Deanna Troi, Betazoid Housewife
“Will I’m just not so sure.” Deanna hesitated, keeping her eyes diverted from her husband’s penetrating glare. “Earth, it’s so primitive. I’d really would rather have Betazed our place of residence.”
“Dee” Will came up in front of her and lovingly took her face into his hands, “you’ve never even been there. It’s not as hideous as what you are imagining, and it’s where your father came from. Don’t you owe it to yourself to give it a try.”
“But Will . . .” she turned her back to him, “my Mother has told be stories about that place.”
“Deanna, when have you taken your mother’s advice before.”
“Will. . .” she turned back to face him, her eyes searching for any hint of compassion towards her direction.
He promptly closed his eyes, “Deanna Riker do not turn those puppy dog eyes on me, I’m very serious about this, I want to spend our year hiatus on Earth.”
Deanna snickered, and moved her body as close to him as possible, “PLLLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSE.”
“Deanna temptation will you no where.”
“Will, what does Earth have that Betazed doesn’t.”
“Deanna it’s what Earth doesn’t have, your mother, that is what is most appealing.”
“Will there is nothing wrong with my mother.”
He opened his eyes and gave her his best “yeah right.” look, “Deanna, we are newlyweds, happy newlyweds, but if you make me move within walking distance of your meddling mother, I can’t promise how long this marriage will last.”
“You know Will, I liked it better before we were married and you were willing to keep your opinions of my mother to yourself.”
Will smiled and pulled her into his awaiting arms, “I highly doubt you truly liked single life better.”
She pretended to pout, “Try me.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I love a challenge.” Will smirked, bending down. He grabbed her just below the waist and hoisted her small frame easily over his shoulder.
“WILLIAM T. RIKER YOU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT.” she shouted, in a half giggle half serious voice.
“Are we going to Earth.”
“Will, this is called duress.”
She sighed heavily, sensing the battle was lost, “Yes, we can move to Earth.”
“Beverly, please you have to come with me.” Deanna moaned, over the last cup of coffee the two would share together before everyone went there separate ways.
“Deanna, you will be fine. I think it’s cute Will wants to move you to Earth.” Beverly giggled, her mind wandering to the loads of mischief she was sure Deanna would come across.
“Beverly, I’m going to look like the biggest idiot. I don’t know the first thing about Earth, and the stories my mother told me . . .they just make me cringe.”
Beverly set her coffee cup down, “What exactly does Lwaxana Troi know about Earth?”
Deanna, a look up dread in her eyes, also set her coffee cup down, “Is it true Beverly? Is there really such tortures devices as . . .washing machines, dishwashers, stoves, irons, mops, brooms, vacuums, bread machines, Windex, bleach, grocery stores, waffle irons, blenders, juicers, food processor, word processors, VCR’s with flashing 12:00 .” Deanna took a deep breath to continue, but Beverly put her hand up to stop.
“Deanna, your a Starfleet officer, you know how to use some of the most high tech equipment in the universe, I’m sure all those devices will be easily mastered.”
Deanna looked at her friend, unconviced, “Will is going to think I am an idiot.”
Beverly highly doubted Will Riker could ever find anything Deanna did less then endearing, but gave her friend a reassuring pat on the back anyway. “If you run into any snags, I promise I’m just a phone call away.”
Deanna groaned, and laid her head on the table, “A phone . . . I don’t even know what a phone is.”* * * *
“You really think you can do it, Commander,” Geordi shook his head in amazement, “Domesticate Deanna Troi, I don’t know if I should call you brave or stupid.”
“Stupid.” Worf muttered.
Will raised an wary eye at the Klingnon across the table from him, “Excuse me.”
Worf just shook his head knowingly, “I’ve seen her cook. More then once I had to use a fire extinguisher.”
This caused the whole table to erupt in laughter, including Will.
Captain Picard raised his glass, “Here’s to Will, let’s hope when we pick him and Deanna up in a year, everyone still has ten fingers and ten toes.”
Will groaned, and everyone took a shot.
“Deanna, how much longer.” Will called to the closed bathroom door of their quarthers.
“Will only five more minutes.”
“Deanna you said that forty five minutes ago.”
“Only five.” Deanna called sweetly.
“Yeah, right.” Will muttered under his breath.
“Did you say something dear?” Deanna asked.
Will wandered over to there pack bags, intending to do a triple check, when a knock came to the door.
Will walked over to answer it, “Beverly, Captain, this is a surprise.” He stepped back and the two walked in.
“We just wanted to see how your packing is coming.” Picard said.
Beverly leaned closer to Will, “and wanted to ask you again if you wouldn’t rather teach at the academy like the rest of us.”
