”Choices II” – first person piece; Deanna’s POV

Author Pia Pedersen

Summary: Deanna reflects on hers and Will’s choices, and on the consequences they bear.


Disclaimer: It’s not mine; it never was, and it never will be.




He does not speak to me anymore.


I can no longer reach his thoughts with mine.


His mind is closed – even to me.


Especially to me.


What is he feeling?


What are his thoughts, his fears?


I used to know; he used to tell me.


But he does not come to me.


He does not need me.


Not anymore.


He will call out for someone tonight – but it will not be for me.


He speaks my name softly, and I turn to him.


The lift stops; I step outside into the corridor.


All I want is to stay in there; stay with him.


But I can’t.


Worf is here, but I do not see him.


All I see is Will.


What ever it was he wanted to say I know I will not get to hear it.


Not now, maybe not ever.


Someone will hold him tonight – but it will not be me.


He is mine no longer.


I will always love him.


But it does not matter.


Not anymore.


Unless we choose to break down the walls between us …


Do I dare risk it?


Dare I not?


“It can wait,” he says.


And he is smiling.


I feel my spirit shatter into a million pieces.


‘How long, Imzadi? How long?’


But he does not hear it.


He does not know.


And he will never see the tears I cry.


I will never let him.


I made my choice – and I chose another.


I will never again feel his touch.


Never see the passion in his eyes, only for me.


Someone will hold me tonight – but it will not be him.


Never again …


Except in my dreams.