| "Just Like This" a 'moment in time' exercise by: QDestinyy@aol.com Timeframe: Post "Insurrection", pre engagement. This one is specially dedicated as 'chicken soup' for Deede... When she kissed him, everything stopped. It was like a blessing from God; the way her hands caressed the base of his neck. She touched him and the whole world disappeared. She held her lips in contact with his and he could scarcely breathe. When she was gone, he stared long after her, with his mouth still open and his eyes on the luscious curves of her retreating body. He knew if she'd turned her head, there'd be a saucy smile on her face; a dancing light in her eyes. "Commander are you in there?" Geordi LaForge passed his hand across Will Riker's field of view. "Commander?" "Yes, Geordi." Riker tore his gaze from the corner in Ten Forward. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" "Wow," LaForge smiled, "that must have been one hell of a kiss." "What?" "You and the Counselor. She stops by here for three-tenths of a second, kisses you and leaves, and you're still gone four minutes after the fact. I'm just saying, that must have been one hell of a kiss." Riker cleared his throat. "Can we get back to the manifolds?" "Right," Geordi nodded, "the manifolds. If you say so, Commander." "I do say so." "Okay then. Lieutenant Raynard expects there could be a problem before we reach Starbase Omicron. According to our latest diagnostics, we've got--" "You know you're right, it was." Riker cut him off. "Commander?" Will leaned forward against the table. "One hell of a kiss, Geordi. One hell of a kiss," his eyes strayed once again to the far corner of Ten Forward where Troi was sitting with a small enclave of junior officers. She did that from time to time. She'd march into the bar, past everyone she knew, and take a seat with the newest, greenest lot of Enterprise junior officers on board. A group that was invariably both stunned and amazed by a ranking senior officer's presence at their table. But in a matter of minutes they were talking, and laughing, and none of them could remember why they'd been nervous to begin with. That was Deanna Troi's special gift. That and, a few other 'talents' that Will was especially glad of late she seemed to reserve only for him. "You know I'm really happy for the two of you, Commander," Geordi said, "we all are." "Thanks." Riker smiled and picked up his drink, downing the last of it in a single swallow. LaForge stared at him; his 'artificially enhanced' vision settled straight ahead, but it seemed to bring him an uncanny level of accuracy. Even in emotional observations. "Is everything all right?" "Of course." Will shrugged. "Why wouldn't it be?" "Well a minute ago you were focussed and pre-occupied. Now you seem tense." Riker thought for a moment before he set his glass down. "Geordi, I'm going to tell you something in confidence, but I'd really rather it didn't--" he gestured with his free hand. "Of course, Commander. This is just between friends." LaForge nodded solemnly. "Have you ever heard of apeirophobia?" "A pair of what?" Will smiled. "I'll take that as a no. Apeirophobia. It's the fear of eternity." "Can't say that I have, Commander, no." "Pretty strange thing to be afraid of, don't you think?" asked Riker, "No one's going to live forever." "I suppose that's true enough. But 'forever' is a relative concept, don't you think? I mean, it's not necessarily defined by immortality." "I guess not." Riker nodded. Amazing how insightful Geordi LaForge could be. Then again, maybe not that amazing after all. "Deanna thinks I have that particular fear." He confided. "Really." Geordi sat back in his chair. "Really." "Okay, well is that a formal Counselor Troi assesment, or--" Riker smirked. "Or what? An 'informal' Counselor Troi assesment?" "You have point," LaForge sighed, "why do you think she feels that way? Did she say so?" "Yup. Called me into her office and told me flat out. Just yesterday. That, and she told me that she doesn't expect that she and I are going to 'work out'." Geordi whistled low. "Whoa. She said all that?" Riker sighed, "In a nutshell. What it boils down to, Geordi, is that Deanna doesn't think I'll ever be 'ready' to commit to a long-term relationship. She doesn't think she'll see me again after the next promotion I'm offered." Geordi glanced across the room at Troi. "I don't know. She seemed pretty happy to see you a few minutes ago. No offence, Commander, but it didn't look a lot like she was all that upset..." "Deanna doesn't have to 'look' upset to be upset, Geordi. And she didn't break things off. She just admitted to me that she doesn't have faith that this 'thing' between us is going to last." LaForge thinned his lips. "When you say 'this thing', you wouldn't by any chance be willing to elaborate on that, would you?" "This... thing." Riker gestured vaguely, "these ... feelings. This... relationship between she and I right now." "Right now. As different from the way you both were feeling before?" "As different from..." Will paused. "I don't know. Maybe the feelings aren't so different. It's just the circumstance." "Circumstances can be a real pain in the ass, Commander. Believe me, I know. When I stared seeing Leah again--" "How is that going, by the way?" Riker sat forward and smiled. "Pretty good," LaForge returned the gesture. "Actually, we're getting together on Starbase Omicron once we've docked. