“Letting Go”

Author: Pia Pedersen

Summary: Time has run out for Will & Deanna.

This one is for you, Carol. J

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the characters will never be mine, but the idea is.

*****

“Deanna.”

She heard the whisper, heard him call her name, but she did not turn around.

He came closer; so close that she could smell the scent of the aftershave he wore.

She closed her eyes, feeling the tears begin to burn behind her eyelids.

“Please, Will, just leave me alone.”

She stared out the windows at the infinite Universe, at the stars. They shone as brightly as ever.

Troi turned to face him.

His eyes were so blue … she wanted to lose herself in them.

But they were not hers to get lost in.

He was not hers.

Not anymore.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry.”

He was still whispering, and Deanna smiled despite herself. 

“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”

Her anger surfaced, and she noticed him cringe.

“Just leave me alone. You have a celebration to attend.”

His hand was warm against her arm, and she jumped slightly at his touch.

“Can we get through this?”

Riker felt his body tense as her eyes fell on his hand.

She was looking at his wedding band. 

For a minute Troi was stunned by the emotion conveyed in his question, but she quickly recovered.

“There’s nothing to get through, Commander,” she answered, turning her back to him again.

“I know,” he conceded. “I shouldn’t have --- I shouldn’t be here.”

She laughed at that; it was all she could do not to cry.

“How perceptive of you,” she shot back at him. “So, what are you still doing here, then?”

“I am sorry,” he repeated. “Deanna, I --- if I had known that you still … Maybe I should have known. Of course I should. But I didn’t. I didn’t know. “

Deanna felt the pain he was experiencing, even if she did her best to block him out.

“It doesn’t matter. Just go.”

She faced him again.

He was obviously attractive, but it was more than that. He had something that she was not able to put her finger on, and she was pretty sure that she would never succeed in pinpointing exactly what characteristic of his it was that had her so vulnerable around him.

It was not just one thing – she had to admit that.

They were Imzadi, after all.

The two of them were forever bonded, even if he had pledged his life to another woman just minutes ago and even if she herself had other commitments. 

‘Why did this have to happen?’ she thought, battling to keep her frustration in check. ‘Why?’

They had thought that they had all the time in the Universe to get it right. But time had run on out.

He had married someone else.

Will’s eyes were fixed on her face.

His Imzadi … the woman he had loved for so long, the woman he would love eternally.

The woman who would never again be his  ...  

“I will love you always, Deanna.”

He was sincere, she knew that, but it did not help. In fact, it made it all the more difficult - if that was even remotely possible.

Right now that did not seem likely.    

“Will.”

He nodded slightly, waiting.

“Sometimes I wish I had never met you.”

She watched the man in front of her; the man who had come to mean more to her that she could say, and who no man would ever be able to replace.

“Well, that just does wonders for my self-esteem.”

Troi felt her lips curl upwards a little as she thought that this probably would be what she would miss most of all – their friendly banter.

“I said sometimes,” she continued, feeling her heart fall.

“I know,” he agreed. “Sometimes I feel that way, too, but mostly I feel gratitude.”

Riker swallowed hard, wondering how it had come to this. 

It was not supposed to be like this – they were supposed to be together, and, yet, here they were … saying goodbye.

She smiled.

So did he.

“I should go.”

Deanna nodded, realizing that this would be the last time she would see him.

“Yes. You should.”

He looked at her one last time before turning away to leave.

‘Be happy, Imzadi.’

Will stopped as her words echoed in his mind.

He might be happy, but he would never be whole.

Deanna smiled as she picked up on his thoughts.

He thought about it only for an instant before he turned around and walked back to her.

Their embrace was short, but both Will and Deanna felt the power of the bond that they would always share.

“Happiness is all I have ever wanted for you,” he whispered. “Imzadi.”

As Deanna watched him go a single tear rolling down her cheek as she settled into the fact that this was the end.

It would not be easy – she knew that. Sometimes it might even be so hard that the pain would seem unbearable.

But she would get through it. In time it would hurt less and less until one day she would find herself thinking of him without feeling like her heart was breaking. 

One day that would happen.   

She could not wait for that day.

[-end-]