The Feeling I Had With You
by Nicole

Disclaimer: Paramount is big, I'm little--pick on some one your own

Deanna walked into Ten-Forward dreading the gathering she was
about to attend. She couldn't really call it a party, although that's
what Beverly had put on the invitation. "Is he here, yet?" Deanna
asked Beverly once she found her.
Beverly shook her head. "No. I don't know if he's coming at
all. He's really hurt about this, Deanna."
Deanna sighed. "I know. But he knew that I couldn't stay. Even
after the Briar Patch he couldn't commit, and, well... I just can't
stay, Bev."
"I understand. But does Will?"
"I don't know." Deanna said quietly.
Deanna and Beverly turned to face the front as Jean-Luc got up
on a table. "May I have your attention?" he called to the gathered
crowd. Jean-Luc raised his glass in a toast. "Many of us here have had
the honor of working with Deanna Troi for twelve years. For others it
has been a shorter time. But I think we all agree that Deanna is not
only a kind, generous person, but also some one who is a loyal, hard
working officer, as well. I also think we all agree that we are all
proud to work with some one like Deanna Troi. Now, Deanna, I wish you
luck at Starfleet Command, may the people there come to appreciate you
as much as I do. To Deanna Troi."
"To Deanna Troi." the crowd echoed.
"He's here." Deanna whispered to Beverly. "Oh, gods, Beverly,
what do I do?"
"Deanna, calm down. It'll be all right. You just have to
remember why you're doing this."
Deanna took a deep breath. "Right. Remember why I'm doing
Will walked up. "Hello, Deanna, Beverly."
"Would you excuse me a minute, please? There's something I
want to talk to Jean-Luc about." Beverly said, smiling as she turned
to leave.
Will looked at Deanna. "Why?" he asked softly.
Deanna glanced up sharply at Will. She hadn't been expecting
this. "I... I can't do this any more."
"Do what?"
"Will... ever since the Briar Patch, you've been avoiding
having any kind of relationship with me except friendship. I'm not
saying that friendship is bad, but I want more."
"Deanna... I can't give you that. Not here. Not now."
"I know, Will. That's why I'm leaving. I'm sorry." Deanna
leaned up and gave Will a light kiss on the cheek. Then she turned and
walked through the crowd.
And Will felt his heart shatter as his one true love walked
out of his life.

#But I hope you'll hold me now
#Somewhere within
#And when you think about
#What might have been

#Cry a river
#Flood the sea
#Cry a river over me
#Take the bitter
#With the sweet
#And cry a river over me
-Amy Grant 'Cry a River'

Deanna flopped down on her bed and tried to keep from crying.
It wasn't easy. In fact, it was impossible Deanna realized as she
started to cry. "It's not fair!" she sobbed. "I love him! And he loves
me! Why does it have to be this way?!" she screamed. "Why won't he let
himself love me?" she wondered quietly. "Can it be so hard?"

#What sad memory of yesterday
#What terrible scar
#Keeps you gathering the pieces of
#Your shattered heart
#There was once upon a time
#When hope was living within
#I know there will come a time
#When you can believe again
-Amy Grant 'Like I Love You'

A year later...

Deanna sat behind her desk and listened patiently while
Admiral Jenson droned on about the next bunch of officers they would
be receiving for the annual Command meeting. Suddenly Deanna snapped
to attention. "What did you say?" she asked.
Admiral Jenson looked at Deanna strangely. "I said that the
Enterprise's Captain and First Officer will be arriving tomorrow.
I--Deanna, are you all right? You look a little pale."
"I'm... I'm fine, Admiral. I just feel a little warm. Could we
go over this later?" Deanna's voice was shaky.
"Of course. You're sure you're all right? Would you like me to
walk you to your quarters?"
"No, thank you. Really, I'm fine."
"All right." The Admiral left the room and Deanna followed
soon after, heading down the hall to her quarters.

#Why do lovers drift apart
#And how does love fade away
#When do pieces of a broken heart mend again
#You've been crying in the dark
#And you've been feeling alone
#Don't be scared of what you'll find
#When you turn to light on
-Amy Grant 'Like I Love You'

Deanna took a deep breath and took a step toward the transport
pad. "Energize." She watched as Jean-Luc and Will materialized. Deanna
smiled. "Jean-Luc. Will." Jean-Luc stepped forward and gave Deanna a
"Deanna. So good to see you again. You look great." Jean-Luc
said after pulling away and giving her a once over.
"Thank you. Good to see you, too. Just got off shore-leave, I
Jean-Luc nodded. "I spent a lot of it on the Ba'ku planet."
"Well. If you two will follow me, I'll take you to your
The whole time Deanna walked them to their quarters, Will
couldn't take his eyes off of her. She did look great. But that wasn't
it. He had missed her while she was gone. He still did. And Will had
resolved to show Deanna just how much he wanted to be with her. He had
been blind before. But losing her had opened up his eyes.

