Do I dare?
By Mia
Dec 2003

I put my computer off still thinking on my last
patient's troubles. Should I call them troubles? Still
not sure about it, I shake my head, these private
counselling sessions are getting worse each time.
Perhaps I should consider cancelling them. Have the
benefit of staying anonymous behind the commlink and
their given code name, give them more liberty for
getting their demons out. And this last patient, more
than a demon, seemed to have been possessed by a Risan
prostitute. She didn't even sounded troubled about
having fantasies over her commanding officer, more so,
she seemed to be enjoying every bit of it, and seemed
to be enjoying even more, reliving her fantasies
while describing every lurid detail. Maybe I should
ask her not to be so explicit next time. I blush
remembering the things she wrote...

How should I counsel her? How can I suggest her to
canalise her thoughts into something else and to
remember the fact that the object of her affection
happens to be a married man and she shouldn't be
having that kind of thoughts? How can I help her when
every time I read one of her letters I start having
fantasies myself! Oh God, it finally happened: I've
turned into one of my patients! I laughed as I pick up
my last book from the table, but instead of reading
it, I walk towards the replicator and order a double
chocolate sundae and sat the table to eat my sundae,
discarding the book and the couch. I don't think I'd
be able to stand the Oblian poet talking about his

A spoonful of ice cream melts inside my mouth and I
feel the essence of the chocolate travelling up to my
head invading everything and melting my senses. I
remember once again my patient's last letter and the
idea of covering my breasts with candy comes suddenly
to my mind. I feel embarrassed and look around to be
sure no one has seen me. I laugh at myself, How could
that be! Not only I'm alone in my quarters, but I'm
also the only empath on board the ship. Still, the
idea leaves me nervous and a giggle escapes followed
by images of someone pouring warm honey over the
nether parts of my body and lazily start licking it.

Oh! I actually am blushing right now at the mere
thought. Blushing and scandalised at the idea of
considering oral sex. I have never allowed Will nor
anyone else into such games... oh God! I really am too
serious, just as Will said I was when we first met. Is
that why things between us cooled down back then,
because I'm a boring lover? I laugh nervously. This
new patient is driving me crazy and I'm getting
hornier with the years. Am I entering the phase? No,
that cannot be it! I walk to the mirror inside my
bedroom and tell myself to calm down.

Deciding it's better to take a nap and forget about my
patient, or my own fantasies, I pull out a comfortable
night gown to wear and sit on bed and take my uniform
off, but the fantasies start haunting me again. This
is going to be a long night. Well, not that long, just
until Will's shift is over.

Ahh! The privilege of being involved in a
relationship. The knowledge that I can count on
someone to ease my troubles when a crazy patient gets
in the way between my passion, and my morale is
already making me feel better. As if my patients were
the only ones to blame for the thoughts I've had over
Will during the past decade or so. The only difference
is that tonight, I actually am going to make one of
these fantasies come true...that is if I ever dare to
make it come true! Ugh! I'm such a lame person!

I get off bed and go to my closet to open the drawer
were I keep the nighties I have for those special
occasions, feeling the silky touch of the fabrics and
imagining how fantastic it would feel over my body if
I wore one of them.

I see the small red and deep pink scandalous box
Beverly gave me on my last birthday. The one that made
my eyes pop out and blush when seeing the contents and
hearing it was edible. I remember that night at ten
forward, closing the box before anyone else would see
and camouflaging it in the small pile of presents on
the table. I was lucky Will was on stage with the band
and never knew of it, otherwise, it would've been
impossible for the nightie to survive for more than an

I open the box and hold the babydoll gown. It really
is small and sort of see-through and smells like some
kind of berry. I hold it against myself and turn
towards the mirror. It's really skimpy and I laugh
before putting it back into the box. But my patient's
fantasies creep into my mind again...

Maybe, she's not that crazy after all. Maybe if I ever
do dare to wear this for Will, I'd realise she was
right and I've been missing the best part of ... sex.
I laugh at my silly words just as I realise that Will
is on his way here. I know it because of his light
hearted emotions, he's always like that when walking
home after his shift is over. I look to the mirror
thinking on what to do: put my fantasies back into the
darkest corner of my drawer or dare to have them come
true? I don't have much time to ponder, he'll be here
anytime. My heart races as I decide what to do...