"The Test of Time"
By:  QDestinyy@aol.com
Notes:  Another "Second Chances" addendum.  Or rather, a mid-episodic complete break from canon that will have anyone married to the episode cursing my very existence...  Tom Riker proponents, beware (he's not even in this piece)!  This is a short, dialogue-driven exercise more than anything else.  It's very rough and in no way cohesive when it comes to plot or circumstance, so be gentle please. 


"I thought I might find you here," Deanna Troi slipped quietly within the confines of the Enterprise holodeck.

"And so you did," Will Riker answered flatly, staring far off into space. He didn't budge when she moved closer, or when she placed a hand upon his shoulder from behind. But with his eyes fixed straight ahead and his legs draped casually off the side of a rough, uneven crag, he scanned the horizon in stoic silence.

"The Denobulan Nebula," Deanna quietly observed.

"From an asteroid in space."

"It's beautiful."

"I've always thought so."

Repositioning herself, Deanna lowered her body next to his. "I thought, when I left you in Ten Forward, things were fine."

Riker offered her a sidelong glance. "They were fine. They still are."

"Then why am I not feeling 'fine' from you?" she chided, examining the variance in his eyes.

"Well I don't know," he placed his hands behind his back and settled in, "'cause I feel great. So maybe it's you this time..."

Deanna fixed him with a tolerant stare.

"...or maybe it's him?" Riker looked up with a smirk, "did you think of that? Beverly said he's just like me in every respect. Maybe better," his mumble came beneath his breath.

"Did you say better?" she slowly shook her head. "Will, first of all, he's not you."

"Now," he amended, "but there was a time we were one and the same."

"Eight years ago," she sighed, "I had a feeling this could happen. I know that this has been strange for you. It has to be and I would never intentionally upset you, Will, I only--"

"Deanna, you don't have to explain." With a thoughtful shrug he sat up all the way, "I meant what I said, you don't need my permission if you want to be with him."

"They why are you angry?"

"I'm not."

Deanna was quiet.

"All right," he admitted, "There's a part of me that's a little angry. A very little part. But it's not for the reason you think."

"And what do I think?"

Riker opened his mouth and then shut it again, looking back at her disapprovingly. "Isn't there some place else you have to be, Counselor?"

With a gamine smile tilt of her head, Deanna settled on the rock by his side. "Not particularly. No."

"No date?" he asked.

"No," she half-laughed.

"You're right. He isn't me," Riker muttered, "he's working much too slowly."

Deanna rolled her eyes. "If you must know, Commander," she exhaled, "I told him I thought it would be best if we took tonight to think. Alone."

Riker's eyebrow rose. "And he said...?"

"Well, since you think he is you, why don't you tell me?"

He narrowed his eyes. "All right. He tried to convince you otherwise. And when that didn't work, he agreed magnanimously, but not before making you promise you'd see him again the very next day..."

A hint of color stole into Deanna's cheeks.

"I told you," Riker smiled despite his mood, "we're just the same."

"Oh no you're not," her voice came back full force with all its confidence intact. "Trust me on that."

"All right, I'll bite Deanna, why don't you tell me how we're different, then?"

She sat back on her rock. "Okay... well first of all, he's... brash."

"I'm brash."

"You were," she shook her head. "He's also prideful to a fault."

"So am I."

"No," once again she smiled, "you're prideful to a point."

"And there's a difference?"

"Yes. Now will you let me finish, please?"

"By all means."

"He's driven, self-motivated, ambitious."

Riker frowned. "And I am..?"

"Focused, decisive, self-aware," she placed a hand on his. "Your life has moved through eight years where his stayed the same, Will, can't you see? The man you are, the man you were even, is not the man he is today. He's catching up in many respects. He's making up for time he lost."

Will dropped his head and glanced down at the rock. "I've been a bit hard on him," he confessed.

"You've always been hard on yourself."

When he looked up again, Riker slowly took a breath. "But if he's not me..."

Deanna smiled in understanding, "he isn't you, Will. Maybe once upon a time he was. But not today."

"You know, for some reason, it feels good to hear you say that."

"But does it make you feel any better?" she asked him softly, folding her fingers over the edge of his hand.

