Where Do We Stand


I watch her sleeping in my bed. Observe the steady rise and fall of her chest that accompanies deep slumber. She’s the most exquisite person I ever met and I marvel at the recent events that have placed her beside me now. I kept my true feelings locked away all this time only to satisfy her wishes. I think I started to believe they were just another facet of our relationship. All that changed when we entered the Briar Patch though. I wasn’t going to let that adamantine line: not while we’re serving on the same ship - stop me from telling her everything. So I went down to her office.

It seems funny now the way she pushed me away when I kissed her there. It wasn’t the first time I kissed her with a beard. Perhaps it was because the kiss went beyond one of mere friendship that it frightened her. Hell it frightened me. It felt as if a lifetime had passed since I allowed a simple kiss to convey so much emotion. Shaving off my beard may have brought that lifetime a little bit closer to this one.

She stirs in her sleep, snuggling up closer to me before settling again. I run my hand through her hair and start to wonder when it was she started to highlight it. Someone once told me it’s easier to hide the gray in lighter hair. Has it really been that long since an enigmatic psychology student captivated me? I run my hand automatically over my clean-shaven chin, realizing my beard was becoming gray as well. How did we let so much time pass while we stood still?

Your feelings for her haven’t changed. This place just let them out for some fresh air. Worf said to me. How much longer would Deanna and I remain in limbo if that didn’t happen? I look down at her and she gives me a smile.

“How long have you been watching me?”

“Not long.” I lie without thinking she can pick up on it.

She places her hand on my chest and pushes me down on my back. Then she straddles my torso. “It’s been a long time; hasn’t it?” She asks as she caresses my cheek.

I clasp my hand over hers. “Yes it has. And if you don’t mind, I’m going to grow the beard back.”

She puts her head down and laughs softly. “I mean since you’ve watched a woman sleep in your bed.” And when she looks back into my eyes her own sparkle with the confidence of an empath.

“Yes it has.” I concede. “Even longer since you weren’t really sleeping.”

She leans down and blows in my ear as she runs her hand down my abdomen. “I was until someone’s thoughts intruded on my beauty rest.” She whispers and then sits up straight again. “By the way, I’m not old. I just wanted to make my hair lighter.”

I let out a small chuckle and reach up to pull her hair behind her shoulders. “It’s not nice to listen in on other people’s thoughts. I didn’t say you were old; I was only wondering if you were going gray.”

She shrugs and I allow her hair to fall back on her shoulders. “Gray. Old. Same thing.” She says and trails a finger down my chest, stopping at her inner thigh. Then she positions herself to lie prone on top of me. “And if you’re not going to allow me to sleep, I’m just going to have to find other ways to stay off gray hairs.” She purrs as her hand travels further down my torso and I let out a groan where she stops.

“I don’t think I’m familiar with…”

“It’s been proven that people who have a healthy sex life develop less wrinkles.” She continues as though I didn’t say anything. I raise my eyebrows in disbelief and she looks into my eyes. “Why Commander, I thought that was why you were so…” However, I pull her down and place my mouth over hers before she can finish the thought.