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks." "Ah, those reunions. They're great, aren't they?" grinned Riker. "I'm hoping so." Geordi faltered, "the last time I spoke to Leah, she said she thought we needed to 'talk'." "Talk huh? Well don't despair just yet. It's been my experience that when a woman says she wants to 'talk', it's not necessarily the kiss of death. She could just be feeling that you're not paying enough attention to her. Or maybe she wants to take things to the next level." "The next level?" Riker smiled. "You know--" "Oh. Wow, marriage?! You think Leah might want us to get married?" Will spread his hands. "Frankly Geordi, I have no idea. I'm just saying-- it's been my experience." Geordi cocked his head with interest. "So what did you do?" "About what?" "What did you do the last time a woman wanted to take things 'to the next level'?" "Honestly?" Riker plucked his empty glass back off the table and examined it absently, "I made some lame excuse; turned tail and ran like hell." "Ouch." "The truth of the matter is, I've never really thought of myself as the marrying type, Geordi. Over the years, whenever that's become an issue in a relationship it's always seemed a propitious time to end things early and move on." "Marriage isn't in the cards, then." "Not that I can--" Riker's eyes lifted suddenly and fixed on Troi at the far end of the room. She was totally engrossed in conversation and seemed oblivious of his mood -- or else she wasn't letting on. "You know something," he said, "maybe Deanna is right. Maybe I am a little afraid." "Commander," Geordi chuckled, "I've known you for fifteen years. You're not afraid of anything I've ever seen." Riker looked up and smiled. "Except maybe, forever..." "Well it's like you said, none of us are going to live for eternity." "True. But like YOU said, eternity is a relative concept." "I think I have an Engineering detail to debrief in four minutes." Geordi stood and placed his hand on the table with a smile. "That's my cue." Riker sighed and shook his head. "Good luck," he said, "with that 'talk'." "You too, Commander," LaForge inclined his head and left. With only a single glance at the table where Deanna was still sitting, Riker took to his feet. He saw her look up as though she somehow knew he was standing, and she flashed him a warm smile that he gladly returned. But then he turned and left the lounge without a word. When she entered her office, Deanna stopped in her tracks. "Will?" "Are you busy?" "I was just about to check my schedule. Nothing too important. Are you all right? You seem--" "I came here to see you." He smiled offhandedly and slowly paced the perimeter of the room. "I thought maybe ... we could talk." "What about?" "Yesterday." She sighed. "I was afraid this might happen. Will, you don't have to do this. I'm sorry that I said what I did; I shouldn't have opened my mouth. It's nothing that needed to be voiced--" "I think it did," he cut her off. "I'm glad you said it." She frowned. "You're glad. Why am I worried about that?" "Deanna Troi," Riker dropped to one knee and held up a graceful arm, "will you marry me?" Rolling her eyes, she laughed, "get up Will." "I'm serious!" he pulled his hand to his heart. "I'm asking you to be my wife." "Will, get off the floor. You don't have to do this. That's not what yesterday was about." "You don't think I want to marry you?" "Honestly?" she shook her head, "not at the moment, no." With an indignant breath, Riker stood. "Well I didn't say it had to be tonight," he muttered sullenly. Advancing toward him, Deanna wrapped her arms around his waist. "I think it's very sweet that you're still thinking about yesterday, though." She released his body and took his face between her palms, kissing him lightly. "Deanna--" "Come and sit down?" Taking his hand, she led them both to her couch and sank onto it. Riker glanced at the floor before looking into her eyes. "I'm not afraid of forever, Deanna. Not anymore." "And you feel the only way to prove that to me is to ask me to marry you?" "Isn't that what you want?" "No." she shook her head gravely. "Will, I'm not trying to pressure you into formalizing our relationship." "Then I don't get it, Deanna. What is it about our relationship that's not already 'formal' to you? Everyone on this ship knows how we feel about each other. It's not a secret." She stared at him. "It's not our feelings I was talking about," she whispered. "It's our lives. Our choices." "What about them?" "Some day," she began, "they may take us apart from one another again." Riker shook his head. "I don't believe that." She sighed. "Look back on our history, Will. You and I have always been this way. Except as friends." "As friends, there's no danger of losing. Is that what you're saying?" he took hold of her shoulders with both his hands, staring back at her intently. "Can you feel what I'm feeling right now?" "Yes." "I'm not afraid." "Not right