"A little," he awarded her a lop-sided grin. "I guess."

"You guess?"

Riker took a silent moment to absorb Deanna's features. When he spoke again, it was quietly. "He still has you..."

Deanna looked back at him. For the flash of an instant, there was something inexpressible in her eyes. But she only shrugged. "That remains to be seen."

"Why?" he asked, then glanced away. "I'm sorry. I don't even have a right to ask you that, do I."

She stared out at the stars. "It's all right. But the answer may be difficult to hear."

He lifted his head. "Try me."

"Will, what you said to me in Ten Forward, about your choices when we were young--and by consequence, about his choices now--it made me think."

"I was hoping you would think," he nodded.

"Well, I did. I'd been doing nothing but thinking, in truth, from the moment he arrived on board. Thinking things I'd sworn I'd never think about again. The problem was, believe it or not, your words were really only an echo of the words inside my own mind. The warning that I could never trust him... because I could never trust you."

He regarded her mutely.

"Only the truth is, there's a part of me that wanted so desperately to believe," she smiled ruefully and shook her head at his compassionate expression. "I wanted to find it in my heart to forgive him...for something you did."

Riker sighed "I can understand that," he said. "But maybe neither one of us deserves a 'second chance'. Deanna, I don't want to see you get hurt again. And it scares me that I don't know how he'd make that choice. Not really, I can only guess. But I would die inside if I knew that I..." he frowned in frustration, "that he..."

Deanna looked away self-consciously, then back again. She touched his face. "You know something Will? There are times that you're so easy to fall in love with..."

"I thought you said he wasn't me."

"I did," she whispered.

Riker caught her hand before she moved it. "Deanna..."

"I think," she cut him off, and blinked to strengthen her resolve, "that I'm a little confused right now. I think I just need to sort a few things out. In my head... inside my heart." Her meaningful expression captured his.

"And here I thought I was the only one," he smiled affectionately.

When Riker's face moved imminently closer; when his warm, sweet breath caressed the edge of her lips, Deanna's teardrops fell at last. "Will, please don't," she implored. As though she couldn't stop him otherwise. As though the call was entirely his.

"I'm sorry," he drew back as though he'd been slapped. "That was incredibly insensitive of me."

"No," she pressed two fingers against his lips. "It's all right. I understand."

"Do you?" he asked, "do you really understand?"

Deanna removed her hand and nodded, "yes."

Examining the myriad of exotic colors reflected in her eyes, Riker lifted the hand she'd dropped and held it lightly to his cheek. "I believe you," he said.

"Then you're not angry anymore?" her question carried out into the artificial nebula.

Riker managed a wan smile. "No."

"You don't feel hurt?" she returned his expression in kind, amending regretfully, "it's difficult for me to read you just this moment."

"I know that," he placed his forehead gently over hers, "but how could I possibly feel hurt with you here, smiling up at me."

Deanna caught her grin before it spread entirely. "So easy..." she repeated in a quiet voice against his proximal lips, drawing warm fingertips along the sides of his face. And suddenly, she wasn't pulling away from him anymore. Her dark eyes fastened on his, and the smile she wore disappeared.

"He isn't me, Deanna," Riker cautioned them both, before their mouths brushed tenderly together.

"No, he's not," she took a breath and let it go, resuming her earlier course with greater intent.

"I'll ask for all of you," he gasped, still kissing her despite his weak resolve.

"I know," she met his breath half way.

"He wouldn't do that. It would be easier," Riker shut his eyes and traced her lips with his, resisting when she toyed with his desire. "He would still be willing to give you time. To look around... explore..."

"I don't want time," Deanna's mouth closed passionately over his and Riker's insubordinate hands rose quickly from his sides to cup her face.

"It won't be like it was," he managed thinly. "We'd have to start again--"

"We already have," her smile caressed his skin. "Six years..."

"But I won't leave you this time--" the sound of Riker's own voice nearly startled him, as did his swiftly dissipating dispute, "I'd rather die than hurt you."

Deanna's kiss grew deeper; harsher, more intense. He wound his arms around her body, felt her fingers on his neck. "You talk a lot more than I remember," she murmured when they both came up for air.

