take some of the strain off her heart and allow
her lungs to rest. Honestly Will, I don't know what to make of this, but it
doesn't appear that she is in any danger, at least not yet.
In the recesses of Deanna
Troi's mind...
Deanna was completely unaware
of all the bustle which was occurring around her... for her. She was
wandering around her own mind, submerged in memories of the past.... things better off
forgotten. The fear accompanying them had settled deep into her heart,
manifesting itself in her rapid pulse. Captain Picard approached her, but
when Deanna walked towards him she saw a Borg in his place, speaking in his voice
and wearing his face. "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated.
Resistance is futile." She shuddered, both in mind
and in her comatose state. The memory changed and suddenly she was seeing
herself as a child, standing with her mother at her father's memorial service.
There hadn't been any remains for a funeral. She became numb as her mother
sobbed and clutched tightly at her daughter's hand. But Deanna felt none of this,
so immersed was she within her own grieving soul. Then the scene shifted again
and a teenaged Deanna wandered into the Federation Embassy Suite only to find
Will Riker wrapped around the form of a naked young woman... one of her own
friends. Then she was standing with Will in the hallway, yelling and insulting
each other. Finally she spun on her heel and left, only to find herself
aboard the Enterprise to see him flirting with various women. Then she aged
rapidly and turned into a middle-aged women whose advances he was rebuffing and,
incensed, she raked her nails across his cheek, leaving trails of blood in
their wake. She saw him leaving for various away missions, always frightened
that he wouldn't return, and in truth he never did... at least not to her.
Whenever he looked at her, her heart shattered a little bit more, for she saw
in his eyes, that she was only a colleague now... and then a friend, but never
Imzadi... never again. Then the memories changed again, and she was at her
Will's side while he lay in a coma as parasites attacked his nervous system.
And Will's form changed into that of her mother in the Enterprise's Sickbay...
and she was at the helm of the ship as it hurtled from space... in order
to crash into the planet below....
<Picard to Riker> <Riker here> <You were due on the Bridge
at 0600 hours, it is now 0615> <My apologies Captain, but
I think you should come down to Sickbay... there's been an incident involving
Counselor Troi, that you need to be aware of> <Acknowledged on my way>
Riker's posture relaxed from the formal one he adopted on duty, even if he
had only been using the comm badge. He had been sitting at Deanna's bedside
all night and for part of the morning, without moving from the chair.
Deanna's hand still rested in his, he lifted it from his lap and raised it to his lips. Picard entered Sickbay, took
one look at Riker and Troi, and went directly towards the office of the
Chief Medical Officer for some answers, rather than disturb his First Officer.
Beverly was seated at the desk. She gestured for Picard to take the seat across
from her as he began to speak. "Dr. Crusher... I assume
that there is a reasonable explanation for why Commander Riker is in the
process of missing his duty shift and Counselor Troi is laying on a biobed in your
Sickbay." "Get yourself a cup of
tea Jean-Luc. You're going to need it."
Images continued swirling through Deanna's confused mind, superimposing themselves on top of each
other. And then they stopped... at least for the moment. And Deanna opened her
eyes, looking directly in Will's. He squeezed her hand tightly again, and was
surprised when she pulled away from him. "Are you all right
Deanna?" "No. No I'm not."
She said sharply, edging away from him. "Would you like me to get
Beverly?" "No. I want to know why
you have spent the past few months lying to me... every single day." "Lying to you? Deanna
what are you taking about?" Deanna opened her mouth but did not get any further,
because Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher walked out of her office and headed towards
the biobed. "Well, Counselor...how
are you feeling? you gave us quite a scare there." "I'm fine Doctor."