“Why would we want to do that.”
Beverly leaned forward to answer, but the bathroom door swung open and the three were momentarily stunned silent.
Will looked at Deanna, closed his eyes, opened his eyes, closed his eyes, and finally opened his eyes once more, “Didn’t I tell you to wear your civilian clothes.
Confused, Deanna looked down at the blue and gold flowing robe that she donned, that had a plunging neckline and intricate bead work, “These are my civilian clothes.
Picard began to shake his head and chuckle, but Beverly quickly elbowed him to stop.
“Dee, honey, if I take you to Earth looking like that . .” Will looked helplessly at Beverly.
Beverly nodded, “Dee, Earth is a lot less formal then Betazed.”
“This isn’t formal.” Dee responded, still looking at everyone in confusion, “In fact my mother hates how plain this dress is.”
Beverly took her by the hand and led her to the replicator, “Guys, why don’t you leave us women for about thirty minutes. I’ll help Dee replicate some more suitable outfits.”
“Gladly,” Jean-Luc said, “I’ll have Will help me close down the bridge.”
Will just breathed a sigh of relief, “Bevely, thank you.” * * * *
“You have got to be kidding me Beverly, that’s not a piece of clothing, that’s battle armor.” Deanna moaned, staring distastefully at the white lacy item in Beverly’s hand.
“No Dee, it not armor, it’s a bra, and if you don’t wear it every female on earth is going to think very badly of you, and every male of earth is going to ogle you.”
“But Beverly, it’s so . . .constricting.”
Beverly handed the bra to Deanna, “You’ll get used to it.” She went over to the replicator and punched in a few more buttons, “Next I’m going to introduce you to the wonderful world of pantyhose.* * * * *
“Number One, where exactly are you going to be taking Deanna. Alaska seems to much of a drastic temperature change.” Picard asked, as the two robotically punched in the shut down sequence on the bridge.
“I know, so I picked Michigan. It’s cold for me, but not to cold for her.”
“Michigan . . . no body ever goes to Michigan . . it’s so secluded so backwoods.”
Will nodded enthusiastically, not picking up on Picard’s obvious sarcasm, “I think Deanna will love it. I’ve rented us a nice little log cabin in the woods.”
“Log Cabin? Woods? Deanna?” Picard look imploringly at his Number One, “for a year?”
Clueless as usual, Will nodded, “She’ll love it.”
“Deanna you look fine.”
Deanna analyzed herself in the mirror, “I don’t like these pants, they make me look fat.”
Beverly rolled her eyes, this had been the twelfth outfit Deanna had tried on, and each one there was found something wrong, “Deanna they are called jeans, and they are a staple of every woman’s wardrobe.”
“Beverly, they are so tight. I don’t know if I will be able to sit down in them.”
Beverly walked up behind her friend, and stared at her in the mirror, “Deanna, guys like Will like to see a girl in tight fitting jeans. It gives you the sexy girl next door look. He will love it.”
“Positive,” she threw Deanna a baseball cap, “now put this one and string your hair through the back, like a ponytail.”
Deanna did it, “This is the look.”
Beverly nodded, “New white tennis shoes, tight fitting blue jeans, white T-shirt, and baseball hat, you look perfect to go to your new home.”
Deanna nodded, secretly wondering if once she got out of these pants, would she ever be able to wedge herself back in.* * * *
Will and Jean-Luc walked into the cabin, just as Beverly and Deanna walked out.
Will looked at Deanna, and let out a low wolf whistle, “Beverly, you did a wonderful job.”
Deanna looked at Will, amazed at the intense look in his eyes, “Over this?” she asked outloud.
Will nodded, a long line of drool making his way from the corner of his mouth down his chin. “Deanna don’t get me wrong, your uniform is great, your Betazed clothes are great, but man there is something about a beautiful woman in a nice pair of jeans.”
“I second that.” Piped up Jean-Luc, which got him the look of death from Beverly.
“Hmm . . .”,Deanna wondered, “Maybe earth wouldn’t be so bad after all.”
Will walked over and gave her a big bear hug, “I can’t wait to see what you look like in a pair of snow boots and a parka.”
Will leaned over and nudged the sleeping Deanna, “Honey, were here.”
Deanna bolted awake, grabbing her strained neck in the progress, “Ow. . .”
Will had already jumped out of the truck and was making his way around to her side, “What do you think,” He asked opening her door.
Deanna looked at the small one bedroom log home, surrounded by nothing but acres and acres of trees, “This is where we are staying.”
“Aren’t there suppose to be neighbors, paved roads, mailboxes, earthy stuff.”
“Dee, I thought about moving us into a home like that, but decided it wouldn’t give you the feel of the great outdoors like being up here, just the two of us.”