"I just... I don't want you to regret this, Dea--"

"Shh," her eyes slid open, "I know what I want."

"He's still on board..."

"That's how I know," she shook her head, a whisper next to his. "I wish that you could see."

"I wish that too," he sighed, but pulled a shallow heartbeat from her touch. "I can't--"

"Then feel." She drew her palms back on his face, "if you can't see with me, I know that you can feel..."

Deanna shut her eyes again and in the instant they were closed, Riker nearly fell against her chest. There were flashes; moments, memories. Of their lives on board the Enterprise. Deanna's smile, her joy at work, her special fondness for dessert and for their dinners in his quarters. There were images of crewmates, late night poker games and the triumph of every shared success. And somehow all of it was real inside her mind; somehow it all tied in to him. Enmeshed with friendship and affection. All senses she had never shared this way with him before.

"Open your mind," she begged, "Will, there's so much more..."

"The bond is ours, isn't it?" Riker suddenly realized. "He doesn't share it anymore..."

Deanna froze. But she said nothing in return.

Riker looked into her eyes. "All these years together on board the Enterprise, it's grown stronger..."

"Yes," she admitted quietly.

He slowly backed away. "So, what? You tried with him, it didn't work, and now you're here to try with me?"

Deanna recoiled as though he'd struck her. "What?"

"He comes on board, the two of you have some kind of ...affair. Then you show up here and now you want the same with me. Are you 'comparing' Rikers now?" he spat, " Please tell me what exactly I'm supposed to think!"

Erecting her posture, Deanna glared back at him indignantly. "Apparently nothing. Then again, 'nothing' should suit your capacity far better than straining toward the obvious!" Her hands shot out for balance and she began struggling to her feet. "I don't even know what *I* was thinking anymore!"

"Computer!" Riker called out, "change of location. Foothills. Betazed. Tana Province."

The ground and sky were suddenly altered. A field of grass laid out beneath Troi's hands and she thrust up against it, jumping to her feet.

"You fell in love with him in less than two days?" he interrogated her back while she strode toward the door. But his question hung in the air like a solid object between them.

Deanna suddenly paused. "Why Betazed?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Just now, you turned the Denobulan Nebula into... this," she waved a hand.

"You were having trouble getting up. I was trying to help," Riker shrugged.

"Liar," she rounded on him. "You saw it in your head."

"No I didn't."

Deanna advanced toward him, pointing at his chest, "yes you did. I was thinking about this place before I got angry. When we were--" her voice trailed off and she cleared her throat, "I was thinking about it because of the rocks in that other place, but I never sent you that thought..."

Riker frowned and shook his head. "So what?"

"So you were right..." she reached his position and stopped, "...the link has grown much stronger."

"You already mentioned that," he said.

"No," she maintained, "I didn't know it was this strong."

"I don't even see the significance--" he began.

"No, you wouldn't." she cut him off with a frustrated glower.

Riker regained his composure and stood, towering over her though she hadn't moved a breath from where she stood. "I asked you a question, Deanna. Are you in love with him? Are you disappointed that there's no bond the way there is with us?"

Deanna placed her hands on both her hips, but didn't speak.

"Now I think I get it," he muttered angrily, "Believe me Deanna, if I could give you the damn thing back to share with him right now, I would..."

Deanna scowled, "Ohh! You small minded... arrogant...." her hands flew up in the air with exasperation..."Human!"

Riker tipped his head and laughed, "is that supposed to be an insult?"

"No!" she was shaking where she stood, "it's a reminder to myself that you will never understand!"

"No, of course not, your highness, I'm only a lower life form...how could I possibly ever understand?"

Deanna narrowed her eyes. "You haven't called me that in thirteen years."

Riker released a livid puff of air. "Well maybe that's because I forgot how well it applied."

Hands clenched, white knuckled at both her sides, Deanna stalked him. "If I could have my way, Will Riker, I'd wash my hands of both of you!"

"I thought you said we weren't the same," he mocked sarcastically.

"Ohh... sometimes I just wish--!" she released her hands and drew a shallow breath.

"What?" he caught her arm before she turned, "Go ahead Deanna, finish it."