But there was an edge to her voice which belied her words. "Are you sure
Deanna?" "Yes, quite sure. In
fact, I'd like to return to my quarters. I just got slightly dizzy and passed out
that's all." "That's all? Deanna do
you realize that you have been here for the past fourteen hours... and that
you've had abnormal brain patterns, high seratonin levels and had to be on a
respirator for almost three hours?" Crusher's voice was incredulous, she couldn't
believe that after all that Troi wanted to get up and leave as if she'd had
something as mundane as a paper cut... if such a thing could even be considered
mundane anymore in the 24th century of electronics and PADD's. "Well... I'm sure that
it's just the Betazoid brain healing itself again. And since this Betazoid brain
belongs to this Betazoid, I assure you that I am just fine and I wish to be
released." Troi's attention flipped to the Captain for a moment. "And Captain thank you
for coming down here, but I am all right. And as for Commander Riker, he can go
back to duty. I can manage just fine on my own." The three surrounding Deanna
exchanged glances.... Troi had just read Picard's mind to a tee, and all were
surprised at the snappish tone of her voice and demeanor. She was the Daughter
of the Fifth House in full regalia right now... never had she sounded more
aristocratic. "Well... I'm glad you're
feeling better Counselor." "Thank you, Captain.
Beverly... may I go?" "I'd really like to
monitor you for at least one night, and run some more tests in the morning..."
The look in Troi's eyes was cold as she heard these words and then she gazed at
Beverly, almost pleading. "But, if you promise to
come back first thing tomorrow morning... you can go back to your quarters." "Thank you. Now... if
you'll excuse me." Will moved forward in order to help Deanna up from the biobed, but
she flinched slightly as he touched her elbow, and carefully shook it off.
"As I said before, Commander, I'm quite capable of making it on my own." "Okay." He looked
questioningly at her for a few moments, but she refused to meet his eyes. "Well
then, I had better make it to the Bridge. I'll see you later Deanna." She was
noncommittal. Riker nodded at the Captain and CMO and left Sickbay. The Captain
quickly followed.
Twenty minutes later, Troi was
back in her quarters, and finally alone. She was pacing the floor, in anger and
with indignity. She was so angry with them... she couldn't even be happy
that some of her memories had returned. She was however, relieved that now she
could put an end to the deception that they had subjected her to, since she
discovered that she had amnesia. She still couldn't comprehend that the only two
people she had trusted had betrayed her like this... how could they keep on
lying? She could not figure out which one was worse.... Will for not telling
her of their past relationship (did it mean that little to him?) or Beverly for
having an affair with him not too long ago, and not telling her that they had
been involved. True a Trill symbiont named Odan had been in the physical
body... but that body was still her Imzadi's! Troi sank onto the couch with
tears in her eyes.... her Imzadi.... how could she have forgotten their bond?
At least now she realized that her dreams about Will had not been fantasy...
they were memories! Her heart was as full of renewed feelings of love as
her mind was of new memories, and it was enough to almost make her overcome her
feelings of anger, almost, but not quite. It was dizzying, she was torn between
wanting to go after him and drag him to bed, and wanting to leave the
Enterprise immediately so that she would never have to face him again. From the deepest part of her
mind, Troi began seeing flashes of the Janaran Falls carving on the wall
opposite her bed... Tom. Tom had been honest with her when he was aboard the ship,
that much she was certain of. And if she were to talk to him again, then she
knew that she could trust him. If only she could recall what ship he was on.
She knew that he had been aboard the Gandi, but she remembered that there had been
some sort of trouble regarding his posting on that ship. She sat down at a
computer console and began an intensive search for Lieutenant W. Thomas Riker.
Her search came up empty, request unknown, no information. The prospect of
finding him superceded her feelings of anger towards Will... and he had
made no mention whatsoever of Tom's existence to her as well, and she decided to
confront him, and perhaps even convince Will in her quest for locating his
transporter twin.
"You want me to do
what?" Will asked, completely taken off guard. "I want you to help me
find Tom." She said again, folding her hands and placing them in her lap; the
perfect portrait of serenity. "You remember Tom?"