Deanna felt herself going pale.
Will picked her up and swung her into his arms, “And now my dear, I’m going to properly carry you through the threshold.”
He walked her down the path, up the wooden stairs, and through the door of the house.
Deanna went to give him a kiss, when she heard a small squeak.
“What’s that?” she asked her eyes widening big.
“What’s a mouse?”
Will pointed, Deanna fainted.* * * *
“Dee,” Will sat over her as she laid on the couch.
Slowly she opened her eyes, “What happened.”
“You fainted, I don’t think you liked our little roommate.”
Deanna cringed, something she was learning to do quite easily, “What is that mouse doing in here.”
Will shrugged, “It’s getting cold outside, and they try to find homes where it is warm. Don’t worry, of all the outdoor creatures I’m going to be introducing you to, the mouse will be the least overwhelming”
“Will are you trying to be making me feel better?”
He nodded, “Is it working?”
“Dee,” Will pounded at the door, “please come out.”
“Will you have brought me to hell . . .hell on earth.”
“Deanna, you haven’t been here for five minutes and you are already locking me out of the bedroom. I don’t think this is a good sign.”
Deanna opened the door, “Geez Will, you think.”
He pushed his way through the door, grabbed her hand, and led her over to the bed where they both sat down. “If you ask me, I don’t think your giving in a 100% Riker try .”
“Well, if you ask me, I think anybody who find Earth more appealing then Betazed is a few short of a full deck. Secondly I’m only a Riker by marriage, and therefore only required to give it a 50% try. What is a phone, I want to get in contact with Beverly?”
“Honey you don’t need to call Beverly, talk to me, your husband.”
Deanna looked in his face, and immediately could tell he was hiding something, “Will, I want to talk to Beverly. I want the truth about this so called mouse creature.”
Picking up on his thoughts, she shot him a dirty look, “Will you got us a house with NO PHONE!”
“I thought it would be quaint.”
“Quaint? You married the daughter of Lwaxana Troi? Quaint is not in my vocabulary.”
Frustrated, Will got up from the bed and walked over to their window.
“Dee, come her, quick.”
Keeping his eyes focused on the window, Will waved her over again, “Please come here.”
Deciding she wasn’t going to be able to continue this conversation until she appeased him. Deanna walked over to where he was standing, to view what had grabbed his attention.
“Oh Will, what are they,” she asked breathlessly, staring down an the elegant graceful creatures standing outside her window.
“It’s a mommy deer and her baby.”
“Will look how beautiful they are. There big brown eyes.”
Will smiled, glad finally to see some excitement in her eyes, “I know somebody else with big brown beautiful eyes.”
“Give it a week Dee, please.”
Deanna looked back down at the two deer, so happy. “One week.”
Will smiled, and pulled her back to the bed.
Deanna awoke in the morning to the sun hitting her squarely in the face.
“so much for sleeping in,” she grumbled getting out of bed. She briefly glanced at Will, who was happily snoring away. She made a face, figures he would be able to sleep through anything.
Grabbing her robe, because it was precisely sixty-four degrees in her house, she made her way downstairs with two objectives: 1) warming the house; and (2) making breakfast . . . she was starving.* * * *
Setting the thermostat to what she felt appropriate, say 100, she happily shed her robe and made her way into the kitchen. She was ashamed at her crankiness towards Will and wanted to do something special to make it up to him.
Searching the cabinets and pantry, she assessed making pancakes would be her best bet. Will loved pancakes, and Beverly had taught her how to make these before.
Grabbing the Bisquick, she quickly scanned the box for the recipe Beverly assured her would be there.
“4 c. of Bisquick?” she muttered under her breath. “What were c?” She went to her drawers and started rummaging. “C couldn’t mean spoon, or bowl . . .” she slapped her head, “duh! C mean Carton.” She looked through her cabinets, but to her dismay she only had three boxes of Bisquick.
“When in a rut, one much improvise!” she coached herself. Grabbing the bread flour, which must be close because it had the same consistency, she mixed her batter and started her pancakes.* * * *
“Darling, wake up,” Deanna whispered, shaking Will’s arm.
“Honey, I made you pancakes.”
This phrase got Will up immediately, fueled by his fears of the house blowing up.
“Dee, you shouldn’t have . . .really.” he eyed the plate just out of his sight suspiciously.
“It’s okay, Beverly taught me how to make these before we left.
This eased Will’s nerves . . .slightly. “Okay.”
Deanna lowered the breakfast tray down on Will’s lap.
“Ta-Da,” she said excitedly, quite proud of the breakfast, “and I didn’t even set the kitchen on fire.”
“at least not noticeably.” she thought to herself.
