In Retrospect



R/T......Riker POV.....I bet that shocks everybody:-)

These characters aren't mine, you all know who they belong to....Need I say more. sj

Feedback is welcome, flames are still being forwarded to my dark-side. I have a bitchy time of the month, but I also have a goofy one....Guess which one I'm having now?


Getting up this morning seemed to be the only uneventful thing I did today.....In retrospect it was probably my first mistake. My first error in judgment wasn't so bad, just my Picard imitation done for the junior officers in passing. They enjoyed it, I did too, until I found my commanding officer had been standing behind me the entire time. Damn junior officers, they'll do anything to bust their superior's balls, and mine are a few sizes smaller now.

Picard's dressing down was nothing though compared to the one I received from Beverly. Shit, like it was my fault she was cold and her nipples were popping through her uniform just begging to be admired. Not that they haven't popped before, it's just that I always had the decency to ignore it...them. But today I didn't, didn't want to. She's waving this goddamn PADD in my face, hovering over the desk, insisting I grant somebody a leave of absence. My eyes momentary dropped, it was innocent at first, I was only trying to escape the wrath of Crusher. And to be honest it wasn't even her breasts I was thinking of, hers merely gave me a jumping point. I chose not to tell her that though, figured that might tick her off more then my leering like an adolescent at her boobs. Anyway, once I was bagged in the act of ogling, no matter who I was fantasizing about, I learned that doctor Beverly Crusher could swear in several languages. I found it unnecessary, I certainly didn't need to be told what part of my anatomy I was thinking with. I knew it first thing in the morning when I woke up rock hard for the twelfth day in a row with visions of a very naked Deanna playing in my mind. All guys wake up rock hard, I know that, but not panting, soaked in sweat and needing a cold shower, or something to ease the ache.

Some people think, oh, the Enterprise, space exploration.....I gotta be up front and say we've got a whole hell of alotta time to explore things besides new life and new civilizations ....and boldly going where no one has gone before all comes down to Deanna, and that damned green dress. I don't know where it came from, but I'm planning on sneaking into her quarters later and burning it.

The first day she walked, no strutted onto the bridge in it my mouth dropped open.....Yep, that's right, a hundred years of Starfleet training don't prepare you for the woman you want more then anything walking on your bridge naked, painted in green, but basically naked....not a missed curve, line or bump under that dress. And I'd thought Starfleet uniforms were meant to test a man's resolve ......those are for the raw cadets.

So anyway, she struts onto the bridge in that next to nothing dress and a smile that said no less then "Hello imzadi, do you remember what it's like to have an empathic lover?"

But I held it together, smiled like an ignorant fool, said something suave like nice dress and hoped she hadn't noticed the sweat above my brows.

Anyway that's when the dreams started, I'd call em nightmares, but not while they're happening, only when I wake up alone.

So today, after several sleepless nights and more days then I care to remember she wore that dress, I confronted her, in the turbo lift. I'm not uncomfortable making advances towards women, so this part came easy to me. I leaned my hands against the lift wall, trapping her prefect body between them and whispered a few choice words about the dress. The words weren't that slick, but they certainly went against the Commander, Counselor relationship we'd established. Think I mentioned a certain little thing she likes that I do with my tongue, and then I whispered in her ear......Shit, I don't even remember what I said, but it must have been good cause that flimsy green piece of material was shed awful quickly, and the lift was ordered to a halt. And there she was, naked, face flushed, encouraging me to take her just as I had night after night in my dreams. And that's when I said it.....the idiot remark, the reason I should have stayed in bed....."Put your dress back on, I can't do this."

Me, a man that will take most any woman, anytime, anyplace, said put your dress back on. The way she looked at me.....God, it was worse then a phaser set to kill....But that wasn't the worst of it, it was her emotions, I could feel them....and not just the anger, hell I welcomed that one, it was the hurt, the humiliation. And I choked, she was out of the lift before I had time to explain.

And it wasn't because I didn't want to take her right there and then, it was because she deserved more. I knew that if I made love to Deanna again it wouldn't be like screwing the new ensign, it would be like starting a new life......I wanted it to be the way I thought she would want it to be. Think that was a bad call on my part, in retrospect I think she may have liked it against the wall, I mean hell it's not like our first time was moonlight and lace. But I was young then, wasn't thinking...or maybe I'm old now and thinking too much. Who knows........all I do know is I had the perfect woman, naked, vulnerable, willing to trust me and make love to me in a way I still can't even explain, and I said put your dress back on.

Yep, I'm still getting over it.