Troi nodded, and Riker felt as though a dagger had pierced his heart. Apparently, Deanna
had recovered some of her memories of the past... their past together, and
instead of mentioning it to him, and possibly allowing for them to restart their
romantic relationship, she came to him looking for Tom. She wanted Tom... not
him. He hid his sadness and looked her directly in the eye. "I'm afraid that isn't
possible, Deanna." "Why not? Although the
ship's computer can not identify his whereabouts, he isn't dead. I would
know." "No he isn't dead,
Deanna... he's on Bajor." "Bajor? Do you know how I
can contact him?" Troi sat forward excitedly, this was the first real lead she
had gotten. "That will be tricky,
Deanna. 8 months ago Tom escaped from a Cardassian prison." "What? How did he get
there?" "I'm still not sure of
all the details, however I know that he had tried to impersonate me aboard Deep
Space 9, and he went as far as to hijack the Defiant, in some kind of
botched attempt, while working with the Maquis. Do you remember anything about the
Maquis?" Will released his breath. He wasn't sure how Deanna would take the news
that Tom had broken his ties with the Federation. He wasn't sure how
he was taking it either. "Yes... I believe I do,
please continue." Her expression was neutral. "Well, there was a rescue
attempt made, by the captain of a Maquis ship... Ro Laren." "Ro Laren... Ensign
Ro?" "Yes." He cleared
his throat. The mission was successful. The crew of the away mission relocated to Bajor to
try and thwart the Dominion. They have gone underground and formed a new
Resistance. As you may remember, Bajor was ravaged by the Cardassian Occupation,
and the Maquis want to make sure that this doesn't happen to another
planet." "So there is no feasible
way for me to get a message to him then?" "Not really. But it is
possible. The last time I was in touch with Tom was 2 months ago, the day of the
shuttle crash in fact. He reached me through subspace communication, to
give me some information and have me relay a message to you, but I never got the
opportunity. I guess now is as good a time as ever." He said, almost to
himself. "Information and a
message? Will what are you talking about? I don't think I understand." Will reached across the office
table, and placed her hand in his, flinching slightly as she immediately
moved her hand out of his grasp. He decided to just say it, and get it out into
the open. "Deanna.... 2 months ago,
Tom and Ro Laren were married." "Married." Troi
echoed, her eyes staring blankly, although she was looking directly at him. "Yes." "I see." She stood.
"If you'll excuse me Commander, I have a previous engagement." With that,
she walked out the doors, leaving a slightly bewildered Will Riker alone in her
office.
Deanna walked slowly to the
turbolift and got out on Deck 8, barely remembering to call out the
destination until it was too late. It was only after she made it to her
quarters, that she allowed herself to collapse onto the couch, to numb to do
anything besides sit there, her thoughts reeling. She was truly alone now. She
wasn't even certain that she could trust the information that Will had
given her. He had been lying to her about their relationship ever since she
had awakened. But, she knew that even if he wasn't telling her the truth about
that, he had no reason to keep anything pertaining to Tom from her. But... what
reason did he have to lie to her in the beginning? She shook her head
determinedly. No more speculating, she would have to confront him directly.
After 5 minutes of sitting
alone in Troi's office, Will left and headed towards Sickbay. Hopefully
Deanna had confided her recent memory recovery to Beverly. And, he also needed
some advice, advice that right now, The Ship's Counselor was not able to give
him.
"So what exactly did she
say to you?" Beverly asked, gesturing for Will to have a seat. "I already told you. She
wanted me to help her find Tom." Will sounded defeated, and Beverly was
going to do whatever she could to keep his thoughts positive. "Okay, so at least we
know that she is regaining some more of her memory. This is a good thing! I have an
appointment with her later this afternoon so perhaps I'll see if there are any
other recent developments with her memory. "Well, good luck Beverly,
I hope she talks to you... or anyone at this point."
Counselor Troi's quarters...
