He Gave Me Hope
Rating PG13
Disclaimer Paramount owns them
His arms wrap around me and I relish in the comfort that they offer.
The warmth of his embrace is enticing and the feel of his breath is
reassuring and comforting. Reminding me despite all the lives that
had been lost in the Dominion War that he is still here. It makes my
heart hurt a little less.
I try desperately to fall back asleep but can't as I feel the swirl
emotions from outside of my cabin enter into my mind. So many people
on this ship filled with so much loss and so little hope, that it
threatens to cut into my soul. I hate to feel hopeless but I do. How
else do you feel when your homeward has been taken over. Betazed had
fallen and my heart weeps with sorrow and I wish that I could cry.
But I can't, the tears simply will not fall.
No one needs to see my tears. Not the crew. Not the Captain and
certainly not the man who lays against me, the love of my life, my
Imzadi. He presses closer to me and it only serves to remind me of
the time that we have lost and of the chose that we still have not
yet made. Do we become lovers or remain as friends? Right now it is
hard to say what we are. We are lovers who haven't made love in ten
years and we are friends who sleep together night after night in an
intimate embrace.
It is hard to say how we happened into this situation. It began with
both of us needing comfort and not knowing how to speak the words.
Instead of talking, we just sit in the darkness of his cabin or mine
and hold each other, the act our only comfort and in truth our only
need. Night after night I will fall asleep in his arms and he will
carry me to bed before lying down beside me. It has been this way for
months, he is my lifeline and I am his. It is innocent and sweet and
reminds me of that moonlit night when we curled together underneath
the Betazed sky in the guise of an experiment. I feel the tears slip
down my cheek as I remember my home world. Will I see my mother and
brother again? My friends? Will I be granted a chance to make love to
Will underneath those stars that grace that planet? I hope so. It is
what my soul cries for.
I try to remove myself from his embrace before my tears and emotions
wake him but it is to late. He pulls me in closer as I try to wipe
the evidence from my cheeks. I don't want to burden him with this, he
is already troubled enough. I realize as his eyes meet with mine that
it is to late, he knows. He feels my hurt, my despair and my cursed
hopelessness.
"Deanna." My name falls softly from his lips and it makes me shiver.
That simple act awakens something deep inside of me, something that
both of us have tried to keep buried for many years. The bond.
I can feel the protest start to form in my mind but the words never
make it to my mouth as his lips seal over mine and the bond springs
to life. Once held captive it is now free and it unites us and pulls
us together. He is holding me so close that all I can feel is him. I
bask in his emotions and it makes me dizzy with delight. It been so
long, to long since I have felt this way. As his hands travel over my
body, I can't help but respond. Our passion grows and sweeps us up
like a whirlwind and we rejoice. For the first time in a long time we
are happy.
I want to laugh and shout but a sudden stab of guilt pierces my
heart and I freeze in his arms. The emotions from outside of this
cabin slam into me and I remember. I remember the hurt, the pain and
an overwhelming sadness settles over me. I stop my exploration of his
body and try to pull away. I can't allow myself this. I can't allow
myself the joy that I feel when the universe around us is in chaos
and when the world that gifted this beautiful bond to us is held
captive. The gravity of what is going on outside of this ship tears
me from his embrace but not for long. Will pulls me back and his eyes
lock with mine. He gaze is intent as he looks into my soul. Long
minutes pass as he tries to put his thoughts into words.
But I can't allow it; I jump from the bed and wrap a sheet around my
body. I see and feel his disappointment as I move to look out the
view port. More than anything I feel his concern and his love. He
loves me. He is in love me and I am in love with him.
I feel his body behind me and his arms reach out and take me into his
embrace. I am helpless to protest, he feels so good. This feels so
wonderful. I hear a slight tremble in is voice, one that he hides
well. "I'm sorry, Deanna. I am so sorry."
He is filled with so much fear, that it shakes me to my core. Fear is
an emotion, I hardly ever feel from Will. He is scared that he forced
me to cross that damn line we set years ago. He is afraid that he has
lost me and a chance at love.
But he hasn't. I want to love Will. I want to be in love with Will. I
want us to become Imzadi, in every sense of the word. I want him so
but I can't have him now. I can't allow myself to be happy when all I
feel is despair.
Will turns me in his arms and pulls me closer and the fear I felt
from him dissolves and turns into determination. I begin to speak but
he stills my words with a gentle finger to my lips. His words so low
and filled with concern that my eyes drift shut from the sheer sound
of his voice. "Deanna, you losing yourself. You are becoming caught
in others emotions and I see you slipping away. You know what? I'll
be damned if I let you go."
His lips touch mine gently but with a hunger I can feel. "I love
you. My body aches for you. My soul cries for you, Deanna. Now is
the time for us and we will continue forever." The sheet falls away
from my body and he pushes me back, trapping me between his body and
the view port. There is nowhere that I would rather be. Our lips
meet with a fevered urgency and I know without a doubt that his words
our true. I am losing myself and he is granting me the chance to live
again. He is giving me the chance to step outside of the dark shadows
and into the light. I accept his offer. As I bask in the joy that he
brings me, he lays me gently on the bed. As his body covers mine
hope is reborn. Hope, a gift Will gave to me. Something he knew I
needed and something only he could give.