Memory Loss

Disclaimer: I don’t own, I’m just having some fun.

I don’t have a medical degree, nor have I ever had a concussion. So all this stuff about Amnesia and “Compound Concussions” I made up completely. I don’t even think there’s a think called a “Compound Concussion”.

- - -

Will sat on a bio-bed in a Sickbay he didn’t recognize, being examined by a nurse he didn’t recognize. He kept looking around for Doctor Crusher; she didn’t seem to be here.

“Captain,” the young nurse in front of him scolded gently, “you need to sit still.”

“Captain?” There it was again. She had called him ‘Captain’ when he first woke up. He wasn’t the captain. His hand went to his collar and he counted the pips there. Four. There were four pips. What was going on? What did he miss? “I don’t recall you being assigned to his ship,” he said in an almost accusing tone. “Are we on the Enterprise? Where is Doctor Crusher?”

The nurse dropped the tricorder that had been in her hand. She took three steps back from him like he had the plague. “Doctor!” she called, not taking her eyes off of Will.

A large Klingon in a Starfleet uniform and a doctor’s coat strode into the room. The nurse turned to him and whispered something Will could not hear.

The Klingon looked up at Will and his eyebrow vaulted. He approached Will. “Name? Rank?” he asked in a deep commanding voice.

“Riker, William T. Commander, U.S.S. Enterprise-D,” Will answered formally.

The Klingon sighed and pulled out his medical tricorder. “Ensign, summon Commander Curtis and the Counselor. Tell them it’s urgent, concerning the Captain.” He looked at the tricorder after scanning Will. “I am Commander Jes’Al, Chief Medical Officer of the Starfleet vessel Titan. Everything will be explained once the First Officer and Counselor arrive.”

Will sat impatiently, waiting for these two officers to arrive. Jes’Al explained that he had recently contracted a concussion and now seemed to have memory loss.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the Sickbay doors opened and in walked Deanna Troi and another man, whom Will did not recognize.

Will tried to stand up, but Jes’Al kept him seated with a simple firm hand on Will’s shoulder. “Deanna, what’s going on here?”

“Will! You’re awake!” Deanna rushed to his side and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

“Commander Curtis, Counselor Troi, it seems that the damage the Captain sustained was more severe than I initially thought,” Jes’Al told them.

Deanna let go of Will and looked at the Doctor. “How severe?”

“As far as I can tell: not very. As you can see, he’s lucid, he can speak and interact with his surroundings. He does have significant loss of memory.

“Loss of memory?” the Commander who came in with Deanna asked, Will presumed it was Commander Curtis.

“The Captain believes he is a Commander on the Enterprise-D.”

Deanna gasped. “Will,” she turned back to him. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

He thought for a moment. “Worf was just jumping parallel universes, but we stopped him and closed the tear he caused in space.”

Deanna’s hand flew to her mouth and she gasped again. “Will, that was five years ago.”

“Why would he forget to that point?” Commander Curtis asked.

“There are a few different explanations for that. Counselor, did the Captain receive a head injury around that time?”

Deanna looked back at Will and thought for a second. “Yes. Yes, he did. I think he had a minor concussion shortly after that. We were on the Bridge, under attack, the ship jolted and Will hit his head on a railing.”

“Yes,” Jes’Al agreed. “That could be the cause. The concussion he sustained then would be the reason he can’t remember to that point.”

Will had been sitting patiently for several minutes now. “So,” everyone looked at him suddenly. “How do I get my memory back?”

“Well,” Jes’Al said,” there are two different ways. The first is to gently remind you and five your brain time to remember. The second is to thunk you on the head.”

“What?” Curtis, Will, and Deanna shouted at the same time.

“I’ve only seen it done a few times,” Jes’Al explained, “and it only works about twenty-seven percent of the time. Also, it does hurt quite a bit.”

“I’d prefer if we delayed beating on the head as long as possible, it that’s okay with everyone else.” Will swallowed hard.

“I agree,” Deanna nodded.