"Darling, are you sure
that you don't want to come home for a while, or me to come there. I think that it
will do you good to be around familiar surroundings." "I am around familiar
surroundings, Mother. The Enterprise is my home, and I've been living here for
years now. Besides, Beverly said that I would be more apt to regain my memory while
I'm involved in doing my daily routine. And I'm sorry Mother, but my daily
routine does not take place on Betazed, and it hasn't for some time
now." "Yes, I know Deanna, but
are certain that I shouldn't come aboard, and help you." "Yes, Mother." She
said, patiently. "This is something I need to do on my own." "On your own? I thought
William was helping you. Deanna is everything all right between you two?" "No, Mother. Commander
Riker has better things to do." "Better things? My dear,
Believe me, it doesn't take a telepath to realize that there is nothing more
that man would rather do then spend as much time as possible with you." "Hardly. Do you realize
that he has been lying to me ever since the accident?" "Lying to you? About
what? William couldn't lie to you, even if he wanted to. You could read him like a
book... at least you used to be able to. Well... I'm sure you still are. Now tell
me, what exactly happened between you?" "Ever since the shuttle
crash, he has been lying about our past relationship. He says we are friends, and
has completely omitted our time together on Betazed, as if it never really
happened, or never mattered. Mother, you remember... did it matter? I'm
so confused that I don't know anymore." "Of course it mattered,
Little One. The two of you are Imzadi, and as much as I hated to admit that at the
beginning of your relationship with William, it cannot be denied. Perhaps he
felt that if you were informed of your past together, you would feel
obligated to resume your relationship, as opposed to discovering it for
yourself." "But Mother, I went to
him and outright asked him questions about Tom. He didn't even acknowledge the
fact that I had regained some memories of our time together, let alone react to
it. That's why I believe that he never considered it to be significant in the
first place." "Deanna, if you have
gotten some of the memories back regarding you and William, you would have to
have realized that by now." "But Mother, no
reaction... no mention at all. That strikes me as quite strange. I think that he would
at least give some response to a remembrance of the bond that you claim is so
special." "Deanna, the Imzadi bond
is the most sacred of all our cultural heritage. Even your comment just now demeans
it, and believe me, you do not want to do that. If there is to be any chance
of your reconciling with William romantically, you must not do anything to upset
the delicate balance which ties the two of you together. You are very lucky
that your amnesia was not responsible for the severing of the bond, but I
beseech you, do not do anything which may break it now, you will regret it for
the rest of your life. Now... I realize that I have not always been the strongest
supporter of your relationship with William, far from it, I admit. But I was
wrong. Remember this moment Deanna, for I am not often wrong. But in this
instance, all those years ago, I was. I was wrong and I was selfish. If it weren't
for me, the two of you would have been married a long time ago, and I most
certainly would have had an entire brood of grandchildren by now." "Mother..." "No, don't say anything,
Little One. I just wanted to tell you that, and ask you to talk this over with
Will. He is your Imzadi, and he will understand. And, hopefully he will be able
to explain to you what has caused your feelings of being lied to. Because, and
I assure you of this Deanna, there is absolutely nothing in this galaxy or any
other, that would cause William Riker to harm you intentionally. In fact, I'd
stake my life on the notion that he'd give his to make sure that no one ever
would." "Mother..." Before
she could even formulate another word to say after that she was once again cut off by
Lwaxana. "Deanna darling, you have
always been stubborn, but can you please take your mother's advice for once and
talk to him. Actually, this is Will Riker we are talking about and that
means... actions speak louder to him than words... perhaps some candles, a nice
dinner... well I'm sure you'll do what is best for yourself, but this needs to be
straightened out, soon." "Yes, Mother, I know you
are right. I'll talk to him tonight." "Good. And please,
contact me again soon, because I am still waiting to become a grandmother Little
One." Deanna sighed as she reached
to disable the vidlink. "Yes, Mother. Goodnight." Deanna leaned back in her
chair and sighed again, running her fingers through her hair. Then she closed her
eyes for a few moments in order to compose herself. Opening them again,
she tapped her comm badge. <Troi to Commander
Riker.> <Riker here. What can I do
for you, Counselor.> <Dinner in my quarters, at
1700 hours?> It was now 1530. <I'll be there. Riker
out.> He severed the connection quickly, hoping that Deanna noticed the uplift in
his voice when she mentioned dinner. Perhaps now they could get things settled,
once and for all. Whistling to himself, he headed for the sonic shower. And in her quarters next door,
Deanna still hadn't moved from her seated position in the chair. Only
now, her head was cradled in her hands. It would take her a lot of self control
to get through this evening without either breaking into tears, or
dragging him to her bed.... and the more she thought about it, the more she
concluded that perhaps the latter would not be so bad after all.
A little more than an hour
later a much calmer Deanna Troi sat down on the couch, surveying the
transformation her quarters had undergone. And what a change it was. She had gone as
far as to rearrange the furniture in order to make it look a little bit
cozier, and had replicated a few plants, to replace the ones that had died when
she had been too stubborn about trying to remember how to care for them, to
consult the computer. She had garbled which plant food had gone to which plant, and
she had recycled the last of them just a few days ago. And nearly 15 minutes later
the doorchimes rang, startling Deanna out of her trance-like state on the
couch. She hadn't released that the time had passed so quickly, and quickly stood up,
steadying herself against the back of the couch.