Will looked down at the lumpy, paste white and black mass. Did he dare eat it, and risk throwing it up. Did he dare not eat it, and risk Deanna’s wrath.
“Wow honey,” he said nervously, taking a huge gulp, “these look . . .like pancakes.”
Deanna sat on the bed, “Take a bite. I want to see you enjoy them.”
“I should have moved to Betazed.” Will inwardly groaned, as he took a fork to the mass of glop on his plate. To his surprise, his first cut into the pancake produced a dry flour mass.
“That’s strange, I don’t remember Beverly’s pancakes doing that.”
Will only smiled, as his shaky hand brought the full fork to his mouth. Reluctantly, he brought the fork into his mouth and took the bite.
“What do you think?”
“I think if I don’t choke on this piece of lead it will be a miracle,” Will thought to himself, repeatedly swallowing in hopes of getting the massive foreign object to his stomach.
Oh how he wanted to please her eager face, but he knew in his heart that if he tried to take another bite, he would have serious repercussions.
“M . .ilk?” was the only thing he could choke out before running to the bathroom
“Beverly, it was awful, first Will got sick on my pancakes, then he asked me to get him some pink stuff from the medicine cabinet to help his stomach and I got it and he drank it, and then it made him more sick because it was actually nail polish remover instead of what he wanted. So then he was really sick, and throwing up all over the place, and I have such a weak stomach, when I saw him throwing up, I started throwing up, and it was on the sink, on the floor, in my hair.” Deanna groaned in the pay telephone Will had taken her too. “And that was all on my first offical day.”
On the other side of the phone, Beverly Crusher bit madly at her lip to keep from cracking up, “Dee, it can’t be that bad, what happened after the whole morning sickness thing.
“Oh Bev . . .please don’t make me relive it. It’s more then I can take.”
Beverly, dying from curiousity, tried her best Deanna counselor impression, “Deanna, it helps to get it out.”
“Beverly, I had accidently left the stove on when I brought Will the pancakes, and by the time we figured that out, the kitchen was black with smoke. I hurried down there, and Will hurried down after me, but the smell of the burning pancake mess was to much for his weak stomach, and he got sick again. . .on the stairs. Then the smoke set off the fire alarm, which automatically alerts the fire department, and within ten minutes we had three firetrucks in our backyard. Will was humiliated, being drenched in pancake sickness and all. I on the other hand got three phone numbers.”
Beverly couldn’t help it, she began to chuckle madly, “So is Will ready to bring you back under the watchful eye of starfleet yet.”
Deanna sighed sadly, “Worse, he nows says he is more determined then ever to domesticate me. In fact, today he is going to teach me the wonderful world of Kitchen and Utility Room appliances. Then later he is going to take me fishing.”
“With a hook?”
“I suppose? Isn’t that what you always use with fishing?”
“Yeah . . .god have mercy on his soul.”
“Very funny Beverly.”
“Deanna my dear it wasn’t meant to be.”* * * *
“How was your conversation with Beverly?” Will asked, as Deanna relucently hung up the phone and joined him in the produce isle.
“Sad. I think she misses us and wants us to come back.”
Will smiled knowingly and leaned over and kissed the tip of Deanna’s nose, “I’m sure the Captain doesn’t mind having her undivided attention.”
Deanna grumbled, she hated when he knowingly ignored her urging.
“Deanna, since we are mysteriously out of Bisquick, I think your first lesson in housekeeping is grocery shopping.”
Deanna groaned, “Isn’t this what earth women call oppression.
“Probably, lucky for me I have a Betazed wife.”
Deanna rolled her eyes, “I’m begining to think I should take up my mother’s offer of lending me Holmes for the year.”
Will smiled, loving her innocence, and pointed to a pyrimid arranged stack of cans. “Go grab two cans of those baked beans.”
“Do I have too. I seem to remember the side effects those things caused you.”
Deanna walked over, and started to grab for the two middle cans.
“Deanna, wait,” Will shouted, thinking this reminded him of a scene in a bad comedy.
“What?” Deanna asked, as she pulled the two can from the middle of the arrangement.
The pyrimid immediately came crashing to the floor at Deanna’s feet.
Deanna looked up at Will guililty, “Whoops.”
Pale, Will started to walk towards the phones.
“Where are you going?” Deanna called, running after him.
“To call Beverly and the Captain and BEG them to come down here and help me!”
“Beverly, please. I’ll pay both of your salaries if you come down here.”
“What happened to the Will Riker who said domesticating Deanna was going to be a breeze.”
“He’s hiding Beverly, his life is currently threatened by his accident prone wife.”
“Oh Will, cooking has always been her down point, I hope your not holding that against her.”