"No one gets to me like this..." she murmured in aggravation, more to herself than him, yanking free of his grasp. "You have no right."

"I beg your pardon?" he half-laughed, "now it's my fault you lost your high and mighty aristocratic self-control and got angry? I don't think so."

"You don't think at all!" she rounded on him fiercely, "and that's the problem. When I'm with you..." her voice strained with the effort of the admission, "neither do I."

Riker stared at her in silence. "There was a time you didn't think that was such a terrible thing," he told her flatly. But rather than the well-armed adversarial come-back he'd been almost gratefully anticipating, Deanna's eyes filled with vibrant, radiant tears.

A quiet sound escaped her lips and she sank to her knees on the grass, facing away from him, trembling from the force of her own emotion.

Riker stood behind her in stunned bewilderment. "Deanna?" he took a step toward her, abruptly bereft of the resentment he'd previously been feeling.

She was quiet, but it was more than evident that her fiercest battle was internal, with the powerful force behind her tears.

Riker knelt down on the grass beside her. He placed a hand against her arm and swallowed, "Deanna... I'm sorry. I was acting like a jealous idiot. I have no right to your affection, and you don't owe me anything. I didn't--"

Deanna turned her head and fixed her eyes on his. "I asked you to be honest with me, and you gave me little more than a half-truth."

"I know," he dropped his hand.

"So you've learned nothing then?" her question was filled with an almost tangible sense of sadness, "you understand nothing about what it means for me--for any Betazoid--to share ourselves with someone else. To share a bond like we have..."

"No," Riker squared both shoulders and met her expression directly. "No, I do understand, Deanna. That's why I said what I did. I meant that part at least. If I could give you back the bond you want to share with him, I swear I would..."

Deanna's dark eyes widened, "why would you think I would want that?"

"Because... I saw the way you looked at him. I saw the light in your eyes. I told you I remember... you used to have that look for me."

"Really. And what about the way I look at you?" she asked, "it doesn't matter?"

"It isn't the same," he almost smiled.

"No it's not," Deanna took a cleansing breath and removed the remainder of the moisture from her eyes. "Will, you hurt me."

"I know," his shoulders fell, "I made a lot of mistakes back then, and that's why I've always been so grateful we could still be friends. All I meant this afternoon as that he has the same choice I did, all those years ago. If you let him, he could..."

Clasping his arm, Deanna whispered sadly. "I'm not talking about the past, Will, I meant right now. Tonight. You hurt me now."

"I did?" he fell back onto his haunches.

"I opened my heart to you and you shoved it aside," she shook her head, "I shared something with you I've never shared with anyone before and you... pushed me away as though it didn't mean anything."

"Deanna," he gasped, "I didn't--"

"I know," she dropped her gaze. "and I'm not sure if that hurts me even more."

"No you don't understand," Riker lifted her chin with the crook of his finger, "I wasn't going to say I didn't know what you were doing, I was going to say I didn't think you meant to share with me like that. You told me clearly, you were confused. That's only natural," he sighed and took an instant to collect his tumbling thoughts, "Deanna, if we'd finished what you started, we'd be..."

"Engaged?" she finished for him.

He caught her dark expression and slowly nodded, "A hell of a lot more than that, if I recall my 'lessons' in Betazoid philosophy very well."

Deanna regarded him speculatively for several eternal seconds. "I think your teacher would be very proud of your progress in that area," she said at last.

"I hope so," he replied. "As I recall, I wasn't always the most... accommodating... student."

"No," she almost smiled, "but as I recall, you made up for that in other ways..."

"Deanna," Riker rolled onto his knees and took her hand, "if what you're saying right now is what I'm starting to think... and starting to hope... it is, then you should know you don't have to prove anything to me tonight. I'll still be here tomorrow, and next week, and the month after that. We can talk about this any time--" he gestured loosely, then lifted them both to their feet.

Reclaiming her hand, Deanna sighed. "That's all we do," she frowned, "we talk."

"I thought Betazoids liked talking..."

"To a point." Her wide black eyes looked up at him in challenge.

He smiled, "there is a difference, isn't there?"

