First Contact
Lao-ma
Story idea and plot contributions from V. Alejandra Madrid and Jenny Gould.
Story takes place shortly after First Contact.
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The U.S.S Enterprise E hovered over space. It had been more than a year since
their last encounter, when the Collective had tried to assimilate the inhabitants
of Earth. The crew heaved a collective sigh of relief of the memories of the
Borg. As the distance from them increased the danger became just a mere nightmare-at
least for now. Among the relieved was Deanna Troi. Every time she thought of
their last mission, the image of Zefram Cochran came to mind, and not a particularly
good one. What had she been thinking, getting drunk with him just to get information?
She was thankful that only person had witnessed her humiliation was Will Riker,
who-Deanna hoped-would keep this strictly between them. She trusted him, but
she had a sneaking suspicion that he wasnt going to let her live the experience
down too easily.
Incidentally, as Deanna entered the turbolift that day, she found herself in
the company of none other than Will Riker himself. She smiled up at him and
offered a pleasant, "Hello Will."
Those blue eyes of his shining with mirth as he replied, "Why, hello, Deena."
He smirked, but kept from meeting her gaze. It's a good thing too, because if
he did, he might as well been burned alive with her none-too-pleased glare.
Deanna's eyes narrowed as she shot him an angry look.
"Will Riker," she began, slowly, deliberately. "You better stop
this nonsense if you hope to survive tomorrow, or any amount of time, for that
matter, here on out. Otherwise, you'll be risking some serious damage to your
health."
Will chuckled. "Why, was that a threat coming from you, my dear Counselor?"
She folded her arms in upset and avoided his eyes. "You're damn right it
is."
His smirk quickly disappeared as he picked up on her mood, and offered a more
sensitive approach. He touched her arm, "I was only joking, Deanna. Come
on, you don't have to be so offensive."
When she looked up, she still had the same angry glare in her eyes. "And
why not? I don't think it's so funny, making light of a situation I only put
myself in for the sake of our mission, not to mention my own well-being!"
She stared at him, waiting for a response.
Will remembered all too well that night when he had gone to check on Deanna
to see if she'd made any progress with Cochran. Evidently, he found not only
had she attempted to share a drink with him (or two, or three, or was it four?),
but that she had pushed her self to the limit with the alcohol, to the point
where she was drunk.
t was a lucky thing Will had been there to help her recover. Otherwise, there
was no telling what else Cochran would have put her up to. Deanna had spent
two hours vomiting off and on, one of the many side affects of a hangover, as
she soon discovered. He had stayed there, by her side, until the dawn. Deanna
was absolutely miserable and mortified the next morning to find out what had
happened when he had told her.
It was then Will realized he wasn't exactly helping her out here by bringing
up a less-than-wonderful memory she could do without. "All right. Deanna,
I'm sorry. I won't mention it again."
"Good." She was satisfied, but he wasn't entirely convinced that she
felt any better.
As the 'lift stopped, they began to head toward their respective quarters. Just
as Deanna started off in the opposite direction, Will gently caught her by the
hand. He stared into those Grecian eyes of hers, now a little less hard, and
suddenly felt at a loss for words. Since the turn of recent events, they were
beginning to fall into a different type of relationship, one that still dictated
that they were friends, but still more. One that was the same as it had always
been, yet, not.
Honestly, Riker didn't know just how to deal with it. He liked it, how things
were between them now, but moments like these when Deanna's mood would shift
from friendly to, upset so quickly, made him confused. This was what they did.
They joked around all the time. It was part of their relationship. He wondered
why this little thing had set Deanna off. "Listen, Deanna. I am sorry.
I should know better than to..."
"No, no." She cut him off. "It's not your fault, Will, really.
I'm just having one of those days," she sighed, "I know you were just
kidding. It's just..."
He stared back at her with the ocean in his eyes, making it hard for her to
speak. She could get lost in those eyes forever. She could have sworn she almost
saw her own reflection as she looked into them. "What is it?"
The tone of his voice was soft and alluring to her ears. Deanna blinked, bringing
herself out of the trance. "I've had a lot on my mind, is all," she
said it to distract herself from falling into his arms. "But thanks for
being so concerned, Will. I appreciate it."
He gave her a questioning glance. "Are you sure? I'm off duty if you need
to talk."