Anyway I think the first leg of my self-punishment is over, I've been laying here on this tiny couch in my quarters, stripped down to my boxers, allowing the sticky syntha-leather to stick to my damp skin. This should hurt like a son of a bitch when I peel myself off it, move to step two, the part where I drown myself in an icy shower, water pressure set on stun and watch this entire day wash down the drain. And then tomorrow I'll explain it to Deanna, apologize to Picard and Crusher and it will all be behind me.

Unless....unless Deanna tells someone....Nah, she'd never do that....Would she? She would if she thought.....Oh christ, I said *can't* do this.....what if she took can't in its literal sense. With the courage of a Klingon I chose that moment to peel myself off the couch, use the pain to delete that thought from my mind. My Klingon courage and the growl I'd planed on freeing in appreciation for the pain, lapsed into nothing less then a girly scream, a high-pitched squeal and my checking to see if I'd left any skin fragments behind.

Well, I don't see anything, but that doesn't mean it's not there, skins transparent.

A shuffle is the best I can do as I head for the bathroom, shoulders slouched, my long arms dangling at my sides, I probably resemble some sort of hairy primate.....Seems fitting.

Turning the corner into the bedroom, the darkened room ignites with a flash......Being a well trained starfleet officer I stop short, turn towards the source and take a few cautious steps back into the living room. My mouth fell open and I froze, gapping like an idiot at the woman that just materialized. She was wearing a smile, a rather sly one, and that was about it....... Although the bouquet of flowers she held in one hand covered what I find to be one of her most pleasant attributes. Without speaking she picked up the bag at her feet and brushed by me. I of course still hanging on to this bumbling jerk persona I'd captured today followed behind her, watching that tight little butt sway in front of me.

I leaned against the door frame, momentarily watching, admiring her completely uninhibited beauty as she strolled around my manly bedroom, adorning it with all the romantic trimmings she had tucked away in her bag of tricks.

Candles, smelly ones....shit, she must have brought a hundred of them, and the few she lit cast some very intriguing shadows over her milky skin. Then there was champagne, or something sparkly in a clear bottle......Yep, must be champagne I could hear the clicking of the two flutes she pulled from her bag. I was certain I wasn't going to need champagne, I was already feeling pleasantly warm, but still confused, and my eyes kept falling to that long narrow bag, gauging the size, certain there'd be plenty of room for a painstik at the bottom. Needless to say I did breath a little easier when she pulled out a crystal vase, crumpled the bag and tossed it on the other side of the room.

So I screwed up my nerve and moved further inside, breaking the silence with the only thing that really needed to be said.

"Who the hell was operating the transporter?"

That stunning little smile never waned, shook a little bit maybe when she noticed my breath catch in my throat.

"Let's just say Beverly was more then willing to help."

I groaned at the mention of the doctors name, that drawing an all knowing laugh from Deanna. I would have been upset that Beverly felt it necessary to tell Deanna I'd been ogling her breasts, but then when Deanna laughed, her own breasts moved in a very stimulating way, driving thoughts of doctor Crusher out of my mind.

"Relax Will."

She tossed some petals on the bed......I hate petals, and she knows I hate petals, but then she likes petals, so maybe this isn't some elaborate payback, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let my guard now.

Involuntarily I find myself stepping closer to the bed as she crawls onto it with the sleek moves of a cat, assumes a provocative position and pats the bed beside her.

"I was hoping you might be willing to finish what you started earlier." Her voice was nothing short of a purr. My mouth went suddenly dry, and I can only assume the smile I'm smiling is a fairly dopey one.

"This is what you wanted, isn't it.......Or don't I turn you on once I lose the green dress."

She ran her hands over her body, very slow and very thoroughly, going for one of those human male weaknesses as she likes to call them, and I lost it......Totally gave in, gave up the idea that she might be wired with some kind of electrical charge or have intentions of bringing me to the edge and cutting it off.

I lunged and left coherent thought in my wake......Reality distorted into only sounds, smells, touches and that incredible taste, that blend of sex and her that lingers on my tongue and propels me to consume more and more of it until it controls all my senses, throws me into a place that has to be felt to be understood. A place where time stands still or you wish like hell it would.

It must be my own heart pounding in my ears, deadening the sound of my jagged breaths as I roll off her and she drapes her body over mine. I draw her closer, press a kiss against her hair, still relishing the taste of her on my tongue and let my eyes drift closed.

Falling asleep while that incredible smell of sex still drifts through the room has always been one of my favorite things, but when it mingles with the sound of her breathing it comes even easier.

In retrospect my first instinct this morning was the right one, getting out of bed was my biggest mistake........ I won't make it again tomorrow........Tomorrow we'll stay right here.