“Beverly, she just knock down a grocery store display of seventy-five or so cans of baked beans. Does this mean I ban her from shopping and the kitchen. Beverly, I’m seriously considering packing up and sending us on the first transport to Lwaxana.”
“Will, Jean-Luc and I are under contract to teach. We couldn’t leave if we wanted too.”
“IF you wanted too?”
“If everything you say is true, I think we are best off were we are.”
“Ha Ha Beverly, your such a good friend. Remind me to get you a nice lump of coal for Christmas.”
“Good-bye and Good-Luck Will.”
“Thanks Beverly, thanks for nothing.”* * * *
Deanna, squirming under the dirty looks of the store clerks, made her way outside to sit on a bench. God she hated this place. How was she suppose to know the cans were going to fall down? Why in hell did they stack the cans that way if there was a chance they could fall down?
“Mind if I join you.”
Deanna blinked her eyes back to reality, and looked down at the short-midget of a man, “Sure. . . I think it’s okay to sit here.”
The man laughed and joined her on the bench, “I take it your not around from these parts? Where do you originate, Beverly Hills?”
“No . . .I originate from a planet called Betazed.”
The little man, with the jolly green eyes nodded his head knowingly, “that was my second guess.”
Deanna laughed heartedly, despite the rotten mood she was feeling, “did you come from in there?” she asked pointing to the grocery store.
“You mean did I see the great baked bean avalanche, yeah, I might of been wandering around at that time. But when your as short as me, tumbling objects usually give you reason to run screaming the other way.”
Deanna threw her head in her hands, and began to cry, “I HATE this place, I HATE this place, I HATEthis place.”
“It’s okay, I hate this place too, they always seem to put the good food just above my reach.”
Deanna giggled, “I mean I hate earth.”
“Oh Earth is not so bad. I mean we don’t usually produce godesses of your quality, but we manage pretty good. You’ve just got to give us a chance.”
Deanna nodded, and began to wipe the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand, “I just don’t know if my husband can tolerate my “getting to know you” stage.”
“Well, I’m always available if you need a shoulder to cry on.” The guy said. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil, and quickly jotted down a phone number. “My wife has died a long time ago, and I’m always looking for an excuse to get out with a pretty lady. So, if you think you might be interested in some cooking lessons, cleaning lessons, shopping lessons, please give me a call.”
Deanna nodded appreciatevly, and took the paper, “Thank you. I don’t even know your name thougb?”
“Tiny. Original, huh?”
“I like it Tiny, and well, you never know when you will hear from me.”
“I think dinner was a good idea.”
Will nodded, while slicing the carrots for his famous Riker Beef Stew. “I thought so, it would give me a chance to meet this mystery man that brought that beautiful smile to my wife’s face yesterday and give him a chance to see you close up . . .and give him a chance to back out.”
“Very funny,” Deanna groaned, quickly shooting her hand to the cutting board and stealing a carrot.
“Deanna would you please stop that, given our track record your liable to get your fingers cut off.”
Deanna smiled and popped the sliced carrot in her mouth, “I believe, given our track record, it would be your fingers that got cut off. She leaned over and kissed him, distracted Will let the knife slip from the carrot to his index finger.
“Owww.” he groaned, breaking away from the kiss. He quickly ran to the sink to rinse his hand off.
“Whoops.” Deanna gave him her best puppy dog impression, “I bet you want me to leave.”
Will nodded, “Please, before I say something I regret.”
Deanna nodded, and began to slowly back away into the living room. At that moments, there came a knock on the door. “I’ll get it.” she said sweetly, gladly turning her back to him and heading for the door.* * * *
Deanna opened the door to her new midget size friend, “Boy am I glad to see you.”
The man on the other side smiled up at Deanna, “Things still going a little rough?”
Deanna stepped away and the man walked in, “I’ve managed to get Will run over by a car, scolded him with hot shower water, I didn’t know flushing could be so dangerous, and now I’ve just distracted him to the point that he cut his fingers.”
“It’s only been 12 hours since we last saw each other.”
“I know, I know. I’m telling you this place holds nothing for me. Nothing at all.”
The little man smiled, “We will see if I can change your perspective Deanna of Betazed, we will see.”* * * *
“This was a delicious meal William. Very good.”
“Thank you Tiny, its nice to be able to cook for more people besides Deanna.” Will said, thoroughly enjoying the older man’s company.
Tiny turned to Deanna, “My dear, could you do me a small favor. . .considering my size I only ask small ones.
Deanna laughed, “Given your still willing to teach me anything and everything I want to know about Betazed, I think it is the least I can do.”
“Could you get me a glass of water.”