"No. It's okay," she insisted, "I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow,
okay?" She took his hands in hers, trying to assure him of what she was
saying.
Will glanced down at their hands, then back to Deanna. "Ok." A smile
came to her face, one that made him do the same.
"Good night, Will." She gave him a friendly goodnight kiss on the
cheek then went inside her cabin.
"Good night, Deanna."
Sleep did not come easily to Will that night. He couldn't shake the thought
of Deanna from his mind, and his encounter with her earlier. There's something
not right about this 'relationship' of ours. That made him laugh. Of course
it's not right, otherwise I wouldn't be complaining.
Since the 'romance' between Deanna and Worf was put to rest, and Worf gone on
DS9, the relationship between Will and Deanna had taken a turn for the better.
Or at least it seemed, anyway. Will knew he loved her. No, he corrected himself.
Love isn't even the word. The things Deanna Troi made him feel went deeper than
that.
Throughout their entire separation on Betazed, he felt like she had been ripped
apart from his soul. Now that she served with him as his friend, and as of recently,
with the potential of being more, Will Riker was beginning to realize that without
her, there was definitely an empty space in his life, one that only she could
fill. He was only kidding himself to say that he was happy with the way things
were.
The truth was, he needed Deanna apart of him, permanently. Not as a friend,
or a lover. She was his beloved, and to him, that meant she should be given
more than just his friendship, and vice versa. He wanted to make her laugh.
She had the most beautiful laughter that was like music to his ears. And seeing
her smile, seeing that look of absolute happiness on her face, brought pure
joy in his heart, unlike anything in the world. He wanted her in his arms where
he was sure that he could never let go of her. How many nights had he struggled
with insomnia, much like this one, wondering if she felt the same way? How could
he want all these things if Deanna didnt want them from him too? And worse,
how could he know for sure?
A similar turmoil of emotions went through Deanna's mind as she thought about
Riker in her quarters. It wasn't as if it was for the first time, of course.
There were many nights when she would sit up late at night, unable to sleep
because him. Commander William Riker. The very sound of his name gave her goose
bumps. She had been lying herself when she said time and again, that she was
satisfied with just being friends with him. It couldn't be further from the
truth.
No matter how much Deanna tried to shut Will out of her life, her mind, and
her heart, she couldn't. Not even if she wanted to. The fact was, Deanna, honestly,
truly, in all sense of the word, was in love with Will Riker. The only problem
was, it seemed that he didn't feel the same way. She was the expert on feelings
and human behavior, after all. Or so she told herself. It was only what she
wanted to hear, of course, so she wouldn't have to deal with all the complications
that came with being romantically involved with Will.
She sighed with frustration as she sat on her couch. We're so comfortable with
the way things were now. Maybe the real problem is that were both afraid
to break out of that cycle? For so long, Deanna had secretly blamed their status
as it was because of Will. She knew he liked the way they were because it meant
he wasn't committed, he was still free to roam around, if he pleased, but remain
attached to Deanna, emotionally, at least.
But it went both ways. Deanna wasn't committed to Will, but could still have
her fair share of game, should she want it. He was her friend-her best friend-and
her emotional support. So maybe they were both to blame. There were so many
unanswered questions. Did he still share those same feelings for her, as she
did for him? Could they possibly have a deeper, more meaningful relationship,
even as senior officers?
Troi crossed her arms as she finally decided that one thing was certain. She
didn't think she could live another moment in question, in doubt of her feelings
every minute of the day, and always looking back to see if she had made the
right decision. Deanna needed stability in her life, and ironically, she figured
that stability could come from Will. He was the only person in this world that
could make her complete, a whole person. No matter what simple joys her career
and her friends aboard the Enterprise gave her, somehow it was never enough.
Maybe that's why Mother has been so insistent all these years. She's always
known all of this. She needed him as apart of her life more than ever, but not
as a friend or as a fellow officer. She needed him as her Imzadi, her lifetime
companion, and everything else that entailed him as her first love, her soul
mate. She wanted him entirely, to melt her with passion and desire, body and
soul, just like she had always dreamed about. She wanted to look into those
eyes of his for eternity, and not feel guilty. But instead of coming up with
any solutions, Deanna decided to sleep on it, and-as she often did-let things
take their course.