"Will, ever since he came on board I've started realizing--little things," she confessed, "this afternoon, after Beverly and I finished our callisthenics, he came to the gym to see me."

"That was before we spoke, right?"

"Yes," Deanna bowed her head; "so much of how he is right now reminds me of all those years ago on Betazed... I kissed him."

Riker slowly nodded.

"But when he kissed me back, Will, the most--peculiar thing began to happen in my mind."

"Peculiar?"

"I started thinking of you," her smile was weak, "I kept remembering all the moments when we'd been alone together, here on board the Enterprise, and I wondered if this is what it would have been like, to kiss you again," she blushed deeply. "If you and I had broken our promise to one another. If we'd been intimate again. That's when I realized, if I could fall in love with a memory so easily, then I'd been deluding myself all along. Imagining I wasn't still in love," she lifted her eyes, "with you."

Riker pulled a hand back through his hair. "Wow," he turned away briefly, then back again, "Deanna, I--"

"I know you feel the same way, Will, I feel it," she pressed a hand against her heart. "What I no longer understand is why we're both fighting it so vehemently."

"Deanna," he stammered, "you're the one who--"

"Yes," she cringed, "and my reasons at the time seemed irreproachable. Our lives here, our careers--"

"The Captain..." Riker tipped his head.

"Him too," she sighed. "I know that logically, those reasons still exist. You still love Starfleet more than life. I know the day will come when you'll accept a promotion and leave," she paused, "Or you might... not make it back from an away mission..."

"I could say the same to you," he shook his head.

"You could," she agreed, "but no matter what 'invisible barriers' we place between ourselves, Will, the fact remains..."

"I love you," he interjected quietly, "Deanna I always have."

"I know. And I love you." Her eyes refilled with tears. "So... maybe it's all right to be a little frightened, once in a while."

"I meant what I said," He came toward her and gathered her face between his palms, "I'd rather die than be the reason that you're hurt again."

"I know that too."

Riker tipped his forehead onto hers. "I want to share with you, Deanna, the same way you shared with me. I want it more than anything but lets take the first step together this time, all right? We don't have to decide everything tonight..."

When she looked up at him, Deanna smiled. "I don't even know if you can..."

"I'd like to try," he shrugged self-consciously, "Will you tell me what to do?"

"All right," her hands closed gently on his wrists, "it might help if you close your eyes."

When Riker did just as she asked, Deanna curled her fingers into his palm.

"Now, clear your thoughts," she said, "You'll need to think of us, and how you feel. Think very clearly, so the images are real inside your mind..."

Her words were soft and Riker was reminded of another time, another place when a serious young psychology student had tried to teach a brash junior lieutenant about the finer points of Betazoid mysticism. Without a great deal of success.

"Will--" Deanna chided him, putting pressure on his wrist with her other hand.

"Sorry," he smiled, "I couldn't help that one..."

"Well, try. If you're ever going to do this, you'll have to concentrate."

"Okay," he drew a cleansing breath.

"That's good," she whispered, "just relax. Let your mind go free..."

Eternity ensued and Riker frowned when nothing happened. There was something he could almost touch... beyond his grasp... a feeling he could barely discern...but the means to grab hold of it and capture the moment eluded his every attempt. With a frustrated sigh, he finally opened his eyes and saw Deanna's affectionate smile had returned.

"It was a good first try, Will," she shrugged, "You can't expect miracles. It may not even be possible for us to--"

With a needful groan he drew her face toward him and his lips descended passionately on hers. The kiss was ardent and deep, and Deanna responded to it instantly; lifting her arms around his neck. Returning his feverish caress with equal fervour.

A moment later, it felt like they were floating. Riker caught his breath against her lips and pulled her flush with the front of his chest. But it wasn't enough. Images, like rushing water, cascaded over their consciousness; a waterfall of painfully intimate sensation. It was Deanna's shared experience, mixed with something far, far more.

Though he held her in his arms, Riker felt her body melt. His focus brought forth every feeling; every wistful desire he'd ever had while they were 'nothing more than friends', and it completed with the sense of elation he felt, holding her right now.

Deanna sagged along the front of his uniform, but their mouths still joined together in a desperate, needful pull. The kiss went on forever, until they clung to one another just to keep from sinking to their knees.