Deanna nodded, and quickly got up from the table. Soon as was out of earshot, Tiny pulled out his wallet and threw it over to Will, “Look at the first picture in there.”
Will did, and to his surprise it was a picture of Deanna.
“What are you doing with a picture of my wife in your wallet?” he asked curiously.
“She is Ian’s daughter isn’t she?”
“Ian Troi, yes. What are you doing with a picture of my wife in your wallet.”
“That’s not your wife, that was my wife. That was Ivanna Troi, Ian Troi’s twin sister.”
Deanna entered back into the room and Tiny quickly threw his wallet back into his pocket, “So my dear, how about the two of us go into the kitchen and try to make this man of yours some dessert.”
After cleaning the last of the suds off the ceiling fan, Will tiredly climbed down from the ladder.
He looked down and smiled at his wife, who fell asleep amidst a sea of bubbles on the couch. If he wasn’t so damn worn out from cleaning this mess, he would have probably found it angelic and probably would have sat there and watched his sleeping princess for hours. However, his bones screamed at him to sleep, and his head reminded him that the only reason she seemed angelic was because she wasn’t try to cook or clean.
He wearily stood up, scooped his wife up in his arms, and headed upstairs to bed.
“I asked Tiny to help me cook a Thanksgiving dinner,” Deanna mumbeled, in her conscious half unconscious state.
“I will, Will.” She giggled, nestling in the crook of his arm.
Will smiled and kissed the top of her head. He’d keep the damn secret the rest of his life, if Tiny could help her pull off this Thanksgiving.”
The two went to bed.
“Will, are you nuts? I mean things like Thanksgiving, it’s a tradition. A tradition that you pig out on good food.”
“Your asking me to give up the good food.”
“Bev, it’s not like that at all. There will be good food.”
“You just said Deanna was cooking.”
“Beverly, she has improved by leaps and bounds. She’s been taking lessons.”
“Will, how many stoves have you had to replace since being there.
“Bev you have to come, Worf, Captain Picard, and Geordi have already agreed.”
“Can i bring Westley,” Beverly asked defeated.
“Of course.” “Okay” ___“Thanksgiving . . .earth . . .Deanna’s cooking . . .NO!”
“Worf she has improved.”
“Commander, in my eyes she has to do more then improve.”
“Worf, I’ve been here two months and I’m still alive.”
Will scratched his head, he was going to have to approach this subject from a different angle.
“Worf, wouldn’t you like to come down here and laugh at the severe torture Deanna has been subjecting me too.”
“That does sound appealing.”
“Wouldn’t you like to come down here and see first hand why breaking up with Deanna was the best thing you could have ever done.”
“Your right, I’ll be there.”
After assuring Geordi and Data’s arrival, Will lastly called the Captain. Deep down he knew this one would be a piece of cake.
“Captain would you like to come to Thanksgiving dinner at the Rikers.”
“Is Deanna cooking.”
“I don’t think so.”
“That’s too bad, Beverly is going to be lonely.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Tiny, I don’t think I’m ready to do this. . .tomorrow.”
The tiny man smiled reassuringly, “You’ll do fine, trust me.”
Deanna shook her head no, “You’re sweet, but not very realistic. I’ve never cooked without your assistance. And all those doubting people in the house are not going to make it much easier.”
The midget leaned over and patted her hand, “You’ll be fine.”
She lifted her head, and met him eye to eye, “I’d be better if you’d come and help me.”
“No, this is something you can do with your husband.”
“He doubts me.”
Tiny winked, “Then you must prove him wrong, him and all your fellow crewmates.
“No, my cooking lesson are complete, you don’t need me anymore.”
“Tiny your my friend.”
“And Deanna, you are mine, but Thanksgiving is for family.”
“Tiny wait.” Will Riker ran after the man, easily catching up with him a couple of strides.
“Deanna told me you refuse to come tomorrow. Please come, I need you here.”
Tiny shook his balding white head no, “Tomorrow is your wife’s day to shine. Solo.”
“Then don’t come to help her, just come for the free food.”
“No Will, I’m done here. I’ve taught her Thanksgiving, just like I promised.”
“Thanksgiving is a time for family, your family.”
“No Will, I’ve had my fun, these couple months have been a life fulfilling experience. I want to make my exit now. I don’t want to leave her with any strings back here on Earth.”
“Word in the personal department is the Enterprise’s year long hiatus will be cut short . . .extremely short. I imagine your Captain will let you in on it when he comes here. Therefore I want to exit now, so she can make a clean break from earth, and happily embrace her ship.”
“Tiny, your a good man. Please let me tell her. I am looking for a replacement for Lwaxana.”
Tiny laughed, “Just be happy and make her happy.”
