"Pathways III: Partners"
By: QDestinyy@aol.com
Rated: PG

The irony was, she'd started the fight.

Not in any kind of overt way, of course, that wasn't Deanna's style. But in that subtle way she had that tore through the hackles on the back of his neck like wildfire through dried weeds. No matter what he did to keep his ire from rising, she forged right past it--because she knew. She always knew how to 'push his buttons'. That was the phrase he'd sometimes heard, though he'd never used it himself until now. But 'pushing his buttons' was exactly what Deanna had done, and done so expertly this afternoon that the single question which remained on his mind since their interstellar blow-up was ... why?

It seemed like everything was going incredibly well. Almost perfectly, if he did allow himself a moment of entirely male pride for thinking so. Their lives were finally settling in on the Titan. Their negotiations with the Romulans hasn't gone quite as well as planned, but their social interactions with the crew had finally begun to gel into a closer stratum, and their routine was becoming just that ... routine.

That should have been a good thing. In Riker's point of view, it 'was' a good thing. Because even through everything else that had been going on around them, their personal relationship had always remained of paramount importance; their promises to one another were still in-tact. At least, he thought they were. And their sex life... well, that was ... in a word ... fantastic.

Another moment of entirely male pride crossed Riker's features before he washed it away with a frown. For a couple married nearly a year already, he'd thought they were happier than almost anyone he knew.

Until this afternoon.

Of course they had their arguments from time to time--all married couples did. But they were transitory and unimportant in the greater scheme of things. Nothing that could threaten their closeness--or their bond. After all, at the end of the day, he was crazy about her. Madly, deeply, head over heels, in love with her. From their time together all those years ago on Betazed...to the Enterprise...to the Titan as husband and wife...until... until the end of forever. He'd be nuts about her 'till the day he took his final, dying breath. And who knew what might happen after that? He'd always imagined that she felt the same way too. No, he'd been certain of it. But maybe he'd been wrong about that as well...

The thought of her livid expression when she'd stormed from their quarters was enough to make him cringe all over again. A grown-up man. A Starfleet Captain and he'd nearly been cowed when his wife announced to him--through a halo of angry teardrops--that she'd be sleeping in a temporary cabin for the night. And that she'd send for her things in the morning.

However she decided to arrange those options, he hadn't interceded at the time. Primarily because he was angry as hell. And because, despite everything, he still trusted her to be discreet about it, no matter the argument. She was, after all, still the Captain's wife. At least for the rest of the afternoon...

The Captain's wife.

Riker raked his fingers through an errant lock of hair that crossed his forehead. His palm came down with only moderate force on the cool, glass surface of the fish-tank in their quarters, but he paused when a tropical yellow body swam idly by the pane. "What the hell did I do now, Geordi?" he asked.

If fish could blink, this one might have, but as it was it stared at him through an enormous pair of round, dark eyes; offering little more than silent, pouting lip-service. He didn't care.

"She comes back from her shift, blows off the dinner I spent almost an hour preparing, and then tells me she thinks I don't care whether she's here with me or not? I'd rather be on the bridge making love to my ship? What the hell does that mean?! ... I took an early shift so I could make us a nice, romantic dinner tonight, just the two of us, and ... why the hell am I standing here, talking to a fish?"

He started to turn but caught himself before he'd completed the motion, eyeing the tiny yellow body in the tank. The fact that it hadn't swam away from the glass yet intrigued him. "You know what, Geordi?" he finally sighed, "You spend a lot of time with her, why don't *you* tell me what she wants from me? Maybe that's what I need. A fish perspective! Obviously you'd doing a hell of a lot better than I am, she's going to take you with her when she goes..."

"At least with Geordi, I know I have his undivided attention every once in a while," said a voice from the cabin doorway. Riker froze.

"What are you doing here?" he didn't bother moving.

"I live here."

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to watch you talking about our personal life with a fish..."

Doing his damndest not to scowl, Riker managed to walk casually toward the portal in their quarters instead. "I thought you said you were leaving," he brushed his fingers across a pottery bowl.

"I was."

He tilted his head and his eyes found hers across the room. "To tell you the truth, I was looking forward to the extra space..."

Deanna sighed. "Look, this is pointless, Will, we both said some things--"

"We?"

"Yes, 'we'. It was an argument, Riker, you can't have one of those by yourself, the last I checked. Then again, I hadn't thought of including the fish, either."

He grimaced. "Fine. Lets just drop it."

"We both said some things," she went on undaunted, "and... I owe you an apology for some of the things I said."

Her tone of voice, more than her words, forced Riker to look up. "I've never seen you that angry, before."

Again, Deanna sighed. "It's been a while."

"But I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that I still don't understand--"

"That I think all you want from me is sex and that I feel as though I've filled nothing but the hole in your libido since the day we left the neutral zone four months ago?"