Jes’Al nodded as well. “I’d prefer if we try the first method as well. For now, Captain, you’ll be fine. If you remember: you’ll remember; if you don’t: you won’t. It’s as simple as that.

“For now, I’m going to release you to your quarters. Counselor, would you please escort Captain Riker to his quarters and try to fill in a few gaps?”

“Of course,” Deanna replied. She put her hand on Will’s arm and he stood up with her.

‘A few gaps,’ Will thought. ‘It’s five years and two head injures later.’ He followed Deanna out of Sickbay.

Will’s eyes wondered the corridors as they walked through them. Every minute, or so, he would looked Deanna in search of a comforting smile, she always indulged him.

When they stepped into the turbo life, he looked straight ahead. He spun the ring on his left hand. “Deanna?” he asked quietly, not looking at her.

“Yes?” she turned her head to look at him. They stepped out of the turbo lift, and she kept her eyes on him.

“Am I married?” he asked embarrassed.

“Yes,” she replied, showing little to no emotion.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. How could he fall in love with someone else? He was Deanna’s, only Deanna’s.

She smiled at him as they stopped in front of a door. “Don’t be,” she said as she keyed the code and stepped inside.

Will followed her in and looked around. These quarters looked very homely. Though, they did not look like his, they were far too . . . pretty to be his. They almost looked like Deanna’s quarters.

As he surveyed the main room a young woman came out of the side room, holding an infant. Will’s eyes hot side open as he tried to recover from the minor heart attack he just had.

Was this young woman his wife? Was that his baby? What had he just gotten himself into?

“Hello, Captain, Counselor. It’s good to see you on your feet, Sir.” She handed the infant to Deanna. “She was an angel, as usual.”

The baby cooed at Deanna and stayed relatively quiet, holding on to the finger that Deanna had offered her. “Thank you, Amanda,” Deanna smiled.

“Anytime, Counselor.” Amanda walked towards the door and stopped in front of Will. “Are you alright, Captain? You look a little spaced.”

“Uh, lost my memory,” he answered; suddenly feeling more comfortable. It was obvious he wasn’t married to this young woman. ‘That must be Deanna’s baby,’ he thought. That’s why these quarters reminded him of Deanna; they were hers!

“Oo,” she cringed. “Good luck with that, Sir.”

“Thanks,” he replied. He turned to watch her leave, then turned back to Deanna. “Are we in your quarters?” he asked.

“Yes.” She approached him and showed him the baby she was holding. “This is my daughter, Kalila.”

“She’s beautiful, Deanna. She looks just like you.” Will smiled at the baby, who seemed to be drifting off to sleep.

“She does look like me,” Deanna agreed, “but she has her daddy’s eyes.”

‘Who is her daddy?’ he thought to himself. Deanna handed her to him, and smiled when Will bounced her a little. Kalila stirred a little in his arms. She opened her eyes, looking at the new person holding her.

Will gasped slightly when he saw her crystalline blue eyes, miniature versions of the ones he saw everyday; in the mirror. “Deanna,” he whispered. “Am I Kalila’s father?”

Deanna smiled an infectious smile and nodded.

“And you’re my wife?” he asked with more hope in his tone.

Deanna stepped close to him and he wrapped his free arm around her.

“You had me scared for a minute, Deanna,” he forced a small laugh.

“I hoped it would help you remember,” she admitted. “From the look on your face, I can see that it hasn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Deanna. I’m sorry I don’t remember.”

“You will,” she reassured him. She ran her hand softly along the side of his face. “In time, you will.” He kissed her hair and she led him to the couch.

“How did I get my concussion? – My most recent one, I mean.”

She let out a soft laugh. “You, ‘Mr. Adventure’, led an away mission two days ado. There was a rock slide. You’ve been unconscious for about twenty-one hours. I came to see you when you first came in, you were delirious. Blood was gushing from a large gash on your forehead. It was . . . hard for me,” she wiped a tear from her eye.

“What did I say?” he asked, searching for her hand. When he found it, he held it tight.

