Ruminations Redux

Disclaimer: This may or may not bear a resemblance to a character belonging to Paramount. In either case, suing me won't be worth your time.

At times like these I really hate Starfleet.

Don't get me wrong. I've chosen this life, I love it and I'm good at it. But could the timing of this mission possibly been worse?

I finally, after all this time, after all the trials, the mistakes, the uncertainties, have my heart's desire. And then Starfleet sends me away on this long mission.

Deanna. My beautiful Deanna. It feels so good to say that, to say that she is mine. I sometimes think I'm going to burst from the pride of it. She is a beautiful woman but her greatest beauty is the radiance that shines out from her soul. And that soul belongs to me. The awe, the wonder of that, is something I hope I'll never lose.

This away mission seemed like forever. It was almost impossible to concentrate because I missed her so much. I'm so glad I'm on my way home.

Going home. Still seems strange saying it, even though I haven't felt like a drifter for a very long time. But I can still remember being that scared, abandoned boy trapped in a man's body. Then I met Deanna and I found home. And it terrified me. At least, that's the only explanation I can find for why I hurt her so much on our first go around.

I don't know what gods brought her back into my life but they have my eternal gratitude. They waited until I had grown up enough that I could take a step back and really get to know her as a person, as a trusted friend.

But that final step still terrified me. I've faced down the Borg, stood up to misguided admirals, risked everything for a woman I barely knew, yet I was still afraid to give myself to the one who held my soul. She waited so patiently as I flailed about, trying to find my bearings in the sea of emotions I found myself in.

It took me a while but I finally found that nerve. I gave her my soul and received hers in return. I think I got the better end of the deal.


Can't this shuttle go any faster?

I've learned so much from her. I'm a better officer because she taught me to see and think in different ways. I no longer madly race towards the future but appreciate where I am. I've become so much more because she looked down to the core of my being and brought out what was waiting to be discovered. I...


*Welcome home, Imzadi.*

It's faint, but it's her!

I let thoughts of her encompass my entire being and I send it all to her. She returns it to me tenfold.

My soul smiles.

Yes, I have to find those gods and thank them.