The following morning, Deanna Troi awoke to discover she had overslept, which
meant she only had ten minutes to prepare for her next appointment. Dreams of
a certain bearded first officer had persuaded her to sleep longer than usual.
In a rush of confusion, she got dressed and was out the door. As she rounded
the corner to her office, she-almost quite literally-bumped into Will
"Deanna, can I talk to you?" His blue eyes pleaded with hers.
She felt herself being pulled into his intense gaze, but struggled to focus.
"O.k., Will. But make it quick. I woke up late this morning, and have an
appointment in two minutes."
"Alright." They made their way to Deanna's office, where Will took
a seat on the couch. He look up at her, the happy smile from yesterday gone,
replaced with a gaze of complete seriousness.
"Deanna, I was up late last night, thinking about us." He was straight
forward, and to the point. He originally hadn't planned to be so, formal, but
it was all he could do to keep from losing his nerve.
It caught Deanna a little off guard. "What?" She stared at him for
a moment, trying to pick up on what he was feeling. He was serious. Will sat,
still staring at her, waiting to see how shed react. "Oh, you...You
were?"
Finally, Deanna thought, Maybe we can bring some resolve to this drama after
all. "Yeah, I have. As I have done for the last few years since I first
came on this ship and saw you on the bridge."
She said nothing.
He sighed, held is head in his hands, and then forced himself to meet her eyes,
"Imzadi," Hopelessness and desperation was obvious in his voice, even
as he spoke that word, the word that prompted Deanna's heart to sink. She stood,
almost gaping at him. When was the last time either of them had spoken that
one word?
Will saw her hands shaking slightly. Deanna had to take a seat in a chair opposite
the couch to keep from almost fainting. He immediately got up and went over
to her. He took her by the shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. Deanna
stared into his soul, totally enraptured in what she saw there. Riker made his
move and came closer within her space.
All rational thought escaped Deanna Troi within a split second as Will's lips
caressed her own. The touch was feather-like against her skin. Her heart pounded
heavily in her chest as he came in to capture her mouth completely. But the
moment was ended all too soon when the chime to the door beeped, announcing
the arrival of Deanna's patient. She hastily got up and away from Will's arms,
and quickly tried to forget the thousand sensations she was feeling throughout
her body.
"Will, you have to go. My patient needs me."
He easily complied with her wishes without saying a word, and walked out the
door.
An hour later, Will Riker made yet another appearance in Deanna's office, hoping
to offer an explanation of the previous event. He stood in the doorway for a
minute, trying to sum up all he would say to her.
But this time, Deanna was the first to break the silence. "I thought you
wanted to talk." Her tone was stern, and her expression one of irritation.
Riker picked up on it immediately. "I do." He tried to remain calm.
"Then why is it that every time you come in to 'talk,'" she said with
disgust, "you always end up trying to kiss me? It's getting a little old,
Will. You can't just come in here, kiss me, and then expect everything to all
to be forgiven and fine."
He frowned at her. "Oh cut the crap, Deanna. You know you liked it as much
as I did."
She wasn't the least bit intimidated.
"Don't get smart with me, Riker. Admit it. You still expect me to just
fall into your lap, don't you? Well, here's a news flash: I'm not the same girl
you first met on Betazed, Will."
He stood shaking his head at her. "Oh, and what? You don't think I've changed
at all, do you? To you, I'll just take anything that has two legs and is female,
is that right?"
She sighed with frustration, tempted to attack his last comment, but made the
intelligent decision not to further the argument. "Okay. Fine. You want
a confession? I wanted to you to kiss me. I wanted it bad. It's all I've ever
fantasized about since we both got stuck on this ship together. But you know
what? That doesn't really matter, because I know that's exactly what you wanted
to hear."
"Deanna Troi," he addressed her patiently, "Stop for a minute,
will you?"
She flashed him a look to be reckoned with, "Since when did you start addressing
me so formally?"
His temper got the better of him. "Quit with the attitude and just shut
up for a minute!" It was the first time in years he had ever yelled at
her. "Youre right," he said five or six notches softer than
before, "I was wrong. Totally wrong. But what did you expect? I spend hours
every day thinking about what I'm going to say to you about how I feel, and
then once I get here, near you, it all goes out the window."