“You said that . . . that you knew Kalila wasn’t yours. You said that you at least had the right to know who was. You said that you’d kill my . . . lover. You said that you’d kill a thousand men to make sure that I’d stay faithful to you,” she let out another sob and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

She looked up at him. “I swear, Will. I never . . .”

Will wiped the tears from her face. “Like you said, Deanna, I was delirious. I know you’d never do that. You’re not that kind of person.” He smiled warmly at her. He shifted Kalila to his other arm and pulled her close to him.

“Anyway,” she continued, sniffling, “Kali and I came to see you a few hours ago. You were sedated at the time, so we sat with you until I had an appointment.”

“Thank you,” he kissed the top of her head. “Was anyone else hurt in the slide?” he asked, changing subjects.

Deanna sat up, looking at him. She let out another laugh. “You don’t remember them, but you’re still concerned about your crew. Yes, there were several broken bones, but you were the most serious.” She looked at the chronometer on the wall-it read ‘eighteen thirty-two.’ Deanna stood up. “I’ll make us some dinner.”

Will smiled at her and stayed seated on the couch turning his attention to the infant in his arms. She blinked at him, and the corners of her mouth twitched into a smile. She giggled when Will hummed a merry tune.

Deanna smiled to herself when she heard Will humming to their daughter. Will had done that before. He hummed to her everyday since she was born. She was glad he hummed to her now.

When Will noticed that dinner was ready he stood and sat at the table, after handing Kali to Deanna for her own dinner. Dinner was quiet, and Will tried not to look at Deanna as she nursed Kali. He felt uncomfortable, as if he was living the life of someone else.

Once dinner was finished Deanna put Kali down in her crib and joined Will on the couch once again.

“Tell me everything, Deanna. Everything I can’t remember,” he asked.

Deanna did her best to fill in the five years he’d lost. She started with her relationship with Worf, and how it ended, her realizing that there was no substitute for his absence in her life. She told him of the loss of the Enterprise-D and the building of the Enterprise-E. She told him about the Borg, and the Briar Patch. She told him about them falling in love again, his proposal, his promotion, their wedding. She then told him about Shinzon and the Romulans, then their move to the Titan. The night she got pregnant, their anniversary, and the birth of their baby girl finished her epic tale.

Will’s life flashed before his eyes as Deanna painted the picture for him. It was very overwhelming, but he felt soothed by her presence and the way they were supposed to be together.

Deanna was surprised how well he handled it. He sat in silence, staring at the wall opposite the room from him.

“I’m . . . uh . . . I’m going think about this for a while,” he said absently.

“Alright,” she put her hand on his knee before standing up. “I’m going to take a shower.” She stood and left him, taking her hair down as she went.

Will had been through a lot in the past five years. Deanna had been through a lot. He finally got her. He finally asked her to marry him. Will couldn’t have been happier with that alone, but he had a little girl too, and a ship of his own. He wished he could remember the years that gave his everything he ever wanted.

Will stood up and walked to his daughter’s room. She was playfully gnawing on a stuffed model of the Titan. She giggled up at her daddy. He smiled and picked her up, holding her to his shoulder.

“I wish I could remember you,” he said to her. “No, Daddy can’t remember you. He hit his head a little too hard.” Kali’s eyes drifted closed, lulled by the sound of her father’s voice. Will chuckled. “It seems you remember me, Little One. You look just like your mother. Beautiful, just like Mommy. Yes, you are.”

Will cooed the girl until she fell asleep on his shoulder. He gently set her down in her crib and covered her with a tiny, carefully embroidered blanket. He leaned against the wall and watched her sleep.

This baby felt familiar to him, she felt right.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Deanna sliding into a cream night down that hugged her features. As she lifted her hair free of the silky fabric he caught a glorious very of her back.

Will felt out of place again. He hadn’t been intimate with Deanna like this in a very long time. At least, he couldn’t remember being intimate like this with her in a very long time.

He was in love with her, he had always been, but this didn’t feel exactly right. He wanted it to, it just didn’t.