_“Will get up” Deanna coaxed.
Will groaned, “What time is it?”
“Ughhh!! Go back to bed.”
“Will, I have to start the meal and you promised to help.”
“Deanna, Thanksgiving dinner is usually served between 4-6p.m., not for Breakfast.”
“I know, but there is a lot to do.”
“Deanna,” he opened his eyes, “why don’t you go down and start it, and I will be right down.”
Deannna nodded and hoped out of bed, Will, happy she was gone rolled over and fell back asleep.
“Will it’s 4:00, are you getting up.”
“Be right down.”
Satisfied, Deanna turned on her heels and returned back to the Kitchen.
Satisfied, Will turned over in bed and fell back asleep.
“Will, it’s 5:30 a.m.”
“Are you getting up?”
“WILL IT’S 8:00 A.M. AND GEORDI AND DATA WILL BE ARRIVING IN TWO HOURS.”
“Will, I didn’t ask you a Yes or No question.”
10:30 a.m. Deanna made her way into there shared bedroom. Silently she crept up to the side of the bed, and stealthy she dropped a pitcher of ice cold water onto a sleeping, unsuspecting Will.
“WHAT THE!!” he jumped up out of bed immediately.
“Oh Will, your up?” She smiled sweetly and handed him the empty pitcher, “Be a dear and watch the food, I’m going to go take my shower.”
“How’s the food coming dear?”
Will looked up from the paper he was reading, “Fine, it actually smells good.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Deanna said.
Deanna looked at him panicked, “What did I do wrong.”
“Four twenty pound turkeys? There are only going to be us two, Beverly, Wesley, Captain Picard, Geordi, Worf, and Data. Eight people. In my experience one turkey would have been plenty.”
“Will, Worf can eat two turkeys by himself, and Holmes,” she stopped, and quickly covered her mouth.
“Did you say Holmes?”
“Did I say Holmes?”
Will groaned, “You didn’t.”
“She’s my mother.”
“Ughhh!” he threw down his paper in disgust, “You are suppose to warn me before you invite Cruella DeVille.”
“Whose Cruella DeVille? I invited my mother.”
“Never mind.” He got up from the table, “I should probably go jump in the shower.”
“Will I love you.”
“Dee, that doesn’t make the face of you mother coming any easier.”
“No Will, I REALLY love you.”
He knew that tone, that “I have more to tell you be prepared” tone, “What else Dee.”
“I also invited your father.”
“Ughhhh!” he made the noise again and headed off to the bathroom.
“Beverly!” Deanna screeched, opening the door.
“Deanna!” The two hugged.
“Mom,” Wesly pushed passed the door and entered the kitchen, “It smells good in here.”
Beverly took a whiff of the air, “Did Will cook dinner?”
“No, I did.”
“No really did Will cook dinner.”
“No Beverly, I did.”
The doorbell rang, and Deanna ran to get it.
“Captain Picard,” she gave a quick look to Beverly over her shoulder, “I’m so glad you could make it.”
Picard smiled and planted a quick peck on Deanna’s cheek, “I admit I was a bit apprehensive at first, but when Will assured me there would be adequate medical attention available, I figured I’d live dangerously.”
“Well Jean-Luc, I’ve been called many things in my day, but never have I been referred to as ‘Adequate medical attention.”
Jean-Luc broke his gaze with Deanna to meet Beverly’s teasing eye, “Well what should I call you doctor?”
“Beverly.” She responded, not taking the bait for one moment.
“Very well, Deanna I was a bit apprehensive, but when Will assured me BEVERLY would be available, I figured I’d live dangerously.” He cocked an eyebrow at the doctor, “Better?”
The doorbell rang again, to Deanna’s relief, and she left the two to go answer it.”
“Worf.” She smiled, “Come on in.”
The large Klingnon stepped in, “Where’s Will?”
“He getting freshened up, why?”
The Klingnon looked embarrassed, “I brought him a gift.”
“Where? What?” Deanna leaned forward curiously, “You can show me.”
“I don’t think so.”
Deanna started to take a step to the right, and Worf quickly matched it, she took a step to the left and Worf matched it again.
“It’s behind your back, isn’t it.”
She started to go right again, and as soon as Worf went right, she quicly veered to the left and got behind him.
“WORF, YOU GOT MY HUSBAND A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!!”
Door bell rang again, and Deanna glared at Worf, “Your saved, for now.”
She opened it, “Tom, Kyle, long time no see.” she quickly pecked her father-in-law on the cheek. Thomas leaned forward to receive one too, but Deanna stepped back, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Where’s that no good son of mine? In the kitchen doing woman’s work I suppose.” Kyle asked.
