Ruminations
mk_toronto@excite.com

Disclaimer: This may or may not bear a resemblance to a character belonging to Paramount. In either case, suing me won't be worth your time.


I stare at the holo for the umpteenth time. At times like these I really hate Starfleet.

It's only been a couple of weeks, but it feels like forever.

It's funny how you miss the little things you never really think about - his smile, the way his brows knit in concentration, the fire in his eyes when he confidently makes a decision.

Those eyes. One could get lost forever in those eyes. I have - many times. Especially when they have that look he reserves just for me. That look that sets fire to my heart and sends a bright light to overload my senses. That look that turns me into a puddle of goo, desperate for his touch, needing to be merged into one entity, one life, one soul. That look that tells me he loves me with everything he is.

I look away from the holo. Better not dwell on that. It's not good for either this longing or my libido.

He's only been gone for a few weeks. I know couples who are assigned on different ships and are lucky to see each other every six months. I really shouldn't complain.

Hell yes I should. I'm a daughter of the fifth house and if my mother gets to complain about everything I should be allowed to complain about this. I want to rail at the universe for the injustice of sending him off to be heroic so soon after we finally went past the fear and became the true partners we were always meant to be. It's not fair!

He could have his pick of women - and has - and yet he chose me to share his soul. He didn't realize it at the time, of course. It's a weird feeling - I take it as my due yet am completely humbled by it at the same time. We challenge each other and in the process both of us became so much more than if we had never met. Would I even be here if not for him? I doubt it. I would have stayed on Betazed and led a fulfilling life as a daughter of the Fifth House and would have never had gone out on this grand adventure where I've been privileged to meet so many people from different worlds, all working together to create a better galaxy.

It amazes me sometimes, how much he believes in me. Not as a woman and a friend, but as a fellow officer. I remember him pushing me to do better and his pride when I passed the command test. How he refused to let me give up when I lost my empathic sense. The way he relies on my impressions on away missions. The strength he draws from me sharing the bridge with him...

Wait. Is that...

It is him! It's faint, he must still be far out, but I'd know that presence anywhere. Finally.

I look back at the holo and allow myself to be caught in those beautiful blue eyes as a sigh comes from deep in my soul...

Welcome home, Imzadi.