Riker's countenance fell and he cringed. "Ouch, Deanna."

"And that you don't care about the bond? Our bond?" she forged ahead, and despite her earlier concession, there was a kind of desperate fire in her dark, expressive eyes.

Geordi picked that precise moment to swim nonchalantly away from the glass and Riker might have found the entire scenario amusing, if he hadn't been so astounded by what he'd just heard. "You think that I don't--"

"Will," Deanna cut him off, "how long has it been?"

"How long has what been?"

She made a sound that was almost a laugh. "My point precisely."

"Deanna, I don't even know what you mean!"

"Well you would know!" her own voice rose an octave, then fell to barely a whisper, "you'd know if you cared enough to understand; or if it mattered enough for you to 'feel' something for me."

"I *do* feel something for you. Deanna, I've--"

"... shut me out!" she spread her hands, "Will, you've shut me out for nearly four months now. Ever since we returned from Romulan space, you've closed yourself off from me. I can't feel your worry, or your frustration, or your anxiousness..."

"Jesus, Deanna. I wouldn't ever want you to feel those things. Especially from me."

"I can't feel your spirit, either. Or your tenderness," her wide dark eyes fastened wholly on his, "or your love."

Riker began to pace. "I don't understand."

"Yes you do," she reached for him as he passed by and grabbed hold of his arm, immobilizing his progress. "Will, I love you. I love you enough to share... everything with you. Even the parts of myself that scare the hell out of me. Even what Shinzon's viceroy did to--"

"Deanna!" he pulled his arm free, "I can't take that away from you. God knows I tried, but I-- I can't--"

"And if I hadn't 'let' you try?" she came for him and took his hand. "Will, if I had shut you out of my heart... out of my soul..."

"It wasn't enough even so! I wasn't enough!"

"You were!" she drew her arms around his body and held on firmly. "Without you, I wouldn't be standing here right now. I wouldn't be this strong; I couldn't have gone on helping other people. I've started to heal, Will, why won't you see that you're the reason I came through it all so quickly?"

He looked down at her, but the light in his eyes was dim at best. "But I couldn't make the pain go away. And I wanted to, Deanna, God," he lifted a hand to stroke the edge of her cheek, "I tried so hard..."

"By shutting me out? By refusing to talk and making light of every single opportunity I've tried to get through to you? By taking me into your bed, instead of your confidence? Now especially, Will; when I don't have to be an empath--or even your wife--to know that you're in turmoil..."

Riker turned and looked away, disentangling himself from her embrace. "You don't need this right now, Deanna. You have so much else you're working through. How could I possibly--"

"Trust me with your feelings? Will, you're angry; frustrated over the way we were forced to leave things on Romulus... for one thing."

"I don't need a Counselor!" he rounded on her.

"That is not your decision to make!" Riker froze at the force of Deanna's tone before she continued. "Not anymore. You're the Captain of this ship."

"Which means I have to obey *your* orders?"

"Which means that *I* am responsible for making certain you're not driving yourself slowly mad."

"Well, I'm not." He started to turn away again but she caught his arm.

"Like hell you're not."

"Deanna--"

"Maybe this was a bad, idea, Will," her anguished voice momentarily cut through his resolve and he fell silent. "you and I, married, serving together so closely in the senior command structure... maybe Starfleet was right..."

"No," he uttered the single word with the vehemence of his entire spirit.

"But you don't take my counsel anymore. Not as a Captain. And you keep shutting me out because you're terrified of hurting 'your wife'. I know that you love me, Will, I know it with all of my heart, but I can't help you if you won't let me in, and that makes our personal relationship a liability to this ship as well..."

"No!" he yelled. "That doesn't--"

"IT DOES!" In stark contrast to the volume of her heated response, the sight of Deanna's slow accompanying nod and the sadness in her eyes was almost enough to bring Riker to his knees.

"Deanna--"

"We have a choice to make, Will. Don't we?"

He swallowed. "It can't have come to this."

She shook her head simply. "It has."

"I won't allow you to be hurt. I can't. You can't ask me to be the reason that you were ever hurt... or worse. Deanna, I won't do that."

"I know," she looked aside, then back again. "That's also why I would never ask you to choose between me and this ship. Maybe once I would have, a long time ago. But not anymore, Will. I know you better than anyone. I know your heart..." she sighed. "I'll have my things sent up by the end of the week. And I'll put in for a transfer, tomorrow."

Watching her body turn quietly for the door, Riker felt as though his limbs were trapped in water--trapped with Geordi somewhere, floating in a fish-tank--unable to walk; unable to run to the entrance where Deanna was standing and call out, "Wait!"

She paused at the door and looked back.

"Deanna," he took a single breath, "if you're leaving this ship, then so am I."

She released a single, tolerant breath and her body turned slowly. "Will this is your dream."