#Your smile lights up a room
#Like a candle in the dark
#It warms me through and through
#And I guess that I had dreamed
#We would never be apart
#But that dream did not come true

#Missing you is just a part of living
#Missing you feels like a way of life
#I'm living out the life that I've been given
#But, baby, I still wish you were mine
-Amy Grant 'Missing You'

The door chime rang and Deanna immediately knew who it was.
She was silent. The chime rang again. And again. Still Deanna did not
move or utter a word. He started pounding on the door and she heard
him yell, "Come on, Deanna! I know you're in there!"
Deanna could sense his anger. He knew. "Come in." she said
Will tumbled through the open doors, landing on the floor with
a thud. He looked up at Deanna, storm clouds in his blue eyes. "Why
didn't you tell me?" he asked, sitting up as the doors closed.
"I don't know. I wasn't ready for it." Deanna was close to
"You weren't... dammit, Deanna I could have helped!" Will took
a minute to calm down a little. "Did you know when you left?"
Deanna shook her head. "No. I found out just after."
"Why didn't you come back? Or at least tell me. You know I
would have helped."
"Will, I told you, I wasn't ready."
"Can I see her?"
Deanna nodded. "Yeah. Come with me."

(Author's note: I couldn't find a song for this scene. Hope you
forgive me.)

Deanna watched Will pick up his daughter. 'they look so cute
together.' she thought to herself. "Her name is Kestra Laelia Riker. I
just call her Kessa."
Will looked briefly at Deanna, but his eyes were pulled back
to the baby in his arms. "Hi, Kessa."
Deanna grinned. Whoever said that a baby girl makes men turn
to mush was right on. Will was talking softly to Kestra in one of
those cute I-like-sounding-like-a-complete-idiot-to-please-my-daughter
voices. "Jaidia, I'll take Kessa home, now." Deanna said to the young
girl that she had asked to baby-sit.
Deanna walked over to Will and Kestra. "Will? I'm taking Kessa
home, now. Would you like to walk with us?"
Will looked at Deanna. "Of course." Deanna nodded and turned
to walk out of the room, leaving Will no choice but to follow.

(Author's note: Again, I couldn't find a song to fit. I know, I'm
falling down on the job, but if you don't like that, don't read the

"Thank you, Will, for walking us back." Deanna said as she
took the sleeping Kestra from Will's arms.
Will shrugged. "No problem. Oh, by the way, Deanna, I put a
bunch of songs together for you. I want you to listen to them. Listen
to what they tell you." he said as he gave her an isolinear chip.
Deanna opened her mouth to reply, but Will was already headed
down the hall. Deanna walked into her quarters and put Kestra in her
bed. She then walked to her room and put the chip into the player.
Deanna laid down on her bed and listened to the songs with her
Betazoid senses as they played.

Love Can Do
Amy Grant

Who can say
Why she turned and walked away
I can't see
But she's gone away
Sometimes love
Means you have to stand and fight
Everybody runs
Everybody hides
No this ain't the movies
Now it's flesh and blood
And this one thing I'm sure of

Hey little girl running out so fast
Gotta stay put for love to last
Why you gotta say
That love has gone away
It's not like that
Everybody hurts when the feelings fade
If you want 'em back
You know you gotta stay
No running
Love's coming back
Like only love can do

Love can do
Things you never thought it could
Mend a hurt so bad
Make you feel so good
Love's for fools
Wise enough to take a chance
Hear the music girl
Let me see you dance
No this ain't the movies
Now it's give and take
And it's your heart at stake

(repeat chorus)

Hey little girl running so fast
Looking for the love you're sure will last
Why do you have to say it
Love has gone away
It's not like that
Love's not like that

(repeat chorus)

Missing You
Amy Grant

Your smile lights up a room
Like a candle in the dark
It warms me through and through
And I guess that I had dreamed
We would never be apart
But that dream did not come true
Missing you is just a part of living
Missing you feels like a way of life
I'm living out the life that I've been given
But baby I still wish you were mine
And I cannot hear the telephone
Jangle on the wall
And not feel a hopeful thrill
And I cannot help but smile
At any news at you at all
And I guess I always will