Emerging flushed and breathless, Deanna's hands still clasped the back of Riker's neck and her eyes fell shut before she quietly exhaled, "wow."

"Is that what this is always like?" he asked.

"Oh gods, I don't know," she leaned heavily against him for support.

"You mean you've never done this before?"

Her laughter tickled the side of his cheek when she replied, "you mean with my 'other' Imzadi?"

"Point taken," Riker grinned. They stood that way a while, arms wound around each other, slowly gathering their breath. "I've missed this," he spoke after a time, "just holding you and knowing I don't have to let go."

Deanna hugged him back, "me too. You know what I've been thinking, though?"

"What's that?"

She leaned forward and whispered softly in his ear. "You only kissed me this time..."

Riker tipped his head and laughed. "Ms. Troi, you never change."

"Is that so bad?" she smiled.

"No," he looked down at her, amused, "I think I love that too."

Deanna's eyes were filled with light, but her expression soon turned serious. "When you told me I don't look at you the way I once did, I think the reason is... I feel differently about you now."

Riker's frown was very slight. "Different in what sense?"

"Well... when we first met, what we both felt was idealistic. New and exciting. But over the years, during our friendship, what I came to feel for you was a great deal more than that. It's grown with us. Matured, I think," she added thoughtfully. "And so have we."

"I guess that sounds reasonable," Riker nodded, "Deanna, I just don't want think that you might ever be unhappy. I need you to be sure that this is what you want. Because it doesn't have to happen now, if you're not. I promise I'm not going anywhere any time soon, and unlike the last time, this time I know I can wait for you. Contrary to popular believe, it is possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship." He smiled at her raised brow. "I will wait for you, Deanna, if that's what you need me to do. You only need to ask."

Deanna looked back at him mutely, before she shut her eyes and embraced him once again. "I know you will. That's why I am sure this time. That's why I know that I can trust you, and because of that... I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be with you."

Riker drew his arms around her. "God I've waited six years to hear you say those words again.  Now I guess I have my... 'brother' ...to thank for all of this, don't I?"

Deanna cringed against his chest. "Speaking of your brother," she cautioned, "I think you should let me talk with him first. He deserves my explanation.  And the opportunity to be angry. At me... and at you.  He's going to feel as though this is yet another of life's losses he's had to endure for the sake of his exile."

Riker nodded in reply. "I know, Deanna. And much as I might be frustrated with this entire situation, I also know it's five times harder on him. I don't wish him ill. Honestly, I never did.  And I would never have stood in your way if you'd wanted to be with him..."

"I know," she smiled disarmingly, "I think you'd be surprised though, because I think he knows it too. I only wish that you would talk with him some more. About your life. About something other than you and I..."

"I will," Riker blew a breath between his lips, "as soon as this mission is over, I promise I will."

Though she regarded him silently, Deanna's affirmative acknowledgement accompanied a visible tilt of her head, "that's all I can ask of you."

"On his behalf?" he teased.

"On both of your behalfs... stubborn, prideful Human men that you are."

"Ouch, I feel as though I've just been taken down a peg."

Deanna grinned, "I'm sure."

"So... how 'bout this, Ms. Troi," he hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her gently to his arms, "I have a little time tonight," Riker gestured around them, "this is a beautiful program, wouldn't you agree?"

"I would," she smiled playfully.

"Then how about ... we try out your little 'experiment', Counselor? For the sake of empirical research, of course."

"Of course," she laughed, but when Riker pressed his lips to hers, she laid her hands across his chest.

"Feel anything?" he asked when they pulled breathlessly apart.

"Not yet," Deanna shook her head, "lets try again..."

Riker sank with her onto the grass and bore her tenderly backward, "how about now?" he drew his lips across her heated skin.

"Maybe... something..." Deanna met his kiss with primitive ferocity.

"Taking notes?" he growled, still lavishing the supple contour of her neck.

"Commander?" Deanna's question rolled from her lips as a warning.

"Yes Counselor?" he bit down gently at the base of her ear.

"Shut up and kiss me," she gasped.

Riker readily complied.



[end]