“No, he’s freshening up. Woman’s work was all done by me.”
“YOU did the cooking?” Thomas asked incredulously.
Deanna, getting sick of this line of questioning, didn’t even bother to answer his question.
“Dad.” Will came over and joined the other two Rikers.
Deanna breathed a sigh of relief, hopping that maybe Will would start answering the repetitive questions.
**I hate earth** came Lwaxana Troi’s voice echoing through her daughter’s head.
“Excuse me,” Deanna began to break away from the group, “my mother’s here.”
“I didn’t here anything?” Kyle Riker said confused.
“No, but I did, excuse me.”
Deanna opened the door of the house, and stepped onto the cedar porch, “How was your transport Mother.”
“Bumpy, but isn’t that all earth is, one long, bumpy, never-ending, nauseating trip.”
“Mother, really, you need to be open minded.”
“Please Deanna, I am the most open minded person you will ever meet.”
Deanna rolled her eyes, and gave an affectionate nod towards Holmes, you returned the gesture.
“Can I help you with your bags?”
Lwaxana gasped, “My daughter, helping with the bags?? Next you will be telling me you cooked the dinner.” Lwaxana chuckled, “Okay, now that would be funny.”
“I DID MAKE THE DINNER.”
“Oh dear, your delusional,” Lwaxana grabbed her daughter’s hands, “and you have dreadful dishpan hands. It’s enough to make a Betazoid mother cry.”
“Did she really make the dinner?” Lwaxana whispered to Will.
“Yep. She’s been taking lessons.”
“From who.” Silence.
Lwaxana took his lack of answer to mean he was hiding something juicy and picked his mind.
“Oh Will, you are so wrong.”
“The Tiny that was here is not Deanna’s uncle.”
“He had a picture.”
“Then he’s a stalker, Deanna’s uncle Tiny died with Deanna’s aunt Ivanna. In a car accident many, many years ago. Before I even met Ian.”
There conversation was stopped by Deanna ringing a bell, “Dinner will be served.”
After prayer, Deanna passed the carving knife to Picard, stating he was the father of the Enterprise family and therefore should have the honors of carving the turkey.
The Captain stood up, “Before I do such, there is a couple of announcements I would like to make.,” he cleared his throat, “Number one.”
“Yes Captain?” Will responded.
Picard looked momentarily flustered, “No, not you, I meant topic one.”
The group laughed.
Picard cleared his throat again, “I was contacted by Starfleet that the Enterprises docking hiatus is being shortened.”
“Why?” asked Will, slightly peeved that he wasn’t informed of this sooner.
“No particular reason other then they felt our talents could be used in better capacity then teachers.”
The group broke into excited murmurs, all of them itching to get back to the ship.
“Did you have another announcement Captain.”
The Captain nodded, and began to fidget nervously.
“Do you want me to do it Captain?” Lwaxana announced.
“NO!” the Captain snapped, glaring. He walked over to Beverly’s chair. “I wanted to ask our . . I wanted to . ..will you . . . .”
“Will you marry him?” Lwaxana shot out.
“Mother,” Deanna kicked her mother’s leg under the table.
“What?” Lwaxana asked.
Meantime, Beverly’s eyes began to glass over, “Really?” she asked Jean-Luc.
“Of course.” She jumped up and hugged the Captain, causing the room to explode into applause.
Lwaxana turned to Deanna, “Your turn.”
“Shall I break the news to everyone.”
“Mother, I haven’t even discussed this with my husband yet.”
“Well, might as well do it now.”
“Deanna is . . .” Lwaxana started.
“pregnant.” Deanna finished, kicking her mother squarely in the shins.
Will looked around the room in shock, “Really?”
“Honey are you okay?” Deanna asked concerned. Worf had helped her drag Will’s unconscious form onto the couch.
“I take it you don’t like the idea of another roommate?”
“No I do,” he laughed, “we’ve come full circle since our first day here, haven’t we. We started out with you fainting and me sitting over you, and now were ending it with me fainting and you sitting over me. Do you find that odd?”
“No.” ____________________________________________________________________________ __________
“How do you like being back on the ship.”
Deanna turned away from the window to smile at her approaching husband, “It feels right. I like it, although I miss Tiny.”
Will opened his mouth to respond, but then shut it. This was one unsolved secret that seemed best to be unsolved. Maybe Tiny was a lonely old man, who pretended to be whoever, to be loved. Maybe Tiny was a ghost of the late Tiny. Either way, he had turned a scared frighten Betazed woman into a competent cook, wife, and earth dweller , which in Will’s eyes was all that really mattered. So he just kissed the top of his wife’s head, and the two of them watched the stars in silence and thought to their amazing, trying, comedic earth adventure.