Like I Love You
Amy Grant

Why do loves drift apart
And how does love fade away
When do pieces of a broken heart mend again
You've been crying in the dark
And you've been feeling alone
Don't be scared of what you'll find
When you turn the light on
Ain't nobody gonna say goodbye
No, ain't nobody walk away
This time, baby, I'm learning how to love you, love you
Ain't nobody gonna make you cry
No, ain't nobody ever really tried to love you
Like I love you
What sad memory of yesterday
What terrible scar
Keeps you gathering the pieces of
Your shattered heart
There was once upon a time
When hope was living within
I know there will come time
When you can believe again

How long have you been feeling lonely
How long have you been feeling sad and blue

This time, baby, I'm learning how to love you, love you
Ain't nobody gonna make you cry
no, ain't nobody ever really tried to love you
Like I love you

Stay For a While
Amy Grant

Long since I've seen your smile
But when I close me eyes
I remember
You were no more than a child
But then so was I
Young and tender

Time carries on
I guess it always will
But deep inside my heart
Time stands still

Stay for a while
Well good to see your smile
And I love your company
Stay for a while
And remember the days gone by
For a moment it can seem
Just the way it used to be

Snowfalls, phone calls, broken hearts
Clear summer days
Warm and lazy
Long walks, long talks, after dark
We vowed we'd never forget
Now it's hazy

Time takes it's toll
And time alters our views
It would be nice to
Spend some time with you

(repeat chorus)

Say You'll Be Mine
Amy Grant

Do you wanna be in love forever
Do you wanna make my dream come true
Let me be the one to kiss and hold you
Say you'll be my baby
Can you see the two of us together
Living in love this whole life through
Do you wanna be in love forever
Say you'll be mine

I can remember
When my mind was clear and free
Now there's a feeling
Coming over me
The sweetest attraction
That my heart has ever seen
I'm going crazy making sense of anything

I really wonder
Is there magic in your smile
Taking me under
Got me acting like a child
Something about you
Hits me like an avalanche
I try to stand my ground
But I don't stand a chance

Every time I close my eyes I dream about you
Hugging you, holding you, kissing you, girl (author's note: the
song actually said boy, but that didn't fit)
It's drivin' me crazy
But even if it takes forever
To win your heart and your love and your devotion
I know it's gonna be worth the wait

Deanna fell asleep after listening to the songs, and her dreams were
full of what-ifs.

The next day...

Deanna rang the door chime on the door to Will Riker's
temporary quarters. The doors opened and Will was standing there. "I
knew it was you." he said quietly. "Come in?"
Deanna said nothing but walked in. The doors closed behind
her. Her eyes welled up and Deanna walked up to Will, embracing him as
she let the tears fall. "I thought... I thought..."
"Shhh. It's okay, Deanna, I'm here now. Calm down. Don't try
to talk."
Deanna took a few moments to cry her heart out, then she
calmed down. Deanna looked up at Will, her face tear-stained. "I'm so
sorry I left, Will."
"No. Deanna, don't be sorry. I'm sorry that I ignored you to
the point that you had to leave."
"I love you." Deanna whispered.
For Will, the world stopped spinning, the clock stopped
ticking and time stood still. All he could do was stare at Deanna.
"What?" he finally managed.
Deanna laughed. "I pour my heart out to you and all you can
say is 'what?'? I love you, Will. With all my heart. Thank you for the
songs. They--" Deanna was cut off when Will's mouth descended on her
Will broke the kiss. "I love you, Deanna. Gods, I love you so
much. I love you. I love you. I--" Will stopped when her heard
Deanna's voice in his head.
~If you don't shut up and kiss me, Riker, I'll... I'll... I'll
take drastic measures.~
Will grinned. ~What kind of drastic measures?~
~I'll be forced to get rough with you.~ The wave of desire
from Will was enough to prove to Deanna that that wasn't much of a
threat, but it'd have to do.
~Gods, I hope so.~
Deanna grinned. "I think we could work something out that
would be mutually satisfactory." she said as she reached for Will

And the two were in oblivion for quite some time.

The End

The Feeling I Had
Amy Grant

I cannot take the heat
This girl's going home
Standing on my own two feet
Standing alone
I'm just a little weary of
All the talk and all the buzz
And all I ever wanted was
The feeling I had with us

I cannot take the heat
I guess I'm letting go
I'm tired of stitching up my dreams with
This thread of hope
I'm still a believer of
Twin hearts and timeless love
And all I ever wanted was
The feeling I had with us

All I ever wanted was
The feeling I had with us

The road of life is rugged
Any road you choose
And when I find the other side
I'll look for you

I cannot take the heat
And so I'll say goodbye
A million things I never said
Didn't even try
'Cuz words are cheap and sometimes cruel
And stuff you hear is seldom true
And all I ever wanted was
The feeling I had with you

Yeah, all I ever wanted was
The feeling I had with you