"Come in." She tried
unsuccessfully to keep the wobbly note out of her voice. Will entered her quarters
garbed in a pair of casual black pants and a blue wraparound shirt, his favorite
and most comfortable off duty attire. As the doors hissed closed behind
him, he hesitantly paused in the threshold for a few moments before walking fully
into the room. "Would you like anything
to drink?" She asked, the ever gracious aristocratic mask slipping over her
features in order to calm herself from the conflicting emotions whirling around
inside her head. She hadn't truly achieved a moments peace since she had awoken
with amnesia... except when she was with Will... and now he was the cause of the
most tumultuous of all her emotions. Her automatic response was her formality,
and Will cringed when he heard her tone. "No thank you." He
replied, keeping his voice as steady and as even as hers had been. They still stood
across from each other, both stiff with reigned in emotion, neither looking the
other in the eye. "All right. Would you at
least like to have a seat. I invited you for dinner Will, not an
interrogation." Deanna smiled slightly and sat in the chair. Only after she was seated did Will
move, sitting down on the couch across from her. "Deanna... I didn't think
that I was walking into an ambush. I was just a little surprised at the
invitation. You seem to be going out of your way to avoid me, and after our last
conversation I received the impression that you preferred that we not be
involved, outside of duty shifts. If I am completely off base here I wish you would
tell me, because frankly I am quite confused, and have been for the last few
days now. I know now that I was wrong to not tell you about Tom sooner, but
at the same time, you barely remembered who you are, let alone anyone else.
What I don't understand is why you suddenly started shutting me out..." Will
stopped abruptly as Deanna cut him off." "Me shut you out? Don't
start accusing me of that, Will. You have been lying to me since the
moment I woke up!" "Deanna, what the hell
are you talking about? I have been nothing but honest with you
since the day I met you. I have never, and would never lie to you. And I don't
mean to accuse you, I just wanted to know why you have been avoiding me." "Why didn't you tell me
that we had been involved prior to our postings on the Enterprise?
Would it have been that difficult to inform me, or had it just conveniently
slipped your mind, or perhaps been lost among your conquests?" Deanna was
practically screaming at him now. "Conquests? You aren't
making any sense. Have you hit your head again? Or, have I wound
up in another dimension where you and I are complete strangers? Deanna, I
am not trying to be obtuse, but I can't for the life of me I can't figure out
what you are trying to tell me. Please, can you explain so we can talk about
this. I am really lost here." "You're lost? I'm the one
who has been in the dark about practically everything about my entire
life since the accident. And you certainly haven't bothered to enlighten me about
the aspects that you can fill in. Friends, you say. We're friends. Fine that
I can accept. But Will if we are such good friends, don't you think you
should have told me that once we were more than that? In all honesty, if you
couldn't be truthful to me about that, how could I possibly believe anything
you've told me in the past few months. I may be confused, Will, but I most
certainly am not naive. Friends do not lie or keep secrets from each other, I
remember that much." Deanna paused to take a breath. Her face was flushed and her
eyes were full with anger-filled tears, as she looked at him beseechingly,
pleading with him both verbally and silently to help her, and them get through
this. " I don't remember
everything, and possibly I never will. I understand and accept this, but how can I
even consider being able to recover my past, when you have been withholding
information that could help me, now, today... in the present. You're sitting there
asking me to explain what I'm talking about. Well, I'm asking you to
explain why you left our past relationship for me to attempt to remember on my
own... our bond. What would you have done if I had never recalled the fact that
we were...are Imzadi. Would you never have told me? Does it mean that little
to you? Did it then? Please, Will talk to me. I don't want us to end like
this... not now, not after everything. Because even if we don't mean anything to
you anymore, Will... even if we never did... I still do." The anger had
disappeared from her voice, only sadness remained. "Deanna... I understand
that this has all been very, very confusing for you, and I'm sorry if my behavior
and actions have added to your distress. I never meant to hurt you in any way,
I swear to you, I only thought I was doing what was best. All I can ask of you
is to believe this, believe me... I love you...I certainly haven't done enough
to show you over the past few years, or even let you know, for that matter. He
could no longer find the words he was looking for verbally, so he tried another
tactic. Concentrating on her tear
stained face, Will tried as hard as he could and was rewarded by a gasp as she
received his message in her mind. <Lezarin ani mi Rabeem
Imzadi> You are my world and understanding, Beloved. Deanna tried to blink away
tears, but the emotions which Will evoked with not only his words, but the effort
he must have put in order to send to her brought them to the surface again,
spilling down her cheeks in a cascade of dew drops. Whether these were tears of
sadness for time wasted, or happy tears with thoughts of times to come, she
could not be sure. Deanna closed her eyes, trying to regain emotional
balance... she couldn't stop trembling... and felt Will's finger stroking away
the moisture. The palm of his hand was resting slightly against her cheek,
and Deanna inclined her face slightly, until he was cupping her cheek with the
warmth of his hand, sending an undeniable surge of heat through her face and
body. Although her eyes remained closed she could sense him moving even closer
to her... his breath in her hair as he buried his face in it, inhaling deeply
than barely exhaling, as if he was breathing in the very essence of life itself.