Deanna crossed her arms and turned her head away from him.
"Deanna, I don't think you realize the power you have over me,you drive
me NUTS! I just have to look at you, and I'm speechless. All you have to do
is walk into the room, and I forget what it was I was doing, where I was headed
in the first place."
"Oh yeah?" she countered, "Well, life with you isn't any easier
for me, Will. You drive me insane! I could have admitted myself to an asylum
a dozen times by now because of you!"
"Oh really? And do you know how many nights I've had to see Dr. Crusher
because of chronic insomnia, brought on by you? My god, I couldn't even begin
to count the nights I've stayed up tossing and turning over you! It's like I
don't sleep at all!"
"Sometimes you make me hate you, Will Riker! All this drama between us..."
she put her hands up in desperation, "Thanks to you, it gives me a headache
not even Beverly can cure. I swear, you make me so mad, I just want to throw
things at you!"
They came closer, closer within each other's space, in a continuous shouting
match. "And you know what else? Sometimes I wish I'd never met you, Will.
If my Mother had her way, I'd be married with kids by now."
"Oh well, that's wonderful, Deanna. Glad to know you'd just be willing
to let your life waste away at the hands of your Mother. But just think,"
he added with sarcasm practically dripping from his lips, "if you HAD let
that happen, you wouldn't be ON this ship, right now, would you? In fact, you
wouldn't even be here TALKING to me!"
"Well you know what they say, Will, 'Out of SIGHT, out of MIND!" she
yelled in his face, her hands balling into fists.
"Dammit Deanna, STOP YELLING!" Will shouted. His temper was definitely
getting the better of him.
"I'M NOT YELLING!" Deanna shouted in return, fury blazing in her eyes.
"YES YOU ARE!"
"No I'm not!"
"You are too!"
"Not!"
They were mere inches from each other.
"So stop then!"
"Fine, I will."
"FINE."
"Okay."
"Fine then."
And instantly, with their lips almost touching, they came together in a kiss
that was electric. At that moment, Beverly Crusher burst through the door, upon
hearing the shouting down the hall. "Deanna, are you-?" Then she saw
them and suddenly looked totally confused. "What the hell is going on?"
Moments passed before the kiss ended, until finally, they broke apart. Deanna
turned to Beverly, in Will's arms and assured her friend that everything was
ok. "Beverly," she said, somewhat breathlessly, "I'm alright.
I'll talk to you later, okay?"
The doctor, still looking absolutely clueless, simply turned on her heel and
left the two alone. "I don't think I'll ever understand those two."
After a brief pause, Deanna spoke again. "Will, just answer me one simple
question, and we can both be happy." "Are you sure?"
"I'm not making any promises. Do you love me, Imzadi?"
"Yes. I do, more than anything else, even more than my career." He
held her tightly, his chin resting on the top of her head. "I love you,
Deanna. I always have, I just was never sure when to admit it. I had to deal
with how I felt first, because there were times I doubted myself. But then there
were moments...like when you were pregnant with Ian, and that time Jev put you
in a coma, that only reinforced everything. The guilt and the regret I felt
sometimes ...it was unbearable. It made me realize that I really was in love
with you, and only you. Who else could make me feel all those things?"
She smiled beneath him. "And since weve built this...comfortable
relationship," he continued, "I thought I might finally have the nerve
to come to you and admit my feelings."
"Imzadi..." Deanna whispered into his chest, close to his heart. "I'm
so sorry."
That was all. The barriers were broken. And for the first time in years, first
contact-of the heart-had been made. Will lifted her chin to meet his eyes, "And
I am sorry, Imzadi, for everything I ever did to hurt you."
She smiled, and put a hand to his face, "Apology accepted. So what do you
say, shall we start over?"
He returned her smile, "Certainly. I believe I was going to say something
to you."
"You were?"
"Yes," he took her face into his hands and said in a voice more romantic
than she had ever heard, "I love you, Imzadi." Her eyes began to tear
up, but Will easily wiped them away. One tender kiss later, he met her eyes
again, "No more tears, imzadi. I promise." Deanna settled into his
arms as he held her tight to him, and knew, deep in her heart, the truth of
his words, and came to the realization, that truly, with Will Riker by her side,
things would be okay.
END