now." "Not ever." "Then maybe I am." Standing abruptly, she turned and faced him. "I'm scared, Will." "Of what?" he rose to his own feet. "Of that fact that when you're with me, I don't think. All I seem to be able to do is feel, and even then I don't understand what I'm experiencing half of the time. Nothing's changed about that in seventeen years." Riker smiled and cupped the edge of her face in his hand, "I think when you get right down to it, that feeling's pretty mutual." "One moment I want to be with you so much I can't think straight, and the next I remember what it was like the last time, when you were gone." "I'm not going anywhere, Deanna. Are you?" "I thought I'd already forgiven you. I thought I'd forgiven you years ago..." clasping both her hands, Deanna began to pace. "Lately, I've just been feeling that maybe we were wrong to be so cavalier about all of this." "Cavalier?" said Riker, "are you implying it was careless of us to resume a romantic relationship?" "I don't know," she shook her head sadly, "I don't know." "Look," he released a breath and quelled his rising confusion, "Deanna you know how I feel. You know what I want--" "I'm not--" "You *know*, Deanna." They stared at one another. "But I can't make this decision for you. I'm only half of the equation here." "I do want to be with you," she released her hands and took a step toward him, "I do". "And I want to be with you." "Then why am I so anxious? Why can't I just believe that everything will work out for the best and that we'll never have to worry?" "Because that would be naive," he smiled,"and naive is not something you've been for a very long time, Counselor." "I wish it were that simple." "It is. You're frightened and you have every right to be. I stood you up last time. I made promises to you that I didn't keep and now I'm here again--" "--and seventeen years of friendship doesn't guarantee you won't break my heart again." She finished for him, crossing her arms over her midriff. "I'm so sorry, Deanna. You have no idea how sorry I am for hurting you." He came for her, but stopped when they were only a short distance apart. Her eyes shone with unspent tears. "I don't want another apology, Will. I promise you that's not what this was ever about." "You don't want an apology," he conceded, "You want an assurance. Something I can't break that you can hold onto, I know that. But all I have to give you Deanna, is this," he shrugged loosely, tracing the side of her cheek with the back of his finger. "Do you want us to end things the way they are right now? Go back to being friends? I'll do whatever you ask." She looked up at him, and for a long moment she was quiet. But then she swallowed. "No," her fingers captured his hand against her face, "No." "Then tell me..." he implored her, brushing away the moisture that had collected beneath her eyes. "I feel..." Deanna trailed off inadequately and clenched her hands. "I feel as though I'm standing on the edge of a precipice, Will, and you're here with me; holding my hand. And I have only one breath to take before we walk off the edge together -- I need to know you'll take this step with me." Looking down into the sultry darkness of Deanna's eyes, Riker slowly nodded. "What do you think?" She offered him a wry smile. "That's very clever technique, Commander. Something I might have said." "Good," he returned her smile, "Because I've been taking lessons... from this amazing Ship's Counselor I know." Thumping him gently on the chest, Deanna finally allowed her shoulders to fall, but her palm remained against his torso and her voice was soft. "There's something to be said for 'not thinking', I suppose." He drew her gently into his arms. "I'd have to agree. And something to be said for closing your eyes and putting your best foot forward?" "Maybe." Deanna sighed. "Deanna, all kidding aside, we don't have to make any decisions right now. You can have all the time you want; all the time you need. I'll be here," Riker pressed his lips against her hair. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise." "I'll tell you what, Mr. Riker," her gaze lifted and locked with his in resolution. "If you kiss me right now and you promise me that your vision is just like this. Just the two of us, no matter our lives or other choices. Then ... I'll promise you that I'll take this step with you. I'll walk off the edge and I'll never look back." Riker felt his own eyes burn at the intensity of her expression. "Just like this," he echoed both the quality and the sincerity of her voice when he leaned forward to brush her lips with his. A second later, Deanna was kissing him back with passionate necessity. They clung to each other and he buried his face in a thick fall of her luxuriant hair. "You were right," she whispered against him, stroking his back. "You're not afraid anymore." "And you were right," he replied, "I think I needed to be reminded of how exceptional it is that we've been given another chance." Deanna took his offered hand and held it firmly. "We have, haven't we? It almost seems impossible, but somehow, here we are." "On this ship?" He grinned at her and winked. "Anything's possible." [end] |