Her eyelashes began fluttering as he leaned over her, placing a warm, renewing
kiss on each of her eyelids. When he backed away slightly, she finally opened
them. Their faces were mere centimeters apart, their lips closer still. Their
lips brushed against each other gently as her eyes closed again. Once,
twice, and over and over again they kissed, slowly, sweetly. Then Deanna pulled
back, pressing a silencing finger to Will's parted lips, before he could even
attempt to speak. "You've already said
enough." She laughed nervously, her voice quavering as she spoke. "I've had a
lot of time to think lately, too much I think. Though I never thought I would say
that. But there are a lot of things I thought I'd never say, and seems as now is
as good a time as any to do that... I love you Will. I do. And I always have.
And if I don't recall any other portions of my memory it doesn't matter,
because I still have that again... and I will never, never forget it, ever
again." Will lowered her finger from
his lips and began slowly prying her frozen fingers apart, saving her palm
from the destruction of her nails searching for treasure in the tender skin.
Once he was able to extend all five fingers he placed a kiss on each of the
fingertips then in the center of her hand before hooking them loosely around
his own. They tightened of their own accord as she continued talking. "When I asked you if you
could help me find Tom... I realize now that I was trying to find a way to talk
you, without really talking to you, and without the consequence of doing so. I
was frightened of how you would react, what you would say if I told you that I
remembered our past together. So, I tried to move on, and when that didn't
work I tried to just think of you as the friend you considered me to be.
Believe me, I tried. I just couldn't do it... I guess it's hopeless." She
turned her head away, burying her face in his shoulder and soaking the fabric of his
shirt with scalding tears. "Hey, look at me,
Deanna." He rubbed her back soothingly, until finally she calmed down enough to face him
again. He stood from his position on the floor and placed her on her feet in
front of him, not even realizing that she must have slipped off the chair
into his arms. Then, wordlessly, he led her to the couch and sat beside her. "It's not
hopeless..." His voice cracked slightly and his wet eyes mirrored her own. "It's not
hopeless... there was a time when I believed that as well. And it's taken me a long time
to realize that it isn't and it never was, nor will it be hopeless. It's just
a way of letting us now that we should not move on... alone. Instead, we
should to try to start anew, together. I just hope that it's not too late for us
to do that." "It's never too
late..." Deanna said, a look of wonder settling over her features as she began to
tremble, realizing the possibilities which lay ahead. Their eyes met and locked,
drawing them together as if magnetized. They had been separated for far too
long; one soul split by circumstance, but finally reuniting, merging back
together again, for now, and always, never to be split again. "Never..." Will
echoed, not knowing whether or not it was the words he believed in, or the expression
on Deanna's face which had him utterly captivated. He leaned closer
still, basking in the awe on her face and knowing that the look on hers must be
mirroring his own. "That's right,
never." This time she had him completely convinced, and sealed her statement to with a
searing kiss. In the instant that their lips met the world faded away and time
ceased to have any meaning whatsoever. Without breaking the kiss, Will
clutched at Deanna's shoulders, reaffirming the reality of her presence in his arms...