"It's not--"

She belayed him by raising her hand. "Your first and most prestigious command. The finest galaxy-class starship in the fleet. It's the culmination of an incredible career that you worked damn hard for. You built all of this, and you deserve it. The truth is, I can be a counselor almost anywhere... as long as there are people there who need me."

"I need you."

"I'm not leaving you."

"It sure as hell looks to me like you are."

Suddenly heedless of the moisture in her eyes, or his, Deanna bridged the distance between them. Placing her palms on either side of his bearded face, she whispered, "'Imzadi', this isn't the end. Many married couples serve in different assignments, on different ships... "

"But not us," he caught her hand and held it to his cheek, closing his eyes. "I won't do this without you, Deanna. I... can't."

"Of course you can," she almost laughed, "you've prepared for this your entire life."

"No, you don't understand," removing her trapped hand from his face, Riker held it gently, "I'm not saying I'm suddenly co-dependent. I'm saying... I'm not willing to live out my life apart from you. Not anymore. No ship, no assignment," he gestured with his other hand, "no Starfleet career could ever change the way I feel about that. Or how I feel about you."

For a moment, neither of them spoke. They stood across from one another, breathing in the tension of their argument before Deanna let go of her tenuous control on rationality.

Allowing herself to fall the short distance into his arms, she wrapped herself around his body and whispered fervently. "Oh gods, I needed to hear you say that."

Riker felt the remnants of a brief smile return to his features. "Then why did you open the door for me so wide that I practically fell through it?"

"Because..." she gripped him, "I could never be a regret in your life, Will. I could never live with myself knowing I forced you to compromise on your dreams."

Riker suddenly looked up, "Maybe we don't have to compromise." He took a step away from her and asked, "what would it take... to make this right, again?" When Deanna didn't respond immediately, he pressed on. "Deanna, if I let you in; if I promised never to shut you out again..."

"You can't make that promise, Will, you just said so, yourself."

"But I don't think this is impossible," he implored. "I know it's difficult, it's damn near crazy sometimes, but not impossible. If anyone can make it work, we can. Starfleet may frown on it, but we're not the first married couple to serve on board the same ship, even in the senior command structure. If you want this to work as much as I do, I know we can make it happen... don't you want it to work?"

"Of course I do, Will. You know that I do. But you would have to let me in. You would have to hear me out, professionally at the very least, if not per--"

Riker took a single step, caught Deanna in his arms and kissed her passionately. Her startled body froze at first, but within seconds she began to relax; giving in to the near-hypnotic pull of his painfully familiar feelings for her. He was impossible to deny when he filled his heart and his spirit with such innocent desire. He drew her in so expertly...

Sighing softly, she melted against him. Her arms rose and cupped the back of his neck while her own exploration of his warm, welcoming lips left them both breathless when they finally broke for air.

"--and you can't do that to me every time I start talking, either," she admonished him, only half heartedly.

Riker grinned. "What if we gave it one last try?" he asked, "What if we promise ourselves we'll give each other the professional *and* personal space we need to trust again--completely this time."

Deanna's eyebrow rose. "You'll let me back in? Even when you're worried about me? You can promise me that?"

He took a single, cleansing breath. "I love you," he began, "I always will and I'm never going to be happy if I think you're going to end up hurt because of something I..."

"But you'll set that concern aside, and you'll allow me to make the decision of what could possibly be 'too much for me' on my own?" she pressed him.

"I promise not to shut you out again," he nodded. "I realize, to you, it may have seemed like just another predictably 'Human' thing for me to do, but despite what you said earlier, Deanna, I 'do' understand. I know what it means for you---for both of us---to be open with one another. And I cherish our bond. I always have. It was wrong of me to shut you out. But I did it ... because I was scared, a little." He reached for her and touched the side of her cheek gently, "'Imzadi', I'm the very best version of myself because you're here with me."

Deanna took his hand and squeezed it. "We can work through anything together, Will, as long as we are honest with each other. Everything is possible," she affirmed for him, "and gods, you have to know that I would try anything for you...with you," she amended. "I believe in you, Will. I know what kind of officer you are; what kind of man. And I know that I've never been happier in my entire life than I am when we're together."

Looking down at her through shining, indigo eyes, Riker offered her a single outstretched hand. "Partners, then?" he asked.

Deanna took his grasp and shook it, firmly. "Partners," she smiled.

When Riker used that hand to pull her forward, she didn't balk. Nor when he crushed her smaller body against his chest and laid his chin atop her hair. "I think I'm falling for you, Counselor Troi," he whispered fondly.

"I love the way you *feel* when you say things like that..." Deanna smiled and drew her arms around his back.

"There's just one thing I need to clarify from earlier..."

"What's that?"

Riker furrowed his brow. "Is it okay if I take you into my confidence... and ... my bed?"

Deanna looked up at him and laughed.

-end-