Author: Pia Pedersen

Author's note: This is fragmented, without any real plot. The lyrics
scattered in between are from Evanscence's "My Immortal." Feedback is

[Insert disclaimer here]


It can surprise you, captivate you, and overwhelm you … it can change
you, and it changed me. I was a different person before I met you. I'm a
different person when I'm with you. Has it always been this way? I find
myself wondering, remembering. There was something there – something
instantaneous – something words could not explain. Something I wasn't
ready to face. So I ignored it, tried to rationalize it away. How I could
have thought it possible, I don't know.

But I did, and I tried. I thought that if I fought hard enough, I would
forget. But I didn't; I can't.

"Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me."


It's a gift. A gift you have given me, initially, I think, without even
knowing it. I wonder if you realize just how vulnerable that makes me. You
must. I feel your eyes on me, but you're not here. You're not here
anymore. So why am I feeling your presence so strongly?

"If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
Cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone."

I tried to tell myself I could do it, that I was strong enough to get
through it. But letting go of you is the most painful thing I have had to
do. I've lost before, people I've cared about are no longer in my life,
and it hurts – but the pain of their loss doesn't compare to this numbing
realization that you are not here for me to talk to and lean on. It is a
cliché, certainly, and I'm sure you would tell me that it isn't true. But
it is … I need you. In more ways than I know the words to say.

"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears."

When you hurt, I hurt with you. When you slipped away, all I wanted was to
hold on. I wanted to call back the smile in your eyes, to see them light
up again, and I know I succeeded. I know I did, at least most of the
times. But in the end, it didn't matter. In the end, I am the one crying.
And you're not here to take my pain away. I wish you were here, because I
need someone to hold on to.

"These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real."


You made me look at life differently and captivated with your energy. I
was helpless against you – it was just a matter of time before I had to
give in. I know that now, and I would not change those moments for
anything. I feel blessed to have shared this time with you – no matter how
short it turned out to be – and to have learned that no matter how
complicated, love is always worth it.