in his life, and Deanna was struck by the sensation of feeling his
emotions unite and amplify hers. <My love...> Deanna's eyes flew open at the brush of
his mind against hers, meeting his amused gaze and immediate look of chagrin
as he realized that they were no longer kissing, so caught up were they with
staring at each other. She had thought that thought sending was still something of
a fluke for him, but those last two instances had been so close together
that she began doubting what she had heard. "What?" She blinked
rapidly, wondering if she had just heard what she had thought she had, or if she was
imagining the voice in her head. Will placed a finger under her chin and drew
his lips to hers. Just barely touching each other he whispered, "Look
at me," and when she did she once again was filled with his essence... his voice
in her mind... <Imzadi...> Deanna shivered despite the warmth of the
room; there was no way she could have imagined that.... or the response it
had evoked within her trembling body. Will chuckled when he felt the tremors of
her body against his, more so when both his laugh and her shaking brought their
lips that much closer to each others. They met tentatively, then again and
again, each time the kiss was a little bit deeper and a little bit longer... Her arms curled around his
neck, insistently drawing him ever closer to her, thankful that the past had
done its job and instead of lingering behind them, had propelled them into the
future. Deanna was certain of it. And what a future it would be... starting right now. Deanna
intensified the kiss again, placing years of passion and hunger for him well known,
And in response his eyes scorched hers in a look of pure desire, as feelings of
love emanated from them both, once again entwining their souls in an
unconscious gesture of their bond. Will closed his eyes at the first touch of her
tongue against his, thrilling at the dance they instinctively began together,
his breath mingling with hers inside his mouth... His hands left her shoulders
as they caressed the back of her neck before becoming lost in the silky
strands of her hair, angling her head slightly backwards... anything to get
closer.
own,
clasping their hands together, fingers meshing with each
other as their souls continued to fuse together. "Will..." She
breathed into the side of his neck. "Yes, Dee?' "I remember... I
remember...?" "What do you
remember?" "This!" She wound
her leg around his and turned with all of her strength pinning him beneath her in one
quick motion. She didn't realize that his hands had returned to her shoulders,
so intent was she on her victory. Taking her by surprise, Will unfastened the
two latches of Deanna's jumper, eyes widening at what the silky fabric revealed
as it slid sinuously down her body. "Why Counselor, I do
believe you are violating regulation with this... scandalous attire." His
smile widened at the miniscule silver bra and matching panties. "Well then, it's a shame
that you are going to have to report me." She laughed seductively, knowing exactly
what he had in mind, and looking forward to it. "Actually, if you remove
them immediately we can consider this as a warning..." "I've got a better idea,
Will. As my commanding officer you are supposed to make certain that I comply
with your orders, but instead of just overseeing this personally, why don't you
aid me with my task." "That's correct,
Counselor, however I am not supposed to complete your duty tasks for you, you shouldn't
even be question the orders of your superior." Riker grinned, his eyes
twinkling as he tried to stop himself from ripping off her lingerie. Deanna laughed
and, still laying atop him shifted slightly, straddling him and holding his
arms so that they were pinned against hers. Will groaned as his arousal pressed
against the soft skin of her bare belly. "Will?" He gritted
his teeth and answered, "Yes Dee?" Gazing into her surprisingly innocent eyes,
"What is it?" "Which one of us is
superior now?" She smiled sweetly, adjusting her hips so that they pressed against his
ever so slightly. "Oh damn it, I could care
less." He sat upwards and kissed her chest, just above the satin encased flesh
of her breasts. Deanna sighed and leaned her neck forward, relaxing enough to
release his hands. Will placed his hands on her shoulders, slowly edging the
straps down her arms, kissing each new area of exposed flesh. Deanna reached
behind her back and undid the clasp of the bra, impatient, as always, for his
touch. Her back arched further as he removed the garment from her body, tossing
it onto the floor beside the bed carelessly. Deanna sighed and lay down on
him as Will shuddered at the feel of her bare flesh against his chest. But
it was still not close enough for them... they had to be one... soon. Deanna pushed herself up,
using Will's arms as leverage. Then she slowly rolled off of him, laying on
her side and gazing at him expectantly. Will rolled onto his side as well,
gathering her in his arms and locking his lips onto hers. Her hands trailed
up his arms and neck until they were snaked around his neck almost crushing his
lips against hers. Her tongue sought his out, as his hands gently caressed her
breasts. Her moan of pleasure was lost in his mouth. Her hands far from
idle, Deanna was exploring Will's arms and torso as if it was an uncharted planet
before slowly, tortuously moving her way downward. "Deanna..." he
breathed into her chest. "Yes, Will?" She
whispered her heart beating rapidly against his. "I love you."