Deanna glided into the room as if floating on air. “Is she asleep?” she whispered.

Will nodded and followed her out after she kissed her baby ‘good-night’. “Listen, Deanna. I am in love with you, and have been since the moment I saw you, but right now . . . I think I’d be more comfortable sleeping on the couch.” Will mentally sighed, there he said it.

She gave him a comforting smile. “What ever makes you comfortable, Imzadi.”

‘Imzadi,’ he thought. She had said it with suck calmness and ease. It was obvious to him that she used it a lot these days.

Once he had changed into some sleeping attire, he grabbed a pillow and a blanket. Will gave Deanna a chaste kiss on the cheek and head for the couch.

‘Imzadi,’ he thought to himself again. ‘Everything is going to be just fine.’

- - -

Will remembered perfectly how to be a Starfleet officer and went to work the next day on the Bridge. He spent most of his time in his Ready-Room going over logs and reports. Crew reports, ships logs, personal logs, and every other type of the sort flooded his mind.

This little ship had done a lot in the past eighteen months. The more things he went over the more things he remembered. He began to remember missions and people.

His memory of the Titan came back at first, then the memory of the Enterprise-E, then the final days of the Enterprise-D. The only thing he couldn’t remember was Deanna. He didn’t remember being married to her, or rekindling their relationship.

So, he spent his nights on the couch.

He told himself he wouldn’t live a lie, and he wouldn’t try to be something he wasn’t. So he took each day one at a time and prayed that he would remember Deanna.

On the fourth night, he was awoken by the sound of crying. It wasn’t the baby’s crying, but a soft sobbing. Will got up and followed the sound into the bedroom.

Deanna was lying in the bed, softly sobbing to herself.

Will knelt beside the bed, near her head. “Deanna, what’s wrong?”

She sniffled an incoherent answer.

“Tell me, Deanna,” his hand found hers. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m afraid,” she admitted quietly. “I’m so afraid you won’t remember us.”

“Oh, Deanna,” he whispered, gently running his hand along the side of her face. “If there’s one thing that I have to remember it’s you. I don’t need to get used to being with you, because I love you. I’ve always been in love with you, Deanna. I don’t remember restarting our relationship Deanna, but I feel the same. I am so in love with you.”

She looked up into his eyes, and before he knew what was happening they were kissing. He wasn’t certain if she had kissed him or if he had kissed her. Now, that didn’t really matter. It only mattered that he was kissing her now, and if felt right.

Will slowly got up from his knees and joined Deanna on their bed.


Will felt nothing but Deanna. They were one being, it seemed, completely. For a time afterwards he could feel only her, nothing but her. He held her close to his chest; just feeling the glowing warmth of their bond.

Their bond was so much stronger now than it had been before. It seemed stronger now; stronger even then when Kali was conceived. It had been intense then, it was all consuming now.

Will’s mind went blank for a split second before jumping to such intense, exciting emotions that it woke Deanna.

“What?” she tried to shake herself awake. “Is it Kali? Is the ship under attack?”

Will chuckled to himself; she wasn’t awake yet. Her empathic senses weren’t comprehending correctly. She thought something was wrong when it was perfectly right. “No, no, no,” he stoked her face. “Everything’s perfect, Imzadi.” He smiled inched from her face. “I remember everything, Imzadi. I remember everything, especially you.”

Deanna wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Will!” Tears began to stream down her face. “Imzadi, that’s . . . just . . .”

“It was you,” he said seriously. “It was you. It was the bond. It brought my memory back. You brought my memory back”

“We brought your memory back,” she corrected. Her eyes drifted closed her a second. She opened them and tried to blink some of the sleep from her eyes.

Will smiled and kissed her forehead. “It’s okay, Imzadi. Go back to sleep. We can be excited in the morning.”

Deanna snuggled closer to him and turned to spoon inside his larger frame. “Imzadi,” echoed through Will’s mind sweetly.

“Imzadi,” he answered in kind before drifting off to sleep himself with the wonderful memories of Deanna.

- - - - / - - - -