Deanna's entire body relaxed into his, as her lips reclaimed his lips, his heart, his soul. "I love you too."
She used all of her weight to flip him onto his back, then swiftly lifted her right leg
over both of his and straddled her surprised Imzadi. Deanna was well aware of
Will's state of extreme arousal, even if their link didn't tell her. She could
feel it, in every fiber of her being. He wanted her more than any man had ever
wanted another woman. She reached down and cupped his arousal in her hands,
feeling the same sensation from him that she was reveling in, from her body. She squeezed gently with her
right hand, and Will closed his eyes and gasped at the sensation. It was
definitely the desired result. Deanna bent her head at licked at him slightly, then
worked her way up his body, her silky hair brushing against as much of
his skin as she could reach. Will hands clenched at the sheets unconsciously as
she licked her way back down, alternating with heated breath and tiny kisses
until she reached the inside of his thigh. Her tongue darted out and sampled
the length of his leg. Will's hips involuntary bucked, lifting his body off
the bed and giving her greater access to the flesh before her. He reached up and
clasped her shoulders in his hands, then sliding them around her back to enfold
her body in his arms. Deanna's breath caught in her throat when she felt him
grow impossibly harder in her hands. Will's lips locked on hers as his hands
stroked slowly down her body, molding his hands to her breast and curving around
her hips. Deanna arched against him and Will's hands slid sensuously to the
small of her back. As though mapping a new star system, Will carefully traced
the lines of her body, never once breaking the kiss. Deanna moaned and thrust
her tongue into his mouth startling him. Will's eyes flew open and his lips
smiled around hers, eagerly meeting her tongue with his own. Deanna could feel
that she was already close, too close. He had barely touched her but raging deep
inside was an uncontrollable feeling, an unbearable ache to have him possess her. "Will..." She
trailed off as he stroked the center of her body gently, dipping easily into her folds and
further awakening her already inflamed arousal. "Shhh, Relax Dee." That's ... easy for you to
say." She gasped, stiffening as the first spasm hit her. She closed her eyes,
trying to regain control of her skyrocketing emotions. "Oh gods, Will, please,
now." Will grinned at her, his eye gleamed wickedly, burning into hers.
He crushed her body against hers, positioning himself at her entrance. He just barely brushed against
her with his hardness, teasing her until perspiration covering was
covering her body with a fine sheen as he covered her completely once again they
both were mindless, needing to be completely together, one soul, for now
and for eternity. Deanna caressed his arms, running her fingers over the taut
muscles, silently begging for him to enter her. Her eyes opened and tears filled
them as she felt the depths of his love for her, both inside and out of their
bodies, their very beings. He thrust deeper into her body, and her heart. Both
pairs of eyes were wide open now, aware of the same need, desire and
certainty. "Deanna I love you."
He couldn't hold back any longer, and he knew she didn't want him to. Emotions
spiraled through their veins, demanding they surrender to the intensity of
their love. No holding back, they reached for each, a release washed over
them in a frenzy. The sounds in the room, of gasping breaths and blood
pounding in their heads broke the silence of the otherwise still room. They lay entwined on the bed,
and Deanna couldn't stop trembling. Will carefully tucked the blanket
around her and drew her closer to him, kissing the top of her head gently. "Are you all right?"
He whispered, concerned at the shudders that still ran through her body. "MMMhmmmm" She
smiled sleepily at him and closed her eyes, laying her head on his chest. Will cleared his throat
nervously, then asked, laughter in his voice, "So, was it like you
remembered?" "No." "No?" He was
surprised, and slightly anxious. "It was even
better." She snuggled closer to his warmth and kissed his neck before drifting off to sleep.
Will lay there in the dark and smiled to himself, thinking "Well, so much
for memory."